Chapter Text
“First,” Grindelwald began, “I think your boyfriend should leave, lest you get distracted.”
“Harry’s not leaving.”
“Harry should probably leave.”
“No.”
“It’s fine, I’ll go,” Harry interrupted Tom, who was in a very intense staring contest with Grindelwald, and was winning. “I don’t want to distract you. Good luck, Tom, Barty!”
Malfoy huffed. “I’m here, too, you know.” Harry flicked his forehead, and went to follow the secretary back to the entrance of the building.
Tom followed Harry out the door. “Wait, Harry-”
“It’s okay, really. I wouldn’t want to be in the way, it’s crowded enough as is. I’ll just stay in the lobby, and you can tell me all about it when you’re done,” Harry said, and kissed Tom. “I don’t want to be the one to get you into trouble- you can do that on your own.”
“Are you sure? They said you could stay when I asked about it in the contract.”
Harry nodded. “Grindelwald seems, like, super intense about it all. I don’t want to get on his bad side,” he said, and leaned in for a hug. “I’m so proud of you. Have fun! Oh, damn it, I forgot the clown horn. Okay, verbal honk!”
Tom smiled at him. “Honk.”
Tom knew that Harry was wary of his rapping in the beginning of their relationship, which Tom had actually appreciated, because Harry’s cautiousness helped balance Tom’s eagerness. Just in the beginning, of course, before their souls really had a chance to get to know each other. Now, of course, Harry was almost more enthusiastic than Tom when it came to his raps.
Harry waved at Tom, which he returned. He watched until Harry disappeared behind a corner, and when he was sure his smile had fully died down (a problem he never had until dating Harry), turned back around, and walked right into Grindelwald, who was watching their interaction.
“I’m sorry he had to leave, but you wouldn’t want him distracting you, right?” Grindelwald asked with the same could-be-creepier-but-was-still-pretty-creepy grin.
“I mean, he wouldn’t have, but you give off a strange vibe that I don’t really feel like agitating right now, and I probably would have if Harry were to stay.”
Grindelwald’s eyes twitched. “Listen, Tom, may I call you Tom?”
“No, you may not.”
“Tom, I had a Harry of my own when I was younger.”
“Uh-”
“Well, don’t make that face, not literally of course. Let me tell you a story, Tom.”
“Is it relevant to the sole reason of why I’m here, that reason being my rapping?” Tom asked, and Grindelwald nodded gravely. “Are you sure? Because Barty and Malfoy are already doing their own thing-” Tom pointed to the booth where they appeared to be alternating screams into the microphone. “so I really don’t think we should waste time just having a conversation.”
Grindelwald nodded again. Tom sighed.
“Alright, go ahead.”
“I was sixteen, he was seventeen, and we both needed jobs. It was dest-”
Tom cut him off. “Grindelwald, you’re boring me.”
“Back in my day, the youth respected their elders.”
“Do something worthy of my respect. Could you get to whatever the point is? You would be a horrible minion, just to let you know. I would never let you rap with me,” Tom rolled his eyes, and Grindelwald scoffed.
“I am a leader! Not a follower! Let me continue. Ever since Albus decided to sta-”
“No. You aren’t going into your dramatic backstory right now. I am in a solid relationship, your speech means nothing to me. Wendy’s? Means nothing to me. I’ve been making bank on my own for years. You think your own failed relationship affects me? No. You think my goal is to be like you? No. I’m great on my own, and honestly, this work environment is toxic.”
“Wait!” Grindelwald exclaimed, “I wanted to be great, and Albus settled for being mediocre. Tell me, Tom,” he leaned in, “does Harry want you to be great?”
“Harry is what makes me great. Now, can we record, or are you going to continue being disturbing?” Tom asked. “Trust me, I am aware of alarming behavior when I see it.”
Grindelwald frowned. “I really think you should listen to what I’m saying.”
“No, Gellert, I think you should listen to me. I am Lord Voldemort. I am universally adored. Do you see this face?” He pointed at his face. “Millions love this face. Do you see my tonsils?” He opened his mouth. “That’s right, you don’t. I got them removed to sing better. Do you think I fuck around, Gellert?”
Grindelwald shook his head.
“You got that right, at least. I don’t fuck around. I’m a rapper, and I’m here to rap. I am not here for your opinions I didn’t ask for. I’m not here to listen to your sob story, which, by the way, means nothing to me, because I’ve met Albus, and even though I despise him, that man is happy, and he likes where he’s working, and you are not a better person just because you work at Corporate.”
Tom paused. Grindelwald looked close to tears. Good.
“Now, are we going to record an EP for Wendy’s, or are we going to keep having this useless conversation?”
Grindelwald swallowed. “Let’s record an EP.”
Tom grinned, his smile more intimidating than Grindelwald could ever wish his could be. “Excellent.”
They walked back into the recording studio, where the two people working the soundboard were avidly watching Malfoy make bird cooing noises to Barty’s cawing. The man watched on in vague horror with a hand raised his mouth in shock, while the woman appeared to be recording it, and adjusting the various knobs on the soundboard. Good, because it sounded fantastic, and would surely lead to a chart topping hit.
Tom called out, “Let’s start with ‘Rest in Grease,’ if that works for everyone?”
Malfoy and Barty gave thumbs-ups from inside the booth. The technicians turned around to see Grindelwald furiously scrubbing at his face.
“Ah,” Tom said. “Don’t worry about him. We just had a bonding moment, he’s a very emotional man.”
They slowly nodded, and Tom took his place in the booth between Malfoy and Barty.
“Ready?” the woman asked. “Wonderful.”
She nodded to the man, and then pointed at Tom.
“You gon’ get that work. Redhead with some pig tails- ”
-
That evening, around six o’clock, Tom, Barty, and Malfoy left the studio to meet up with a napping Harry in the entrance of the building.
“So, how did it go?” Harry asked, swinging their hands between them, Barty and Draco trailing behind them. “Did I miss out on a lot?”
“Not really. I think you would’ve been bored.”
Harry shrugged. “If you say so.”
“Hungry?”
“Sure. Wendy’s?”
Tom flicked Harry on the forehead.
-
“Tom! Look at this one from Rolling Stone!”
‘ROLLING STONE: Exclusive Interview with the Lead Rapper on ‘We Beefin?’, Lord Voldemort
Tom Riddle, better known on the internet as Lord Voldemort, was the primary voice on the shocking new EP by Wendy’s, the fast food establishment’s first (and hopefully not only!) foray into the music world.
Unexpectedly, this breakout album was a massive hit within the music world, and we can’t get enough of Lord Voldemort! His unique singing style makes for very interesting music, at least, we certainly think so, as do his millions of streamers on Spotify, millions of followers on SoundCloud, and his millions of subscribers on YouTube!
We had the chance to sit down and discuss this EP, along with his other music… (cont. pg. 4)’
“When did you do that one? I thought you had Vanity Fair on Friday?” Harry asked, and passed the magazine to Tom.
“I did that one on the phone.” He skipped to page four, and couldn’t help but smile. There, in the corner, was the photo he and Harry had taken on Halloween- Tom in a Wendy’s outfit and Harry in his Ronald McDonald clown suit, which had gotten a lot more uses out of than either of them had expected.
“Cuties!” Harry exclaimed from his side. He directed Tom’s head down for a kiss.
“So, what’s next?” Harry asked, and pawed through the magazines on the table for any that he hadn’t yet looked through.
“Well, I was thinking, if we were ever to get a house, how do you feel about red doors? Classy, but ominous- Harry, stop flicking me!”