Chapter Text
And thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear
I know
I know that I won’t be allowed back anytime soon which sucks ass, because everyone on this server thinks I’m incapable, plus Sam going dad-mode and being the warden? No way will I be allowed back.
This entire situation is eating at me. I know I won’t be able to fully heal like everyone wants me too until I get closure.
While walking I truly didn’t have a destination in mind, so it was surprising when I ended up facing a child taller than myself.
“Gogy? Is that you?”
“Hi Tomathy,”
The taller ran towards me engulfing me in an unexpected hug. I assumed he would be furious with me. For letting everything happen, and not trying to help him.
We made small talk until the idea of us sitting down to have a more serious talk was brought up.
Sitting on an abandoned bench watching the sunset was surprisingly peaceful and serene. Something way too calm for the conversation to come.
“So what does the great Georgenotfound want to talk about?”
I took a deep breath, “I’d like to speak to you about Dream.”
Puzzled, Tommy gave a nod of affirmation. “What would you like to know, Gogy?” I could tell he was putting on a brave face, but I wasn’t going to be the one to call him out for it.
“I firstly want to apologize.”
“For what?”
“Don’t pull that shit Tommy, you know what”
“No seriously, for what?”
“No one told you?”
“I don’t believe so, no”
Tommy sounded truly confused. Did no one tell him? Is he trying to use this and get revenge? So many possibilities.
“I didn’t help.” I spoke in a hushed whisper, it was a miracle Tommy even heard me at all.
“During what? Or who? Oh when we arrested Dream? Don’t be sorry Gogy, we understand. He’s like your Tubbo!”
I chucked softy at that. It was nice to see that there was still some innocence left. He deserves at least that.
“Sort of. I knew of your plans and Dreams plans, but I never warned you. Also sorry for basically getting you exiled in the first place.”
“Also not your fault. I’m still learning man, but I know that I made that choice. But I don’t think you were coming here to apologize. So what did you really come to talk about big man?”
It’s interesting how a child can be so wise. After speaking with Tommy longer and truly talking I realized that Tommy may be physically a child, but he hasn’t really been a kid in a long time.
We spoke on what Dream did during his exile. He and I both shed our fair share of tears, in which he said “real men cry!”
I found out a lot more than I probably wanted to hear, but it was something that I needed to hear. So with this newfound information, I made my way back to my base and slept.
Waking up this morning was a surreal experience. I got to enjoy that peaceful bliss where you have no recollection of the days prior, but then everything came crashing down at once. It felt like a wave in the ocean, but I could not swim. Lightning striking down, setting fire to everything surrounding me with no way out. It was truly a “wake up call.”
I knew I had some major reflecting that I needed to do, but I could feel myself wanting to put it off. I won’t let myself though, not anymore.
Dragging myself out of bed, I made my way over to the prison. Not to enter, but to be as close to Dream as allowed to think.
There was a time where I believed Dream was everything. The only thing I ever needed. Obviously Sapnap had been there during this time, but I knew if I lost Sapnap I’d mourn, I’d grieve, but eventually make peace. If it was Dream though? I would’ve never recovered.
Makes the situation I’m in now almost comical. I’ve lost Dream, yet I’m still here.
I fell in love with Dream and the words that he spoke. I’ve never been good with words, but Dream had such a way to articulate, that he said enough for the both of us. I could never find the words to say, so Dream would say them for me.
I remember all the little compliments he would give me. Every single one of them eliciting a blush from me. I wasn’t good at speaking words, nor was I good at taking them. I relied on small things I did for him. I would make his breakfast in the morning to show how I loved him.
That’s how it started I suppose. It started with small gestures of breakfast, but somehow turned more. Turned red.
It was no longer cleaning the dinner table, but instead cleaning the blood off his armour. No longer listening to his ramblings about SHakesphere or whatever new author he was into, but his manic plans about gaining control back.
But I stayed. I stayed on the promise that one day he’d make it all better. I stayed on the promise that it was temporary, but a necessity. I stayed on the promise that we’d escape it all.
What a load of shit.
Dream and all his empty promises can kiss my ass. Every single one of those promises fell through. Although I don’t know why I’m surprised. Maybe it’s the overall shock of it all. Maybe it’s the fact I knew it was coming all along. Maybe it’s because I wanted to bathe in a false promise than admit defeat. So many maybe’s.
And maybe I should march into that prison one last time.
Maybe just maybe.