Chapter Text
Fire Spirit yawned, getting very bored. It felt like it had been forever since he'd seen Wind Archer, he couldn't even remember what the man's FACE looked like...Fire's eyes lazily looked over to the clock, just checking to see exactly how long it'd been.
It had been one—no—two minutes.
But, hey, now that Wind was gone, nothing was stopping him from playing his music. Taking the opportunity, he put the CD back in, allowing the song that was playing before to resume.
Though it literally only played for like one second, as the sound of multiple rocks and banging fists on the truck were heard.
It came from the back, where the serving window for the truck would be. Fire grumbled to himself, ignoring it at first. Until more rocks started hitting, and they started banging harder, overpowering the music despite it being blasted quite loud.
Fire finally got up from the seat, heading over to the service window to see who was doing it.
"Alright, who the FUCK—"
A kid with a blue street cap hiding his eyes peeked up.
"Yo, wassup!"
"What the hell do you want, kid? Can't you see I'm busy here?"
Not even giving the boy a chance to answer he laughed,
"Wait, waaaait. Of course I know what you're here for! You probably noticed me from the front windows! I understand how incredibly honored to meet the great Fire Spirit! Ahhh, don't flatter me! No, actually, do!"
"This is an ice cream truck, DUH! I want some ice cream!"
"Why do you want ice cream when you're in MY presence?"
"Because you don't look like ice cream? Anyway, can I get some pistachio—mmmf mmf—"
Fire would reach down, covering the kid's mouth.
"Liiiisten, liiiisten. I don't think you understand. You're talking to me, the greatest legendary of ALL TIME!. You have no idea how LUCKY you are to be talking to me! I guess you could say I'm a hot topic!"
he continued his boast, "And, since I feel very generous today, how about I sign you an autograph and you scurry along?"
Skater moved Fire's hand forcefully, as the child crossed his arms. "Well, if you were really the best "legendary" or whatever, why would you be working on an ice cream truck? Shouldn't you be doing cool stuff?"
"I don't work in this truck. I actually stole this from some loser during a getaway, it's a long story!"
"Yeah, like I'm dumb enough to buy that. You work here, you work here!" the kid jeered.
"Really? The only reason I'm speaking to you right now is because you're being annoying and loud. I don't even look like I work here!"
"Why else would you be in an ice cream truck?!"
"Kid, are you slow? I just sai—"
"Give me a real answer!"
"What the fuck do you mean by give you a 'real answer'?!?"
"Hey, also, why does your face look like it was shoved in a toaster for three hours?" he asked this like it was a genuine question.
Fire Spirit paused for a slight second in shock, before laughing it off in all his cockiness.
"Pffft. Hahaha! Nice insult, kid, pulled that one right out your ass, huh?"
Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. THE KID'S GOOD. DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, FIRE. YOUR FACE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE IT WAS IN A TOASTER. YOUR FACE IS BEAUTIFUL.
He coughed.
"I was just asking—"
"Anyway, screw off will you? You're wastin' my time!"
"Man, you're the worst ice cream person ever."
"I am NOT an ice cream person!"
"Yes you are! You're a crusty old man who sells ice cream!"
"CRUSTY OLD MAN?!"
"I bet your wife left you ten years ago, didn't she?"
"Alright, first off. I'M NOT CRUSTY. OR OLD! Second off, I'm in a commited relationship with myself, thank you very much!"
"Oh...so you're just a lonely narcissistic old man?"
Fire Spirit put up the finger. "FUUUUCK YOOOOOU!" His voice boomed as the flame mass on Fire Spirit's head would grow, getting brighter.
"See? Exactly my point! If you were really the best, you wouldn't be so rude and uncool!"
"Say one more thing, you little shit, and we'll see who's face looks more overcooked when I—"
...Fire Spirit. Keep cool.
You know you're way cooler than some freshly baked cookie.
If you burn another child to ash, the others are never gonna let you hear the end of it.
And then, Millenial would force you to take Wind Archer's attitude management classes for another three years.
No...NO. Never again!
The new flames on his head died down quickly, returning to normal, "Uh. What I meant to say was—"
"Just face it, dude, you aren't rad!"
"Look, we just got off on a rough start. I'm the raddest person out there, if you'd knew me, you'd see that!"
"Nah, nah, you're trippin'! I bet you don't even skate!"
"Skate? Please! I know every skateboard trick in the book!"
"Oh, word?"
"Name a trick, best believe I can do it!" Fire Spirit would summon a skateboard, made of mainly coal.
"Show me the most complex trick you know!"
"Hey, If you insist! Just try not to faint from my awesomeness afterward!"
Fire Spirit was about to step out the truck, but then he paused.
Wind did say not to get out the truck...but since when do I listen to him? What's the worst that could happen here, anyway?
Skater looked at the spirit's face as it went blank for a few moments.
"What's wrong, having second thoughts already?"
His signature smug look finally crept on his face. "Not in the slightest! Move aside and let me show you what REAL skateboarding looks like!"
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"I do hope they take kindly to my suggestion..." Herb walked into the McDonald's with a smile, holding a clipboard.
The moment he walked in, Licorice looked up from the preschool-level number activity book he was reading and gasped dramatically, panickedly glancing over to Pom as Herb got closer.
"POM—POMEGRANAAAATE!" he'd whisper shout, "Code red! Code RED! VEGAN IN THE RESTAURANT!"
"Just act normal like you would to anyone else."
"How am I supposed to act normal when there's a VEGAN in here?!"
"Shut it, he's coming—"
They'd both stare at Herb as he reached the counter.
"Hello there! Hope this won't be too much of a bother." he'd set the clipboard down on the counter, it filled with various signatures.
"Assuming you didn't know already, I'm Herb Cookie. I run a small cafe just across the street. And, getting to the point, in all due respect...I don't think your options are very healthy, nor have I heard the best things about this place..."
Licorice shrugged, "Meh. This is a fast food place. And the food's fast."
"I understand, but...if you may hear me out, many Cookies this year have been getting interested in a new lifestyle, namely, vegetarianism. It is the practice of only eating fruits and vegetables, such as—"
"Yeah, yeah, I get it, you're vegan!"
"W-well, no, not necessarily...vegan and vegetarian are different things-"
"So, are you gonna order a salad or something?"
"Well...no...at least, that's not exactly my reason for coming...my point is to ask if you could possibly consider adding some duality to your establishment could cause your business to be even more successful! if you can look here..."
They'd look down at the half-filled piece of paper as he used his red pen to point at some of the the names that signed the petition.
"...you'll see that others agree with this sentiment! If you offered more vegan-inclusive choices, more people would come around, or at least those who previously enjoyed eating here who decided they wanted to become vegan could eat here again!"
You could almost hear Licorice's brain starting to make dial-up noises. "...I see..."
"Of course, that's just something to take into consideration, hoohoo!" He'd pick up the clipboard, taking the paper out of it. "In just a second, I'll be on my way, but if I may, could I please have a word with your manager?"
Pomegranate interrupted, "No, you may not." she'd continue mopping.
"Sorry! Nope! Our manager's too busy to speak right now!"
"Oh. Could I possibly stay in until the manger becomes available, then? I'd just like a very brief moment is all..."
"Not unless your order something! If you don't order something within the next seven minutes, the floor underneath you will crumble and you'll drop all the way down into someone's personal hell!"
"...Oh, hoo, that's a bit ridiculous—"
The tiles on the floor underneath Herb would turn to a reflection of a pit, under it filled darkness, lava, and the reverberating screams of the dead.
The floor would turn normal again after literally ten seconds.
"...I-I see...h-how much does your iced tea cost..?"