Chapter Text
The rain was falling as hard and as loud as the night he had to kill his father.
Diluc stared at the heavy downpour; his heart similarly heavy, the familiar feeling of guilt and grief tugging on his heart. He gritted his teeth, and felt his grip on his drink tightened. Again. Even after all these years, even after everything, seeing a storm drawing near during the nighttime never failed to make him remember. There had been many, many rainy nights ever since that accursed day—he knew—yet, it didn't stop him from feeling the same thing, wishing for the same thing
He remembered it all. The cold the rain had brought, his clothes clinging on him, the smell of rain and lightning and blood. Everything was so loud, as if he could hear every single drop of rain that was hitting the ground—even though his brain could only zero in the way his father had wrenched out a painful scream, how he had breathed wrong, had sounded wrong.
A strike of lightning startled him out of his reverie.
He put his drink on the bedside table, and prepared himself for bed, in the room he had occupied ever since he was a child. As the Master of the House, it would be more proper for him to occupy his father's former room; but no, he still could not bring himself to do so. It had been years since the last time he had seen his father in the room, even longer since the last time he had slept there—a mere child who sought for his father's warmth in the middle of the night.
The lightning struck again as Diluc drifted off.
——
“Kaeya.”
Diluc grinned as he watched the other boy opened his eye groggily, his grin quickly turning into a sheepish chuckle at Kaeya’s exasperated (and unimpressed) frown once he saw Diluc standing near his bed, even after the maids had told him to stay away from Kaeya's room in order to let him recuperate.
Still, Kaeya lifted up his blanket and scooted over to give Diluc some space. Diluc accepted the silent invitation readily, climbed into the bed, then threw an arm around Kaeya to pull him closer as he made himself comfortable. Kaeya only sighed as he cleared his throat, but made no move to push him away.
“You used to be afraid whenever a storm is coming. I’m here to make protect you," Diluc teased.
Kaeya pinched his cheeks, “That was when I was younger, Luc. How old do you think I am...”
Still going to protect you, Diluc thought, mumbling the words silently as he placed a kiss on top of Kaeya’s hair. Kaeya sighed, content, pleased at the show of affection, and pressed himself closer to Diluc.
“Are you feeling better? Still nauseous?”
“Not anymore.” Kaeya placed his head on Diluc’s shoulder when he offered, smiling at him happily. “My stomach still hurts, but only a little.”
“Hm,” Diluc replied, threading his fingers through Kaeya’s hair. He loved it the most when Kaeya was warm and safe in his arm. Loved it when he could make sure nothing would happen to him. (Would do anything to make sure Kaeya was warm and safe, protected, and be with him, always.) “Pregnant?”
Kaeya pinched his cheeks again. “Your father would kill me if that were the case.”
“Father would kill me. He would thank you for giving him grandchildren.” Diluc grinned.
Kaeya only groaned in response, telling him he was going back to sleep, but Diluc didn't mind. The rain outside was getting heavier and heavier, but Kaeya felt warm. He watched as Kaeya slowly fell back to sleep, watched Kaeya’s sleeping figure, his heart swelling with such a strong wave of affection—it would have scared him, if it were for anyone other than Kaeya. Maybe still scared him, sometimes, how it felt as if he would do absolutely anything for him. Maybe he would, maybe it was not so scary, after all, if it were for Kaeya.
Like this, Diluc noted, Kaeya looked soft and small, vulnerable and pretty.
The sound of Kaeya’s soft breaths lulled him to sleep, to a dream of Kaeya standing behind the bar in Angel's Share. He was listening to one of Diluc's knights' drunken rambling intently, but when he caught Diluc's eyes, his eyes sparkled with amusement. As he offered Diluc his grape juice, Diluc grabbed his hand to place a kiss on top of it, and he could feel the way Kaeya beamed, a huge smile gracing his face.
He smiled, and tightened his hold around Kaeya.
The rain continued to pour.
Diluc woke up with a jolt and felt his whole body shuddering, dread trailing down his spine. He sat up, putting his face in between his palms, trying to calm his ragged breathing.
Again, he was reminded of the past. Again, he was reminded of how it was to witness life escaping his father’s eyes, to see blood pouring out of where Diluc had stabbed him, to see his father struggling to take a grip of his son’s hand. He always looked older than he had been, in his dream; always looked as if he had his regrets, and as if he had done his purpose.
Diluc bit back a whimper, taking a slow deep breath instead.
“Diluc...?”
A small, soft, familiar voice jerked him up. He turned to see Kaeya sitting next to him on his bed, his clothes rumpled and hair a mess. And wasn't that a strange, yet oddly nostalgic sight, to see? After all, when was the last time they had been here, when was the last time he had seen the sight of Kaeya in the morning, unguarded? Unprepared. The rawest point of his day.
Those were enough to completely wake him up. Kaeya had lost the right to be here, in the morning, he had lost the right to see this kind of Kaeya. "What are you doing here?" he snapped.
He saw the shock in Kaeya's eyes the same moment he realised that something was very, very wrong.
He was in Kaeya's room—the one that should have been empty, that should not have Kaeya in it, not anymore; especially not this Kaeya, young and vulnerable, who looked at Diluc so openly and so trustingly,
"You were the one who sneaked into my room last night, Luc," Kaeya said, his eyes searching his face. "Are you okay, Luc? You look really pale." He reached out a hand towards him, and before Diluc could stop himself, he slapped those hands away.
Kaeya looked shocked, hurt, at the gesture—Diluc should say something, he knew, should apologise, said that he didn't mean it, it had been a mistake, but he couldn't, and before he knew it, Kaeya had drawn his hand back, pressing it close to his chest.
"Sorry." Kaeya straightened his back, averting his gaze from Diluc. The silence that hung around them feel heavy and awkward, but Diluc couldn't care less, his mind reeling with possibilities.
What had happened? What was currently happening, right here, at this moment? He knew he could not be at the present; knew that this could not be Kaeya, the Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius. (Luc, he had called him. Had looked at him with such earnestness. Had let him read him so easily.) He knew he was not dreaming, knew even better of the dream he had woken up from. Whatever it was, whatever had happened, Kaeya being here could only mean one thing—
His felt his heart swelling up with some kind of hope—felt his whole body and soul clinging on it so desperately. He had almost forgotten how it felt. There had been no more place for hope for him, not anymore, not ever since his father had died. The past was in the past and he could do nothing to change them. Even now, he wondered if he should be hanging on it so easily. Every part of him wanted to believe what he suspected to be real, wanted so desperately for it to be real so he could—his father, he could, if he were right; he could protect him, could save him, could change everything.
He scrambled off the bed, ignoring the confused DIluc? Kaeya had uttered. He needed to make sure, needed to see for himself—
"Son." The door opened before he reached it. His father (alive, alive, breathing and healthy and warm and alive, standing there, calling his name—) stood in front of him, and he could feel the way he caught on his breath, tears choking his throat. "I have told you that Kaeya is sick, why are—oh, what is wrong? Why are you crying? Did something happen?"
Father returned his hug, surprised yet receptive of the gesture. He felt warm, he had almost forgotten this, his hands felt big and warm on his back, the callouses on his hand from years of hard work felt so achingly familiar. Father tightened the hug, murmuring softly to Diluc that it was okay, it would be okay, he would make sure everything is okay, just the way he always did back then.
Diluc clung to him, and let himself cry.
And for the first time since that day, he could believe it really would be okay.
——
Diluc knew something was wrong as soon as he woke up with the familiar weight of Kaeya sleeping on his arm gone.
He slowly opened his eyes to see a familiar ceiling of his room, and winced. This was his room, he was certain of it. Somehow, at some point that night, his father had him transported back to his room. At least he hadn't woken him up just to scold him, small mercy; but still, he was too old to be carried back to his room.
It's not the first time his father had caught him sneaking into Kaeya's room, but he's definitely not looking forward to how his father would nag at him for disturbing Kaeya so late at night, now that they're older. Diluc smiled, remembering how happy Father had been the first time he caught them snuggled in the same bed—happy to see them getting along so well, despite having only known each other for a few days.
He stood, ready to make his way outside to check on Kaeya and see if his stomachache was getting better, when he noticed his reflection on the tall standing mirror placed in his room. He stumbled backwards, not quite believing what his eyes were seeing—this was... impossible. He was—he was older, a little taller, in nightclothes he had never seen or worn before. Distantly, he could feel aches on his back, and his attempt to relax his body seemed futile.
Diluc hurried outside and opened the door of the room next to him, felt dread settling in his stomach when the room was dark and empty, with no sign of Kaeya, or even any sign of Kaeya's possessions. He had never had many to begin, always refusing to let Father or Diluc bought anything for him, but he treasured the presents he had received from them. Kaeya would never leave him, he was sure of this, not without a really good reason—and none of the reasons his brain could conjure up for the time being was helping the panic rising in his chest.
His reflection just now—that must mean something. Something must have happened that night after he fell asleep, and somehow he was not awakened at all. Did he fall into a long slumber for no reason? It was not unheard of; there had been some recorded cases found in the library. And if that were the case, somehow, Kaeya was no longer living in his room.
Or could he have lost his memory? Maybe, something had indeed happened last night, or a few days later, or whenever, that led him to lose his memory. That somehow his last memory had only been of him and Kaeya in his bed—but that would mean, Kaeya, Kaeya, where was—
He turned away from Kaeya room and ran towards his father's room. His father would know; his father would be able to give him the answer. Whatever it was, he was sure there was a reason why Kaeya wasn't in his room, and why he seemed to have grown overnight.
Diluc had never expected he would ever see his father's room empty and dark, stripped clean of any personal possessions, painfully obvious to no longer be inhabited.