Chapter Text
Chapter 40
It was a couple of days later and they were sitting on the sofas in the back of the coffee shop, Max with his head on Daniel’s shoulder, the older one’s arm wrapped around his back, while the Dutchman was snuggled into the Aussie’s side. He was stifling a yawn, having to fight against falling asleep in the other man’s arms, his scent and the warmth of his body lulling him.
Max registered that Dan chuckled once he noticed, his body vibrating from suppressed laughter, and Max softly nudged the older one’s ribs, poking a finger into Daniel’s side.
They had talked a lot over the past days and after all of it, Max could say that he was beginning to understand.
Understand how things were for Dan, how he had been genuinely afraid that had been testing his sexuality while the Australian had developed actual feelings for him.
At first, Max had struggled to comprehend that but Daniel had explained it to him and Max had eventually placed a kiss on the top of the older one’s head while they had been lying on the mattress in Dan’s room.
“This is exactly what happens when you keep things bottle up or stored away in a jar,” Dan mumbled, lazily stroking Max’s naked shoulder.
Max met the other man’s gaze and frowned, “What, exactly?”
Dan shrugged his shoulder and then waved his hand in a way that included the both of them.
“This. Us. It could have been so much easier if you had just talked to me, no?”
A smile was tugging on the corners of Dan’s lips and Max glared at him, cuddling closer to the other one. He hid his face away in the crook of Daniel’s neck, breathing against the Aussie’s skin.
“Why didn’t you say something, huh?”
“You’re the young grasshopper. You’re the one to be reckless and headfirst without thinking of the consequences,” Dan’s tone was light-hearted but it made Max look up nevertheless, searching for Daniel’s gaze.
“Are you saying you were afraid of my reaction?”
Dan tilted his head, looking down at him, while his fingers were still drawing small circles on Max’s collarbones.
“I was confused, Maxy. I… I had developed a crush on a barely legal co-worker.”
Max rolled his eyes and lightly punched the other man’s shoulder.
“Don’t play that card again,” he commented, “and you’re avoiding my question.”
“You’re way too stubborn for your own good.”
A smirk spread on Max’s lips, “Yeah, but you like me still.”
Dan caught his gaze and eventually sighed, “I reckon I do.”
They looked at each other for a couple of seconds in silence, until Max placed his head back on Dan’s shoulder, looking up at the ceiling of the room.
He didn’t have to ask again for the older one to know that he was still waiting for an answer and he from the way Dan didn’t move a muscle, he could tell that the other man was searching for the right words.
“I… I realized I liked you quite soon after you arrived, you know,” Dan said and that was honestly a surprise to Max, so he drew in a breath and waited for the older one to continue.
“I realized I liked you but that’s just what happens, isn’t it? We develop crushes on people all the time. It’s not like I really knew you back then,” Dan made a pause, apparently thinking of how to carry on, “so I liked you but there wasn’t much more to it. I… I just thought you were cute.”
“Aw,” Max couldn’t hold back and he just knew that Dan was rolling his eyes in a playful way.
“So I had a crush on you but that was it. I didn’t think it would lead anywhere, because, you know, I didn’t really get a gay vibe from you,” Dan chuckled and Max let out a soft laugh that was followed by a deep sigh.
“And then?” Max asked, because he liked listening to the Australian talk, liked to hear things from his point of view, to get to know Dan even better.
“And then we kissed at the party and… and I felt like I had forced myself on you or something.”
Max almost choked on his own breath at that.
“Wait, what? You felt like you had forced yourself on me?”
Daniel nodded and he could hear the older one swallow.
“I mean, it was definitely me that deepened the kiss.”
“But you said - …”
“Yeah, I know,” Dan let out a dry laugh, “it was a bit much at the time. I guess you can understand.”
“Yes,” Max replied, eventually, because he could indeed.
“But what made you think that wasn’t actually… you know… feeling things for you? Because I would have thought it was quite obvious,” Max said, his cheeks heating up even though he shouldn’t feel like that around Dan anymore. But the Aussie was still able to make him blush.
“Especially after… after I… tried to kiss you, you know. That was pretty damn obvious, wasn’t it.”
Daniel chuckled once again and Max was just glad that they were apparently able to joke about it now, although he still felt somewhat bad about it.
“Yeah, you’d guess. But I… look, I sensed that there was a backstory to your behaviour, okay?”
“You mean the thing with Zaan and… and my dad.”
Dan nodded, before he said, “Yes.”
“I… I don’t know, I guess I still felt a bit guilty that I had taken advantage of you at the party – yeah I know you don’t agree,” Dan added before Max had the chance to protest, “and I was just afraid that you were only testing things, you know? That you were just curious about your sexuality without… without things running deeper.”
“Well,” Max said, turning around in the Aussie’s arms until he was lying on his stomach next to the other man and could meet his eyes.
“Things have been running deeper and I’m always curious,” Max said and wiggled his eyebrows and Daniel laughed out loud.
“I know, Max. I know.”
The Aussie chuckled and eventually their eyes met again, the both of them looking at each other almost a bit sheepishly.
“So why didn’t you talk to me?” Daniel asked in a quiet voice, sounding genuinely curious and keen to get an honest answer to his question.
Max drew in his bottom lip but held the other man’s gaze, although he suddenly felt the urge to look away.
“I guess… I guess the main reason was that I was afraid I’d lose you if I told you how I feel about you. Our… our friendship means a lot to me and…” Max inhaled audibly, “and I think I thought that it would be easier to get over unrequited feelings than losing you as a friend.”
Dan looked back at him and did not say anything, until he brought up a hand and gently pushed a strand of hair out of Max’s forehead.
“I get that. And still…” Dan trailed off and let out a soft sigh, “I can’t really get over thinking that we’re two idiots.”
Max cracked a smile, “Well, yeah, you are a pretty big idiot for not getting that I’ve been meaning to ask you out for literal weeks.”
Dan raised an eyebrow and cocked his head.
The Dutchman groaned playfully and smirked.
“And I might be a bit of an idiot as well, for not talking to you about it.”
But it did not matter much now, anyway, did it?
Because with Dan this close, his warm skin against Max’s own, the younger one felt like he wouldn’t trade this for the world. Who knew where they would be know if things had went differently? They would never know and there was no need to, because right now, in this very moment, he was happy. Happier than he had been in a while, and not just because of Dan but because he was finally starting to build a home in this new city that from time to time still made him feel like a stranger but that he had lost his heart to. And Dan was a part of it, was part of the happiness the Dutchman had found in London but mostly within himself, and it made him grin like the idiot that Dan had accused him of being, but he didn’t mind.
This was where he belonged now.
“I like you, Maxy. I like you a lot and I need you to know that.”
Max had been thinking of these words a lot over the past days and he was holding them close, still remembering how the words had tasted on his tongue when he had said them back.
And sleepily tugged against Daniel’s side, he still felt just as content as he had felt back in Dan’s room.
He blinked, and his blurry gaze found Lewis and Nico sitting opposite of them, noticeable inches apart while their thighs were touching briefly, and he had to think of the fear him and Dan had shared, including broken friendships and hurt feelings.
And then he remembered the words Dan had spoken, the I like you that had made Max feel all warm inside even though they hadn’t been those three words just yet.
And he knew that they weren’t at that point at this moment in time, that they would probably get there, eventually, but Dan’s words had nevertheless felt just right.
What he shared with Daniel was real, it was the present, and there was no need to keep things bottled up anymore.
Because there would still be so much more to come.