Chapter Text
Xiao sat on the edge of his fathers bed, scowling at an old and crusty iphone 5.
“What’s the dang password??” he whisper-shouted angrily at himself.
Xiao had just recently found out that his dad was going out with a ginger . A fucking ginger! He was determined to log onto his fathers phone to text the ginger to stay away from his dad or he would make sure Teucer had the worst 4th grade experience ever.
He knew that he was just some angry 11 year old who wanted his dad all to himself still, but he didn’t care. Ginger! A god fucking damned ginger. Xiao knew that he couldn’t say anything, he thought almond tofu tasted good and was one of those emos in 6th grade, but he didn’t care.
The raven headed boy just didn’t like Childe. He was one of those people who babied kids no matter how old they were, teenagers included. He spoils them nonstop and never takes off his stupid little smile that is obviously fake half the time. And, GINGER!!!
Xiao bit at his fingers as he tried to put random dates into Zhongli’s phone, praying that it would unlock eventually.
1 2 3 1 , Zhongli’s birthday. BZZT , it didn’t work.
0 7 2 0 , that damned ginger’s birthday. He only knew that was his birthday because it was the day previous to this one. Xiao was left at home to be babysat by his friend Qiqi’s caretaker while Zhongli went out to dinner with Childe. BZZT, it didn’t work. A grin spread across Xiao’s face as he took that as a victory. But still, next…
0 4 1 6 , Xiao’s birthday. Surely this would work? BZZT, it didn’t work again. Xiao sat there, slightly disappointed but not surprised. Maybe it didn’t have to do with a birthday?
6 9 6 9 , he was getting desperate. And stupid apparently, his father literally doesn’t ever watch porn. He isn’t sexually active either… at least Xiao thinks so anyway. The ginger creeped up in his mind again and he shook his head furiously, discarding his theory away immediately. Gross.
Xiao tried a few more passcodes before eventually, the phone was locked for a minute.
“Shi- shoot.” Xiao said as he placed the phone down. He waited for around 15 seconds before picking the phone back up and frowning. He thought a minute had already passed. Silly boy.
After the other 45 seconds had passed, Xiao angrily grabbed the phone from beside him and spammed random numbers in, desperately trying to get in. He was incorrect again. Time to wait for 5 minutes. So silly of the little boy!
The 5 minutes felt like eternity to poor little Xiao. He had sweeped up the entire house, re-organized his fathers plain little room and paced around the room at least 10 times over before the screen faded back to its original light ocean wallpaper. It was agonizing to say the least.
Picking the phone back up, Xiao felt defeated. What else was there to try? He already did so many dates and spammed so many different numbers. He didn’t think he had anything else to lose, (well, maybe except for his time jesus christ) so he typed in the most common passcode he knew.
1 2 3 4 . If this was it Xiao was going to be so ang-
…
The phone unlocked.
“Oh my fudging god. It was 1-2-3-4??!” Xiao screamed as he mentally beat himself up for not trying the most fucking common passcode ever first.
Nevermind that though, he had a mission to accomplish and he was going to most definitely go through with it. He had a few more hours until Zhongli came back from work, so Xiao took his time doing whatever he wanted before texting Childe.
He first clicked on the camera app and snapped some photos of his feet for fun. He thinks Zhongli will laugh at them, and you know what, he’s right, Zhongli would so laugh at his 11 year old son's feet photos. You know why? He had socks with donuts on them, and he thinks donuts are silly. Moving on.
He then went to the photo’s app and wasn’t very surprised to see several photos of exquisite rocks and such there. Majority of them were screenshots from online websites that talked about them or sold them. Zhongli was down bad for these rock photos, man. He had like 3 photos of each different type of rock.
Xiao was about to just click out of the app because there was nothing interesting, until he came across- oh my god Xiao just scarred his little kiddie eyeballs. They were photos of Childe ass fucking naked. Even worse, it was a mirror photo. A MIRROR PHOTO!! OF A GINGER ASS NAKED.
He almost started crying. Instead though, he selected the photos and deleted them. He decided that he would save his father from having to see something so horrifying again. Nice one, Xiao!
Next on the list was youtube. He wanted to see what his dad was watching and honestly it wasn’t all that bad. His search history looked something like:
How to make almond tofu. Good for you Xiao.
How to make an alarm on the iphone. Zhongli… there is google right there for you…
How to sew on a button . Fair enough!
Places to go on dates . Xiao mentally uppercuts Childe.
Good flower combinations. Xiao hopes this was for someone else. Not the ginger.
Glaze Lily growth time lapse . Zhongli..!!?! Okay you do you sir.
Xiao gave up on going through his father’s search history and decided to finally text the ginger. It was about time he did, he was sick of having to see his dad have small things that had to do with the ginger on his phone anyway.
The emo fuck clicked on the messages app and immediately knew which one was Childe, but he decided to check other messages first really quick because he was a nosey little shit.
Ningguang. There was also a sun emoji right next to it, but Xiao didn’t think his father really thinks this woman is a ray of sunshine because the texts were all always so… awkward. Kinda. Just very direct and… rude.
Ningguang: Hello
Me: Hi
Ningguang : Are you going to go to Beidou’s barbecue?
Me: I do not believe I am. I don’t think if I would want to see you there, you would annoy me.
Ningguang: You are a menace to society, I dislike you as well.
Me : You look 50 at age 30. Do not speak to me.
Ninggaung: You’re in love with a ginger.
Me: Your wife thinks she is a pirate. Get help. Now.
Ningguang: I’m glad you aren’t coming to the barbecue.
Me: I am glad I made the decision not to come then.
Xiao giggled at the ginger related text Ningguang wrote. It was funny.
But he didn’t want to wait anymore, he was going to text Childe to leave his father alone. Xiao didn’t even have to scroll to find Childe with an orange heart. Yucky.
Even more yucky, there were sappy ass texts waiting for Xiao to discover, and when they were discovered, little Xiao was not happy.
Me: hey!!!!!!! Heyy you!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!![
Childe: zhongli? um, you got drunk in the bathroom or something?
Childe: why’re you typing like that lol?
Me: NOOO@@@@@@!@!!!!!!!! This isnt daddy!! is he witg u??????????!! Omh!! omg!!!!!!!
Me: stay awya! Goi! Go!!!!!!!!
Me: I hate you! ur in the waty of us :(
Me: he always likjed ganyu more hwyre u tryifn to get mefruther down the list of ghis favorites.!!!!!!
Me: i hope u djke.! I hate yiu ,. im going to make fun of tyeucer tomorrow.
Me: die.
Childe: ...xiao? LMAO