Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Six: i intend to hold you for the longest time
December 2021

Luke had always been a fan of making lists. Some mattered, some didn’t but he still made them regardless. When he was younger it had been lists of his favourite bands, songs, instruments he wanted to play to songs he wanted to learn. As he matured so did the thoughts and problems that he dealt with and subsequently so did his lists. Somewhere along the line he had shifted from the innocent importances of childhood to writing as his own private therapy. Now he wrote lists in an attempt to separate the weaving and tangling thoughts that twisted around his mind. He wrote pros and cons, he wrote about life and people. He wrote about what he wanted from life, his dreams, his aspirations as if by lining them up neatly from one to ten would manifest them into being. He wrote about his parents; moments they had been there for each other, moments they hadn’t. He wrote about Alex, listing all the good times and even some of the bad. He wrote about Reggie, all the little things he had noticed about him, and missed about him. Luke even wrote about himself all the things he liked about himself, and all that he didn’t. As hard as he had tried over the past year, the scales always tipped slightly towards the latter. He wrote about life, about memories and about the times he had truly felt happiness. He could never seem to make it past six on that list.

Luke was getting better. He was far from cured, far from perfect but he was working at it. He was trusting in the process as Dr. Fitz told him to. Following the start of the year and a period that Luke labelled as one of the more darker times in his life, Luke had worked hard to hide his presence, to become a ghost to everyone but Caleb. He went to work at the Orpheum, he stayed at home and wrote songs and made lists. He knew it was no way to live but he was fresh out of options. Eventually Caleb had grown tired of Luke only leaving the house for work, bringing the younger boy out for lunch. What had been a ploy to get Luke out of the house and reminding him of the ‘great’ outdoors had quickly had the opposite effect as Luke spotted Reggie from across a busy street and dove to hide behind a trash can. He hadn’t missed the disappointed roll of his uncle’s eyes at his actions. Even from the small glimpse taken from behind the shelter of the public bin, Reggie hadn’t looked the best and Luke found himself mirrored in the Peters boy. Luke had returned home that day and effectively decided to ward off any further excursions outside unless they were absolutely necessary. Luke was afraid of what was out there and more particularly who. Alex, Reggie, Emily. Mitch. People he was avoiding because he had made mistakes that he couldn’t bring himself to be brave enough to fix. Another list.

When Luke was thirteen, he had broken a bone for the first time. He, unsurprisingly to his mother who had been voicing her concerns for months, had fallen from his less than stable treehouse structure. As a result he had broken his right arm in two places. He had tried to act as he thought a man should, stoic, unaffected but his body had trembled with pain and his eyes held unfallen tears as he waited in the emergency room with his mothers arms softly wrapped around him and his father telling him it was okay to cry; Luke hadn’t thought twice before letting heavy, ugly sobs shake his body. Even later that day as his mother made his favourite dinner and Luke sat beside his father in the den gazing at the luminous pink cast on his arm that held his numb pain, his father had told him that it was okay to cry, that to never be afraid to be vulnerable. Mitch had patted his head, his eyes never leaving the football game on the television but Luke had gazed up at the man as if he held the secrets to the universe. Luke thought about this day a lot. Even these days, when his mind was on the furthest thing from family and his parents, there always remained remnants of the memory. When Luke would strum his guitar particularly hard or would write for hours on end, he would get a dull ache that tickled his wrist until it travelled up the length of his right arm and everytime that feeling hit, he was back in that hospital waiting room or on his family’s couch. Even if Luke tried to convince himself that he never thought about his family, his own body was there to betray him and feel everything he was afraid to let his mind and heart feel.

He knew his mother still called Caleb regularly, trying to find out how Luke was. Caleb never knew how to answer, other than the basics and what was obvious, but Caleb really didn’t know what was going on in the Patterson boys mind. Some days he would hear him on the phone with her as Luke sat on his bed trying to keep completely still so as to not make a sound. He wanted to hear everything but Caleb’s words and tone never gave away much. Sometimes he’d ponder the idea of throwing everything to the side and running to pick up the phone first, or even to just show up at the door of his childhood home. But he had too many fears, too many reservations, too much pride. After almost two months of staying inside and hiding away to become nothing but a memory to most people who had allowed him into their lives, Luke finally made the choice to leave the house. Guitar on his back like a safety blanket, a shield against everything he was scared of out there. Luke could have almost laughed at the way the world worked because on that first day out as he stood strumming his guitar gently down by the pier, Alex had come across him. Luke had wanted to run away, hide, jump into his guitar case and close the lid. But Alex’s eyes had shone with hope and relief and the smile that grew on his lips at the sight of the Patterson boy felt like something foreign and familiar to Luke all at once. The pair had sat on the pier for hours until the sea air grew cold around them as they talked about everything that had been left unsaid between them for so long. They had both cried and then laughed at themselves. Luke told Alex that it was okay to cry, that they never had to be afraid of being vulnerable with one another. Alex had rolled his eyes. Luke had forced down a memory.

That night, when Alex had finally convinced Luke he was brave enough, the pair had arrived at the Molina house. Reggie met them at the doorway and he had mirrored the look Alex had also given Luke upon seeing him again but Reggie blinked through tearful eyes and breathed out a relieved sigh between the gaps of his beaming smile as he pulled Luke into a tight hug. Luke noted that Reggie hugged like he was at risk of losing whoever was on the receiving end of the embrace. He hugged people with every fibre of his being. Luke had made a mental note to add that to his Reggie list. Luke was delighted to find out that their reunion wasn’t short lived and as they grew closer to normality over the months that followed Luke had to work to cancel out the part of him that felt like an imposter, that felt like he wasn’t allowed to be forgiven. Reggie and Alex had reminded him on several occasions that this was indeed not true, they were adamant and slowly Luke had believed them. The group came together again, the boys began playing together, they revived Sunset Curve, they booked gigs. Everything was coming along, they were friends, they were themselves again and Luke was happy. Despite all this Luke felt the smallest part of himself missing. He was fearful of bringing up to Reggie everything that had happened between them before Luke had walked off the face of the planet for a few months. Luke wasn’t even sure Reggie had received the flowers and notes he had hastily left on the porch almost a year ago. Sometimes he felt like Reggie wanted to dare say more than that was left unsaid between them but everytime he would close his mouth quickly and catch himself and Luke had to act as if he didn’t notice. He was sure he wasn’t the only one of the two feeling this way yet he was afraid to break everything the three boys had built over the few months they had been reunited. So Luke kept it somewhere that was both safe and torturous; his mind.

Throwing the last empty crate from his bar restock into the dumpster behind the The Orpheum, Luke closed the back door with a slam before continuing into the main ballroom. The lights were dim, their low buzzing mixed with the low hum of the bar radio the only sounds breaking through the stifling silence. Without the crowds, the Orpheum always seemed jarringly small. Luke stuffed his cold hands into the pockets of his flannel, standing in the middle of the empty pit, staring up at the lonely stage, darkened and quiet. He remembered standing on that same empty stage as a young kid, feeling complete, as if this is where he was destined to be. He wasn’t sure if it had been wide eyed naivety that had driven him or if he was to step foot there once more would every feeling come seeping back. Without realising, Luke had begun walking towards the looming stage, only lowering his gaze when his feet collided with the side of the platform. Pulling his hands from his pockets, he pushed himself up onto the walkway, crouching for a quick moment before he got his footing and straightening himself into a standing position. He slowly walked up the steps before he reached the middle of the stage. A shiver slithered its way up his spine, shocking the hair on his arms into a standing position as the feeling captured his whole body. He couldn’t help but grin at the familiar feeling, it was good to know it could evoke the same emotion in him it had all those years ago.Twisting on his heel, he faced the empty room before him, painting it with an imaginary audience that screamed and hollered in his mind. Yes, he thought, I could get used to this.

“You look right at home up there, kid.” The noise broke Luke out of his daydream, his eyes popping open as he seeked out his guest. Caleb stood leaning against the bar with his hands buried into the pockets of his grey slacks. Luke felt sheepish for the briefest of moments before a grin overtook his chapped lips.

“You really think so?” His gaze met Caleb’s and even in the distance between them he could make out a familiar soft gaze of affection for a boy that had become almost a son to him. He had watched as the boy grew up from wide eyed innocence and the gangly awkwardness of puberty to the young man stood before him now. Luke posed on the stage, miming air guitar as Caleb walked towards him with a soft smile on his lips as he shook his head at his antics. So maybe Luke wasn’t entirely mature yet but he had grown.

“The stage has always been destined for you, kid. We both knew that.” Caleb stopped himself, arms crossed over his chest, gazing up at Luke from a few short steps away. Luke stopped his actions, a beaming smile threatening to break through his slightly ajar mouth. His eyes scanned the empty stage around him, even though he was much bigger than he had been standing here at the age of seven, yet the feeling never changed. The space was vast yet it never felt looming. Luke never felt overwhelmed or out of place. Maybe Caleb was right, he was right at home here.

“Well destiny seems to be taking it’s time on this one.” Luke sighed, returning his gaze back to his awaiting uncle. Luke wasn’t defeated yet he was growing tiresome. The band had been working their asses off and yet everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Caleb would scold him for thinking like that, that fame didn’t happen overnight, at least fame that was long term. You had to work, you had to wait but Luke was steadily running out of patience.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Caleb’s voice was teasing and held the grin that Luke found mirrored on his lips upon returning his gaze to the older man. Luke watched him closely for a moment staring at Caleb’s expression, like he knew a secret that he desperately wanted to tell.

Luke scoffed out a laugh that quickly fell into a sigh before he quipped. “Why? Have you been talking to destiny lately? Do you know something I don’t?”

“Not destiny, no.” Caleb began with a laugh, his was much more livelier than Luke’s had been. He kept his eyes latched onto Caleb as he took a few quick steps closer to the stage and Luke found himself ambling down the walkway of the stage to meet him. “I have been talking to, however, one of the band’s for the New Years Eve showcase. They had to drop out due to an illness.”

Luke lowered himself to sit on the edge of the stage as Caleb explained, his legs swinging absentmindedly as he listened. “Oh, that’s shit.”

“Yeah but I was thinking we need a replacement for them and who better than the one and only Sunset Curve. So what do you say about that, kid?” Caleb’s grin was wide and beaming as Luke’s entire body froze its movements.

“You’re serious?” He breathed, eyes blown wide and mouth agape. Caleb couldn’t help but laugh at the younger boy’s incredulous expression. When he nodded in response, Luke’s smile grew and his voice raised in octaves as he screeched. “That’s amazing!”

Luke had lept of the stage in a heartbeat, wrapping his arms around Caleb. Before Caleb could even respond Luke was pulling himself back briefly. “Wait, this isn’t some ‘because of who you know’ opportunity? You’re not just giving this to us because I’m practically family, right?”

Caleb gave Luke a small soft smile, shaking his head in response as he spoke. Luke gazed up to him with wide hazel eyes of hopefulness and in a blink it felt like Caleb was looking at a younger version of the boy all over again. “Of course not, Luke. You guys are good, you deserve this chance. I wasn’t even the one who decided to put you on the bill.”

His words soothed Luke and his once bright smile returned to his face. He pulled the older man into a tight embrace as Caleb mumbled, “You deserve it, Luke. All you boys do.”

As they broke a part, the reality was seeping into Luke’s entire being, setting him alight like a match head. He was shining, glowing, incandescently ecstatic. He hopped around the empty dance floor, his body unable to contain his joy. Caleb stood by the stage with a soft, closed lipped smile, watching him jump and holler and laugh. It had been years in the making and the older gentleman was delighted he was allowed to be the one to deliver the news Luke had been grasping at for years.

“I can’t wait to tell-” The words, ‘mom and dad’ got lost on Luke’s tongue as he came to a halt. Caleb observed him closely, not missing as the boy blinked quick and breathed deep as if he was resetting himself. “-the guys. I can’t wait to tell the guys.”

Luke knew he had seen but he was thankful that Caleb decided not to comment on it. “Weren’t you heading over there soon, to the new apartment? You’ve done your bit here, why don’t you head over there now and share the good news and I’ll close up here?”

“You sure?” Luke breathed, his coming down from his high had only lasted a few minutes and already his body was buzzing again with the news. Caleb nodded, telling him to ‘get outta here’, to which Luke willingly obliged but not before another hug to his uncle.

Outside the streets were busy, bustling and alive and Luke was sure if this moment had been a movie he would have broken out into song. But instead he opted for breaking into a run, his body vibrating with the news and he was still stunned at the prospect that they’d made it. This was their big break and with the idea of telling the guys that and making it real, his legs pumped faster. His heart thumped wildly against his chest and in his throat and for once Luke didn’t loath the burning feeling of it all. In the blocks it took to get to the boys new place, Luke swerved between pedestrians, never stopping, never slowing down. People cursed at him but all Luke could do was laugh. He probably looked like a madman but he couldn’t find a shred of him that cared. As he spotted Alex’s car parked at the sidewalk of the apartment building, Luke only ran faster, his throat was dry and his arms building up a sweat but he didn’t care as he shot himself up the stairs, two at a time, tripping over himself on more than one occasion but he persisted. Finally reaching the fourth floor, he was sure he was about to hit the ground as he slid to a stop in front of the opened door frame. He finds Alex, Willie and Reggie standing across the threshold staring back at Luke as he wobbles on the spot, spurting out gasping breaths. One of his hands immediately clings to the door pane to keep himself steady while the other raises, holding up a finger as he silently asks the guys to give him a moment to catch his breath. His enthusiasm fails him within seconds.

“Guys, guys, guys.” His voice is lost in a dry heave and he almost coughs the words out. Across from him Alex and Reggie share a look he can’t quite decipher but as he fights to catch his breath he decides not to dwell on it.

“Hey, I’m not the only unfit one here. He’s out of breath too.” Luke raises his gaze to Reggie at the other boy's words. Reggie’s finger is outstretched and pointing at Luke accusingly yet his gaze is planted firmly on Alex. For a small second, Luke takes in Reggie’s natural hair falling against his forehead and his cheeks that are trickled with a rosey pink blush. And then Luke’s losing his breath again for an entirely different reason.

“I was running.” Luke explains as he furrows his brows, not quite understanding the turn in the conversation. Within a second, all three boys gazes’ move to him. Alex and Reggie begin to look increasingly concerned and Willie stands silently, amused at the other two’s antics.

“Running?” Reggie asks, saying the world slowly as if he heard Luke wrong. With his brows still furrowed and confusion burning brightly, Luke nods. Reggie only looks more perplexed than Luke does. “Like on purpose?”

“Nothing was chasing you?” Alex asks next and Luke’s two bandmates share a look. He rolls his eyes so hard he’s afraid they might get stuck that way. Of course, the pair chose now of all times to become stand up comedians.

“It’s not important, guys. What’s important is I have news!” Luke quickly interjects before the others have a chance to go farther and completely derail the conversation he had planned. Reggie seemed to notice the way Luke’s eyes and grin widened simultaneously as his body buzzed to life once again because the Peters boy froze all of a sudden, gazing at Luke with unaltered, wide eyed attention. From between them Alex makes a quick quip but Luke doesn’t register his words as his hazel eyes stay glued to Reggie. But when Reggie breaks the gaze and flips Alex off, Luke only has to roll his eyes at the pair again even though he’s trying to force down a chuckle at the two.

“Guys! I love you but please just shut up for a minute.” Luke’s voice a few octaves raises above them and suddenly all the attention is on him again and he sighs, finally. He can tell his whole body must look like it's vibrating to life as he speaks again, unable to contain himself any longer. “I was just with Caleb, a band had to back out of the New Years Eve showcase and he said we’re in.”

There’s quiet all around them but it sizzles with oncoming shock of Luke’s admission. Reggie is the first to speak, his eyes wide and mouth open as he mumbles out an incredulous, “What?”

“Are you serious?” Alex sputters out a second later, both watching him wide eyed as if he’s playing some practical joke on the pair and Luke can do nothing but nod manically and grin with everything that’s in him. Willie is quick to pull the shocked Alex into a tight embrace.

“WE’RE PLAYING THE ORPHEUM, BABY!” Luke screams with all that is in his whole body. He knows later Alex will probably scold him for annoying the neighbours already but Luke couldn’t care about anything else in that moment. Other than him and the boys and news of the beginning of their future, everything else isn’t even a blip on Luke’s radar. He wants to scream the news from the rooftops, through the city and into the universe. His body is moving before he even notices, jumping widely on the spot.

“Holy shit!” Reggie shouts from the couch before he leaps above the cream cushions, bouncing madly and Luke can’t help feel a little cliche because for a small moment he watches it happen in slow motion. Reggie’s arms are raised above his head as he fist pumps the air. His soft hair is flailing breezily against his forehead and his grin is electric and infectious and Luke wants to look at him forever. Breaking away from his place in the doorway, Luke makes a beeline for the couch, hopping up beside the Peters boy with ease. Reggie whips around and Luke is already inviting him into their own tight embrace. While Luke had noted before that Reggie hugs like he’s at risk of losing the person on the receiving end of the embrace, Luke realises about himself that he hugs as if the other person will be there forever. Luke pushes aside the thought as they bounce and cheer and create their own little bubble. A bubble that Alex bursts only a few moments later.

“Guys, not the couch. Down now, please. Down!” Reggie is quick to move away at the request but Luke tries to act as if he isn’t disappointed by the separation as he jumps from the couch, his sneakers thumping against the hardwood floor of the living room. Alex is not impressed by his antics. “You’re animals.”

Alex is in the process of rolling his eyes when Luke chuckles slightly, if Alex wanted an animal, Luke would show him. Tilting his head back, Luke howls to the ceiling with vigor. As he finishes he twists his body back to face Alex who is blinking, unamused which only serves to make Luke more amused. Luke meets Reggie’s gaze from beside him and the raven haired boy gazes at him with a shining laugh in his green eyes. Luke lets a small smile tug at the right side of his lips, at least the person whose opinion he cared about the most found him amusing.

“Hey, ‘Lex, that’s ruff, buddy.” Reggie quips a second later and Luke beams at him, feeling his chest flood with warmth at the sentiment. Reggie was always there to back him up even sometimes when he didn’t deserve it. Luke breaks into a laugh that he knows is probably obnoxious but he can’t help it. His arm instinctively wraps around Reggie’s shoulder, leaning his forehead against it as his own shake with laughter and he can tell Reggie’s cheeks are flooded crimson with the attention.

“God, I’m surrounded by idiots.” Alex mutters, his voice almost getting lost under Reggie and Luke’s giggles. As Alex and Willie bicker playfully, Reggie and Luke find themselves gravitating back towards the couch, falling into the plush cushions with content sighs. Alex and Willie make their way out of the apartment to continue unloading the boxes yet Luke and Reggie remain unmoved, basking in the easy silence between them. Luke sank between the cushions, his eyes falling closed and head falling against the back of the couch. For the first time since Caleb had told him the news, Luke stills and lets the news sink in. Everything they’d worked for, everything they’d endured and fought for had led to this moment and just when Luke was beginning to think it may never come, it snuck up on them. Luke’s lips begin to twitch into a small smile at the thought. He was going to play the Orpheum and he was going to play it with two of the most important people in his life.

“I can’t believe it.” Luke hears Reggie breathe out and Luke smiles. He sounds like he’s floating and Luke wants to ride this euphoria with him. Opening his eyes, Luke stares up at the ceiling for a quiet second. He could only see as far as the greying bland ceiling yet everything felt limitless in that moment.

“It’s really happening, Reg. This is the gig that changes everything.” Luke’s smile can’t grow big enough to convey his happiness in that moment and he realises with a shock that he’s finally come up with a number seven on his list of times he’s felt truly happy. But for the first time in a while this happiness doesn’t feel small and fleeting, instead it's all encompassing with the lingering promise of much more days like this to come. Luke tilts his head towards Reggie, gazing at the rosy cheeked boy for a quiet moment before he turned to Luke, mirroring his stance. When their gazes met, something struck Luke. Like Caleb had told him all those years ago, when the moment that was meant for you came around, you’d know because you would feel it with every bone in your body and your entire being will scream-

“It’s our time, Reg.” He whispers and his hand absentmindedly trails up to a small tendril of Reggie’s soft hair, brushing it away from his warm forehead. Reggie’s eyes flutter close and Luke’s lips part at the sight. Luke’s fingers create a path, trailing along from the other’s boy temple and down his jaw, his fingers ghosting the beginnings of Reggie’s neck as they settle. Luke thought of Caleb’s words again and wondered if the same could be said for people because right now in this moment, Luke knew with every bone in his body that he was in love with Reggie Peters and he may very well always be. Because yes, it was the band’s time, Luke wanted to experience this with them. He wanted them by his side through thick and thin and as he watched Reggie before him now, gentle and beautiful beneath his fingertips, he knew that he no longer wanted to be afraid of what had been growing here for years, the possibility of them.

They could hear the voices of Alex and Willie returning up the stairs, breaking their moment. Luke’s hand fell away and Reggie’s eyes opened, their gazes connecting again. He wanted to experience this moment with Reggie by his side and Luke realised with a kick that Reggie was someone who Luke wanted by his side forever, if he’d let him. So Luke thought about them and the possibility of what they could be if he fought for it and he was more than willing to fight. Luke listened to what he was feeling in every bone of his body and smiled in adoration at the boy beside him because his entire being was screaming:

“It’s our time.”

🎸

That familiar ache in his right arm returned. Unlike the many occasions before when he had felt it, this time it stuck around like a phantom memory soaking into his entire being. Since the news of their Orpheum gig had shifted from euphoric shock into reality, Luke had been a single minded musical machine. It was days filled with practice, setlist talk and adjusting lyrics of songs they had workshopped for hours upon hours already. Luke didn’t let his mind rest for a single moment, he never wanted to feel idle, to never focus on the dull ache that began plaguing his body after a long day of guitar playing. When he wasn’t practicing with the guys he was working, staring up at the stage with a wide grin thinking about how by the end of the month they would be the ones occupying that space with everyone’s eyes on Sunset Curve. How he craved it. And when he wasn’t practicing and working, he was cooped up in his bedroom at night, his phone on speaker and pen in hand as he discussed new songs with Reggie. He would listen to Luke mull over lyrics and chords for hours on end, laughing and singing harmonies back to him making Luke wish there was some way he could bottle up those moments forever and keep them within his one personal memory box. No matter what Luke did, no matter who he was with, Reggie was always there, always a part of him. The thought both delighted and frightened him.

Luke had been sitting in the studio one day before practice, strumming his guitar gently and trying to avoid the increasingly sharp pain that was growing in his arm as he did when Alex had approached him with the idea of taking a break from practicing in the lead up to Christmas. Luke had been insulted by the idea, wanting to take their first real chance seriously. Reggie had stood by his mic fiddling with the strap of his bass and eyes to the ground and Luke knew instantly that this was something he and Alex had been talking about. Luke had eventually come around, agreeing to a few days off. That night as he lay in bed with Reggie chirping away ecstatically about almost having enough money for a new bass guitar he desperately wanted, Luke’s mind whirled with plans and ideas but as he had twisted on his side he had hissed in pain as a trickling twinge shot up his right arm. Reggie had heard and asked if he was okay, Luke had been quick to brush it off and Reggie was away on his tangents again as Luke cradling his arm to his chest. Like many times before, Luke was transported to that day, to his childhood, to his parents and he had to hold his breath to keep a threatening sob from slipping through his chapped lips. Luke had ulterior motives for his strict practice schedule because as much as he wanted to make sure they were ready for their performance, he knew that they could kill it in their sleep. No, Luke had campaigned for a packed schedule to keep his mind focused and body busy long enough that he couldn’t dwell on the fact that there were two people who he wanted to share this news and moment with the most. Two people who he had pushed away. Weeks ago, Luke had tried to make sense of his affliction when it came to the thought of his parents, he had scrawled and scribbled on paper creating lyrics that he thought would help him make peace with their fallout. Unsaid Emily had been cathartic, a well needed venture on his part yet the song barely scratched the surface of the depths Luke was silently drowning in.

Caleb for his part, had tried his best to keep Luke as equally busy on those days off. He was an avid Christmas fan and for the most part Luke didn’t understand but he enjoyed the distraction regardless as Caleb pulled him from the solitude of his room to help him hang festive decorations and listen to cheery Christmas tunes. His thoughts would find themselves slipping wondering about the decorations his mother would probably be hanging too and Luke felt a sting in his heart. Sometimes he wished his mind was a locked door, one he only held the key to, no one could come in or out without his permission. Instead, he felt it was an ajar window, one he couldn’t close as hard as he tried to some days. Luke was tearing open another box of ornaments for the Christmas tree when Caleb’s gentle humming along to Wham caught Luke’s attention and he couldn’t help but chuckle at its significance.

Caleb noticed his small laugh, his eyes watching Luke closely from across the tree. “What? Don’t go disrespecting Wham under my roof.”

“It’s not that.” Luke rolled his eyes but the smile on his lips grew. Tossing a few glittery, red baubles in his hands, he ambled over towards the tree feeling Caleb’s curious eyes on him as he did so. “It’s just...Reggie and I, this is like our song. There’s a whole story, it doesn’t matter.”

“Well apparently it does or you wouldn’t have mentioned it.” Caleb points out, unconvinced by Luke’s brush off. Luke shrugs but his cheeks are being set aflame. Caleb grins. “You two have a song?”

Luke tried to hide his crimson cheeks behind the opposite side of the tree from Caleb as he hung an ornament on the fake branch. So maybe Reggie wasn’t as aware of it being their song as Luke was but Luke had curated a whole list of songs that were his and Reggie’s. He kept them to himself, hidden between pages of his own lyrics; lyrics that were uncoincidentally also for Reggie.

“I don’t know, there’s just songs that are significant for different moments between us. Some I just hear that remind me of him.” Luke heard the words leave his mouth in a half whisper and he resisted the urge to cringe at how weird he must have sounded. “They’re just songs that feel like ours, I don’t know why I brought it up. Can we forget it?”

Caleb shook his head and Luke wanted to hide away. Thoughts of himself and Reggie were always something that danced around Luke’s mind and filled his chest with warmth but then the reality set in, the remembrance that they were only friends and would possibly remain that way forever. Luke sighs and instantly regrets ever opening his mouth as Caleb speaks again.

“Well, aren’t you just the most adorable little thing ever?” Caleb fawned, stepping away from the tree to observe Luke’s embarrassed face. “So what are you two?”

Luke’s hazel eyes fall to his shoes, they squeak against the hardwood floor and he feels small under Caleb’s gaze. Even without realising it, Caleb had asked a loaded question that Luke, himself, had been pondering for months on end. Even for further back than that if he was to be honest. Gazing back up to the older man, Luke shrugs.

“We’re an enigma.” Luke breathes, throwing his last bauble between his hands. “We’ve been a ‘what if’ in my head for so long, I don’t think I know how to make us be anything else.”

“Of course, you do, kid. You’re just scared.” Caleb isn’t one to dance around the topic and immediately Luke’s eyes seek out his focused ones, piercing right through every tightly wound lie Luke has tried to make himself believe.

“What do I have to be scared of?” Luke bites back but Caleb seems unaffected. He understands Luke’s defences and sees right through them.

Caleb twists on his heel to face him as Luke walks around the older man, plopping himself on the couch cushions with a thump. “Yourself. Your past. Reggie. Alex. Your band, you guys’ friendship. Finally having your ‘what if’ question answered. I don’t know, Luke, everything?”

Luke slumps down in his seat further with a sigh and Caleb rolls his eyes. Finally sitting on the coffee table before Luke watching him with a gentle gaze. “How about an easier question; what do you want?”

Luke’s fingers play with the bracelets that line his wrist and he ponders, although he’s fairly certain he already knows that answer. He’s been pondering it for awhile now. “I want to be happy and I want Reggie to be happy and I guess if we could be happy together then that would be pretty rad.”

Luke grins sheepishly down as his fidgeting fingers at the thought and he can tell without looking that Caleb is mirroring his soft smile. “Okay, now, what’s holding you back from that?”

“Things were so shit for us all for so long and now it finally feels right again and I really don’t want to risk all that on a whim.” Luke pauses and meets Caleb’s eyes, they both know, one more deep down than the other, that it may not be a whim at all. “Then what if it doesn’t risk anything at all, and everything works out and maybe that thought is even scarier. What if I ruin it somehow? What if it doesn't work?”

Luke sighs helpless and Caleb watches him with a sad smile as he continues. “The last time Reggie and I tried to talk about this kind of thing, I was terrible to him and it ended with us all hurt for a while and I don’t want to repeat that. I don’t want to hurt him again. What if I’m just not good for him?”

Caleb reaches out a warm hand, nudging Luke’s knee gently. “I think the fact that you’re even asking yourself that question proves how good you actually are for him. You care about him Luke, you’ve proven that time and time again. You don’t want to hurt him, you’ve grown for yourself and for him, you’ve given him the time he needs to grow too. It took awhile maybe, but I think it’s time to admit you might finally be good for each other. If I can see that, he can too.”

Luke blinks quickly, realising he had begun tearing up. Caleb smiles softly, sadly like he’s debating something. He exhales shakingly. “Life moves pretty fast and you don’t want to wake up years from now and wish you had taken those few moments of courage and took that leap. Trust me, the ‘what if’ never really goes away and it only gets harder.”

Luke wants to ask what he means but he’s also afraid to pry. Caleb while always being a constant in Luke’s life had never divulged much about himself or his life prior to Luke’s birth. He wanted to know Caleb and be there for him the way that Caleb was for Luke, but here he was, and he couldn’t even broach the subject. Before Luke can find the courage inside him to ask what the older man is implying, Caleb is speaking, his voice low, trembling.

“I met the love of my life when I was twenty four.” Caleb began, pressing his lips together for a quick moment. Luke watched him with wide, attentive eyes as he waited and finally after another shaky breath, Caleb spoke again, eyes sparkling with unfallen tears. “He was...God, he was everything. But being gay in the eighties wasn’t easy for us, for anyone. He...he got sick. He lived with it for so long, we thought he would be okay and I’m thankful that I got to have him as long as I did, I really am.”

Without a moment of hesitation, Luke reaches out, his warm hands cupping Caleb’s. He wanted to be that source of comfort that Caleb had been for him over the years, if he could. Caleb let a small smile tug at his lips for the briefest of moments. “He passed away in ‘98, a few months before you were born. He was the love of my life and I convinced myself that I never wanted anyone else after him. I was too afraid to fall in love again so I didn’t let myself. I turned down opportunities, as soon as I felt something I shot it down instantly. I thought it’s what I wanted but the ‘what if’, it still lingers around and it hurts.”

Caleb sniffles and Luke feels his own cheeks begin to dampen with his trickling tears. “So take it from a lonely old man that’s stuck in his ways, don’t wake up years from now with the regret of that ‘what if’ weighing down on you. Use that courage inside you that I know you have and take a chance.”

Caleb squeezes Luke’s hands and Luke nods with a small smile twitching at the sides of his lips. He sniffles, blinking back more tears and Caleb lets a wet chuckle escape his lips. Luke bites his bottom lip for a quick second before he whispers. “It’s never too late, you know.”

Caleb smiles sadly at him and Luke can’t help but feel like it's one of resignation. “Have you tried telling yourself that?”

Luke laughs quietly but it’s short lived. His hands are still latched in Caleb’s and he sighs sadly. He knows Caleb is right, that if Luke got those few seconds of courage and took that chance that it could end in something beautiful. And Luke wasn’t one for hiding away from beautiful things. He feels Caleb’s story piercing at his own heart, feeling himself sting at the fact he had never noticed how much Caleb was hurting yet he guessed that was the thing, Caleb never wanted anyone to know. But here he was, sharing this information that he always held so close to his chest with Luke willingly. It was an act of trust that warmed Luke’s entire being.

“What was his name?” Luke whispers and for a brief moment he feels Caleb freeze underneath his hands.

“Lucas.” Caleb whispers back and now Luke is the one freezing. “Everyone loved him, it was hard not to. Your parents loved him too. Mitch loved him but Emily adored him. So much that she named her son after him.”

Luke’s smile widens at the information he had never been told before, a well kept secret between Caleb and his parents. He can’t even find it in himself to be mad about the small detail. Luke squeezes Caleb’s hands one last firm time before pulling back his own. “Thank you for telling me. I’d love to know more about him sometime, if that’s okay with you?”

Caleb nods, a brightly growing smile overtaking his once sad one. “I’d love that, kid.”

Silence hangs in the air between them, pregnant with the new revelations they had both divulged in and Luke knows that Caleb is right. At the end of the day, taking that leap, even if he falls on his ass, would be less painful than an eternity of the painful reminder of what could have been.

“You were right.” Luke whispers, but in the quiet, his voice is booming. Caleb gazes at him with a soft smile. Luke meets his eyes, hopeful. “I want to take that chance with Reggie, even if it scares me. It’s worth it, he’s worth it.”

“I’m glad, kid.” Caleb nudges Luke’s foot with his own and Luke beams. “Even if it’s scary, maybe, just build your way up. If the full on love declaration is too much, just focus on the small things first?”

Luke nods, agreeing with the idea. It had been so long that Reggie and he had been walking on the fine line of friendship and love, dancing around the topic that he didn’t want to jump straight there and overwhelm the Peters boy.

“So how does Luke Patterson show love?” Caleb presses and Luke meets his gaze again with a wide smirk capturing his lips. Immediately Caleb shakes his head, regretting his decision to ask. “Okay, don’t answer that. I need a drink and while I’m doing that, you dig out the tinsel.”

Caleb pulled himself up from the coffee table with one small pat to Luke’s shoulder as he passed by the couch. Luke smiles and sighs, content with the findings of their conversation. Luke thinks about Caleb’s question and makes a list in his head. Touch, music, dancing.

He smiles to himself, a hidden, bashful smile because he can be a mess sometimes but he knows who he is.

And he knows exactly how Luke Patterson shows love.

🎸

In the wake of his revelation at his and Caleb’s conversation, Luke made a list. Although it was something more akin to a step by step process of finally letting Reggie know that Luke was in it for the long haul. He had set himself a number of attainable goals, all sorted under various headings: music, dancing, touch, gifts. An amalgamation of Luke’s love languages. Before he could even begin to formally start making his way through the aforementioned list, Luke had a small detour to make. At the top of his page, before his list was one simple and direct instruction to himself written in his almost illegible messy scrawl. One visit. One conversation. One go ahead. His knuckles rapped gently against the pale cream door as he stood in stifling silence. He heard shuffling on the other side and found himself holding his breath as he waited in anticipation. The door swung open before him and Luke let a small smile tilt at his lips.

‘First: Talk to Alex.’

“Hey man, what’re you doing here?” Alex asked with his own small smile of confusion. The other day as the trio had left band practice for the last time until after Christmas, Luke had told the boys he wouldn’t see them until their dinner tomorrow night yet after Luke’s conversation with Caleb that morning, he couldn’t keep himself away from putting his plan into action for long.

“I just thought I’d visit, I wanted to talk about something if that’s cool?” Luke’s fingers twist together where he holds them behind his back and Alex watches him suspiciously before he stands aside, giving Luke the room to come inside. Luke heads into the living room as Alex closes the door behind him and Luke can’t help but grin when he sees the small Christmas tree snuggly fitted into the corner of the room.

Behind him, Alex follows and watches him closely. “You know if it wasn’t for the fact you don’t have your guitar, I would have guessed this was an ambush practice session since you can’t control yourself.”

Luke whips around at his words, laughing at Alex’s comment. “Hey, I’m not that bad, give me a little credit here.”

“Luke, you once sent an S.O.S text saying you got hit.” Alex begins, and Luke looks bashfully at the floor at the memory. “We thought you got run over or something but you only wanted to talk about a new song.”

Luke chuckles sheepishly as he shrugs. “In my defence I meant to say that ‘I got a hit’ song but I got a little too excited and typed it wrong.”

Alex shakes his head at the Patterson boy before letting out his own chuckle. He pushes away from the wall he was leaning against and makes his way into the adjoining kitchen. Luke is quick to follow after him, taking up residence on one of the stools by the kitchen island. “Besides the point, I came here to have a chat.”

“Coffee?” Alex asks and Luke nods. He doesn’t miss the skeptical way Alex still regards him as he says ‘chat’. Alex busies himself at the coffee machine making their drinks and Luke focuses on keeping his breathing calm and just how he was going to bring up the subject he wanted to talk about exactly.

“Coming over for coffee and a chat, what are we? Grown ups?” Luke breathes through a laugh absentmindedly. Alex moves over to the fridge and grabs milk all while nodding his head sadly to Luke in response to his question. Luke sighs. “Maybe don’t answer that. I don’t think I can deal with that existential crisis today.”

“Okay, then let’s switch subjects.” Alex speaks, placing their mugs on the marble island between them and Luke nods. “What did you want to have a chat about?”

“Oh, you know, anything and everything. Like…” Luke fiddles with the handle of his mug, refusing to meet Alex’s gaze from across the table. “How are you? What are you doing for Christmas? Or how weird it is that we just let animals live in our houses? Or that I’m thinking of finally telling Reggie I am completely in love with him and wanted to know your opinion on the matter. Or who do you really think was better, Oasis or Blur?”

Luke slowly lifts his gaze to find Alex watching him with slow, blinking eyes, taking in everything that had just flooded from Luke’s mouth. Steadily Alex nods his head in thought before speaking. “I’m good. I’m spending Christmas here with the guys. I’ve never really thought about it. I think it’s about damn time you told him and I’m going with Oasis.”

“Oasis, really?” Luke asked, furrowing his eyebrows and clicking his tongue against the side of his mouth. “Like the Gallagher brothers are rad but c’mon Damon Albarn’s-”

“Luke!” Alex barely shouts, raising his voice a few octaves above Luke’s in a bid to fetch his attention. Instantly, Luke pauses, shutting his mouth quickly as Alex watches him with a soft smile that let’s Luke know that Alex knew exactly what he was trying to do. “You did not come here to talk about Oasis versus Blur.”

“No, I didn’t.” Luke whispers, sighing and leaning back in his chair. He watches closely as Alex moves around the island to sit down next to him, sipping away at his drink with ease. Luke’s not sure if his actions calm him or unnerve him more. “I want to talk about Reg. I guess I’m just nervous about fucking everything up again.”

Alex nods in understanding, placing his mug down before him with a gentle clank. Luke wonders if he’s going to speak but Alex seems to choose quiet contemplation above all else. Luke hugs his own mug in his hands, fingers tapping against the ceramic anxiously. Luke exhales quietly yet in the silence between himself and Alex, it feels deafening.

“I know it’s nothing new, the way I feel about him but this...this is the first time since everything went down last year that I want to talk about it with him. I want to give us a try but I’m so scared.” Luke’s voice is shy, small but Alex watches him with gentle eyes and a small, affectionate smile on his lips as Luke talks. “I’m scared that maybe I’ll read the whole situation wrong, or that it ends badly and I ruin everything between not only me and Reg but all three of us. I don’t want to hurt anyone again, ‘Lex.”

Alex leans forward in his seat slightly, seeking out Luke’s eyes that he has cast down in the wake of his admission. Luke only meets his warm gaze when Alex speaks, his voice a tender whisper. “I know it was a mess before but you’re acting as if it’s already predetermined to happen again. It could be great.”

“I don’t think it will ever not be a mess though.” Luke reasons and Alex presses his lips into a firm line as he listens. “Because this thing, it’s not just between Reggie and I, it never has been. You’re a part of this too, Alex and I’ve already been selfish and an idiot before. I don’t want a repeat of that. I don’t want to do anything that would hurt you or that you wouldn’t be okay with.”

Luke finally peers at Alex’s eyes again and the blonde boy looks heavy with sadness. Because as much as they thought they’d grown over time, how’d they had come together and moved on from everything that had happened, it was still only a year ago since everything had blown up. And really, what was a year? So much had changed yet that didn’t mean everything wasn’t still as fresh as it had been all those months ago.

“Lu, I know we can’t just forget everything. We were in love and I do think that we were meant for each other at one point in our lives but-” Alex pauses, his lips twitch as if he wants to speak but he isn’t exactly sure how he wants to end that sentence.

“But times change and people change. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t real for us then.” Luke offers, eyebrow raised and Alex nods in agreement. Alex’s hand reaches out for his mug, his slender fingers outstretched and fingertips tracing along the edge of the mug.

“It was real. I don’t regret anything.” Alex whispers, his voice never leaving the countertop. Luke finds his own gaze trailing behind Alex’s fidgeting hand. “Do you regret anything?”

Luke pauses for a moment, his body frozen for a quick moment but he knows this question. He’s asked himself a few times too over the years. He also knows the answer. “I don’t regret falling. Or what I felt for you and for Reggie but I do regret the way I did things. I was young and stupid.”

Alex laughs gently and so does Luke. “Maybe I still am.”

“When you first showed up here, you told me to give you a little credit. Maybe you should be telling yourself that.” Alex’s lips curve into a smile around his words and Luke mirrors it with a light chuckle that shakes his shoulders gently. He nods, thinking there may be some truth to Alex’s words.

“What’s in the past is gone now, there’s no need to dwell on it, Luke.” Luke looks away from his friend for a brief moment. He wishes it was that simple. Usually Luke was one to look to the future, to never think about anything but what’s ahead of him. He feared the fact that a future with Reggie would always be shrouded by the past in his mind.

“Like you said, people and times change. I met Willie, I got you and Reggie back as my friends, I’m happy. I’m really happy. And I want that for you too Luke. And for Reggie.” Alex chuckles for a moment, his smile never leaving his face and Luke finds it almost infectious despite his reservations. “And you two dorks make each other happy. I’m never going to stand in the way of that, man.”

“You really wouldn’t be mad if we tried to make it work?” Luke asks, his voice light and cautious but Alex just grins at him and outstretches a hand to tousle Luke’s already unkempt waves.

“I’d only be mad if you didn’t try.” The honesty in Alex’s voice seeped into Luke’s chest and set it alight with a warmth that lit a smile on his face and tingled his skin. Leaning over his chair, Luke pulled Alex into a tight hug, gripping his shoulders and burying his face into the crook of his neck. Alex reciprocated without a second thought, wrapping Luke up in his embrace.

“Thank you, ‘Lex. I love you man.” Luke mumbled into the fabric of Alex’s white t-shirt. The blonde mumbled back a similar sentiment as his hand rubbed a tender circle into Luke’s back before the pair broke away. Luke sniffled and coughed, clearing his throat and trying to find composure as Alex watched him with a chuckle falling from his lips.

“Since that’s sorted, I think I need to ask the important question here.” Alex stated, his tone and demeanor changing into something much more serious than they had been moments ago and the warmth in Luke’s chest was slowly turning icy with worry.

“What is it, ‘Lex?” He asked cautiously, barely getting the words out. Alex shook his head and sighed before meeting Luke’s nervous hazel eyes.

“Seriously, Luke? You pick Blur over Oasis? Have I taught you nothing?”

🎸

Luke didn’t like playing dress up. He was a creature of habit, stuck in his ways. But he knew what he liked and what he was comfortable in so why change something when there was nothing wrong to begin with. Caleb on the other hand, was a connoisseur of many things, fashion being one. That fact was what led Luke, on the evening of Alex’s and Reggie’s get together, to becoming Caleb’s own personal Ken doll. Luke had tried to slip out earlier, in his usual attire of jeans and a cut off but Caleb had been quick to block his exit and pull Luke back to his room. He had emerged nearly an hour later after much haggling and debating wearing his usual jeans this time dressed up with a white buttoned shirt and styled hair; the product of his and Caleb’s compromise.

When Luke had caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, his original hesitancy of allowing Caleb to be involved seemed to be entirely justified. As Luke whined. “I look like Patrick Swayze.”

“And Patrick Swayze was a very handsome man. You’re point being?” Caleb hadn’t taken Luke’s concerns seriously, pushing him off towards the front door, leaving no room for Luke to debate how he didn’t like not feeling like himself. His arguments, however, fell apart only half an hour later as his eyes met Reggie’s from where they stood feet apart on a quiet city sidewalk. Luke hadn’t seen Reggie in what felt like weeks (he was pretty sure it had really only been three days). But his eyes raked over him as if he was seeing him for the first time and in a way maybe he was. This was Luke’s first time seeing Reggie with his new mindset, his new agenda, his first time of not only looking at Reggie as his friend who he was in love with but as the boy he loved who just happened to also be his friend. He was no longer an idle admirer but taking action and actively showing Reggie his affections. Reggie stood silent, his eyes focused on Luke’s attire and he couldn’t help but laugh.

“It was Caleb. I told him it was ‘fancy casual’ and he had a field day.” Luke giggles, shifting on the spot slightly. He feels like he wants to sink away bashfully and hold Reggie’s gaze on himself forever simultaneously. Reggie must realise he’s staring cause he quickly snaps and laughs along but his cheeks are painted crimson matching his warm red shirt and as Luke gazes at him adoringly, he finally understands why red is the colour associated with love.

“Caleb knows what he’s doing.” Reggie jokes but his voice is breathless and Luke wants to bottle it up and get intoxicated on it. He chuckles at his jest and lets his sheepish hazel eyes fall to the ground. Luke has only just opened himself up to the possibility of them and he’s already sinking in deep. Reggie is like quicksand, and Luke fell fast and now he’s stuck on him, he never wants to leave. Luke takes a few small steps closer to the other boy, only raising his gaze once Reggie’s feet are only inches away from his own. Reggie’s wide green eyes are already drinking him in as their gazes meet and the Peters boy stutters out. “You look handsome.”

At Reggie’s words, Luke’s smile grows into an unbashful grin. His initial shyness being lost because maybe Luke wasn’t the only one thinking about the possibility of them. Reggie’s eyes widen two sizes bigger and Luke thinks of the boys only after realising what he’s said. He doesn’t want him to be embarrassed, he wants Reggie to know that his words and touches light blazing fires throughout his body and Luke is convinced he had never known real warmth before he had met Reggie.

“Yeah? Well you look beautiful.” Luke says, breathy and quiet, an admission only for Reggie. He takes a step closer, only inches away. He wants Reggie to feel how his body burns and shivers and tingles to life when he’s near. Reggie meets his eyes again and Luke thinks he could melt into them. His face inches away from the Peters boy, he breathes. “But that’s usually an everyday kind of thing. Nothing new.”

Without a second glance, he breezes by the boy frozen on the spot and Luke grins as he flashes his gaze back to him. He can’t help loving the effect he has on him. Luke pulls open the door, waiting patiently for Reggie to collect himself. With a deep exhale, Reggie snaps out of his daze and follows Luke to the door, actively avoiding Luke’s piercing gaze as he slinks through the door and into the restaurant, leaving Luke to follow him with a laugh on his lips. For the next hour or more that followed, Luke resolved to being an absolute saint. Hands to himself and any thought that popped into his head that he was convinced would leave a scorching blush on Reggie’s cheeks was stored away in a box for later. Instead he ate his meal and engaged in music talk with Julie and jokes with Willie and Alex. He felt himself elevate everything he could feel Reggie’s adoring gaze on him from where he sat on Luke’s right. Luke had to hold himself down, refusing to let himself reach out and delve into that touch he was so craving. His leg brushed against Reggie’s gently beneath the table and Luke found himself fixated on the phantom feeling, so much so he had faded out Julie and Flynn’s anecdotes. That was, however, until the topic had turned to Reggie.

“-Remember bus boy?!” Flynn cheered excitedly at the memory and Luke immediately tuned back into the conversation, the lingering feeling of Reggie’s body beside his long forgotten. Luke flicked his eyes to Reggie beside him as the girls gushed but Reggie had snapped his head to Flynn and Julie on the opposite side of him, body rigid. Flynn continued again, now with everyone’s attention on her. “And we never found him even though we said we’d help you.”

“That’s fine. It’s not important anymore. We can all just forget about it.” Reggie laughed, brushing off the conversation as if it held casual unimportance yet Luke felt the uneasiness pulsating off his body as he spoke. Luke remained quiet, trying to not get ahead of himself yet he too had a particular ‘bus boy’ in his life and resolved to think he didn’t have to deliberate for too long to guess who Reggie’s might be.

“Who’s Bus Boy?” Willie asks from his chair across the table from Luke. His eyes bounce between Reggie and the two girls, looking for the first person who will divulge more information and fill him in. Luke tried to keep his grin subdued as Reggie breathed hard from beside him. Instead he only leaned further onto the table, so he could catch a glimpse of Julie and Flynn on the other side of Reggie as they began retelling the story. He didn’t miss how Reggie started to shrink in on himself, avoiding Luke’s gaze.

“Ooh. bus boy was this random guy busking at a bus stop that Reggie saw and in his words ‘shared a moment with’.” Flynn explained, dreamily. From beside him, Reggie falls back in his chair, all hope for this story not being told gone for good. His eyes fall to his fidgeting fingers in his lap and Luke has to sit on his own to keep himself from reaching out as Julie continues the tale for Flynn.

“It was love at first sight and Reggie became immediately obsessed with the idea of finding him. And we had promised to help him find the bus boy. We literally tried to find this guy for a year or more and then Reggie stopped talking about him and we kinda just forgot.” Julie laughs, taking a gulp of her drink as she finished but Luke’s attention has been entirely taken by the timid boy sitting beside him.

“I didn’t know you were that much of a romantic, Reg. What made you give up searching?” Willie asks again from across the table, his voice light and sensitive. Reggie let his gaze rise to meet Willie’s across the table and Luke peers at Reggie unable to look away. It wasn’t news to Luke that Reggie remembered, ever since their first kiss that information had been made apparent. This was different, this wasn’t just admittance of remembrance, no, this was confirmation that Reggie had been searching for him. That those nights when his mind trailed back to the bus boy wondering if he remembered Luke and thought about him too, that Reggie too had been thinking of him. Looking for him. His heart beat faster and mouth was dry as he breathed in deeply at the new revelations.

“I guess the romantic in me got a wake up call, made me realise how crazy I was. Can’t hold onto an idea forever, right?” Reggie speaks, in a quiet sigh and Luke’s breath catches in his throat. He wants to interject, to speak up and tell Reggie that no, they weren’t an idea, they were a possibility, to just say the words and they could become something real, something beautiful but with everyone there he knows Reggie probably wouldn’t want that. So Luke resolves to remain quiet in his thoughts. His eyes never leave Reggie and as their desserts get placed on their table, he can see Reggie is finding it harder to avoid his gaze.

“They weren’t talking about you.” Reggie whispers, his eyes remaining on the table and Luke lets a small smile stretch at his lips. Luke leans back in his chair, slightly more at ease that Reggie had regarded him despite still refusing to make eye contact.

“Oh so you just become infatuated with random boys at bus stops and spend months trying to find them often, do you?” Luke teased, his smile shifting into a smirk as Reggie finally raised his gaze gingerly. When Luke met his shining green eyes it felt like coming home. Happy to have the comforting familiarity of them back on him. Reggie’s lips twitched into a small, timid smile and for a moment Luke let his mind wander and think of scenarios where he was free to lean down and meet them with his own.

“Oh yeah, it’s actually a hobby of mine.” Reggie jokes back and Luke’s grin grows at the comment. Chuckling heartedly at the jest, Luke returns his gaze to their meal. Luke and Reggie fell into a comfortable pattern of ease for the rest of the night, through Ray’s speech, to the conversations they joined in together to the ones they took part in separately. Luke found that his eyes always searched out Reggie through it all.Throughout the night he had found himself looking across the restaurant to where couples had begun dancing following their meals and his mind always went back to his list. Now he thought, was his chance. As he finished his conversation with Ray, Luke gazed around the room trying to seek out Reggie but his search came up blank. He couldn’t seem to find Alex either upon a second search. However he did find Willie sitting at the bar across the room and Luke decided that was his best bet. Picking himself up from his seat, he shifted through the restaurant, passing tables and diners as he maneuvered his way to the bar and to Willie.

“Hey man!” Willie beamed as he reached him. The boy seemed to be at ease that Reggie and Alex were nowhere to be found so Luke nodded towards him in greeting, taking a breath. Willie gestured towards the bar, swiveling around in his stool to face Luke. “You want a drink?”

“Oh, I’m good, thanks.” Luke answered, tearing his gaze away from where he was bouncing it around the restaurant and returning it to the curious Willie who was observing him closely. Before the boy can ask Luke what he’s looking for, Luke is questioning. “Have you seen Reggie around?”

Willie gazes at him with a knowing smile. One that makes Luke raise an eyebrow in question but Willie just shakes his head with a laugh. “It’s nothing. Just, you guys are really good for each other.”

When Luke still looks perplexed by his comment, Willie continues. “Alex told me about the chat you guys had yesterday. Don’t worry he didn’t tell, Reg.”

With more knowledge, Luke nods in understanding. He can’t help the large smile that captures his lips at Willie’s words. “Thanks, dude. I think we are too.”

“So why are you looking for him, going to make a love declaration?” Willie jokes, sipping away at his drink and Luke chuckles to himself shortly. Because maybe Willie wasn’t entirely off with his comment. Luke nods his head, his wide grin lingering.

“I guess you could say that.” Luke bites his lip to contain his grin and Willie observes him closely, mirroring his wide smile. Luke knew from hours of Alex gushing at band practice that Willie was an out and out romantic. Luke was glad, it’s what Alex deserved. Luke met the boy's gaze as he explained. “I’m going to ask him for a dance.”

Willie nodded. If he was confused by Luke’s words he didn’t dare show it. He just grinned at him, stating. “Reggie and Alex are in the restrooms. Why don’t you go see if they’re good? I think I could go for a dance too.”

“Will do.” Luke nodded at the instruction before taking a few steps to pass by Willie but not before freezing on the spot. He places a gentle hand on Willie’s shoulder briefly, making the boy look at him again. “For the record, I think you and Alex are really good for each other too.”

Willie nods slowly, a soft smile taking over the left side of his mouth and Luke can’t help but mirror it. “Thanks, dude. I think we are too.”

Luke laughs at Willie mirroring his earlier words back to him before continuing on, leaving a lingering pat to Willie’s back as he does. Sliding through the tables, Luke makes his way to the farthest hallway, finding the restrooms hidden in the dim, yellow light. Gently pushing the door open, Luke is greeted with an empty restroom floor, the only sound the whispered bickering coming from one of the cubicles and Luke silently chuckles to himself, knowing exactly who is occupying the space.

“Alex? Reggie?” Luke calls out and immediately the bickering dissolves into silence. Within seconds the cubicle door creaks open and a sheepish Reggie and Alex come trailing out. Despite being confused, Luke’s smile remains as he watches the two most important dorks in his life exchange embarrassed glances before him. “What were you guys doing?”

The pair don’t seem to have a definite answer to Luke’s question, at least one neither of them want to divulge to Luke. Luke forces down the momentary sadness he feels at the two having something they don’t want to tell him. Once it’s pushed aside, Reggie is talking, his words coming out slowly as if he’s coming up with them as he speaks. “Alex was just showing me-”

“Don’t even dare finish that sentence. Whatever you’re thinking, just don’t.” Alex stops him, a warning tone evident in his voice. Luke’s hazel eyes flick between his two friends, amusement and adoration spilling from the seams of his bright smile. Alex faces away from the bashful Reggie and Luke meets his gaze as he explains. “We just needed to talk about something in private. And to Reg, privacy is a restroom stall.”

Luke lets his shoulders shake with a silent chuckle as he holds up his hand in surrender. He trusted his friends and if there was something they wanted to talk about without him than who was he to object. His mind flicks to his own private conversation with Alex yesterday and his heart picks up pace as he lets himself wonder if Reggie and Alex’s conversation could have possibly been something similar. “Don’t worry guys, I just wanted to come see where you guys went off too.”

“Well, you found us.” Reggie giggled awkwardly, “Let’s just join the others.”

Luke and Alex nod in agreement following silently behind Reggie as he led them out into the restaurant again and into the lively nightlife. Couples still dance close and Luke finds his heart beginning to thrum against his chest with the oncoming anticipation of what he’s about to do. As they reach their table again, Willie is quick to hop to his feet and land himself right before Alex.

“You’re back. Good talk?” Willie beams, eyes watching Reggie and Alex and Luke rolls his eyes. Apparently everyone was in on their conversation but him. Willie asks Alex to dance and within seconds the couple are flooding to the dancefloor and Luke watches them wistfully. He takes a breath, centering himself before turning back to Reggie who has settled on one of the table's chairs. Within a second, Julie is there between the pair and their attention is lifted.

“Hey, guys, I’m getting myself and Flynn another drink. Do you guys want anything?” Her grin is wide and infectious and her hair is a tangled mess, free and flowing and sticking to the drops of sweat on her forehead. Reggie answers her first, a polite no before Julie looks to Luke.

“No thanks, Julie. I don't drink anymore.” After he speaks, Luke pauses for a moment realising what he had admitted. He had decided after the events of his dark few days in Bobby’s garage that he wouldn’t touch the stuff again, or at least until he was trusting of himself. For the moment, he decided it did him more harm than good. Once Julie has left them again, Reggie meets Luke's eyes and he pushes aside his momentary nervousness, needing only a few seconds of courage.

“Dance with me?” Luke asks, beams, a bright smile on his lips as he outstretches his hand and keeps his tender gaze on Reggie. Reggie’s emerald eyes glance to his hand and back but when he remains quiet, Luke pouts exaggeratedly. “Please?”

“I thought you said you don’t dance?” Reggie asks, his smile growing and his eyes trailing up and down Luke’s body suspiciously and Luke can’t help but laugh. His timid smile grew and in its place bloomed a twinkling grin.

“Actually I said I don’t dance, only when it counts.” Luke tells him, hand still outstretched and biting his lip in an attempt to keep his smile from exploding. ‘I’ve been waiting for you’. He tells the part of his brain that houses the real reason, to keep it under lock and key. Reggie grins up at him and Luke sees the sun and the stars in his eyes. When Reggie hasn’t made moves yet, Luke wiggles the fingers of his outstretched hand at Reggie, begging for his touch.

“Such a charmer, Patterson.” Reggie chuckles as he finally gives into Luke. He reaches out and finally completes that connection and Luke feels electric sparks travel from his fingertips through his body and jumpstart his heart. Luke shoots him a playful grin and a wink as he leads Reggie to the dance floor. With his back to the Peters boy for a brief moment, Luke uses the moment to catch his breath again.

“What are they doing?” Luke questions as he turns back to face Reggie on the dance floor. He gazes to where Alex and Willie had opted to create their own slow motion version of the macarena and Reggie giggles from beside Luke. The noise automatically has Luke’s attention back on his own dance partner.

“That’s just something they do.” Reggie explains vaguely and Luke just nods in understanding, deciding to not press the subject. It’s not what Luke came to do here. As the song transitions into another, Luke takes a step closer, bridging the gap between the two boys. As Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Songbird’ filled the air around them, Reggie dipped his head and Luke found himself wrapping a strong arm around Reggie’s waist. He thought he heard a small gasp for the briefest moment but as Reggie wrapped his arms around Luke’s neck and gazed up at Luke, he showed no signs of it.

“So you stopped drinking?” Reggie asked after a quiet moment between them. Reggie’s voice was small and gentle but the soft tone traveled between them and caressed Luke’s skin. He kept his hazel eyes locked with Reggie’s and nodded his head slowly.

“Yeah, I haven’t in awhile. I stopped after-” Luke stops and swallows taking his words with him. Reggie keeps his stare and Luke feels at peace under their light. “I stopped after that night. I was really low then and I never wanted to feel like that again. I never wanted to treat you like that again.”

Reggie gave him a gentle smile that put him at ease, before he pulled Luke closer and stole the breath right from his lungs. Reggie’s forehead leaned against Luke’s shoulder as the boy breathed. “It’s okay, Luke.”

Luke pulled Reggie closer, soaking in the warmth of their tender embrace. Luke rested his head against Reggie’s, inches away from dancing cheek to cheek and he swallowed again. Because this was it, he wanted Reggie to know that Luke was his. Luke wanted Reggie to have him body and soul because Reggie had been the one he always wanted even if he hadn’t known it yet. With a small, delicate laugh that danced in the limited air between them, Luke whispered. “This is a funny little relationship you and I have.”

As the words left his mouth, Reggie pulled him closer. Feeling the heat building between them, Luke wanted to burrow himself further into Reggie’s arms. He wasn’t sure it was even possible but he wanted to be closer than he had with anyone in his life. It both excited and scared him that with the simplest words and smallest touches, Reggie could elicit these reactions from him. Reggie set him aflame and Luke couldn’t find it in himself to care. He wanted to burn brightly for him and only him. Reggie’s voice snuck into his ears and he found himself leaning into the boy further as he said. “I like what we have. I like it here. I don’t want to leave.”

Reggie’s voice rustled against the soft fabric of Luke’s shirt and the hot breeze of breath brushed gently against his chest and Luke fell into a quivering mess. The shiver ran across his chest, Reggie’s words prancing across his heart like they owned it because of course they did, it had always been his. Luke tightened his loving embrace on the other boy, splaying his hand against Reggie’s lower back and pulling him closer into Luke’s arms. With Reggie’s body moulding against his like he was made for it, Luke pressed his face against the burning skin of Reggie’s neck as they swayed.

His hot breath danced against the porcelain skin and Luke wanted to bury himself here forever. He wanted to fade into Reggie because he felt as if Reggie was destined to always be a part of Luke and Luke him, if he wanted him. As the song filled the air between them, Luke registered the lyrics and how they conveyed everything he’d wish to say to Reggie so Luke sang along, his words trickling against Reggie’s skin, already dewy with the evidence of Luke’s hot breath. “Cause I feel that when I’m with you, it’s alright. I know it’s right.”

Reggie swallowed hard beneath Luke’s brushing lips and Luke had to restrain himself from grinning with the feeling. Their bodies flushed against one another, as if they were the only lifelines carrying each other. Luke never wanted to lose this moment, this feeling. Underneath the most hidden crevices of his heart, Luke opened a treasure trove and stored it there, hoping he could keep it forever. As he sang along, Luke lowered his tone, his words coming out slower, each one a gift for Reggie and Reggie alone. “And the songbirds are singing like they know the score. And I love you, I love you, I love you like never before.”

Reggie let out a low gasp and his hands grasped tightly at Luke as if wishing to never let him go and Luke found himself hoping he never would. Reggie’s slender fingers slid into the long tendrils of Luke’s hair and Luke’s eyes snapped shut at the feeling. Nuzzling against Reggie’s neck, that’s where Luke remained for what felt like hours on end. Luke had offered himself to Reggie body and soul, now he had to only wait for the confirmation. Hopefully Reggie wanted him in the way Luke craved him because Luke was sure he would always burn bright with the embers of Reggie that had become embedded in his entire being.

🎸

Luke had done hard things in his life. But after that night he was on his way to believing that staying away from Reggie Peters topped that list. Luke had been quickly thrust into working Christmas shifts at the Orpheum that hosted Christmas parties for Hollywood music execs around the holidays and with the promise from Caleb of the amount of money Luke would be making, he was quick to jump on board. During these parties, Luke was nothing to these people and for once he didn’t mind. He served drinks, kept quiet and became a fly on the wall, lingering around and hearing insider talk and tells and Luke couldn’t even lie he loved it. He loved the tips even more. Luke had made an expensive trip to their local music stop that Christmas Eve, with wads of tips in his pocket and a specific bass guitar on his mind. So when Caleb had freed him from his shift well into Christmas morning, with presents burning a hole in his backpack Luke only had one place in mind that he wanted to be. He shot off a quick text to Reggie before making his way through the empty streets. When he had come across the familiar building, Luke didn’t have to think twice before climbing the fire escape. He had counted the windows to Reggie’s fire escape before exactly for this occasion and it was just his luck that led to his bedroom and living room windows.

Once Luke huffed out a breath as he made it to the fourth storey fire escape, he let himself fall into a sitting position for a brief second to catch his breath. Noticing the lack of light inside, Luke assumed Reggie was still asleep. Rolling his eyes, Luke pulled himself into a crouch before he began rapping against the window. He kept persistent until he heard rustling on the other side of the glass. He pulled his hand back waiting patiently for Reggie, when Reggie pulled the curtains back in a quick motion, Luke’s eyes fell on him and he couldn’t help but break out into a grin. He tried his best to keep himself from laughing as he watched Reggie lower his weapon, his bass stand? Luke raised an eyebrow and his grew yet Reggie didn’t look impressed. But once he registered Luke as his A.M visitor, he dropped the stand, moving to open the window for him. “Luke, what the hell man? I thought you were a criminal or something?”

Luke let out a breath that held hints of a laugh. The breath fogged up the cool air around him. Luke shook his body, hugging himself from the cold as he threw his head back in a lively laugh at the Peters boy standing before him. “A criminal? Reg, seriously?”

“Yes! I thought you were a criminal from, you know, the statistics.” Reggie explained but even in the dark, Luke could tell the boys cheeks were being set aflame with a crimson blush and Luke found it adorable. Reggie shrugged sheepishly before he shook his head and tried to defend himself. “Luke, it’s nearly two in the morning. I think I’m allowed to be cautious at who’s tapping on my window.”

Luke held his hands up in surrender as he watched Reggie closely. He tried to remain seriously but his laughter was slipping through his chapped lips and threatening to ruin his facade. “Hey, I texted you, telling you I was coming.”

“Yeah, well I was sleeping.” Reggie argues quickly, his voice a whisper shout. He glances to his bedroom door and Luke knows he’s cautious of Alex and Willie sleeping. When Reggie returns his gaze, Luke only grins and rolls his eyes at the boy.

“Come on Reginald, where’s your sense of whimsical adventure?” Luke teases, biting his lip as he does. He doesn’t miss the quick flick of Reggie’s eyes to his lips and back. He stands up slightly and begins leaning in the window to step inside and Reggie takes a step back to give him room.

“It goes to bed at eleven o’clock, like me.” Reggie bites back and Luke loves his humour. Luke slips up as his laughter falls from his mouth and he tumbles into Reggie’s room. When he finally finds his footing and straightens up, he’s standing before Reggie, mere inches between them. Luke beams.

“Hey, Reg.” Luke whispers in the small distance between them and Reggie watches him expectantly. Luke’s voice has dropped octaves, a gentle secret between the two. “It’s Christmas.”

Reggie rolls his eyes but Luke gazes at him with a fond smile on his lips and twinkling hazel eyes lingering on him. Reggie presses his lips into a smile as if trying to fight off a grin before he asks. “Is that what you came over to tell me, Luke?”

“Oh no, actually I wanted to give you your present before Christmas.” He explains and Reggie nods before moving around him to close the window behind the pair. Luke moves closer to the bed as he does so. “Some hot shot producers booked out the place for a Christmas party and I had to stick around a bit longer to help Caleb. Sorry, I’m so late. It was hell.”

Reggie moves past him and sits on the corner of his tousled bed and Luke keeps his eyes fixated on him as the boy leans over and switches on the bedside lamp, basking them in a golden glow and Reggie reminds him of the sun. Shrugging his backpack off his shoulders, he doesn’t miss the way Reggie raises a skeptical eyebrow and Luke grins, he loves that Reggie knows him well enough to call his bluff. “Don’t lie, you loved it.”

Luke’s bag falls to the floor and he grins from the side of his mouth before he settles on the bed inches away from Reggie. “Yeah, you’re right. It was awesome. But really, I’m sorry for coming so late.”

Reggie nods and keeps his eyes fixated on his hands that were fiddling with bed sheets. Luke follows his gaze and watches his fidgeting, wondering if he could reach out and hold his hand instead. He stays in place and meets Reggie’s gaze when he looks up again with a small smile. “It’s okay, I’m happy you’re here.”

Luke smiles brightly at Reggie, his eyes sparkling. Reggie leaves the bed, moving over to his closet where he begins rummaging and Luke’s eyes follow him across the room in interest. After a moment, Reggie pulls out his small gifts turning back to Luke with a grin on his face. “You said something about presents.”

Luke beams, grasping his bag again before he unzips it, pulling out his own gifts. Once he places the bag back down on the ground, Reggie is sitting across from him again and Luke raises his leg to sit cross legged, mimicking Reggie’s stance. Reggie hands over his gifts to Luke and Luke takes them in exchange for his own with a smile. Reggie sits back and instructs. “You first.”

Luke picks up the smallest present sitting atop the pile before he begins ripping the paper open like a child on Christmas, his excitement emanating from him in waves. In his hands is a small leather box, akin to a jewelry box and he raises an questioning eyebrow at the other boy. “You proposing to me, Reg?”

“No, but it is a gift we can share.” Reggie explains watching him carefully and Luke looks away in confusion, his focus back on the small box. Slowly Luke lifts the box with a soft touch and finds a guitar back attached to a silver chain glinting back at him. The engraved ‘L.P’ on the surface of the pic doesn’t escape his notice. He pulls the necklace out of the box with gentle ease, letting his thumb caress it in awe. In his silence, Luke begins speaking again.

“I saw these cool guitar picks at the shop so I decided to get them engraved and made them into necklaces so we could all have one.” Reggie leans over to his desk, pulling out a similar necklace, a blood red pic with the letters ‘R.P’ staring back at them. Luke stares in shock, unable to process the tender intimacy of the gifts. “Alex’s is pink with his initials too. I’m giving it to him tomorrow. Thought we could wear them to the show on New Year’s Eve, like good luck charms.”

Luke watches Reggie closely with an awestruck smile, meeting the boy's gaze again and wondering if it was possible to fall even more in love than he already was. Luke thinks you never really stop falling in love, cause everyday you can learn something new and then you’re tumbling head over heels all over again. With his gaze on Reggie he pulls the necklace over his head and watches as the raven haired boy does the same. “This is a great idea, Reg. I love them, Alex will too.”

Reggie is quick to tell him to continue opening his presents and within seconds Luke is peeling away at the wrapping paper. There’s a stifling silence between them as he does, with Reggie watching his each movement closely. Finally, Luke slips the black leather journal from the paper, trailing his fingertips along its smooth edges. His hazel eyes appreciatively rake over the cover with a ghost smile on his lips, wonderstruck at Reggie’s ability to make Luke become an emotional mess with his intimate gift giving. Luke pulls the book to his chest, hugging it dearly to him as his adoring eyes found Reggie’s shining ones.

“Can’t have too many song books, right?” Reggie jests, and Luke nods although he thinks Reggie is selling himself short. Moving the book away from chest again, Luke lets his fingers thumb through the soft pages until he falls upon the first page behind the front cover, reading Reggie’s familiar scrawl.

‘Write about us.’

Luke lets a soft giggle fall from his lips as he reads over the words, keeping his eyes lingering on them for a quiet while. ‘I only write about us’, his mind tells him but he keeps the words to himself. Slowly, he closes the book, placing a gentle hand against the cover as he meets Reggie’s gaze again. Unable to control his need to give affection to the beautiful boy before him, Luke leans over wrapping an arm around Reggie’s shoulders, murmuring into his shoulder. “Of course, I’ll write about us.”

Pulling away reluctantly, Luke meets Reggie’s loving gaze and his heart is about to hop out of his chest and run away on him. Holding the book close to his chest, he sits back and nods to Reggie. “Your turn, now.”

Reggie moves slower than Luke had, eyeing his gifts steadily as he reaches out gingerly grasping the small manila envelope sitting on the top of the gift. Luke follows his movement closely with nervous anticipation as Reggie pulls the dainty paper from the envelope his eyes flicking from each word printed there. Luke can see the moment the realisation snaps through Reggie, widening his eyes and Luke grins sheepish. “So you remember that Fender you’ve been eyeing up for months…”

“No, say you didn’t.” Reggie is quick to gasp and Luke bites his lip to contain himself because he couldn’t give Reggie what he requested. With Reggie’s green eyes like saucers staring at him stunned, Luke grows his nervous smile. “Luke that guitar was expensive.”

“Reggie, I wanted to. I saved a lot of my tips from The Orpheum. With the tips I made tonight I already made back more than half the cost. Please Reg, I wanted to do this for you. And now it’s bought and waiting in the store for you to pick it up and give it a good loving home, so there’s not much you can do now.” Luke explains, shrugging as if it’s no big deal because it isn’t not for him. Reggie has been wanting this guitar for months, maybe even longer, always sacrificing it for something else and Luke had finally thought it should be his, he deserved it. Reggie barks out an incredulous laugh and grasps the receipt tighter in his hand.

“You’re insane.” Reggie breathes, still unbelieving as his eyes flick from the receipt and back to Luke. Despite his hesitancy, his smile grows regardless. “But thank you so much. I can’t believe you did that. I can’t take-”

Shaking his head, Luke thinks he’s heard enough. Reggie deserves the world, no, the whole universe and Luke knew he couldn’t guarantee that but he would spend the rest of his days giving Reggie everything within his mundane abilities to show the boy just how much he meant to him. Snaking a stern hand around the back of Reggie’s neck, the touch has the Peters boy’s attention on him in seconds and Luke beams, leaning forward, their warm foreheads gently brushing one anothers. “Reg, I would literally do anything for you. This is yours so stop overthinking and accept the gift.”

“Thank you.” Reggie whispers in a breathless voice, his eyes closing for a quick moment of collection. Luke stays put, his eyes watching the boy mere inches away with his long lashes casting sharp shadows on his cheeks and the warm air filtering through Reggie’s nostrils scatters across Luke’s own skin. He thinks just how easy it would be to lean in those last few inches of distance, to let his lips dance with Reggie’s again like the way Luke had been dreaming of for months on end. He holds himself back, soon letting go and moving away with his own strangled breath.

“Now the next one. I promise this one is less extravagant.” Luke speaks again, finally catching Reggie’s attention again and making the boy pull his eyes open. Luke watches as Reggie grasps at the gift beginning to pull at its paper and Luke finds his chest twisting in ways that make him breathe heavier. For something he’s claiming is less extravagant, it was more personal, more intimate, more of a love declaration than a bass guitar ever could be because Luke was handing over another part of himself to Reggie with a nervous smile and ‘this belongs to you’ on his tongue.

By the time Luke has pushed aside his momentary apprehension, Reggie is gazing down at the unwrapped CD with wide eyes. Luke gulps, finger twiddling with the laces of his shoes when Reggie looks up to meet his eyes again, searching deep within him and Luke wonders if he can see every small part of the universe that has gathered and melded together to create Luke Patterson. “You made me a mixtape?”

“Julie helped and painted it for me.” Luke nods as Reggie continues to gaze at him shocked. Luke smiled bashfully wanting to shy away his gaze but he forces it to remain. “If you’re not a CD guy, I...I made a playlist too that I’ll send you the link to.”

Luke curses himself for how he stutters and stumbles over his words like the nervous wreck he’s trying so hard to pretend he’s not. Reggie keeps the gift tightly clutched in his slender fingers, asking. “Can I play it now?”

Luke pauses for a moment not expecting the request, he nods slowly in response and Reggie is quick to hop off the bed towards his desk. Luke mentally curses himself for thinking the best way to express feelings for the raven haired boy was effectively making him a love mixtape because Luke hadn’t thought for a moment that he would be around when Reggie first listened to it. Luke busied himself clearing up the mess of wrapping paper on the bed, throwing it into the bin before he was toeing off his shoes, pushing off his beanie and flannel before falling to lie down on Reggie’s comfortable mattress. Once the CD begins spinning to life, Reggie is making his way back to him with a smirk on his lips.

“Please make yourself comfortable.” Reggie jests and Luke raises his head to grin at Reggie, hoping to force away any signs of his anxiousness. Reggie mirrors his movements, lying down beside him as the first chords of ‘Vienna’ filter through the air of the room and Luke bites his lips to keep his trembling breaths quiet. He turns to move his head to gaze subtly at Reggie and catches a glimpse of his eyes closed peaceful and a content closed lipped grin at home on his face.

The expression makes Luke feel less apprehensive about his whole mixtape idea yet in the silence between them he is still tense so he begins rambling. “I think we should probably get back to practicing on Monday before the gig. You know Alex is a bit late on the second vers-”

“Luke.” Reggie cuts him off quickly with a gentle voice and Luke freezes, looking to Reggie again and finding the boy had opened his eyes and turned towards him. With his attention garnered, Luke twists onto his side, mimicking Reggie’s movements. “You need to learn to unwind and take it easy, okay? You’re always thinking about the future and what comes next and that’s not a bad thing but sometimes you just need to be present.”

Luke breathes, and blinks slowly because maybe Reggie was right. Okay, he was right. Luke had always known he had been prone to thinking this way. He isn’t sure how it sat with him that it was something else other people noticed about him too, something that maybe they didn’t like. Reggie smiles gently at Luke as if reading his worrisome mind and Luke is put at ease again. “Because life is now.”

“Am I always like that?” Luke asks, voice quiet. He digs his hand underneath his head, underneath the pillow and hopes the pressure will keep it from fidgeting. “Always talking about the future? About something more?”

Reggie stays silent for a few moments beside him and Luke’s mind begins to reel again but before he can get to trapped in his own head, Reggie speaks. “It’s not a bad thing but if you’re so focused on the destination you miss the ride. I used to think my dad told me that when I was a kid but I’m not sure anymore. My memories of him are hazy. I’m not sure if they’re real or if I just made it up.”

Reggie’s left hand fiddles with the bedsheets between them and Luke can’t help do anything but stare at the movement with the deep craving to reach out and satisfy his need to build a touch, a connection between them. This time he doesn’t hold himself back as he slowly reaches out, cautiously as if giving Reggie the time to back away. He doesn’t. Luke asks, absentmindedly as he does so. “Do you ever think about how much of us is made up of other people?”

Reggie is quiet for a brief few seconds and without meeting his gaze, Luke knows that Reggie is mulling over his question. Luke intertwines their fingers, their hands laying together idly against the bedsheets and he feels at peace even with the small touch. It settles him, grounds him and silently tells him everything will be okay. He sighs quietly in contentment as Reggie begins, his voice wistful and nostalgic. “I play bass cause some kid at camp when I was eight let me play his. I make pasta a certain way cause it’s how Ray taught me. I can’t listen to Billy Joel without thinking of my mother. I was only brave enough to admit I was bisexual because I had Alex. I tie my shoes the way my dad taught me. I tried to write songs cause Julie inspired me. I can’t listen to Last Christmas without thinking of you. I..I am a mosaic of all the people who have ever touched my life.”

Luke’s gaze moves from their hands to Reggie’s face as he speaks and he watches him, wondrous, wondering how someone so beautiful can exist on this earth. Reggie sniffles, willing himself to not get too emotional as he finishes speaking and Luke feels incredibly honoured that Reggie can be so raw and vulnerable with him like this and that he gives Luke the room to also be. Biting his lip he watches his raven boy with adoring eyes, like he’ll never see anything like him ever again. Luke’s starting to believe Reggie Peters just may be the eight wonder of the world. Because if Luke could only pick one topic to learn everything about for the rest of his life, it would be Reggie without a shadow of a doubt.

Taking a cue from Reggie, Luke pauses and thinks before continuing their conversation. “I play guitar the way Caleb taught me. I am stubborn like my mother. I eat eggo waffles with peanut butter and blueberries cause a kid dared me once and I ended up liking it. I want to play the Orpheum cause dad brought me there when I was younger and I fell in love with the place. I’ll always think of Alex when I think of my first relationship. I think so much about the future and what I can achieve because I want to prove to my parents I’m good enough. And you…”

Luke pauses, lingers for a moment as his eyes find Reggie. Because Reggie feels like the beginning of it all, the beginning of Luke because he had nothing, no life before that day in December when they had first met each other's gaze just like this. Reggie quirks an eyebrow, curious and asking. “And me?”

“It’s not very poetic but it’s because of you that I realised I wasn’t straight. One look at you and I was gone.” Luke admits. Reggie had been his catalyst, putting a change within himself in motion and he wonders how long it would have taken to really find and understand himself if it hadn’t been for the Peters boy. Reggie giggles at the admission and Luke’s heart swells in his chest. Reggie stays quiet for a few minutes and this time around Luke appreciates it. His eyes falling closed as he exhales peacefully.

“I think you should play Unsaid Emily at the show.” Reggie’s whisper stuns Luke in the silence between them. Luke’s body tenses slightly registering what Reggie is asking, or more so, stating. Reggie senses his sudden rigidness and begins gently rubbing his hand against the back of Luke’s hand in a comforting caress.

“We already picked the songs.” Luke murmurs back, eyes finally opening and seeking out Reggie’s that are already watching him closely. Luke and Reggie hadn’t mentioned the song since a few weeks back at night on the phone when trusting and emotional, Luke had felt brave enough to bring up the song to the other boy.

“It’s an amazing song. It means something, it comes from your heart and you can feel it in every fibre of your being when you sing it. You’ve spent so long trying to prove yourself that prides stopped you from forgiving your parents. But this song says everything you’ve been wanting to. It’s up to you but I think it could be something amazing and it could help.” Reggie insists gently and Luke hates that he finds truth in his words because the thought scares him. Although part of him thinks singing ‘Unsaid Emily’ and speaking it into existence among an anonymous crowd could make the song seem less daunting in his head than he has built it up over time, hidden in the pages of his songbook.

“I’ll think about it.” He assures, swallowing thickly and the answer seems to please Reggie. In a swift movement, Reggie leans his forehead against Luke’s and Luke’s eyelids flutter closed at the feeling, wondering how he ever got by without someone like Reggie in his life.

“Will you stay?” Reggie whispers, and Luke doesn’t dare open his tired eyes. The music of the forgotten playlist lingers in the room around them and Luke contains a smile, that his collection of songs that belong to them and remind him of Reggie have indeed become their very own little soundtrack. Luke nods in answer and it’s enough for Reggie. They snuggle close and Luke wishes sleep wasn’t catching him so quickly but in their silent comfort he finds himself slipping into unconsciousness with Reggie wrapped into his side and he falls into sleep with a grin on his lips. Luke wakes in the late hours of Christmas morning, nearing seven A.M, and he has to reluctantly pull himself from Reggie’s side. Grabbing his belongings he returns to Reggie’s beside, the boy drooling slightly as low snores sneak from between his lips and Luke can’t help but grin at his love. In a swift, brief movement he leans down placing a soft phantom kiss to the sleeping boy's forehead telling himself that their time was coming soon before he slipped out into the cool morning air.

🎸

Luke’s body vibrated with excitement, he was shaking with the anticipation of what the stage was holding for them. He was alive with anxious exhilaration as he waited in the wings of the Orpheum’s stage. Feeling energy made him beam while trying to settle the stomach that was threatening to make him hurl. He sits quietly on one of the many backstage couches trying to centre himself before its Sunset Curve’s turn to shine and impress under the beaming, burning spotlights. His fingers strummed absentmindedly on his acoustic as he sat, drowning out every sound that surrounded him, from tech crew babble and the band on stage to Reggie and Alex’s quiet bickering from the side of the stage. Luke struck a chord and his whole body became aware of exactly what it had been he was playing. Luke had let Reggie make them practice ‘Unsaid Emily’ numerous times, letting Alex learn the song just in case Luke changed his mind and decided to add it to the setlist. Up until now Luke had been assured he wasn’t going to be so easily swayed despite the part of him that wanted to take that brave step and bare himself on that stage; naked and emotional, raw. The thought scared him beyond belief but the idea of keeping it to himself forever instead unsettled him in ways he couldn’t even begin to describe. Because his parents weren’t here, he hadn’t seen them in over a year and Luke felt sick at the thought, wondering how he had ever let it get this far but Luke knew. Despite every facade he created and built around himself like castle walls, they were really nothing but a rickety structure that could fall apart under the smallest scrutiny. He wanted to share this with them and maybe, just maybe one day he would be able and they would be able to support him wholeheartedly. But for now, it wasn’t that day. His parents weren’t here but that didn’t mean he couldn’t share this with them in some way, in a way Luke had composed just for them. His fingers stop their strumming and he breaks from his daze with a quick blink and deep exhale.

“Okay, Sunset Curve get ready, you’re up now.” The sound tech called to the three boys that were scattered around backstage. Alex and Reggie made their way to him and Luke cautiously pulled himself up from the couch, and completely their pre-gig ritual circle.

“Okay boys, this is it.” Luke grins through his anxiousness, hoping to elevate the other two boys' nervousness by doing so. The band from on stage, bounded down the steps but Luke didn’t even dare look at them or pay them any mind, keeping Alex and Reggie’s focused on their small group. Luke grasps his new guitar pick necklace in his hand, watching the other two boys with expectant eyes as they copy his movements and Reggie beams at him.

“Legends on three?” Luke asks, wild hazel eyes flicking between Reggie and Alex before him. Raising their picks to the ceiling, they all grinned and chanted in unison. “One. Two. Three. Legends.”

The band of brothers clink their guitar pics together and Luke’s heart is beating and his smile growing. Alex tucks away his necklace so it won’t get in his way of drumming and Reggie lets his fall against his shirt again.Luke holds his for a second longer, placing a lingering kiss on the item before letting it fall against his chest. Luke looks to Reggie and seeing his comforting gaze already on his Luke tells himself he doesn’t have to be afraid. All he needs are those few seconds of courage. And as he looks to Reggie and Alex he doesn’t have to worry because he’s not alone.

“We’re doing Unsaid Emily instead of Get Lost.” Luke states, eyes flicking from Reggie and Alex to see if they agree with his last minute decision. Reggie nods in silent understanding as Alex begins walking towards the stage as they get their finally call. Luke stays in place, eyes still latched onto Reggie because he’s grateful that he gets to be here with him and Alex and with Reggie standing there before him, looking ethereal and otherworldly, he lets his eyes glance towards his lips for a quick second. Reggie notices, he knows he does but Luke swallows hard and makes a silent promise. Later. Later will be just for us. Our moment.

With one final call to the band, Luke has to turn on his heel with Reggie close behind him, bounding onto the stage. Luke flips a switch in his entire being, gone are the moments of hesitancy. All that is left is just them, the music and a connection with everyone in that room for the next twenty minutes. Luke grins as he reaches his microphone thinking, that’s a pretty good deal. “You heard the man, we’re Sunset Curve.”

“Tell your friends.” Reggie is quick to follow, his own bright grin, teasing and endearing and Luke laughs. Their gazes lock across the stage and as they gather their instruments, his entire body buzzes and crawls with the promise of Reggie’s electric gaze on him. Within moments, Alex is counting them in and ‘Now or Never’ bursts to life and the crowd is cheering and screaming, feeding Luke’s entire being. Their set runs smoothly, every practice they had shared coming into full effect as their rhythms and harmonies collide and flow together in sync. The crowd is rapturous in their reactions and applause and Luke knows that there will never be anything else in life that is made for him like music. As they come to their last song, the nerves settle into Luke’s chest again. He peers to his side seeking out Reggie for comfort and Reggie’s already there, nodding in encouragement, his gaze warm and safe. Luke shoots him an anxious smile as he nods back. As he swaps out his eclectic guitar for his acoustic, Luke feels bare. There’s less to hide behind, now just him, his guitar and his lyrics, while scary it brought him a freedom he could not explain.

“We’re slowing it down for this last one and we hope you like it guys. This is ‘Unsaid Emily’.” Luke nods one last time to the boys before his eyelids are fluttering closed and his strumming begins, gentle yet firm. His voice is unguarded and he feels like he’s laid out vulnerable and naked before everyone, willingly letting them dissect him until he’s nothing but his most basic and humane pieces. He hears Alex and Reggie join in, soft chords and angelic harmonies carrying him through to the end. As the last chord leaves his guitar, Luke’s trance is broken and his eyes peer open finally remembering that it was not just him. The audience erupted in cheers and his chest exploded at the support. Looking towards his two band mates his smile breaks into a giant beam. Reggie watches him with eyes brimming with affection and a wonderstruck, fond smile and Luke is home. Alex finishes their set and as they all flee the stage in rapturous cheers and laughs on their own, Luke is in shock it is all real.

“We did it!” Alex cheers, skin glistening with sweat and a wide smile that is capturing his face more every second.”We played the Orpheum.”

“Yeah we did.” Reggie grins, the trio wrapped tightly in each other's arms. Luke watches where his cheeks are dabbled with a hot crimson and he instantly wraps his strong arms around his two friends, holding onto them for dear life as if they might disappear.

“We finally played here. I’m really happy it was with you guys. I couldn’t imagine playing with anybody else.” Luke admits honestly through a harsh breath. Alex raises a hand and rustles Luke’s damp hair, equally drenched in it’s own sweat. Luke doesn’t even shy away, meeting Alex’s eyes and sharing the fond smile he holds.

“What a way to start the new year.” Alex breathes out, dreamily. Alex’s words break their moment and Reggie checks his watch for the time while Luke laughs only remembering that it’s New Years. He had been so focused on the set, everything else had just kind of fell away. “Let’s go find the others.”

Alex breaks away from the pair, making his way towards the backstage stairs that lead to the ballroom of the Orpheum. Luke chuckles to himself, knowing exactly who Alex was really wanting to see above anyone else. Reggie’s gaze followed Alex’s figure before turning back to Luke and meeting his eyes. Luke grins back at him still stuck in the incredulous belief that this is their reality, that it’s real. His fingers twist and play with the rings on his fingers as they stand before each other without the barrier of Alex and Luke finds himself losing breath.

“We did it.” Reggie whispers softly and Luke floats on his words. Luke’s gaze leaves his fiddling hands and meets Reggie’s awaiting gaze.

“Thank you. For telling me to sing ‘Unsaid Emily’. I really needed it. It was amazing.” Reggie looks bashful at Luke’s praise and he bites his own growing smile in return. “You’re amazing.”

Luke knows there’s a lot more words in the world to describe Reggie Peters and even ones that don’t even exist yet but Luke knows none of them would ever be able to do justice in capturing all the caring, loving, strong, effervescent beauty that was Reggie. Luke decides against holding back as he finally leans forwards and he hears Reggie catch his breath. His lips fall against the soft warmth of Reggie’s skin, his lips caress his cheek and the smallest part of the side of Reggie’s mouth. Reggie’s breath hitches at the contact and Luke wonders if he’d lose the breath in his lungs altogether if Luke was to slide the smallest inch to the right and collide their lips in the scorching kiss he had been waiting to act on for God knows how long. Luke slowly pulls back instead, hearing Alex returning and Reggie is stunned into wide eyed silence.

“Hey, guys, you coming?” Alex asks impatiently and Luke laughs. He outstretches a hand to Reggie for the taking and after a second of hesitancy, Reggie slips his clammy palm into Luke’s. Their fingers intertwine tightly as if they never want to let go and Luke smiles shyly at Reggie before leading the boy behind Alex and into the ballroom. They push and swerve between gig goers that praise and congratulate them and Luke looks down to Reggie with a fond, proud smile for them. As he raises again, his entire body grows rigid and his chest tightens, his blood growing cold. He squeezes Reggie, to gather his attention so he can confirm that what Luke sees before him is really there.

“They’re here.” Luke mumbles. He’s shocked but he can’t ignore the part of him that is delighted. His hand tightens in Reggie’s and he feels the boy squeeze back in support. His parents stare back at him with nervous and unsure smiles and Luke is containing the part of him that wants to run into their arms like a little kid.

“You should talk to them.” Reggie suggests from his side and although he stays silent, Luke agrees. He realises with a kick that not only is he seeing his parents for the first time in what feels like forever but they had come to his gig, to see him and his band, they were in the crowd that hollered and cheered for them. Luke feels warmth all over at the thought. Reggie begins taking the steps for him, bridging the distance between them and his parents and Luke follows helplessly.

“I’ll let you guys talk. Luke, I’ll be right over there if you need me, okay?” Reggie speaks, filling the silence between the group and Luke finds his eyes, at first not sure but he realises that this is something that’s needed, something he wants. So he nods and Reggie drops his hand steps away. Luke doesn’t miss the small, encouraging smile he sends Emily as he walks away and then Luke is back in the silence with his parents. Neither knows who should make the first move.

“You guys came?” The words fall out of Luke’s lips in an incredulous gasp of breath. He watches his parents closely, looking for tells, as if they’re apparitions and not the real thing. But his mother sends him a soft, small smile and his father wraps his arm around her shoulders tenderly.

“We couldn’t miss it. We’ve missed you, Lu.” His mother’s voice shakes as she speaks, trying to keep herself from becoming a blubbering mess so she presses her lips into a tight, firm line. Luke wishes he could reach out but he hesitates for the moment.

“You were amazing up there. That song for your Mother was beautiful, Luke.” Mitch speaks yet, his voice is firmer than his mothers, but there’s still a year's worth of pain there, the reminder of their separation and Luke feels insurmountable guilt. Mitch lets a small wondrous laugh escape, as he eyes Luke he smiles softly at his son. “You’ve grown into such an amazing young man.”

“Lu, we’re sorry we never understood, that we never supported you. We understand now, we do. It took losing you to realise how terrible we’ve been not supporting your dreams.” Emily’s voice bursts between the gaze Luke and his father are sharing as if the smaller woman couldn’t contain herself any longer. Luke exhales hard and feels his own lips quiver at her admission. He had been waiting years on end to hear her say those words to him and Luke has to raise a hand to brush away a stray tear that escapes his eyes.

“Ma, you weren’t terrible-” Luke begins to assure but his mother interjects, hearing none of it.

“No, Luke, we weren’t there for you. We didn’t see or believe in your talent and I’ll spend forever trying to show you how sorry I am for that.” Emily admits, her own tears begin to fall freely as she speaks and Luke wonders how odd the family must look, crying to each other in the midst of a rock gig. Emily shakes her head, hands trembling before her small frame as her voice slightly breaks, admitting. “I drove you away. I could never forgive myself for that.”

“Up there on that stage is where you belong, Luke. All you boys do, we see that now.” Mitch adds, his arm tucking Luke’s mother closer to his own body, his hand running up and down her arm in a comforting touch. Luke watches them with teary eyes and a ball in his throat that stings every time he swallows hard.

“We hope someday you can forgive us and hopefully be alright with letting us into your life again.” Emily breathes and Luke nods at her request because he had also lost them once and he wasn’t planning on making that mistake again because he was too proud.

“No need. I’ll forgive you if you can forgive me. I’ve been stubborn and hot headed too. You can’t take all the blame.” Luke admits, his voice shaking and thick with his unfallen tears. He resolves to think if this was taking place anywhere else he would be sobbing uncontrollably right now.

“Like the song said, I could never let you guys go.” Luke assures Emily and the woman beams, pulling her son into a tight hug and Luke falls into her arms. Mitch wraps his arms around the pair, tucking them tightly into his chest and Luke wants to cry, shout and rejoice because he finally feels like his life is making sense again. He’s where he’s safe and loved and where he belongs. When they finally pull apart, Luke sniffles and wipes at his damp cheeks with the back of his hands.

“Where’s Caleb? Did he tell you guys?” He asks, looking around but despite Caleb working tonight he is nowhere to be seen. Looking back at his parents he finds them watching him with sheepish smiles and Luke is more perplexed. He raises an eyebrow in question. Mitch and Emily share a look.

“Oh, no, it wasn’t Caleb that told us. It was Reggie.” Emily begins and now, Luke is even more confused.

“Reggie? He told you about the gig?” His voice holds his dubiety as his gaze flicks between both of his parents. He didn’t even know they talked, well not since before Luke had left his home this time last year.

“Last year when you went missing he was worried and he called. When you became friends again he stayed in contact letting us know you were okay and doing well.” Emily explains, a knowing smile on her lips and Luke’s eyes widened at the revelation. Slowly things were beginning to piece together in his mind and despite the obvious secrecy he can’t seem to find it in himself to be annoyed or upset.

“He’s a lovely boy, Luke. It’s obvious he really cares about you.” Mitch interjects his thoughts and Luke can’t help but let his grin grow because Reggie Peters was beyond anything Luke could ever deserve.

“I met him out shopping before Christmas and he told me about tonight and convinced us to come.” Emily continues explaining, and Luke finally puts the final pieces together. Reggie was a cunning sneak when he wanted to be. Luke could only laugh at all the effort he had put in just for Luke, to help mend his broken relationship with his parents.

“What’s so funny, Lu?” Mitch questions, quirking an eyebrow and sharing a quick look with Emily who only shrugs in response.

“Reggie convinced you to come tonight meanwhile he was convincing me to play ‘Unsaid Emily’ tonight.” Luke explains, chuckling to himself. Beside him the same understanding clicks in the minds of his parents and their joining him in his laughter. Biting his lips to contain his growing smile he sighs, content. “He really is something. He just… I’m just-”

“In love with him?” Emily offers, a giant grin taking over her lips and Luke wants to be embarrassed, to hide his blush and smile bashfully.

Instead, he grins that giant electric, infectious grin and nods his head wildly, saying. “He makes it really quite impossible not to be.”

“Go get your man, we’ll stick around. We’ll still be here when you’re done.” Emily whispers, placing her hand on his upper arm pushing him towards where Reggie had fled to the rest of the group. Luke glances once more to his parents with a nod seeing his mother’s bright smile and his father giving him a thumbs up and Luke knows that it’s finally right. Finally their moment that he’s been waiting for. Luke begins his large strides towards the group as he dodges through concert goers. Reggie backs away from the group to face Luke where he’s oncoming with an adorably worried expression painting his face and Luke has to keep everything inside him to keep from smiling widely at him and giving away his plan. Cause as he closed in on Reggie, he only had one thing on his mind and it didn’t involve much talking. As he reached him, Reggie immediately broke into a short lived ramble.

“Luke, I’m so sorry I know I should have told yo-” Reggie’s words disappear into a gentle gasp as Luke reaches him, cupping his rosy cheeks in his gentle, loving grasp and immediately Reggie’s point gets lost on his lips as Luke meets him in the middle. Reggie stands a moment stunned, Luke’s lips pushing against his with a firm softness that begs him to reciprocate, to know that this is exactly what Luke wants. He wants this moment, this touch, this kiss. He wants him. Everything dulls into a distant, unimportant murmur around them as Reggie collects himself and begins to kiss back, his arms wrapping around Luke’s waist as if he’s the one keeping him upright in their loving haze. Their tongues dance to the thrumming rhythm of Luke’s fluttering heart. And his hands are moving. To the back of Reggie’s neck, to his hair and jaw; memorising the feel of every sharp angle of the planes of Reggie’s face. Reggie clutches Luke’s shirt with a hard grasp that has Luke being pulled into the other boy, so close he can’t tell where one ends and one begins anymore.

Their kiss slows but both take their time separating. Luke wishes he had no need for air that Reggie could be the only supply he ever needed to survive. When they part, Luke holds Reggie close, a content, astounding smile on his lips as he meets Reggie’s gaze, the Peters boy mirrors it. “It’s not midnight yet.”

Luke watches him closely with adoring eyes piercing his soul. With a laugh falling from his lips, they twist into a charming smirk, shaking his head at Reggie. “I have waited over a year to kiss you again properly, the way you deserve, I was not waiting another twenty minutes for midnight, Reg.”

Reggie chuckles as their hands switch positions, his wrapped around Luke’s neck and Luke’s strong hands holding him firm and grounded on his waist. Reggie’s fingers travel absentmindedly to Luke’s hair, playing with the soft waves he finds there as he speaks.“So you don’t hate me for not telling you?”

“While I would have preferred to be clued in to the plans, no, I don’t hate you. Far from it.” Luke mumbles softly, his voice light and adoring and he knows he’s finally at peace after years of feeling indecisive and lost. His eyes travel to Reggie’s lips, gawking unashamed wondering if his kisses were drugs because Luke felt he was running high on dopamine. Reggie leans forward and places the gentlest of kisses on Luke’s awaiting lips, slow and soft. There’s no rush because this time they know, there will be plenty more days of this to come. These kisses here were only the beginning. Hollering from across the bar slowly broke them out of their caress and Luke and Reggie only had to turn their heads slightly to find their friends cheering in celebration.

“Finally!” Alex cheered, hands raised before he dropped them to cup Willie’s face and planted a joyous kiss to his lips too. Reggie giggled from Luke’s side and he pulled the boy in closer, into a firm embrace. Reggie burrowed his blushing face into Luke’s chest and Luke was sure he could hear the rapid beating of Luke’s heart beneath. All for you, he thought. Reggie had remained in Luke’s arms for the rest of the night. Through dancing with just them to dancing with others. Through talks with music execs and Luke’s parents. Even as they stumbled through the streets on their way home, through Reggie’s small apartment all the way to his room, they stayed in each other's arms, tangled into an embrace where they both belonged. Through their yearning kisses and affectionate, long awaited touches they remained wrapped up in one another. Hours later, with lazy smiles and tired eyes on one another they lay finally with a few inches between them, staring at each other as if they were committing every detail of each other to memory.

“I don’t want to fall asleep. In case I wake up and find out this was all a dream.” Luke murmurs in a quiet, sleepy voice. Reggie is tiptoeing his soft fingertips along Luke’s exposed arm making him shiver and goosebumps prickle under his touch. Luke revels in the feeling.

“For once it’s not a dream.” Reggie whispers, as if talking any louder would disrupt their quiet moment. Luke’s eyes flutter open, watching Reggie adoringly, who’s own gaze is trailing along his moving touch on Luke’s skin. And Luke finds himself amazed, after so many years, this moment seemed like a faraway fever dream. Something they might never achieve. Luke feels his heart swells and thanks the universe in a silent prayer for sending Reggie to him. When Reggie catches his eyes, he smiles bashfully as if he’d been caught and his thoughts read.

“Where’s your mind at?” Reggie asks curiously as his eyes dance along Luke’s face and leave a blazing trail in their wake. Luke only smirks in turn.

“I lost it when I first saw you.” He flirts and Reggie’s earth eyes roll. Luke laughs despite how true his comment may be. Reggie bites his lip and fails to meet his eyes for a moment and Luke can tell something is eating away within his mind, the wheels are churning. Wrapping a strong arm around Reggie’s waist and pulling the boy closer into his warmth, he throws his own words back at him as he asks with a smile. “Where is your mind at?”

“Did you really?” Reggie asks, his voice barely above a whisper. He’s still not entirely meeting Luke’s eyes despite Luke trying to catch his gaze. “Did you feel something similar when we saw each other that day or am I just a sap?”

“I felt it even before you did.” He says after chuckling for a moment. His hand rubs soothing circles into Reggie’s back and he can feel how the other boy leans into them appreciatively. He can see Reggie’s eyebrows begin to furrow in confusion as he speaks again. “I actually saw you before that. Earlier that day you actually..” Luke laughs sheepish, hoping Reggie doesn’t find the fact weird but Reggie only nods slightly for him to continue.

“You actually ran into me. You were rushing for something and you just mumbled ‘sorry’ and didn’t even look at me. But I saw you. All I saw was you.” Luke’s embarrassment reaches a high and his usually olive skin turns a burning shade of red under Reggie’s amazed stare. “Later when I saw you at the bus stop when I saw you it felt like a ‘holy shit’ moment. You were there again after I spent the whole day thinking about you and you were looking at me. It felt like a sign or something.”

“I can’t believe you never told me that.” Reggie mumbles astounded, his hand slipping up to Luke’s cheek and cradling the blazing skin there. Luke immediately lets his eyes shut at the loving feeling. His heart flutters and chest spreads warm.

“I didn’t know if you wanted me to say anything about it after-” Luke begins but he’s not sure where to go with it. ‘After I messed up and hurt you, after I cheated and we lied to Alex. After we finally became friends again and I didn’t want to mess that up.’ Reggie doesn’t seem to mind his lack of words though, leaning in and placing a delicate kiss to his lips.

“I’m glad you told me now.” Reggie whispers against his lips and sends a shiver travelling through his spine. Luke sighs, content and he’s falling back on the bed on his back and pulling Reggie with him, onto Luke’s chest. Reggie laughs, snuggling down, head resting against the warmth of his bare chest.

“Promise me you’ll be here when I wake up?” Luke asks, quietly. His eyes close briefly and he focuses on the feeling of having Reggie there with him. Luke loves it and finds himself deciding that he would be perfectly fine never sleeping alone ever again.

Reggie chuckles at his request, his breath dancing along Luke’s stomach. His abdomen twitches at the sensation. “Luke, I live here.”

Luke laughs in realisation at his fumble, squeezing Reggie briefly where he was wrapped in the guitarist's arms. ‘Never change, he thought, never change’. In the silence between them, Luke’s mind whirls under the cloud of euphoria that occupies him. He knew the pair would be traveling to Luke’s house tomorrow for lunch with his parents, an agreement made between Luke and his parents in the Orpheum moments before the couple had to leave because Luke couldn’t contain the dire crave inside him to have Reggie close and if he wasn’t careful he would have devoured him whole right before everyone’s eyes. But Luke smiled, thinking that maybe they can make a detour on their way there.

“Hey, Reg.” Reggie lifts his head to peer at Luke. “Will you go on a little adventure with me tomorrow?”

Reggie lets his head fall back against Luke’s chest as he laughs against the soft skin there. His laugh turns into a quiet murmur as Reggie places a quick peck to his collarbone before he speaks again, lips brushing against the flaming skin of Luke’s chest. “An adventure really? Can’t we just be boring and uneventful for once.”

Luke laughs, loud and lively and presses a kiss to Reggie’s head. Luke shakes his own with undeniable laugher and love in his tone as he murmurs to his one and only. “Oh Reg, we could never be boring and uneventful.”

🎸

The next day as the pair travelled through the streets with Reggie trusting in Luke as the Patterson boy led him down the sidewalk blindly, his hands covering his eyes and painting his vision black, Luke thought about all he was sure of since the night before. One was the fact that he never wanted to sleep alone was cemented. Two being that the feeling of waking up next to Reggie could quickly become one of this all time favourite things.Three being that Reggie and Luke felt like they were made for each other and without any hesitancy that morning after breakfast, Luke had asked Reggie to officially be his boyfriend. And four, well four was the fact he finally felt like he belonged, where he was supposed to be.

“How much longer? I think I’m getting vertigo.” Reggie declared in a laugh as his steps stuttered again. Luke pressed against his back to keep him steady but he was beginning to think that only served to make Reggie more fumbling.

“Almost there, a little more patience.” Luke laughed, his lips brushing against Reggie’s ear as he did. He could feel the boy slightly shiver in response. Suddenly he pulled Reggie into a stop, peering at the familiar stop before them. “Okay, we’re here. But I need you to keep your eyes closed until I tell you, okay?”

Reggie nods and mumbles his agreement and after taking his hands off cautiously, Luke sees his eyes are still screwed shut. Trusting him, Luke skips past him, turning and leaning against the bus shelter, spending a few seconds getting his pose right despite how stupid he may have looked to others doing it. He was only thankful that the street was relatively quiet at this hour.“Okay, open ‘em.”

Reggie’s eyes open at the request. Slowly at first, a few deliberate blinks as he focuses his vision. When his steady gaze finds Luke again, his eyes are wide with knowing and his lips slip open slightly. Luke watches him with a beaming smile as Reggie asks. “What are we doing here?”

“On December 19th 2016, Luke Patterson decided he was going to busk at this very bus stop and it is the best decision he’s ever made.” Luke begins, perking up from his perch against the bus shelter. Reggie’s subtle smile grows in awe. “Luke was down on his luck, his parents nagging him about skipping school and working at a club they didn’t approve of and all he wanted was to be left alone. Him and his music. So he went busking and he felt isolated like no one was hearing him but then he looked up, and right there-”

Luke turns his body slightly to point towards the bus pull up stop on the road and watches as Reggie glances back and forth between the space and Luke. “He saw a boy on a bus. A boy he had seen hours before and he had to stop and double take. And this boy with his rosey cheeks and gelled back hair and cool leather jacket was looking at Luke and he wasn’t just hearing him play, he was listening. He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t know what he was feeling, but he felt like this boy could understand him even with a simple look. It kind of scared Luke cause he had never felt this way about anyone and all of sudden he fixated on this boy who he didn’t even know the name of. But he wanted to know him so he tried to get on the bus but missed his chance.”

Reggie seems to be on the brim of tears and Luke thinks he might not be too far behind. Taking a few slow steps, Luke begins to move towards where Reggie is frozen on the spot as he continues to speak, an apparent affection lacing each of his words. “Fast forward five years and Luke is still enamored with this boy because he’s gotten to know him. Luke Patterson is out of his mind, insanely in love with Reggie Peters.”

Reggie gasps a small, thick breath that gets caught in his throat and blinks a tear free. Luke watches him close, and smiles like Reggie hung the stars in the sky. “But Luke made some bad choices, he messed up and he knows he hurt a lot of people. And sometimes he would come here to this bus stop and think about what he’d do if he got a redo. But now he thinks he wouldn’t change a thing. Because the years were long and hard but they got there in the end.”

Once he finishes, Luke can’t keep himself away any longer and moves to take quick strides to the emotional Reggie. Luke’s hands cradle his face softly and Reggie is clutching onto Luke’s arms for dear life as their lips brush against each other in a soft, loving kiss. Reggie pulls back a few seconds later, with their foreheads pressed against one another, whispering a quiet “I love you.”

Luke only grins in response for a moment before he’s sniffling back traces of his own tears.“I know.” He breathes out and Reggie is throwing his head back in unbridled joyful laughter.

“Did you just Han Solo me?” Reggie accuses with a giant grin plastered on his thin lips. Luke sends him a knowing smile before pulling him for another scorching kiss that leaves them both momentarily breathless.

“Hey, Reg.” Luke calls, and Reggie’s gaze meets his. Luke nods his head to the side where he had heard the oncoming of one of the city buses. As it pulls into the stop, Reggie breaks his gaze away from Luke’s shining hazel eyes and follows the vehicle. “You got a bus to catch?”

Reggie returns his gaze without a second glance as he watches Luke before him with a bright smile that could light up even Luke’s darkest days.

“Nah,” He laughs, pecking Luke’s lips lovingly and letting Luke’s embrace surround him. Luke thinks he could stay here forever. “This time I’m staying right here, with you.”

“Oh, thank God.” Luke breathes exaggeratedly and Reggie giggles at his theatrics. Luke can’t help but join his intoxicating laugh. “I really didn’t want to have to chase down a bus through the city.”

Reggie raises his head from Luke’s chest to gaze at him, planting a quick peck to his lips as he says. “At least, we’re together now. No need to chase anymore.”

Luke squeezes his arms around Reggie’s waist and their chests press together flushed. Reggie giggles at the tickling feeling and Luke sighs, content, never wanting to be anywhere else but Reggie’s arms. “I would have spent forever chasing you regardless.”

“You never had to chase me.” Reggie whispers, leaning up with their lips a wisp apart. Luke feels Reggie’s lips flutter against his lips as he speaks next before he presses them into another unforgiving kiss and all that’s on Luke’s mind is Reggie’s breathless voice telling him. “You never had to chase me because I was yours from the moment I laid eyes on you.”

And Luke thinks he will forever be unable to go a day without thinking of how indescribably, despairingly in love with Reggie Peters he is. He thinks about it as they wrap each other in their arms and wander around the streets until they come to his parents’ house. He thinks about as they settle in and catch up, from important stories to mindless chatter. And he definitely thinks about it as he sits at the kitchen counter with his dad as they watch his mother and Reggie dance around the kitchen listening to Bruce Springsteen as they prepare lunch. Unable to sit still, Luke raises from his seat and rounds the counter to the two lovable lunatics moving around the kitchen like it’s a dancefloor and his smile radiates through the whole room.

Do you ever wonder are you really where you’re supposed to be? Luke’s been mulling over the question for the majority of his young adult years and maybe even for farther back than that. But here and now he’s beginning to understand. Luke reaches out and twirls Reggie around, pulling him into his embrace as they sway, Reggie’s back pressed into Luke’s hard chest. They move slowly and lovingly and Luke doesn’t miss the knowing, adoring grins on his parents faces.

It begins in the pit of his stomach and it grows, traveling through his body setting him alight with a warmth and shine that captures the room and people around him and he thinks, this is it, this must be the place.

Surrounded by family, with music in his soul, happiness in his heart and the man he loves in his arms, Luke knows for sure; he’s finally where he’s supposed to be.

The End.