Chapter Text
“Is this bookshelf mine or yours?” Neil asked, tilting his head as he stared at the shelving unit before them both.
“I have no idea.” Knox shook his head. “You take it though. You and Todd have way more books than we do. Plus, we gotta fly.”
“Awesome. How are you getting stuff over there anyways?”
“Shipping, mostly. Let me say, it’s good to be a trust fund baby right now.”
Neil laughed, picking up the bookshelf easily so that he could take it out to the U-Haul that they’d rented for the next few days. He had finally graduated college, which was a feat in itself. He’d been signed to an agency, and was being sent out to audition after audition since. He’d decided to move in with Todd, since Todd was getting a masters, and Meeks and Pitts were too, but they were moving pretty far away for them. Thankfully, he’d already wanted to move in with Todd, so the rooming thing worked out perfectly.
“Here, lemme help!” Jamie called, rushing over to help Neil take the shelf down the front stoop.
“Thanks, Jamie!”
Jamie was out guarding the U-Haul, helping to pack everything inside. Cameron was upstairs helping Charlie, as he and Knox were making the move to Italy. They’d decided to wait a little while and have a massive, expensive wedding in Italy. It was just the level of tackiness that Knox was skilled at.
It was still a bit awkward between Jamie and Cameron, but it had settled more than it had previously. No one in the group knew yet if they were dating, but there were touches and a tension that hadn’t been there a year ago. Neil still couldn’t believe it had only been a little over a year since he’d met Todd. It felt like he’d known him for forever.
“Neil!” The voice he was thinking of called out, sticking his head out of the apartment window down to him. “Do you think we can let Knox keep all the cooking stuff? I have my own!”
“Yeah!” Neil called up, and Todd went back into the window.
The group of friends had decided to move Neil, Charlie, and Knox’s stuff out first, since Charlie and Knox were moving to Italy. They’d gone through with it after all, since Knox had had an incredible year that was almost too overwhelming with how much he learned and how wonderful it all was. He’d only agreed to move once Charlie had found a job at a local jazz club. They were moving to a smaller town, but they weren’t worried. Knox had lived there during his studies, and it had been wonderful.
Todd, Meeks, and Pitts were moving out of their old place tomorrow. Chris and Ginny the next few days. Everybody was having a new beginning here or there. With all new degrees in tow, the group of ten were moving quickly with the process of moving everybody around.
Pitts and Meeks were moving out to MIT, finally giving in to get degrees and TA various classes while they waited for their big breakthrough for a Noble Prize. Ginny had booked a television show that was set to film for a year in Los Angeles, and Chris was from there originally, so she had no problem wanting to follow Ginny out there, happy to move in with her girlfriend. Neil and Todd were living in Brooklyn, in a little place that suited them perfectly. Todd was getting a masters at NYU, writing various articles and trying to find an agent on the side for his more creative work. He’d already had multiple offers, so he wasn’t worried. Neil was busy running around the city for his agent, going to multiple casting calls everyday. He had yet to feel really bad about an audition.
The group were excited for their lives.
“What the fuck is this?” Meeks asked, laughing wildly as he held a photograph Charlie had had framed, the photo of himself and Knox in high school, posing next to graffiti sign that said “gay.”
“Oh my god, I forgot I had that.” Charlie laughed too, placing it in a box he was holding that was full of other miscellaneous things.
“I’ll carry down the bed frame!” Chris called, running over to Neil’s bedroom as soon as he reentered. “Help me out, Gin!”
“Coming!” Ginny called, pulling her head out of boxing up a few more of Knox’s kitchen appliances.
The place was a hubbub of people coming and going, dragging things this way or that out of the doorway and into the U-Haul, never to see the floor again.
“I’m so sentimental, I feel like I’m gonna cry.” Knox admitted, packing up the last of their things from their bedroom. “We did everything in here.”
“This was our first place together.” Charlie smiled at his fiance, who was getting a bit teary. “It won’t be our last, babe.”
“I know. I’m just being stupid. Italy is so beautiful. Charlie, I can’t wait to take you there.”
“I can’t wait either.”
“Is Meeks gonna ask Pitts to marry him already?” Neil asked, barging into the room while the two shared their little moment.
“What?” Another voice, this one being Pitts, asked, coming in behind Neil.
Neil laughed awkwardly, brushing some of his hair out of his eyes. It was a little longer these days. He liked it like that.
“What’s going on in here? Daylight is wasting!” Cameron said, also coming into the bedroom.
“Stevie!” Pitts called loudly, and a second later the shorter of the duo came into the doorway, since there was no longer any room in the place for him.
“What?”
“Did we forget to tell them we got married?”
Meeks paled. He’d asked Pitts semi-formally after their final presentation at MIT for school at a restaurant they liked to frequent after their work was finished there. It had been a lot of tears, a lot of kissing. Their parents had come in the next weekend, and Pitts was a bit quiet to admit: “Can we just do it tomorrow at the courthouse? I can’t wait any longer.”
Meeks had said yes, of course, and then there was a whirlwind once their parents had come in. In the hubbub of their lives the past few months, they hadn’t said anything to the group. They’d posted about it on Instagram, but apparently no one had batted an eye.
“I thought you guys were just posting another ‘this love is forever’ kind of thing.” Todd added, coming up to them. “I mean, I figured it out like two weeks ago, but I thought everybody just knew.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” Pitts lamented, “I’ve been wearing a wedding ring for six months and none of you noticed?”
“Hey- I’ve never been known for my observation skills.” Knox threw his hands up.
“Well, we did get married. If anyone is wondering.” Meeks stated, looking at Pitts with that little look of love he always bore for him.
“You’re both fucking ridiculous. Congrats!” Charlie cheered, and the group joined in.
“Drinks on me tonight!” Cameron grinned, “That’s awesome!”
“Hey, I hate to be a Cameron right now, but we’ve got to get this done.” Neil said, clapping both Meeks and Pitts on the back.
Later that night, once everything had finally been moved into Neil’s new apartment with Todd, everybody went a few blocks for a couple of drinks. Cameron had offered to buy, but said he’d taken that offer back once he remembered that there were ten people, and he was trying to go to law school in the fall. They’d all had a round of shots to celebrate the newlyweds. It felt right, like they were always meant to be together.
“This is nice.” Jamie said, smiling a little dreamily at Cameron as they waited for the others to get back from dancing or karaoke, or cheering those that were doing so.
Ginny and Neil were singing a terrible rendition of ABBA’s Money, Money, Money, and Todd and Chris were cheering them on from the sidelines. Charlie and Knox were off dancing, Meeks and Pitts were grabbing drinks.
“I think they’ve all finally warmed up to me.”
“They have.” Cameron agreed, taking a sip of his beer, hoping it would wash down the butterflies in his stomach.
“Cam,” Jamie began, picking off the label to his drink, which he often did when nervous. “I want to talk about us.”
“What’s to talk about?” Cameron asked, not looking over, fearing he’d spill out the secret right into the other’s lap.
They’d had discussion after discussion about what was going to become of them. And in the end, they’d both decided it was better to be friends. It was better than being nothing, to have peers and parents and carefully crafted relationships torn apart that they’d tried for years to cultivate.
“I can’t do this anymore. Whatever this is. Whatever we tried to call it.”
Cameron sat a moment, letting the words sink in. Wash over him. He felt sick, a little bit like he was sailing on a ship, destined to be seasick.
“What do you want to do?” He finally asked, turning to face him. “I’m here for the week before my internship. I can take you to the train station earlier I guess.”
“No. Dammit Cameron,” He shook his head, a little too violently and little bit like it wasn’t funny. “I don’t want to be your friend. I can’t do that anymore. I don’t care about it. I want to hold your hand. I want to date you. I want to be with you.”
“Hey can we put these here? We’re gonna go dance.” Meeks asked, interjecting by placing two drinks on the table and going off, Pitts’ hands never leaving him.
“I thought we already talked about this.”
“We did. Cam, you want this too, don’t you?”
“But I thought we both decided it was better for us both to…”
“To what? Pretend we don’t like each other? I’ve spent too much of my life hiding. I can’t keep lying about who I am. But if you want to, be my fucking guest. I just can’t do this shit anymore. Because it’s total bullshit. It makes me feel like I can’t do anything, like there’s this rock above my head. I’m done with undergrad. I’m not going to be the same person in law school. I refuse to take that guilt of being who I want to be with me. I refuse.” He shifted then, moving as if he were about to stand up. He eventually did, and it felt like he’d been watching him move slowly, as if time had stood still.
“Jamie…” His voice was too quiet. He couldn’t hear him over the singing, the music playing, the other people in the bar. “Jamie!” He called again, but Jamie was already heading towards the bar.
Frustrated and a little overheated from the moment, Cameron stood up, walking over to Jamie in a few steps, reaching him before he’d caught the bar. “Jamie.”
This time, the other had heard it. He’d grabbed him by the forearm, and not really knowing where the courage had come from, he kissed him. Harshly, messily, a bit of teeth and spit and unkemptness. But there he was, doing it anyways. Fearing Jamie would pull away, he pulled away first, an apology beginning to slide out of his mouth. Jamie silenced him in return, stopping his mouth with his own bestowed upon kiss. And then, the two melted against each other.
“I can’t do it either.” Cameron sighed out, an unknown tear beginning to fall down his cheek.
“It’s been killing me.”
“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”
“I didn’t think I could.” Jamie held him a little closer, wiping that lone tear away with his thumb. “But I’d look at you sometimes and think about losing my resolve on that. I guess I finally did after all.”
Cameron reached out to touch his cheeks then, holding them tenderly. He didn’t know if he could ever feel the way he was feeling right now again, but there was something in Jamie’s eyes that told him he was going to feel this way for a long time to come. Maybe this is what all of those poems and love songs meant. Looking at the boy who really, truthfully, cared for you as much as you did him, and wasn’t afraid to say it.
Across the bar, Ginny was leaning against Chris, a bit sweaty and too in love with her to make any real sense. “Babe,” She slurred a bit, drunk on the performance and the alcohol. “You owe me twenty dollars.”
“For what?” Chris laughed, pushing Ginny’s bangs out of her face.
“Cameron and Jamie. They’re kissing.”
Chris turned then, widening her eyes at the sight. “Oh fuck you.”
“Kiss me too!”
Chris didn’t have to be told twice.
A couple of weeks later, everybody was settled into their new spaces. All of them, that is, except for Knox and Charlie, who were currently being seen off at the airport by Knox’s parents, Neil, and Todd.
“Oh, we’ll miss you so much.” Knox’s mother began to cry, massive tears pouring down her face.
“I know you will, Mom. Mom, it’s gonna be okay. You can come and visit us as much as you like.” Knox assured, taking the woman in his arms.
Charlie was hugging Knox’s father, the two exchanging similar sentiments. They were all close. It was a little overwhelming to the two on-lookers who didn’t have such familial relationships, but it was beautiful nonetheless.
“Neil,” Charlie smiled at him, a little lopsided and a perfect mess. “Keep in touch. If you don’t…” The words fell away, and Neil knew exactly what he meant. Neil could see Knox’s parent’s stares, that familiar sadness building back up for the two. They’d driven Knox, Charlie, and Cameron to see him in the hospital. They’d been the pair to help the boys out when and where he couldn’t during that winter. He loved them too.
“You know I will, Charlie. I love you.”
“I love you too.” Charlie pulled him into a hug then, forceful.
“Todd,” Knox said beside the hugging pair, ‘It’s been great to get to know you. We assume we’ll be seeing more of you too. I can’t wait. I happen to like you very much.” Knox grinned, giving Todd a hug.
Charlie was next to hug Todd while Knox chatted to Neil, as the painter had begun to cry.
“I like you very much Todd,” Charlie had confessed before hugging the overwhelmed poet, “But if anything happens to him, I’ll fly over here. He’s my best friend. The best and first friend I ever had in the world. Treat him well.”
“Don’t mind Charlie,” Knox tried, pulling the two apart after he’d heard a snippet of Charlie’s words to the practically trembling boy.
It hadn’t mattered that they had known Todd for awhile now. He was still too anxious in public to welcome such grand gestures, and especially in front of parents he didn’t know. It was a bit awkward, but he appreciated Neil’s friends (and now his own too) immensely.
So, the pair of lovers walked off soon after, out to check their bags and embark on their new lives in Italy. Knox’s parents and the other couple in question said quick goodbyes, knowing they’d see each other again soon.
Catching a cab to the nearest subway station, Neil watched as Todd looked out the window. It was a bit cloudy outside, and the sun was just barely starting to come up. As they exited the cab, the sudden feeling he’d had since they’d boarded was boldly in front of him. This must have been what love was like for those people in plays, in films.
“You keep staring at me.” Todd said, swiping his card and waiting a moment for Neil to join him. “Do I have something in my teeth?”
“I just love you.” Neil said, that word ripping through his chest. He wanted to go back in time then, tell the boy he’d known that life wasn’t going to be just okay; it was going to be practically perfect. This was his own heaven.
“I love you too.” Todd responded, threading his fingers into Neil’s, exploring the way that felt. The words and rhymes and prose he could make out of the feeling of Neil’s hand against his were swirling around in his head again.
“Excuse me?” A young woman called, and neither paid heed to her until she was in front of them, studying Todd’s face intensely.
“Sorry?” Todd’s felt his face grow red, pulled from the silent bliss he’d been in.
“Did you have an article in the New York Times a few weeks ago? I think I recognize you from your picture.”
Neil beamed.
“I had an article in there, yes. Uh… thank you? Sorry, I’m a bit surprised you remembered it enough to recognize me.”
“I adored that article. Will you have more?”
“In the Times, I’m not sure. I’m trying to get published elsewhere.”
“I’ll be on the lookout. I read everything I could find from you online. I think you’re just the greatest.” She turned away then, back to a boy about her age. He reached out his hand for her to take.
Love was everywhere. As Todd turned to look at Neil, that feeling bubbled up again. Love. Always love.
“My poet,” Neil kissed him, soft and sweet.
Still intertwined, they sat down on the subway car, silent still from the early hour. Neil rested his head against him, his eyes shut. Happy to be at his lover’s side and to be going back to their apartment. Their home. A place they could always return to that was solely theirs.
Todd pulled his phone out of his pocket then, needing desperately to text Pitts and Meeks. He still missed them from when they’d moved out to school. It felt like a gaping wound, and Neil had been trying his best to heal it. He’d been doing quite well.
Whatever! We’re Gay <3
Todd
Just saying this now so I don’t forget and also because I want to write about it later and also because I miss you both and you taught me the invention of love
But I’m gonna marry him one of these days <3
Pitts
Meeks is still sleeping here and I’m just thinking about how I’m gonna get 11 more years of these little mornings with him<3 11 and 11 and 11 and 11 until the end of the Earth
When you know you know babe :)
Neil shifted then, settling his head back up.
“How much of that did you read?”
“All of it.”
“I knew the moment I met you.”
“I texted Charlie when we were at The Met that first day that I was in love with you.”
“I thought I was a little obvious the morning after when I made pancakes.”
“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Truly.”
Todd kissed him then, the two basking in that glow of love. It seemed to radiate throughout the subway car, through the waves of people around them, as they got off and up to their apartment. As they made their breakfasts and talked quickly with slow music playing softly.
“What are you doing?” Neil asked, watching his boyfriend write furiously as he cleaned up the kitchen, washing dishes and putting them back into their new places.
“Sorry, I’d help, but I’ve gotta write this down.”
“What’s it about?”
“We’re a match. A pair.”
“When you know, you know.”
“Love you.”
“You too. So very much.”