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Chapter 22

Notes:

donald: my kids now
daisy: dressmakerextraordinaire
della: legallyalive
fethry: krill enthusiast
gladstone: hey-20-dollars
fenton: cinnamon roll
launchpad: lesscrashingmoreflying
drake: walkingdarkwingduckwiki
panchito: sugar and spice
josé: everything nice

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

walkingdarkwingduckwiki
congratulations everyone!
we are now officially banned from bars in 4 separate states and we’re working on our way to the 5th!

legallyalive
woo-oo!!!

lesscrashingmoreflying
thats a lot of states!!

my kids now
fukc me sideways, we actually did it

hey-20-dollars
cuz, if you keep saying that someone will eventually come to you with their dicks out

my kids now
maybe i want some weiner in me, have you ever thought of that

dressmakerextraordinaire
!!!
babe, is that a challenge

sugar and spice
Lol donald gets pegged apparently

my kids now
ur just jealous you haven’t had a dick in you in a while

sugar and spice
Oof
One hit kill

and everything nice
donald is the one talking about sex??
is this real???

cinnamon roll
i think he’s still a little drunk
we did drink a lot in our last outing

walkingdarkwingduckwiki
on that note
congratulations donald for finally passing out from alcohol intake!
your first blackout drunk moment! i hope you’re happy.

my kids now
did i actually pass out
i remember npthing about our last outing

krill enthusiast
you did!
it took wiping out all the absinthe in like 3 different bars, but you did

cinnamon roll
4 bars
i countd

sugar and spice
If I ever said “the absolute madlad” in the future note that I am referrig to donald, always

walkingdarkwingduckwiki
that’s fair
but anyway
i heard you and daisy are living together now?
how’s that treating you

dressmakerextraordinaire
quite well!
it takes some adjusting but we’re doing okay

my kids now
things are a lot more organized with dais around
and the children love her

dressmakerextraordinaire
of course they do, honey, i’m great like that
speaking of, the girls are asking if i can make them dresses for your uncle’s wedding
when’s scrooge and goldie gonna get married?

legallyalive
theyre still discussing that

krill enthusiast
and also the venue
and also the activities

cinnamon roll
but weddings are straightforward?
vows, dinner party, maybe photos?

krill enthusiast
well… not for uncle scrooge

hey-20-dollars
uncle scrooge wants ritualistic swordfighting because, and i quote, he and goldie keeps having swordfight either with each other or back to back against someone else

my kids now
they’re also cinsidering doing it in some volcano’s stomach surrounded by lava for nostalgia purposes
not to mention something about freezing themselves in a block of ice for at least an hour just staring at each other? also for nostalgia purposes?
we mqnaged to haggle it down to having really accurate ice sculptures of themselves but. he was really insistent
we got huey at home to curb the weirder request but we dont know how successful he will be

cinnamon roll

no offense but your uncle is weird

my kids now
oh, none taken, i agree

hey-20-dollars
it’s uncle scrooge
of course he’s weird

and everything nice
i suppose weirdness runs in the family
after all, i don’t know who else would bother being a superhero, caballero, and a dad of a gaggle of children at once if not donald

my kids now
how did you know about me being paperinik???
wait
i mean
i have no idea what youre talking abot

dressmakerextraordinaire
we all know, donnie
you spilled the beans while drunk

my beans now
oh phooey
so everyone knows?

lesscrashingmoreflying
everyone in this groupchat knows!
drake and fenton also came clear after you did

walkingdarkwingduckwiki
i would like to reiterate fir the 30th time that i did not tell everyone my true identity willingly

hey-20-dollars
well its not like you can do anything when don’s babbling 100miles/hr about it

my kids now
whoops?

walkingdarkwingduckwiki
whoops my ass
im gonna fuck you up when we meet again

my kids now
try me you tv show hero wannabe

walkingdarkwingduckwiki
oh it’s on you washed out old news

dressmakerextraordinaire
fenton, are you really ok with this?
donald kind of babbled about your identity, too

cinnamon roll
it’s fine, i’m used to it
i mean, everyone in my block, the dry cleaner, and the mailman knows

hey-20-dollars
wtf

legallyalive
how

lesscrashingmoreflying
you forgot the barista at starducks, the triplets plus webby, mr mcdee, and mark beaks

legallyalive
how??

cinnamon roll
im
secrets sucks, man.

sugar and spice
Considering how basically everyone knows about fenton I guess it’s impressive that donald manages to keep his secret this long

and everything nice
he didn’t even tell us.
sniff. i’m wounded. i thought you trusted us.

my kids now
im my defense when i lived with you guys and dealing with felldrake i had stopped going out as paperinik
i legit thought i wouldn’t wear the costume again
and even these days i only go out as paperinik when its super urgent

krill enthusiast
besides, donald didn’t keep his secret that long.
we knew even back in his active days

my kids now
wait wat
i dind’t tell anyone??

legallyalive
not conscoiusly
you don’t talk in your sleep but if we prod you enough you answer questions

my kids now
what

legallyalive
so glads was messing around and he was like tell us your biggest secret
and then you said you were paperinik

krill enthusiast
oh boy, was that a shock of the lifetime.

hey-20-dollars
pretty sure i wouldve had a heart attack if i wasn’t so lucky

my kids now
but you didn’t say anything????

hey-20-dollars
yeah we got so shocked and then we just pretended it didn’t happen to preserve our sanity i think

my kids now
but wait
if you know then why did you become the paperinik fan club president @legallyalive ?

legallyalive
what, i wasn’t allowed to show my bro some appreciation??
but also, idk if you realized but your face everytime i started gushing abt how paperinik was really cool was
lets just say it was so funny i was basically dying inside

my kids now
…you became president of a fan club for shits and giggles.

Legallyalive
and to show my support!
i didn’t want you to find out how we found out so i kept silet but that doesn’t mean i couldn’t tell my bro how proud i wss of him!!

Cinnamon roll
aww

Dressmakerextraordinaire
that’s fair, donald needs appreciation.

krill enthusiast
he deserves all appreciation we can throw him!

walkingdarkwingduckwiki
i propose a toast to donald in order to appreciate him
to the next bar!

cinnamon roll
you just want another bar to get banned from

walkingdarkwingduckwiki
i just want to see if i can be the first person to ever get banned from all states, fen

lesscrashingmoreflying
that sounds fun?

and everything nice
truly a noble goal
when do we leave

hey-20-dollars
i was just about to say!
the next bar better have good crabcakes tho

my kids now
oh no the green bois are unionizing against us

sugar and spice
Excuse you! I’m a red boi and I’m right with them!

dressmakerextrordinaire
in any case, i probably won’t be able to join the next excursion because of my job
but put me in as your emergency contact so if you get wheeled into a hospital for alcohol poisoning i can help you out

my kids now
thanks dais, you’re the best

krill enthusiast
i’ll be the driver again!
since i’m not going to drink.

lesscrashingmoreflying
i’ll be one too!
i haven’t gotten the road safety badge

and everything nice
that’s fair, we probably will need someone sober to help us out

cinnamon roll
i’m pretty sure i’ll need help walking
i found sme bruises i don’t remember getting
did i bump into a door or somethinf?

my kids now
door is one thing

walkingdarkwingduckwiki
you also bumped into fellow drunkards
thr only reason they don’t beat you up is bcs you get so apologetic you cried
and also you bumped into carts
and cars
almost bumped into one in motion

cinnamon roll
i got into a car accident?!

walkingdarkwingduckwiki
almost

lesscrashingmoreflying
i got you before you got hit!

cinnamon roll
oh my god
thank you

lesscrashingmoreflying
anytime!

my kids now
i think im gonna stay sober this time
you people need supervising

krill enthusiast
thanks! we need the help.

hey-20-dollars
dad donald strikes again

dressmakerextraordinaire
maybe if i’m not busy you can video call me
i want to see what sort of things you will get into

my kids now
will do

legallyalive
but, anyway
back to the donald as paperinik thing
i have a photo of his face when i started praising paperinik, does anyone wsnt to see

walkingdarkwingduckwiki
YES PLEASE

my kids now
wait when dod you even get one??
we dont have a camera phone back then!

legallyalive
remember that one time i had a phase where i bring polaroids everywhere?
anyway this is the pic

legallyalive sent file DerpDon.png to the chat

my kids now
della

walkingdarkwingduckwiki
pfffffffftt

hey-20-dollars
HAHAHAHAHA

sugar and spice
Baby boye. Precious. Derp babbie

and everything nice
best picture award of the year

dressmakerextraordinaire
thank you, della
i now have a new background pic for my phone

my kids now

excuse me, everyone
i have sororicide to commit

legallyalive
welp thats my cue to scram!!
bye!!!

dressmakerextraordinaire
good luck, della!
and hold back, donnie
i don’t want my future sister in law to die

my kids now
ok i see that
but i get tp kill her a little. as a treat

dressmakerextraordinaire
oh well if it’s just a little then go ahead

legallyalive
BETRAYAL

Notes:

that's it that's the story

this has been a fun one to write! it's my first chatfic and i'm so happy with the chaos i get to unleash in this one. i hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i did writing it.
also, i think i've tackled all the dangling plot threads i want to tackle. will i write more chatfics in the future? maybe. i haven't decided yet. it was fun to write and fun to incorporate a lot of elements into, but it's a lot different from writing long, possibly tangential descriptions and narrations, which i'm a lot more familiar with. in a way, it was pretty challenging to incorporate plot threads without writing narration. super fun, though!

thank you for sticking with me all the way through this ride. i hope to see you in my next projects.
have a great day!

Notes:

come yell at me at my tumblr. trash-raccoon for my main blog and twilighteve-writes for my writing blog.