Chapter Text
Brooklyn, NY, Monday, October 24, 2016, 8:55 pm
“Pizza's here!” Clint announces as he closes the apartment door with one hand and balances the pizza on the other.
Nat pops out of a bedroom down the hall. “Great, we're probably ready to take a break in here.”
Clint and the pizza walk down the hall to see the disaster that is Steve's bedroom at the moment.
Nat leans against the door frame and surveys the destruction.
“How's it going?” Clint asks cautiously from the doorway.
Sam is sitting in the middle of a pile of lumber looking confused at a book of instructions.
Steve is intensely looking back and forth from the instruction book in Sam's hands to the screws in his own. “I think it's indicating this one.” He holds the one in his left hand out.
“Are you sure?”
“No.”
“It's time for pizza guys. We'll get back to building the bed afterwards. Clint here's a wiz with flatpack...” She waves for Sam and Steve to come on.
Sam happily sets aside the instructions and carefully steps around the tools and parts they've laid out.
Steve hesitates. “I've got to get this done.” He looks up at the others waiting for him.
“It'll get done, we can take a break.” Sam tells him.
“I can keep working...” Steve looks around at the parts he's in the middle of.
“Steve, you've been working, come on.” Natasha gives him a look. “We'll get things together, I promise.”
He sighs and nods, before getting up he makes sure to put the screws down in their respective piles.
Sam claps him on the back as they follow Clint and Nat out to the kitchen.
“It's getting done man, things will be ready for him, don't worry.”
“Yeah.” Steve have smiles. He knows they're getting there, he is certainly happy for everyone's help.
Natasha grabs plates and cups. Clint puts the pizza on the counter and opens the box with a flourish, grabs a pieces and takes a bite obviously burning his mouth on the hot cheese.
Sam shakes his head. “You never learn man.”
Clint swallows and puts the rest of his slice on the plate Nat offers him. “I like it hot.”
“Sure you do.” Sam looks skeptically at him, Clint just shrugs and takes another bite. “You could at least blow on it.”
“Weak.” Clint says around the burning piece of pizza in his mouth.
Steve takes a piece of pizza and goes to sit at the table. Natasha joins him. “So, Bucky must be excited to be coming home with you.”
Steve looks at his pizza and back at her. “...I don't know.”
“Really? I figured he'd be all ready to move in.”
Steve looks unsure. “When the FBI called me to the hospital and Sam and I saw him, he was happy to see me, us, there was no doubt in my mind.” Steve shakes his head. “but over the past few days... it's like I don't know him... I don't know what he's thinking. He says, he says he shouldn't move in... like he afraid to move in here. He just seems nervous.” Steve leans his head on his hand and just looks at his pizza.
“That's understandable.” Natasha folds her slice in half. “You and Sam just got shot at because of him. He left here before you got home because he was worried about us getting hurt.”
“What?”
“When you were on the phone and we were trying to get him to stay here you said something to the effect of 'Bucky you're safe, stay.' he said 'If I stay then you won't be. He left that night because something spooked him and because he was worried about at least your safety.”
“What can I do?” Steve asks.
Natasha shrugs. “The bad guys are dead and caught right, I'd think that would help.”
“yeah...” Steve knows that's the case for two of the people that held Bucky against his will for two years. He can only hope that's the end of it. But he feels like Bucky would be more relaxed if it were the case.
“You got any pepper flakes here or should I go get ours?” Clint asks loudly opening the kitchen cabinets. “Why do you have like five packages of Double Stuffed Oreos?”
Sam sighs. “Because earlier Tony saw the shopping list I was writing for things to get to be ready for Bucky and I guess he interpreted me underlining the Oreos on the list as us needed him to have five packs sent over.”
Steve shakes his head. Tony did send over more than just Oreos and while what he sent was a bit much at least it had saved them from going to the store for groceries and left them more time to get a bed.
the Hospital, Brooklyn, NY, October 2016, 1:30 pm
His hand shakes and his signature is clumsy as he signs the papers that are put in front of him.
It's been a long time since he signed anything. It's been a long time since he's held a pen.
The nurse collects the papers and the doctor who he's seen a few times over the passed few days comes by and gives him papers explaining general care for broken bones, concussions, and sprains.
The doctor explains things but he has a hard time concentrating on what's being said.
He looks to Steve. Steve nods at all the things the doctor and the nurses say. Steve keeps hold of the papers including the prescriptions the doctor writes for a muscle relaxer and a physical therapist and a referral for an orthopedic doctor for his arm.
After the doctor leaves the nurse instructs him to go ahead and get dressed in his clothes to leave and she'll be back around to escort them out.
Before he can start the task at hand one of the FBI agents slips into the room. The one that looks like a school guidance counselor.
Steve greets him “Agent Coulson.”
“Good afternoon gentlemen. I just wanted to let you know that the FBI will be following up leads and will be tracking down other associates of Alexander Pierce and the illegal activity he was involved in. Should you remember something or if you are contacted by anyone from Pierce's circle, call us.” He takes a card from his jacket pocket and sets it on the table by the bed.
The FBI agent gives him a knowing look. “We won't be far. Welcome back to the world Mr. Barnes.”
The agent leaves with a nod.
Steve puts the card with the other papers and then starts to pull things from a bag. Sneakers are set on the floor and a pair of sweatpants are held up. “You ready?”
A grimace crosses his face.
He doesn't know what he is.
He's dressed and tired and sore when the nurse comes back to the room with a wheelchair and directs him to sit down.
He sneers, he doesn't want to... to move, to ride in a wheelchair, to be pushed by someone he doesn't know.
He starts to protest, then feels the phantom gaze of Alexander Pierce on him.
Pierce didn't like when he upset the medical staff.
He'd get punished for that.
He remembers.
He gets in the chair. He bites his lip and looks straight ahead.
“Do you need to go get your car?” The nurse asks Steve.
“Our ride is meeting us at pick up.” Steve informs her.
He tenses, he doesn't know who's picking them up. Stark had said something... said to text for a ride.
Had Steve texted him? Was Tony picking them up? What was he going to say or do this time? He braces himself. Closing his eyes against the memories of the memories that Stark had called up yesterday.
When they get to the exit there's a car waiting and a big man in a suit who opens the back door of the car.
“Mr. Rogers, Mr. Barnes, I'm Happy Hogan, Mr. Stark sent me to give you a lift anywhere you need to go.”
His right hand winds around something and grips it tight. He looks down at his lap and sees the elephant Steve's roommate Sam brought him.
He's twisting the ear in a death grip. He looks up and everyone is looking at him.
“You ready to go Buck?” Steve asks and he doesn't know. He doesn't know if he's ready. If he wants to go anywhere. If he wants to get in a car with someone he doesn't know.
He's outside the hospital now and he can feel the sun on his skin.
Pierce had said he wouldn't see the sun again for a very long time.
Pierce isn't going to like this.
Pierce is dead.
A cool breeze blows his hair across his face and he realizes the people around him are talking. He wasn't listening. He blinks and tries to concentrate.
They're waiting. They're waiting on him. It's not good when he makes people wait. Steve will wait, Steve was always good at waiting. Hell, Steve was often slower than he was.
He stands up from the wheelchair, apparently rather abruptly because Steve has to step back out of his way.
He sways but keeps his feet under him.
“Whoa, ok pal, I guess you are ready to go.” Steve moves close to his side and puts a hand on his back to steady him.
The nurse moves the wheelchair back and leaves with a parting. “Take care.”
He takes a few slow sore steps to the car and gets in. Steve hovering at his side until the car door is closed.
He finches at the noise.
Steve slides into the back seat on the other side.
Bucky's bundled down on the other end of the back seat. He's sitting as far back in the seat as he can. The hoodie and sweatpants Steve brought him to wear look two sizes too big. He's holding his left arm protectively and looking at everything warily.
“The ride won't be too long, we'll be home soon.” Steve says to try and reassure him. He doesn't look reassured, his eyes are too big, too wide.
Bucky looks nervously at everything and everyone.
Happy looks at them in the rearview mirror “Where to?”
“hum, home... my apartment, it's on...”
“I know the way.”
Steve supposes he does, he likely drove Tony when Tony was over. “Great, thanks.”
Bucky is very quiet, very still and very tense. Every wince and grimace Bucky makes Steve winces too. He winces sympathetically when Happy has to hit the breaks because some yahoo on a vespa cut out into traffic and Bucky grimaces.
Steve looks down at the time on his phone. “Looks like we'll beat Sam home, he'll be back after class. Natasha and Clint want to come over and say hi when you're up to it.”
Even with Bucky facing towards the window Steve can tell he's biting his lip.
“We've got things all set up like I told you. I rearranged things so your bed fits right in the room with mine. There's lots of food in the house. We did some shopping and then Tony sent over the stuff too. There's lots of fruit and granola bars and more Double Stuffed Oreos then you can image.” Steve shakes his head.
They're quiet for a little while and it isn't long before Happy pulls up in front of the apartment building and gets out to open their doors.
Bucky blinks against the afternoon sunlight.
His hair hangs in his face and he tucks himself into the corner as they ride the tiny old elevator up to the third floor.
Steve talks nervously about the thing, something about it being put in in the 1930s. “It's not used a lot since it's so small and out of the way but the building super keeps it in good working order. I'm glad they do.”
He's glad too, the few steps up to the front door were enough for him. He wasn't looking forward to pushing himself up three flights.
He didn't like when Steve had to close the gate and then the door. Creepy old elevator.
Too tight a space.
He doesn't like being closed in here. He doesn't like being confined, cramped.
He's been confined before, alone.
“Just one more floor.” Steve's voice cuts through his thoughts.
He opens his eyes, he didn't realize he'd closed.
He finds he's wringing the elephants ear in his hands again.
“It's ok, I know it's an old elevator but it's safe I promise.” Steve says and then there's a ding and the elevator stops and Steve lets them out.
They're at the end of the hall opposite to the stairwell.
Steve walks at his slow pace and points out “This is Natasha and Clint's place.”
The door is nondescript except a picture of a bullseye is taped above the apartment number.
“In between their place and ours is, or was, Mr. Kim but he told me yesterday he's moving to Hoboken.”
“Why?” He feels compelled to ask. His voice is quiet but Steve hears him.
“I asked that too, apparently his sister is there.” Steve shrugs. “I'll be sad to see him go. He was a good neighbor and this is us...” Steve pulls out his keys and unlocks the door. “Why don't you have a seat on the couch or would you like to lay down? Your bed's ready for you, our room in down the hall to the right.” He puts his keys on the table by the door. “The bathroom is down the hall to the left.” He moves into the apartment and puts his bag down by the kitchen table then drapes his jacket on one of the chairs. “Is there anything you'd like to have to eat, anything that sounds good after hospital food? Anything you've hum...missed?” Steve goes to the refrigerator and gets a couple bottles of water. “We could get pizza or Chinese, there's a really good sandwich place around the corner that makes a great pastrami on rye...”
Then Steve turns back to where he left his brother.
He'd expected Bucky to make himself at home.
The Bucky he'd grown up with was good for being able to make himself comfortable anywhere they went, whether Steve had dragged him along to a drawing class at the library or they'd found themselves at the YMCA with the Brooklyn Senior Center's Woman's Swimming Club using the pool Bucky was good at finding a place for himself.
Steve looks up from the fridge and sees that Bucky is standing just inside the door, he's not moved two steps since they first got in.
He's got the elephant that Sam gave him held by the ear.
He's got that big watery eyed, lost expression Steve has seen on his face when they first FaceTimed on Natasha's phone.
“Hey, hey it's alright.” Steve sets the waters down and crosses the floor to Bucky in long strides. He stands in front of Bucky, concerned but unsure what to do or how to help.
Bucky's bitting at his lip. Tears are welling in his eyes and threatening to roll down his face.
“Hey Buck, what's the matter?” Bucky doesn't react, It's like he's not hearing Steve at all. It's eerie and Steve doesn't know what to do. “It's ok... It's ok...will you sit down? Come on, you should sit down.” Steve puts a hand on Bucky's back.
He tenses further but lets Steve lead him, gently a few steps to the sofa.
“It's ok Bucky, just try to take it easy, you can sit. You're ok... it's ok.”
Bucky sits and stares at nothing.
Steve hovers. “What do you need and I'll get it. Are you hot or cold? Hungry? Thirsty? Talk to me Buck.”
Bucky sits with a thousand yard stare.
A minute ago
He was here before.
It was different then. The couch was in a different spot. He was here, he was looking for Steve.
He was here and he was safe for a time, but not and they weren't.
He left, he had to leave. He left and they found him.
There's a tracker, he knew it. He didn't know it when he got there but he found out.
The van circled the block as the rain eased and he watched out the window.
It circled once, twice, three times and he knew they knew he was near.
He ran to make sure they didn't get any closer. Closer to Steve... closer to Steve's friend.
He needs to keep the darkness away from them.
He brings darkness.
They found him that night before the sun came up.
He'd gone to the docks. It was where his feet took him.
He felt like a ghost in the shadows til they found him and then he was all flesh and bones and shredded vocal cords.
He kicked and bit and punched but they punched harder. Rumlow or the other man with him or both wrenched him out of his hiding place by his arms. By his bad arm and threw him in the back of the van.
They put a gag in his mouth and a bag over his head then drove.
They took him to Pierce.
When the bag was grabbed from off his head a hand back handed him hard across the face.
His lip split open again. blood and saliva dripped from his mouth as Pierce grabbed his chin and sharply turned his head to face him.
He shivered in his damp clothes. He cowered from the man who controlled his entire existence.
“...you have nothing and no one... show him what we do to assets who run.”
Pain, pain and humiliation. Solitude... a relief and then a torture.
He was alone, alone, alone.
Nothing and no one
He's no one.
my name is James Buchanan Barnes
my name is James Buchanan Barnes
my name is James Buchanan Barnes
He tries to drive the awful memories from his head.
Sam opens the door to the apartment quietly.
Steve texted him that Bucky was officially discharged and they were on their way back home. That must have been about an forty five minutes ago. He doesn't want to make too much noise in case Bucky's sleeping or something.
He doesn't know what to expect.
Whatever he was expecting it isn't what he finds.
Bucky's sitting on the sofa and Steve is standing looking perplexed and concerned.
“Hey” Sam greets them softly. Steve turns in his direction like Sam shouted and surprised him. He practically jumps.
Bucky on the other hand doesn't even turn his head to acknowledge he said anything.
“Sam! I don't know what happened... it's been ten minutes and, and he's been staring like that and I don't know what I did... I shouldn't have let them discharge him... I should have insisted...” Steve rambles and Sam tries to take in the situation.
Bucky looks a million miles away and Steve looks like he's ready to panic. Sam's wondering what in the world he's going to do and how he got himself into this.
He thinks quick and put a hand on Steve's shoulder. “It's gonna be ok Steve, come on let just give Bucky some space.” He hopes he's right.
Steve looks from Sam to Bucky, he hesitates but nods. “Yeah ok.”
“Come on.” They walk back to the kitchenette. Steve has a hard time not watching Bucky even when they get to the island and all he can see is the back of Bucky's head.
“How was everything leaving the hospital.” Sam opens the cabinet and pulls out one of the packages of cookies.
Steve leans against the counter. “Good, I mean it went smooth. I thought it did. He was nervous and was worn out by the time we finally got here but there wasn't anything worrying until, whatever this is... he just shut down, like with the candy... just suddenly blank, but right inside the doorway. Thank goodness he didn't pass out or something. He just kinda froze.”
“Must have been scary.” Sam tries to be calm as Steve's still shaken up.
“I've never seen anything like it.” Steve puts a shaky hand through his hair. “Is he going to be ok? Was this a mistake?”
Sam hums as he stops what he's doing for a second. “Growing up I had a couple uncles who fought in 'Nam. It didn't happen often when I knew them but I saw, sometimes, one of them or the other would get a far away look in his eyes and he'd be somewhere else for awhile. Lost in memories.”
“What happened?”
“It would pass.” Sam grabs a napkin and puts some cookies on it. “Eventually.”
Sam walks the cookies out to the side table by the sofa and clears his throat to announce his presence. “Hey Bucky there's some cookies for you here on the side table. Double Stuffed. Whenever you're ready.”
It's another five minutes until Sam and Steve in the kitchen hear a groan from the sofa.
Steve is up off his stool in a flash but Sam catches his eye and holds his hand up signaling for Steve to chill and take his eagerness down a notch.
Steve takes a breath and gives Sam a small smile as he goes to check on Bucky.
Sam pours a glass of milk and carries it to the sofa.
Bucky looks tired and nervous but he's blinking and present and responding to Steve.
He turns when Sam comes into his sightline. Sam's pretty sure Bucky blushes. His ears certainly get pink. It crosses Sam's mind that it looks cute but he doesn't dwell on it.
“Brought you some milk to go with the cookies.”
“Cookies?” Bucky looks confused at the two of them.
Sam holds up the cookies from the side table as he sets the milk down “Here, they're all you.”
Bucky's eyes get big, he takes one from the pile of cookies on the napkin Sam is holding out to him. “Take what you want, we've got enough for like three months.”
Bucky squints at him. It's a questioning look.
“Man, don't ask, just eat.”
Bucky looks at the cookie and looks half way surprised to be holding it in his hand. “Thank you.” It's quiet and a little hoarse but Sam hears him.
“No problem. We're glad you're here.” Sam tells him.
“Yeah Buck real glad.” Steve adds.
Bucky doesn't look one hundred percent convinced, It's going to take time for him to believe what they're telling him.
Tired, he seems to sink even further into the sofa if that's possible.
Steve sits on the other end of the sofa and Sam takes a seat in the arm chair as Steve turns the TV on and Bucky slowly eats his cookie.
Sam gets the distinct feeling he's in for an experience, now that he's living with two very stubborn boys from Brooklyn. One who eagerly wants to fix everything for everyone and one who's been broken and is gonna need help putting the pieces back together.
Sam has never shied away from a challenge before.
It'll be interesting to see where this all goes.
