Chapter Text
"Hey, get the door will you?" Master calls from the kitchen, but Haku is already moving.
Their windows are deliberately positioned to have a good view of whoever is coming to visit them and Haku saw Kisame-san approaching. How Master knew is a mystery to him, but Haku puts it down to just another strange thing that happens around the swordsmen.
Ever since Master and Kubikiribōchō began speaking to one another, things have only gotten odder.
For one thing, Master and Kubikiribōchō have been holding tasting sessions. Perhaps inspired by the knowledge of Samehada's preferences in food, Master has taken to visiting the butcher and bringing home different blood products to feed to Kubikiribōchō. There's no denying the results, for even Haku can feel the sword's usually restless chakra calm a little.
As such, Haku is curious to know what new changes Kisame-san's visit will bring. He opens the door and bows. "Kisame-san. Welcome to our house. Master is in the kitchen."
Kisame-san walks past him, ruffling his hair with a large hand in passing. Haku combs it back into place with his fingers and follows on the heels of their guest, though perhaps 'guests' would be more appropriate.
Kisame-san strides into the kitchen, laying Samehada next to Kubikiribōchō as has become their custom. Samehada immediately begins licking the other sword and Haku averts his eyes, respectful of their privacy.
They're swords and they deserve respect for their service, but he's come to understand that they have clear personalities and for that they deserve as much respect as he would offer another human. Not intruding on the only intimacy that they can share seems like the polite thing to do.
"Zabuza." Rather than leaning against the wall or sitting down at their table as he usually does, Kisame-san stands solidly, feet planted as if he expects to be attacked. "I wanted to talk to you."
Master's hands don't pause as he slices the chicken for their dinner. "So talk. I'm listening."
"Well..." Kisame-san looks awkward, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "Can I borrow Kubikiribōchō?"
"Say that again." Master lays down his knife slowly, the movement imbued with threat and Haku tenses. If Master starts a fight...
He wishes that he hadn't put away his senbon after training.
Kisame-san holds up his hands and takes a step back, defensive. "Borrow! Only borrow! I'm not going to take it anywhere! I can even do it here, in your house, if you want me too! Though I really don't think you will."
"'It?'" Master's eyes narrow with suspicion. "What exactly do you want to do with Kubikiribōchō?"
"Not me." Kisame-san is blushing now and Haku feels astonishment. He didn't even know that the swordsman could blush. "Samehada. It wants to, uh, you know."
"No, I don't know," Master grimaces as if he's eaten something sour. "Spit it out."
Haku stares at his Master, keeping his eyes firmly away from the swords. Master must be playing dumb for even he understands the implications now and he's blushing even hotter than Kisame-san. If he was a civilian, he'd be too young for this conversation, but he's a blooded shinobi and he's seen things that no civilian his age has.
"Sex, Zabuza. I mean sex." Kisame-san has obviously given up on trying to be discrete and he sighs tiredly. "Samehada wants to have sex with Kubikiribōchō, and it can't have sex except when it's fused."
The expression on Master's face is an unholy combination of shock, horror, and disgust. It's obvious that he's imagining it and doesn't like the mental images.
"You..." Master is clearly struggling to get the words out and Haku has to sternly suppress the urge to giggle. This is serious Swordsmen business! He cannot laugh, no matter the face that Master is making!
"You're planning to fuse with Samehada and then fuck Kubikiribōchō?!" It's a roar of disbelief and anger, and Haku is thankful that they have no close neighbours.
If anyone else could hear this conversation...!
He bites the inside of his cheek.
No laughing.
Definitely not.
"Not fuck it! I mean, how would I even do that?" Kisame-san obviously realises exactly how it would be possible and shakes his head as if to dislodge the idea. Haku wishes him luck. "I just meant, you know, ejaculate on it."
Haku controls his breathing. Kisame-san just said ejaculate. This is... he doesn't even know how to describe what is happening in his kitchen right now.
"What the fuck! What has happened to my life!" Master throws his hands up with exasperation before he goes to kneel next to Kubikiribōchō. "Hey, I know you're listening to this. Do you want it? Bite me if you don’t."
He places his hand flat against the blade but no blood appears.
Master's eyes widen. "You’re actually going to let Kisame cum on you?"
Kubikiribōchō doesn't respond at all, but Samehada licks Master's hand with a hopeful air. Maybe it's the raw chicken that Master was cutting up, but Haku doesn't think so.
Master's lips work like they want to spit. "Just so you know, I’m judging you for your taste in sexual partners so hard right now."
A gash slices into Master's palm, and he winces. It’s not a bad injury, but deep enough to make the point that Kubikiribōchō is annoyed at him.
"Hey, that hurt! But fine." Master stands and points a finger at Kisame-san. "You do not bring her back covered in your cum you hear me? I am entrusting my baby to you, Kisame!"
Kisame looks deeply uncomfortable. "Yeah, alright."
He picks up both swords, holding them carefully together. "I'll take them down to the beach and bring them back later. When I'm done."
Master just shakes his head, clearly refusing to engage with the situation anymore. "Sure, whenever."
Haku escorts Kisame-san out the door, and watches as he walks down the path to the beach. Master didn't even complain about getting salt water on Kubikiribōchō. He must really be alright with this.
He returns to the kitchen and washes his hands throughly before taking over the fine slicing of the vegetables. He can't restrain his curiosity any longer. "Master, how did you know that Kisame-san was approaching our house?"
Master sends him a bemused look. "Because he told me he was coming over when we talked this morning. How did you think?"
Haku stares at the vegetables under his knife. "I didn't know. It's why I asked."
They cook and eat in silence, Haku too embarrassed by his over active imagination to make conversation.
He's washing their dishes when there is a knock at the door.
"Oh, for the sake of all the gods!" Master stomps over to let Kisame-san in.
Haku dries his hands rapidly, coming to stand in the doorway of their kitchen as he does so. He doesn't want to miss any of this.
Kisame-san is still fused with Samehada, and his voice sounds different, a little deeper perhaps. "Here you go, safe and sound. You, er, might have to-"
"Oil her again, yes I know how to take care of my own sword." Master interrupts with a grumpy expression. He examines the blade closely. "Here, you missed a spot."
Kisame-san bends almost double to see what Master is pointing at. "Oh yeah, sorry."
A long tongue flicks out of his mouth and he licks Kubikiribōchō. Master stares at him, aghast.
"Is that how you cleaned her!"
It's not a question, Master obviously knows that it is.
Kisame-san looks baffled. "Yes. We like the taste of both of us."
’We.'
Master mouths the word silently before slamming the door in Kisame-san's face. He spins around, already looking for the sword oil, and sees Haku watching.
"Do not say anything." Master points Kubikiribōchō at him. "Not a word."
Haku bows silently. He would never dream of disobeying Master's orders.
Master growls and heads to his room, grumbling about "swords in love."
That's interesting.
Are Kubikiribōchō and Samehada truly in love?
They're in a relationship at least.
Haku ponders the issue as he goes back to cleaning the dishes.
The swords will outlive their wielders by generations, possibly even centuries if they're cared for well and fed regularly. For two of them to have found love in each other... it's probably the closest thing to marriage that they will ever have.
Haku just hopes that they don't decide to divorce.
He doesn't want to be around for that sword fight.