Chapter Text
Clarke wakes up too late one day and decides fuck it. She walks out into the dorm hallway in just her robe, hair tousled up, and holding her shower caddy. She looks like pure shit.
She passes by Lexa in the hallway who looks immaculate. Clarke waves and Lexa gives her a small smirk in return.
Life really isn’t fair, Clarke thinks.
--
Clarke is in her college’s café, working on her homework. She likes it here, she decides. She can see the campus from the café windows and watch people by in between homework problems. Plus, studying in the library or in her dorm room is just depressing.
She taps her pen against her notebook and sighs. She looks out the window and sees Lexa walk by. Clarke waves and Lexa notices. She gives Clarke a nod in recognition and walks inside the café. She walks up next to where Clarke is sitting.
“Hey Lexa,” Clarke greets.
“Hello Clarke. What are you doing?”
Clarke shows Lexa her notebook. “Homework.” Clarke scrunches up her nose in annoyance. Lexa quirks up her lips in amusement. “It’s not going too well.”
“Hm. You want some coffee? It might help.”
Clarke widens her eyes and grins. “Definitely. It’s been such a long time since I’ve had coffee.”
“And by a long time you mean?”
“Four hours ago.”
Lexa rolls her eyes but she still keeps her small smile.
“Sounds pretty dire. What do you take with your coffee?”
“No cream, two sugars.”
Lexa nods. “I’ll be right back.”
Lexa returns a few minutes later with two coffee cups. She sits in the empty seat next to Clarke. She hands Clarke her coffee and takes a sip out of her own cup. Clarke takes out her wallet.
“How much do I owe you?”
Lexa waves her off. “You don’t owe me anything.”
Clarke opens her mouth to protest. “But-“
“The pleasure of your company will be more than enough compensation.”
Oh.
Clarke puts away her wallet and smirks. “Oh really?”
Lexa quirks up an eyebrow. “Don’t let that comment get to your head, Clarke.”
“Wouldn’t dare dream it.” Clarke takes a sip of coffee.
They sit and talk for god knows how long before Lexa says that she has to go do homework. Clarke nods glumly, thinking of all the homework she’s neglected. Clarke checks her watch and is startled to find out that they’ve talked for close to two hours. She watches Lexa walk out of the café and watches her disappear into the distance. Clarke eyes the empty seat next to her.
--
Clarke is in her room, studying for a quiz she has the next day. She hears a knock on the door and internally groans. This means she has to move from her comfortable spot. She gets up from her desk and answers the door. She’s surprised to see that it’s Lexa.
“Hey,” Lexa says.
“Hey, what’s up?” Clarke asks, propped against the door.
Lexa shifts uncomfortably.
“Can I hang out here? Anya and her boyfriend want some private time.”
Clarke laughs and opens the door wide enough for Lexa to go through. Lexa walks into her room and eyes the mess that Clarke and Raven have made.
“We really need to stop meeting this way,” Clarke says.
“Hm?”
“You know, hanging out because our roommates are doing stuff.”
Lexa scoffs. “It’s unbelievable.”
Clarke shrugs. “There is one good thing out of all this.”
Lexa quirks up an eyebrow. “And what is that?”
Clarke smiles. “I get to hang out with you.”
“Hmph,” Lexa replies but she looks pleased nonetheless.
“You can sit on my bed if you want,” Clarke nods her head towards the bed. Lexa complies and puts her backpack next to her. Clarke sits back on her desk.
“Here,” Clarke says, handing Lexa her flash cards. “You can help me study.”
Lexa accepts the cards and looks at them. She makes a face. “This looks awful.”
Clarke rolls her eyes and sighs. “Tell me about it. I have to memorize the entire human heart and its functions by tomorrow.”
Lexa shakes her head but pulls out a card.
“What is the buffy coat?”
“It’s what the vampire slayer wears when she’s cold.”
Lexa gives out a low laugh. “Very amusing.”
Clarke is pleased that she’s finally made Lexa laugh. “In case you don’t know, Buffy is a vampire slayer and she-“
Lexa rolls her eyes. “I know who Buffy the vampire slayer is. I’m not completely in the dark when it comes to pop culture.”
Clarke widens her eyes. “You’ve seen Buffy?”
Lexa raises her eyebrows at Clarke. “I thought we were supposed to be studying for your quiz?” Clarke sighs. Lexa did have a point. “And yes, I’ve seen Buffy.”
They’re in the middle of an argument about Buffy and Faith when Raven walks in.
“Hey Clarke,” Raven greets. She sees Lexa and raises a brow. “Oh, hey.”
“Raven, this is Lexa. Lexa, Raven. She’s the one who helped me drag your sorry butt here during the fire alarm.”
Raven laughs. “Oh right, I’d forgotten about that. Nice to meet you, Lexa.”
“Likewise, Raven.” Lexa replies.
“We were just talking about Buffy and Faith,” Clarke says.
Raven grins. “Oh man, those two had so much sexual tension.”
Lexa turns to Clarke. “See? She agrees with me.”
“Wait, what? You didn’t ship them?” Raven asks in disbelief.
“But Faith betrayed her!”
Raven groans. “Oh come on, didn’t everyone betray Buffy at some point or another?”
“Well, you do have a point there,” Clarke concedes.
“Ah Clarke, Clarke, Clarke,” Raven says, shaking her head.
“So, who did you want Buffy with then?” Lexa asks.
“Spike obviously.”
Lexa raises her eyebrows. “And you complained about Faith betraying Buffy?”
Clarke scrunches up her nose. “Oh shut up. I still like them.”
Raven rolls her eyes. “Ignore her Lexa, she’s crazy.”
Lexa nods solemnly. “Agreed.”
“Hey!” Clarke says, indignant but it’s drowned over Raven and Lexa’s laughter.
Clarke doesn’t believe it but somehow or another, the three of them have ended up on her bed, huddled around her laptop watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and eating popcorn.
“Eliza Dushku is so friggin’ hot man,” Raven comments.
Lexa nods. “I used to have a huge crush on her.”
“Agreed,” Clarke says.
--
One morning, Clarke wakes up with a start. She breathes out heavily as she regains her bearings. It’s still dark in her dorm room. She glances at her alarm clock. 5:30 AM. Great.
Clarke looks over to where Raven is still sleeping, mouth opening and drooling slightly.
Clarke tries to go back to sleep but she is too restless to do so. She really doesn’t want to relive the nightmare she just had.
Clarke grabs her things and puts on a jacket. She finds herself outside, walking around her school’s expansive campus. There’s stillness in the air Clarke has never experienced in all of her time at school. Usually the campus is overflowing with students, their laughter and chatter can be heard from far away. Now it’s completely quiet. Surprisingly, there are a few people around, mostly doing the walk of shame back to their dorm rooms.
Normally, Clarke is so not a morning person but she finds comfort in how peaceful the early morning can be. All of a sudden, she can hear the pitter patter of feet running behind her.
“Clarke!”
She turns around and is surprised to see a very sweaty Lexa behind her. Lexa is dressed in a white tank top and shorts with her hair pulled back. Lexa slows her pace into a jog until she stops right by Clarke. She pulls an ear bud out of her ear.
“Hey,” Lexa says, a bit breathless. “What are you doing here?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” Clarke shrugs. “Do you usually go running this early?”
Lexa nods. “I like the mornings. It’s quiet and it allows me to clear my head.”
Clarke nods back. “Makes sense.” She doesn’t know what else to say to Lexa. The remnants of her nightmare still haunt her thoughts.
Lexa gives her a strange look, as if she can read Clarke’s mind. “Are you okay?”
Clarke waves her off. “I’m fine, the nightmare I had was just a bit intense, that’s all.”
Lexa bites her lip and seems to be considering something.
“Would you like to get breakfast with me?”
Clarke is taken aback. She hadn’t expected that at all. It’s a nice surprise though.
“Sure, that sounds great.”
Lexa gives her a faint smile.
“Alright, I have to shower first but meet you at the café in an hour?”
Clarke nods. “Sounds great,” she says honestly.
“Excellent. I’ll see you soon.”
And with that, Lexa jogs off. Clarke watches her disappear around the corner.
--
Forty five minutes pass and Clarke figures she might as well head over to her school’s café now. She’s surprised to see that Lexa has beaten her there. She gives Lexa a small wave and joins her at a table by the window. Lexa hands her a cup of coffee, which Clarke accepts gratefully.
“It’s no cream, two sugars right?”
Clarke nods and smiles. “You remembered. Thank you.”
Lexa nods and averts eye contact. Clarke notices that her cheeks have turned pink. Clarke takes a sip of her coffee and gives a happy hum. This is exactly what she needed.
“Did you want to talk about what was bothering you?” Lexa asks.
Clarke stares out of the window and doesn’t reply for a few moments.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Lexa clarifies after Clarke had been silent for a while.
Clarke shakes her head. “I do want to talk about it. It’s hard.” She pauses. “A few months ago, my father was killed. I later found out that my mother was responsible for his death.”
Clarke looks at Lexa and sees that her eyes have widened but she doesn’t say anything, waiting for Clarke to go on.
Clarke swallows. “I sometimes have nightmares about his death. In some of my dreams, I’m so close to saving him but I’m always too late.”
Lexa hesitantly puts her hands on top of Clarke’s.
“That’s terrible,” she murmurs. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
Clarke gives her a sad smile. “It’s okay. It’s not too bad now. Anyways, I’m studying at the school he went to for underground. He would’ve been happy about that.”
Lexa nods resolutely. “I am certain that your father would be very proud of you if he was still alive.”
Clarke shifts her hand so that she squeezes Lexa’s. Lexa looks at their joined hands but doesn’t pull back.
After a few moments of them sitting in silence, Lexa breaks the silence.
“You are not the only one who has suffered the loss of a loved one,” Lexa swallows thickly. “A few years ago, my girlfriend was killed.”
Clarke’s mouth opens, horrified.
“I am so sorry Lexa.” She squeezes Lexa’s hand comfortingly.
Lexa nods and exhales. She closes her eyes.
“Her name was Costia and she was beautiful. She was killed by a drunk driver. They told me that she was still alive afterwards. She died waiting for the ambulance. A traffic jam had delayed it from getting to her in time.”
Clarke is stunned. She doesn’t know what she possibly can say to make Lexa feel better.
“What was she like?”
Lexa gives Clarke a strange look. Clarke fears that perhaps she’s said the wrong thing.
“No one has ever asked me that. Usually people tell me their condolences and they change the subject.”
“I would like to know. She sounds like she was an amazing person.”
Lexa nods. “She was. She was the happiest and carefree person I ever met. She could make total strangers fall in love after a conversation with her. She was… she was kind and nurturing. She was wonderful.”
Clarke nods and places her other hand on top of Lexa’s. “She sounds like an incredible person.”
Lexa nods and gives Clarke a half smile. “It took me a long time to get over her death but eventually, I realized that she would’ve wanted me to move on with my life.”
Clarke nods but doesn’t say anything. The two of them sit like that for a while in silence, hands intertwined.
--
Clarke finds herself at a party. Midterms are finally over so she figures she deserves a break. She’s nursing her second drink when she spots Bellamy. She waves and he gives out a loud whoop. He clambers over the crowd to where she’s standing.
Bellamy wraps his arm around Clark’s shoulder.
“Clarke!” He shouts. “It’s been way too long since you came out with us.”
Clarke nudges him. “Some of us have to worry about our grades.”
“Hey! I totally care about my grades,” he says, mock-affronted.
Clarke laughs. “Yeah, yeah.” She looks around at the crowd of people in the frat house they’re in. “You see any cute girls tonight?”
Bellamy shakes his head. “Excluding you? Nah but the night is still young.”
Clarke rolls her eyes. “You flatter me, Blake.” His arm is still around her shoulder but she doesn’t mind. Bellamy gets handsy whenever he’s had too many drinks.
“O!” Bellamy yells. “Oy, O! Over here!”
Clarke sees Octavia across the hall and they both wave. Octavia weaves through the crowd to where she and Bellamy are.
“Hey guys,” Octavia says, a little bit breathless. “Lexa’s with me too.”
Clarke widens her eyes when she sees Lexa appear from behind Octavia.
“Hey Lexa,” Clarke smiles.
Lexa doesn’t smile. She looks from Clarke to Bellamy to Clarke again.
“Hey,” she says, awkward.
Bellamy points at her. “You look like you need a drink. I’ll get you one.” He releases his arm and disappears into the crowd before Lexa can protest.
Octavia looks at the crowd behind Clarke and waves at someone.
“Sorry,” she says to Clarke. “I see Lincoln so I’m going to say hi.” She squeezes Clarke’s arm a little before rushing off to greet Lincoln.
“Guess it’s just you and me now,” Clarke says to Lexa.
“Looks like it.”
Lexa looks uncomfortable. Clarke cocks her head.
“Are you okay?”
Lexa nods and swallows. “I just need a drink and I’ll be fine.”
Clarke opens her mouth to say something but Bellamy’s spotted them and is holding three cups.
“Ladies,” he yells. He looks around. “Where’d Octavia go?” He hands Lexa and Clarke their drinks.
“She saw Lincoln,” Clarke replies. Bellamy grimaces and takes a giant gulp out of his drink. “Be nice Bellamy,” Clarke warns. “She really likes this guy.”
Bellamy wrinkles his nose. “I know but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. She’s my baby sister you know? I gotta watch out for her.”
He spots someone. He leans over and whispers in Clarke’s ear. “Hey, I see Echo. I’m gonna talk to her. We’ll talk later?”
Clarke rolls her eyes. “Go ahead.” Bellamy nods and disappears into the crowd once again.
Clarke looks at Lexa. “What do you say we go somewhere quieter?”
Lexa shrugs. Clarke notices that she’s already downed her drink. They stop into the kitchen to get another drink before going out in the balcony where it’s miraculously deserted.
Clarke leans her arms against the railing and looks out. They can see most of the campus from the balcony. The moon is out and the stars are bright. She inhales and lets out a contented sigh. She glances over at Lexa and sees that the other woman has copied her stance.
“Let’s make a toast,” Clarke proclaims.
“To what?”
Clarke thinks. “A toast to the end of midterms.”
They clink their red cups against each other and drink.
Clarke is definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol by now. She blinks a few times.
“So,” she says, while facing Lexa. “What made you come out here tonight? I didn’t take you for the partying type.”
Lexa shrugs. “I needed a drink.”
Clarke laughs louder than she had intended to. “I hear that. Thing’s’ve been so stressful lately.”
She notices that Lexa is staring at her. She bites her lip. “So Lexa, what’s been on your mind?”
“Not much,” Lexa says, noncommittal. Lexa averts her eyes away from Clarke. There’s an unspoken tension from her.
“Hey, what’s the matter?” Clarke asks, placing an arm on her shoulder. Lexa jerks it away, still refusing to make eye contact. Clarke shifts so that her body is right next to Lexa’s body. “Lexa, answer me. Please?”
“It’s nothing,” Lexa shakes her head. “It’s stupid.”
“Hey, look at me please?” Lexa turns her head so that her face is inches away from Clarke’s. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, you didn’t do anything. Just drop it.”
“Not until you tell me what’s up.”
Lexa doesn’t say anything and Clarke lets out a frustrated sigh.
“I swear, you’re the most confusing girl I know. One minute you let your defenses down and you’re a lot of fun to be around. The next, you have your walls up and you won’t let anyone in.”
Lexa clenches her jaw. “Sorry that I can’t be an open book like you.”
Clarke sighs. There’s a loud cheering noise that comes from inside and she can hear Bellamy hollering and whooping.
“It sounds like Bellamy is having a better time here tonight than I am,” she says wryly. “He’s been eyeing this girl for a while. Echo I think is her name. I saw her around so.” Clarke gulps down the rest of her drink and tosses the cup aside. “He won’t shut up about her.”
Clarke notices Lexa eyeing her with a curious expression. She feels self-conscious all of a sudden.
“What? Do I have something on my face?” Clarke asks.
“You root for Bellamy to get with another girl?”
Clarke shrugs. “Why not? He’s one of my best friends so he deserves to be happy.”
“So he isn’t your boyfriend?”
Clarke gives out a loud laugh. “Oh gods no,” she says in between laughter. “I mean, we totally tried it once but we found out that we were better off as friends.”
“Oh.”
Clarke smiles and shakes her head. Silly Lexa, she thinks. It takes her a few moments but comprehension dawns on her.
“Wait a minute, was that why you were mad? You were jealous?”
Lexa scoffs and looks away. “What? Of course not. Don’t be silly.”
Clarke grins and gets closer to Lexa. “You were jealous. You thought me and Bellamy were dating.”
Lexa backs away and swallows.
“You are ridiculous,” she declares. “Why should I care who you are or aren’t dating?” Her words ring hollow to Clarke.
Clarke shrugs and staggers a bit. She places a hand on the railing to keep herself steady.
“Suit yourself,” she mumbles. “I’m gonna get more to drink.”
She walks away and Lexa doesn’t follow.
--
Clarke wakes up the next day with a headache and a bitter aftertaste in her mouth.
--
Clarke once again sits in her hall’s common room. Once again, she has managed to been sexiled. It’s not too bad tonight. She has Netflix and she’s munching on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Life is grand.
She hasn’t heard from Lexa since the party two nights ago. Whatever.
She’s halfway through an episode of Parks & Rec when Lexa walks into the common room.
“Hey,” Lexa says, surprised to see Clarke.
“Hey,” Clarke replies coolly.
Lexa’s face is blank but Clarke has hung out with her long enough to tell the subtle differences on her face. Lexa is definitely feeling embarrassed right now. A few moments pass by in awkward silence. Lexa looks like she’s dying to say something but doesn’t know how to say it.
“Sexiled again?”
Clarke nods. “Yep.”
“Oh.”
This is easily one of the most awkward conversations she’s ever had.
“I want to apologize for my behavior on Friday night. It was immature of me.”
Clarke laughs. “You don’t have to speak so formally, you know.”
Lexa sighs. “I’m sorry, okay?”
Clarke nods and gives her a small smile. “Cool, thanks.”
Lexa bites her lip. “Would you like to hang out in my room? Anya isn’t there.”
Clarke closes her laptop and tucks it under her arm. “Lead the way.”
Lexa leads her to her room silently. Once they’re in the room, Clarke looks around.
“So what d’you wanna do?”
Lexa looks at Clarke and closes the distance between them. She puts a hand on Clarke’s cheek and kisses her. Clarke gives a surprised gasp but doesn’t push Lexa away. Clarke deepens the kiss and Lexa lets out a breathy gasp.
They pull apart and they rest their foreheads against each other.
“Took you long enough,” Clarke teases.
Lexa smiles and rolls her eyes. “So I guess that means you liked it?”
“Hmm, I dunno. I might need to try that again to see if I liked it or not.”
Lexa gives out a low laugh. “Dork.”
“Only around you.”
This time, Clarke is the one who initiates the kiss.