Chapter Text
After breakfast and some pain killers Loki’s headache was gone, or at the very least wasn’t killing him anymore, so they started working on the unfinished furniture all around the not-yet house.
“Here,” Billy handed Loki some instructions. He took a look at them intently, squinting slightly. Reading was still a bit hard with the small headache he had. He pushed through, though. “It’s for the couch.”
“Oh, alright.” Loki smiled fakely. “Do you need me to do anything else?”
“No, just read it aloud for us, please.” Billy responded. He seemed very determined, so Loki decided not to push it. He sat cross legged on the floor, reading the instructions in his mind. Halfway through, he got lost in thought.
What the hell am I doing here? Honestly? I’m just intruding. Everyone here's happy. I should just leave-
“Loki?” His head snapped up fast, hurting his neck and making his head pound. Billy and Teddy were looking at him, concerned. Loki never thought he’d see the day that Billy was concerned about him, after all he did. What the hell am I doing here-
“Yeah?”
"You...ok?" Billy asked, setting down a part of the couch.
"Um...yeah, sorry...just got lost in thought again.." He explained.
"You seem to do that a lot now, huh?" Teddy inquired.
Loki tensed up slightly. Leave, get out, go away, they don't want you here.
"Y-yeah.. sorry about that.."
Teddy shrugged, "It's not a problem, just don't let your mind wander too far."
"Ok…" He agreed, and went back to reading the instructions. Just keep your mind on the task. Help them. Then leave.
After about 2 hours they managed to finish the couch and the coffee table. Loki actually felt a little accomplished, though he quickly dismissed it. It’s the least you can do.
“Hey boys, how’s it going?” All three of them looked up from what they were doing to find Kate standing in the doorway. “Wait, you actually got the couch done?” She seemed a little too shocked.
“Mhm. We got the coffee table too.” Billy responded, smirking a little. “Loki helped a lot, actually.” At this, Loki turned a little red. He wasn’t exactly used to praise, even though this wasn’t really that. Still, it felt good. But his mind decided happiness wasn’t on his agenda today. It’s the least you can do after all you’ve done.
“Well, that’s good.” She nodded, impressed. “I’m just checking on everyone, seeing how it’s going.”
“How is everyone else doing?” Billy asked her, still smirking.
“Probably worse than us,” Teddy smirked a little, too.
“Well, if you must know,” Kate rolled her eyes. “America’s doing well with the shelves, David and Tommy are still fighting over where to place the pictures - I had to give them a less meaningful task after the table and chairs.”
“What about Noh-Varr?” Billy questioned. Kate rolled her eyes again and groaned.
“Haven’t seen him in like three days.” She growled. “He’s avoiding doing work, I know it. God, he’s such a man-child.”
“Trouble in paradise?” Tommy asked as he raced by. He slowed down right before he hit a wall.
“Wha- Do you have to be part of every conversation?!” She yelled at him. She was clearly on edge, though it didn't phase Tommy. Maybe it was normal. You don’t belong here, Loki. Loki shook his head, earning a glance from Billy and Teddy.
“Well, I like knowing things!” Tommy responded. “Are you and Noh-Varr having issues?”
“When are they not?” Billy mumbled.
“No, no we’re not.” Kate growled. Loki wondered if she was lying. Wondering like that was a habit he’d picked up from Verity. His thoughts went back to the previous day and he shuddered. Stop it. Stop. It. Shut up! Why were these thoughts haunting him now, of all times. He dealt with them a lot, but today they were just vicious, like they wanted his head. Maybe that was what the voices wanted, for him to give up. Maybe a small part of him was waiting for him to melt into nothing but a puddle. Listening to the voices was like listening to a murder of crows cawing. It was miserable and it sounded awful, but what could you do?
“Loki, are you okay?” He looked up again to see everyone looking at him. Great going, look what you did.
"I'm fine. Why?" Loki answered, shakily.
"You kinda zoned out on us there. Are you sure you're ok?" Kate asked.
No "Yep, I'm fine." He lied. I did what I could to help, I should leave, before I ruin anything else .
"Ok.." She said skeptically, before adding "Would you do me a favor and see if you could get Noh-Varr out of his stupid ship for me?"
"Hey, it's not a stupid ship!" Tommy commented, though no one seemed to pay much mind to him aside from a few eye rolls.
"Um...Sure I guess." He replied, admittedly a little reluctant. It's the least I could do for her...and it might be nice to see Noh again..
He got up from the floor, slowly as he didn’t want to make the headache worse. Black spots appeared in his vision, but were gone as quickly as they came. “God I hate being tall.” He muttered.
“The ship is just that way, if you’re wondering.” Kate pointed down the hallway next to the kitchen. Loki nodded and followed her directions. In the hallway, he found David sulking over a bunch of pictures.
“How’s the pictures going?” He asked. David simply flipped him off. “I’ll take that as an answer.” He moved on.
The hanger and ship weren’t hard to find, it took up a fourth of the house. Loki took a moment to take in the house. He looked up and realized he could see upstairs. There was a staircase in the corner, a windy one with slots between every step that looked like it could give you an anxiety attack every step of the way. There was also a hole in the ceiling, so he could see the living spaces upstairs.
He crossed the foyer and made his way to the entrance of the ship. He could tell Noh-Varr was inside, the lights were on, so he knocked. Of course, he didn’t get a response. So he knocked again. And again. Finally, 5 minutes later, he got a response.
“Who’s there?” Noh-Varr called out. Oh god how do I respond to that? “It’s Loki! Remember me?” Seriously?
To Loki's surprise it almost instantly opened up, and Noh-Varr stood there, smiling widely "Loki!! It's been so long my friend! How have you been?! :D" He asked, as he engulfed the god with a hug.
Loki put on a fake smile, "I'm ok I guess, How about you?"
Noh-Varr patted him on the back, "Oh I'm doing great! The team finally moved out of my ship so I’m turning it into what I hear people on Earth call a ‘Man Cave’, so far it looks awesome! Would you like to see?" He asked.
"Probably not today, I really don't want to intrude more than I already have." He explained, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.
"Nonsense! You won't be intruding at all!!" Before Loki could have a chance to protest again, Noh-Varr was leading them into his ship.
The inside of Noh-Varr’s ship hadn’t changed much, from what Loki remembered of it. Loki let Noh-Varr lead him deeper into the ship, passing by the other rooms until they got to the area Noh-Varr had wanted to show. Loki was slightly taken aback.
Noh-Varr had set up a whole gaming area, computers, keyboards, controllers, everything. He had posters for bands and cds in a case. He even had neon LED lights. He had everything, sort of.
“Woah…” Loki couldn’t help but gasp.
“Do you like it?” Noh-Varr was practically bouncing.
“Yeah! It’s really cool!” Loki felt a smile creep up on his face. One thing that could always make him happy was geeking out on gaming tech, and another thing that could make him happy was Noh-Varr. Being around him was nice. It was like nothing bad had happened. Don’t forget what you did! You shouldn’t be here! They’re only being nice because you're suffering! It’s pity, Loki! It’s all pity! He flinched, the smile disappearing from his face. Noh-Varr noticed, of course.
“Are you okay? You seem distressed.” He tried to reach out for Loki, but Loki flinched. He actually flinched. “Loki, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Nothings wrong.” Loki lied through his teeth. “I just have a hangover. I was drinking heavily last night.”
“Should I turn the lights off?” Noh-Varr held up the remote for the lights. Loki shook his head.
“I’m fine.” He lied again. No longer the god of lies, huh?
There was a minute of awkward silence, until Noh-Varr said "You know you can talk to me, right? I know we haven't talked in a while but if something's wrong I'm always there for you."
"Thanks Noh...but like I said, I'm fine."
Noh-Varr laughed "If our adventures have taught me anything it's that people like us are never simply 'fine', but if you wish not to speak about it right now, I understand."
Loki stared in shock, he felt his eyes start to water, and smiled, "T-Thank you, Noh-Varr, sometimes I forget that you know how to read me like a book too." He huffed a laugh.
Noh-Varr smiled softly and pulled his friend into another hug, "Of Course my friend." He thought for a moment before speaking again. “Do the others know you’re here?” He didn’t wait for Loki’s answer.
Loki found himself being dragged back into the living space where Kate and Billy were fighting over which way to situate the couch. As he and Noh-Varr entered the room, Kate gaped, only for a minute, and Billy snickered, earning a slap on the wrist from Kate.
“Loki, you wizard.” Billy laughed under his breath.
“Sorcerer.” Loki corrected, also under his breath.
“Did you guys know Loki was here :D?” Noh-Varr bascialled presented Loki like a class project. He didn’t really mind, he was kind of enjoying it.
“Yeah, you’re the last to know. Congrats.” Kate rolled her eyes. Had she always done that? Loki pondered. She did a lot of eye rolling. “Now that our plan to use Loki to lure you out worked, you can help us with the shelves in the dining area.”
“Oh come on-” Noh-Varr pouted. Loki snickered a little.
“We fooled you with the power of Loki!” Tommy laughed from the dining area.
“How did that actually work, I really want to know.” Billy laughed as well. Basically everyone was laughing but Noh-Varr. He scowled, but didn’t protest.
“Fine, I’ll help.” Noh-Varr sighed. “But I have one question!”
“Shoot.” Kate responded.
“Is Loki staying with us now? Or is he going to leave?” Everyone exchanged a look. America and Kate were actually mouthing to each other.
“Team meeting!” America called out. Everyone was pretty much already in the room, save Tommy, who raced in quickly, and David, who walked from the hallway. Loki looked around, suddenly overwhelmed by everyone being there, deciding his fate. It’s council all over again. He gulped, biting his lip and looking down at his feet. In a weird way, he was actually hoping to stay. Maybe it was the old saying about your heart saying one thing but your mind saying another. His heart wanted to stay, but his mind- the ugly dark thing he called a brain- was telling him he should just leave. They won’t let you stay! It’s better that way, anyways. Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll get out of it before you cause too much damage.
"Ok, So, um, as we heard this morning, Loki doesn't have a..." America hesitated for a second "home much at the moment, and Noh-Varr just asked if he was staying here, with us." They're going to turn me down, I just know it. Why would they want to keep me around after everything I've done? I wouldn't want to live with me either.
"Guys, honestly, you don't need to have a whole team meeting about this, I never meant to intrude, it's fine, really, I'll go, it's no problem." Loki tried to dismiss the whole situation.
"Well, I want you to stay, obviously Noh-Varr wants you to stay, and if America and Kate think it's important enough to call a team meeting, I'm guessing that means a good amount of us want you to stay too." Tommy stated bluntly. Loki looked at him, slightly baffled. Do they actually want me to stay? No! That's ridiculous! Who would want to keep me around after knowing how much bad news I am??
"Ok, well here's the thing, if Loki stays with us, that would mean he joins the team again. So first and foremost, Loki, would you be up to join the Young Avengers again?" Kate asked.
"I-I...I don't know...I royally fucked up last time I was around…" Loki tried to explain, but cut off quickly. He was shaking a lot. He couldn’t even look at them now.
“And?” Tommy said. “Everyone fucks up now and again! It’s human and non-human nature!”
“I have to agree with him on this one,” David muttered. “But next time, just say natural.”
“I-It’s only natural, sure, yeah, e-everyone fucks up,” Loki repeated, like a broken music box in a stuffed bear. “But mine are worse than anyone here, that’s not even a question!” He was going to break down right here, right now. Yet he continued. “I’m manipulative a-and untrustworthy! The only way to stop me from spilling lies like a faucet is to stab me with a sword!” God, he felt sick. He was an awful person, and they wanted him back? “I can’t even keep a friend!”
He was crying now, wrapping his arms around himself. Everyone else was stunned. Had they ever seen him cry before? Yes, at breakfast, but Loki rarely cried, so him crying was probably jarring. He tried to wipe his tears away with the back of his hand, but it was futile.
“Oh, Chico,” America didn’t even hesitate to rush over and hug him. Loki didn’t even protest, too many emotions clouding his judgement. She patted him on the back, like he was a little kid who broke his favorite toy. He felt so weak, yet he just cried into America’s shoulder.
“Hey, Loki, it’s okay,” Someone else was beside him now. Loki didn’t have to look up to know it was Noh-Varr.
“Oh jeez, I’m sorry, Loki, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Now Tommy was beside him, apologizing for something that’s not his fault. Loki shook his head a little, sobbing harder.
“Hush, it’s okay.” America tried to sooth Loki, probably so she could get out of the hug. Loki wanted to stop crying, of course he did, but his heart and emotions were in charge.
“I-I- I don’t want to cause any more t-trouble!” Loki wailed miserably. America’s shoulder was wet with tears now, not that she was about to say anything. She just patted him on the back and let him get his tears out.
After another 5 minutes of crying, Loki’s sobs subsided into sniffles and he finally brought his face back up, red and blotchy. His eyes looked inhuman, the blood vessels turning his eyes red. He used his arm to wiped the snot from his face. Everyone tried not to stare.
“Sorry,” He muttered.
“No no no,” Kate told him. “No apologies. Since you’re a young avenger, we’re making a rule of not apologizing for our breakdowns. Got it?”
“Wait-” Loki sniffled. “I think we missed a step. I don’t-”
“Bitch, you just broke down on us, you need some sort of stability.” Kate told him sternly. “We have spare rooms, too many quite frankly, so you can have your own room, and you’ll be a member of the team, so you can join us on missions.” She smirked. “We could use another sorcerer.” Billy mocked offence.
“Are- Are you guys sure?” Loki questioned.
“Of course we’re sure, Chico, you’re a young avenger.” America patted him on the shoulder. He almost cried again.
“And I mean, you’re kinda the reason we were brought together.” Tommy said. Everyone glared at him, just knowing the words out of his mouth would not be helpful in any sense. “Sure, in a twisted way, but it was still helpful.”
“Thank you,” Loki smiled. He really smiled. “I’ll try not to screw up this time.”
“Cool,” Teddy said. “Welcome to the family, I guess.”
Everyone smiled at each other, Loki especially. For a small moment, he was a part of something again. He hadn’t truly realized the extent of his loneliness before, but he knew he wasn’t lonely now. It’s hard to be lonely when you’re surrounded by the young avengers, if spending months on a ship with them was anything. And Loki hoped everything would turn out okay. Maybe he could ignore the voice in his head a bit. He would just enjoy being a part of a family for a bit. Just a bit.