Chapter Text
“Tommy, why are you here? It’s the middle of the night”
“Please Tubbo, I need to talk to someone. I need to talk to you”
“What happened Tommy? Why are you...so tense?”
“Please Tubbo, for once in your life, just follow me and ask no questions”
The two boys were 16 at the time. They both had great dreams and ambitions in their future, and were excited for what the world was going to give them. But Tubbo was very confused. Last time he talked to Tommy (about an hour ago, since the both were inseparable), he was fine and excited for the trip he was going to take.
That was not the Tommy that had pulled him out of his house in a rush.
Finally, the boys stopped at a clearing in the woods. It was their favorite spot in the whole world they both knew. It was night, yet the moon shined on the clearing like a big lantern in the sky, the stars witnessing the whole thing unravelling.
“Tommy, stop!” said Tubbo, raising his voice and freeing his arm from Tommy’s grasp “What is going on, Tommy? When I left you, you were excited for the trip you had with Wilbur, what has gotten into you”
Tommy was turned around, facing the trees. Tubbo could not see his face, yet he knew...he felt that his friend was crying.
“Tommy, are you ok?”
No response. The forest sounds kept playing in the background. The wind howling, the tree branches clashing, the dogs in the distance barking…
“Tommy…”
The crickets singing, the toads croacking, the owls hooting…
“Tommy...you are scaring me…”
The stream water running, the sudden gasping...a boy crying.
“I’m scared Tubbo'' said Tommy, finally turning around to face his friend. Tubbo confirmed his suspicion. He was crying. “I’ve never been out of L’manberg City in my entire life! I’ll be all around the world, alone! I won’t have my family or my friends...I don’t think I’m ready for this!”
“You’ll have Wilbur, Tommy” Tubbo said, placing his hand on Tommy’s shoulder “He’ll stick with you for a while, you don’t have to worry about being alone-”
“IT’S NOT THE SAME!” Tommy screamed. For a moment, the night stayed still. No sounds, no movement. Just the two boys, standing in the middle of the goods. One crying, another one just standing there, unsure what to do.
“I feel like an idiot” said Tommy “I know I sound like one, Tubbo. But I’ll be away for a very long time. And I’m scared that when I come back, I won’t have anything. Or anyone. What if things go sideways with Wilbur and I end up alone...with no one by my side”
Tubbo looked deeply inside Tommy’s eyes, which resembled the sky. And out of the blue, he did the weirdest thing Tommy could have expected. He laughed.
“You are laughing?!” Tommy said, pushing Tubbo away, angry “You fucking dickhead, I’m opening up to you and all you can do is laugh?!”
“No, I’m sorry” Tubbo said, trying to contain his laughs “No, it’s just, it sounded like you were joking. Because why on Earth would you think you’ll end up alone at any point of your life?”
The night remained the same all around them, while Tubbo dragged Tommy to a special place in those woods, made for them. There, a bench and a box with several discs and a record player sat, like waiting for someone in the infinity of the green. The two boys sat down in the bench, under the moonlight, and while Tommy cleaned his tears, Tubbo took out the record player and a disc with a green label, one of Tommy’s favorite: Cat.
And as the music began to slowly take over the night’s serenade, Tubbo reached into his pocket and pulled, for Tommy to see, a long string...no, a necklace, that culminated in…
“A compass?” said Tommy, clearly confused “I did not expect that...choice of jewelry”
“It’s a metaphor Tommy” said Tubbo, chuckling
“A metaphor for what?” said Tommy
“To the fact that no distance will keep us apart”
In response, he pulled out another compass and gave one to Tommy. It had a stamp, with the words “Your Tommy” written over it.
“Mine says ‘Your Tommy’ as you can imagine” said Tubbo “And now is my time to be honest”
Tommy wanted to scream, yell, say something, but all those feelings got diluted as he sensed something in his friend’s eyes...was that…? No, it couldn’t be...and still…
“I...am scared too Tommy” Tubbo said “I have no idea what the future holds. I don’t even know if I’ll still be around...you know who I live with. My dad, at any point, may lose his shit and…”
“Don’t say that Tubbo” said Tommy, interrupting him “He would never harm you that bad, he loves you…”
“Please don’t interrupt me” the sudden seriousness in his voice “As I was saying...I wasn’t talking about my dad hurting me. I mean about him hurting himself and...then where do I go? Puffy? She already has a lot on his plate. Phil? He has two children, one grandson and a best friend to take care of. And...that’s it. I have nothing constant in my life...except you.”
Tubbo turned to see his friend, and Tommy saw it plainly: he was crying. But he was also...smiling. Like he was at peace.
“You have always stood by my side Tommy, and we’ve always been there for each other. So that’s how I know that you will always have me. And I will always have you. And this is why I’m giving you this” and after saying this, he leaned forward into his friend and placed the compass in his neck.
“This” Tubbo continued “is “Your Tubbo” compass. I...I asked Phil to help me with some enchantments to both compasses. It’s modified so that it will always point towards a certain individual, and specifically, to me. That way, whenever you miss me, just look at the compass. That way, no matter where you are, a part of me will always be with you”
Tommy stared at the compass in silence, tears also flowing down his eyes. He was speechless...what do you say during one of these moments?
“You can place the one you have on my neck, you know” Tubbo said “That way, I’ll always have a piece of you too”
“You are being really clingy right now, you dickhead” said Tommy, placing the twin compass in Tubbo, and then, fusing in a hug, while the night, everlasting, kept an eye on them…
* * *
“...Tommy, are you listening to me?”
Suddenly, a voice pierced through the veil of memories, and Tommy was no longer a sad 16 year old teenager. He was an adult now, 20 year old. And he was not in the forest, with his best friend, Tubbo. He was at the park, with the businessman he had just met, Foolish, and his nephew, Michael, who was playing with his friend.
“Hmm?” said Tommy, a little distraught “I’m sorry, I kinda spaced out”
“I kinda realized, it’s ok” said Foolish, without really being annoyed by it. Tommy was very surprised. Mostly when he met new people, they’d think he was downright annoying, but Foolish was a nice man. Maybe all businessmen were like that. “I was just asking you about your career path?”
He had met Foolish as he was walking out of the daycare, earlier that day. The totem hybrid was very kind when he first saw him, making first contact with Tommy and chatting about how it was so nice to meet someone “in the same position as him”. Since he was the only other person with a hybrid present at the daycare, Tommy thought “why not?” and decided to take his invitation to a coffee. There, they talked about a lot of things. Tommy learnt that Foolish was a famous businessman and architect that was recently under the employment of Las Nevadas, and Tommy told him some (not all, though) of his situation with Ranboo and Michael.
Then they went together to pick their children, and then Foolish had the kindness to invite both Tommy and Michael to Las Nevadas’ Festival, and on top of that, with VIP access to all the attractions. Fast forward to the present, they began talking about work, and accidentally, Tommy slipped some of his music career to Foolish. That took him back to some childhood memories, from which he was soon snapped out of, and then back to the question. “The career path”.
“Oh yeah...not much of a path if I’m being honest. More like a road with a wall in front” said Tommy, smiling with sarcasm.
He always liked music. Took that from his mother and his older brother, Wilbur. He swore, since he was a child, that he would become a musician, just like his brother. He started learning how to play the piano, and later moved to the guitar, but his best talent was song writing. He learnt, from his father and Technoblade, his uncle, the love of literature and books, which gave him a lot of drive to write poems and later, songs.
His biggest “take off” was when Wilbur had taken him off through a tour with his rookie band, Lovejoy. That was the first time the world was open to Tommy’s eyes. He got to see Kinoko City, Snowchester Town, Rapids Cedar and many more places. It was all great...until Wilbur turned his back on him and his trust was severed.
“Well, I was asking because I’m starting a business of sorts, related to music” said Foolish, snapping Tommy yet again from his thoughts “And I thought you would be interested”
“Is that so?” said Tommy “What is this business about?”
“Well, Las Nevadas is always evolving. And we are starting to begin new businesses to try and embrace new things; editorials for books, studios for video games, and so on. But one thing that we are lacking is something in the musical section. We wanted to begin our own music producer studio, and after you mentioned your experience with a music career…”
“You wanted to see if I could join into one of your little circuses, didn’t you? Let me guess, as your primary attraction?” spat Tommy
“No, you got it very wrong. I was just wondering-”
“Well, you wondered wrong. I don’t work with studios anymore. I do my own work, indie music innit. So thanks, but no thanks”
Foolish let out a heavy sigh. He still didn’t look angry, and that was starting to piss Tommy off. Why wouldn’t he scream or be mad or just walk away? This was really one of a kind.
“I won’t judge your work. I respect the fact that you’ve gone so far all on your own, it really is. But I want to place some perspective on you, Tom. Do you think you can reach all of your potential on your own, with no outside help?”
“I’ve been doing that for the past 3 years”
”And how’s that working out for you?”
Tommy thought a bit about that question. He had a small MineTube channel and some songs on MusicNote, but nothing that ever really hit. Maybe what he needed was a reach to a bigger audience, some help from a big shot of a business...from someone like Foolish. But could he really trust someone on that field after what happened? After Wilbur? After...after...
His thoughts were (surprise surprise) interrupted again when he saw Michael and Foolish Jr. running back to their parents/tutors (in Tommy’s case), which saved him from having to respond. They spent the rest of the day without a major issue, having fun at the fair and talking about other things with their children.
When the time came to leave, however, while Foolish Jr. and Michael were saying goodbye to each other, Foolish approached Tommy one last time.
“Look, I won’t push you too much” that was the first thing he said “But I really like you Tommy. You look like a young man that could be useful towards our future and growth. Just consider it, ok?” and after he said that, he handed the boy a business card with his name and number.
Tommy considered throwing it away. Breaking it. Tearing it apart. And instead…
“I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks.” he said, putting it in his pocket. They shook hands and each drove away back to their house.
When he arrived at his house, Michael went upstairs and told his father all about how fun that day had been. Tommy stayed silent, in the corner. He wasn’t comfortable around Ranboo ever since the accident...and he was also sometimes full of his bullshit.
After Wilbur, after he decided to go back to his home to try and grab a hold of his life once more, Tubbo had offered to let him live in his house. But when he came back to his best friend, he found out that he was now...married? To an enderman hybrid? How could that happen? He knew deep down that he should not feel jealous about his friend. After all, just because he was married, it didn’t mean that he chose someone else over him...right?
Ranboo sent Michael upstairs to go to sleep, leaving Tommy in the kitchen cleaning duty. And when he heard the steps coming down the stairs, he kept on ignoring the ender hybrid. “Please, I don’t want to fight” said Tommy to himself “Ignore me, just walk past, please I’m begging you…”
“Hey Tommy?” said Ranboo, calling out to him
Can’t have shit in L’manberg.
“Yes?” said Tommy, still facing the sink, with a neutral face.
“I...just wanted to thank you for taking Michael to the fair today. He seemed really happy about that”
“Mhm, no problem” said Tommy, dismissing it, hoping it was all Ranboo had to say. But luck just wasn’t on his side at the time.
“And another thing…” stuttered the tall enderman “I...I just wanted to fix this. Our relationship, I mean. Since...since Tubbo left, we have been kind of...toe to toe. Angry and tense all the time we are in the same room. And I want that to change. So all I want to say is…”
“Stop” Tommy said “Just stop it. It’s way too late for this and I don’t want any problems”
“Tommy, please, don’t do this”
“I’m not doing anything except asking you to stop being an arse, Ranboo”
“Tommy, why can’t we ever have a simple discussion?!” Ranboo raised his voice
“Because IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT, OK?!” screamed Tommy. A silence filled the room, and the young man could feel his blood boiling, the secrets he had kept inside of him for all this time, fighting against one another to try and get out.
“Tommy, I’m really sorry you feel that way about...about the accident...I know how you feel-”
“Oh, really? Do you, now?” Tommy said, finally stepping away from the sink and facing Ranboo “You have no fucking idea how I feel, how I’ve been feeling, ever since I came back. What did you expect me to feel when Tubbo promised he would never forget about me, yet I come back to find he took the time to get a replacement for me, eh? And not only that, but now he’s married!”
Ranboo just stared, with a surprised and agonized face, speechless one more time, at the sudden explosion that came out of Tommy.
“After all that happened to me, after my family turned their back on me, I hoped, I prayed, that Tubbo could still be there for me. He was...is, my best friend, and I was willing to do anything for him. So I accept to live here, with you and his son. And even though I feel so jealous and still, so much of an asshole for feeling that way, even though the depression is eating me away, I take care of your house. Of your bills. Of your son. And I don’t say anything, because what kind of friend would do that?
But then that...god forsaken accident happens. He is gone now, and I have to take the role of the head of the house. No matter how I feel, no matter what, I have to be the father of the kid, because his real father is always in a state of autopilot, like he’s dead in life and gives a shit about what happened!” and while saying this, Tommy accidentally dropped a plate into the floor, which breaked in the process.
Broken, just like them both. Broken, just like their relationship.
“I’m doing all of this for Tubbo. I promised I would always be there for him, and I will do so until I die. I’ll keep taking care of the house and Michael, because Michael deserves the best. But that doesn’t mean that I like you any bit. Hate me or ignore me or whatever, just leave me alone”
Another silence fell in the house. To keep himself occupied, Tommy grabbed a plastic bag and picked up the shattered pieces of the plate. Ranboo just stared at him, with a sad face.
Tommy had said what he really felt. He finally opened his heart. So...why did he feel something crawling up his back? Why did he feel...shame?
“I’m going for a walk” that’s all he said, as he took the bag to throw it out
“Where are you going?” Ranboo finally spoke, with a shaky voice
“Anywhere I can get my shit together. Might come back late, think you can survive that long?”
And without waiting for an answer, Tommy walked out of the front door.
* * *
As a matter of fact, he knew of no place where he could get his shit together. In fact, he didn’t know of any way to “get his shit together” and his examples growing up weren’t the best. Tubbo used to listen to music, and “Ranboob” (the nickname Tommy had given him out of mockery) usually grabbed grass blocks, but...yeah, that didn’t work on Tommy. What other options did he have? Wilbur smoked, Phil drank and Techno usually beat the shit out of someone to calm down...so those were terrible examples.
Exhausted, he just sat on the sidewalk, waiting for anything to happen. He had been walking endlessly, trying to get his mind calm and quiet again...but he couldn’t. He felt guilty and embarrassed for all he had told Ranboo...but what now? Was he still welcome in the house after what he said? Did he really mean all that or was he just...very sad.
As Tommy buried his head under these thoughts and into his arms, he heard a car approaching. He thought it was just another passerby, so he didn’t bother to look up. But then, he heard the car’s speed decreasing, and then, it stopped completely in front of him. He became alert, but in the speed of standing up, he tripped and fell down, making the floor give his face a cold kiss.
A woman’s voice called out to him, and as he looked up, he somehow felt peace. She always had that effect.
“Looks like you could use a ride, Toms”
* * *
“Seems you’ve been remodelating” said Tommy, taking a sip out of the cup of tea Puffy had prepared for him. Hibiscus. Tommy wasn’t a big fan of tea, but it was also not the worst thing he had ever tasted.
The flower shop was a whole building, but only the bottom floor was the place that clients entered. The second and third floor were made so a couple could live there. The last time Tommy had gone there, it looked like an apartment still in construction. Now, it actually looked cozy and comfortable. Just like the two women that lived there.
“What can I say?” Puffy said, smiling “Life has been very nice to me. Good job, good wife, good mood”
“So you are still married to Niki? I’m surprised she hasn’t killed you yet” said Tommy, taking one more sip
“Even if she wanted, she could never do it” Puffy said, flexing her arms. They were buff, and very strong.
“I heard that” Tommy heard the German accent coming all the way from the kitchen. Tommy knew that voice very well. Nihachu was both a great friend, rival and even a sister to him.
“You were meant to” replied Puffy, sitting besides Tommy, touching his hands. They were shaking, probably from the argument he had with Ranboo. He didn’t like touch that much, but Puffy was like a second mother to him, so he didn’t mind at all.
“It’s amazing,” said Puffy, caressing Tommy’s cheek and looking directly into his eyes. “Even after all that’s happened to you, you still have that glow in your eyes. The glow of vitality. I’m glad you are slowly recovering from your trauma”
“You would know about dealing with trauma” joked Tommy “Do you have any ideas to forget it quicker?”
Both Puffy and Niki were army veterans. They had been together in the front line, Niki as a nurse and Puffy as a Sergeant. They were the only two survivors of their garrison, and Tommy knew first hand that the experience had left deep scars in both of them.
“You never truly forget, Tommy” Puffy said “You just...learn to live with it”
“Yeah well...I guess I suck at that”
“It’s ok Tommy. Every trauma lasts longer, depending on how deep it hurted you. Mine was the army, but yours...well, you were abused by people you trusted. Your own brother-”
“Can we please not talk about him?” Tommy said, raising his voice a bit, and instantly controlling. He looked at Puffy with a begging look. He was not ready to talk about it...that. Not yet “Please”
Puffy stared at him with a sad smile, and nodded. Like a perfect timing, Niki came out of the kitchen with a platter of tea cups and a steaming teapot that left a trail of Hibiscus scent over it’s pilgrimage from the kitchen to the table.
“I made some tea” said Niki, giving Puffy a kiss and ruffling Tommy’s hair.
“Thanks honey, you are the perfect”
“There are only two perfect things in this room, and that’s you and this tea”
“Funny, I thought you were gonna say us both”
“Awwww”
“This bitches gay” thought Tommy, jutst drinking his tea and nodding “Good for them, good for them”
“So” Tommy spoke, interrupting the compliment exchange “How did you know where I was?”
“Ranboo called us” said Niki (“fucking dickhead” thought Tommy) “He said you two had an argument and he was worried about your safety. Do you wanna talk about it?”
“It was nothing” said Tommy, drinking quickly “I told him what I really thought about him and he found me annoying, so I left”
“Many people find you annoying at first” said Niki, sipping without taking her eyes off her.
“It’s a talent, queen” Tommy answered, with gun fingers, but there was no change in the reaction of the girls. They both looked genuinely worried.
“Tommy please” said Puffy, holding his hand “Talk to us”
Tommy took a heavy sigh, cursed God for making women so sensitive to emotions and for being so good at making people open up, and proceeded to tell them both everything he had told Ranboo. He expected that, once he finished his narrative, they would mock him.
But the girls just looked at him with a look of understanding and compassion.
“Tommy...why didn’t you tell anyone that’s how you felt?” said Puffy
“Because it wasn’t important. Because I should not feel that way. Because it’s a fucking greedy reason to be like this…” Tommy mumbled
“Tommy, there’s no such thing as good or bad feelings. Jealousy is normal. Feeling replaced is normal. But you knew Tubbo better than anyone. He would have never changed you for anyone else. But he has every right to have new friends” said Niki
“I know, and that’s why I feel bad for feeling the way I feel” said Tommy “It’s not fair for anyone that I feel this...I should just…”
“Here’s what you should do” said Puffy “You should go back to the house, talk to Ranboo and tell him exactly how you feel. Not the hate part, not the burden part, tell him what you really feel. Be honest to him. Because we both know that everything you told him is a lie”
Tommy remained silent. It was a lie. He didn’t hate Ranboo...he was mad at...Tubbo. He was mad he chose someone else to be with. He was mad that he died and left him behind. He was mad at life because it took his friend away. He was...not really mad. He was just sad. He had always been sad, and his grief had fueled all that he said.
Ranboo was a cool dude. He enjoyed his company sometimes, but he reminded him of Tubbo, and that was the painful part, the reason he tried to avoid him. Same with Michael. Same with the house, and same with his life in general. He missed Tubbo, and everything in his life reminded him about Tubbo.
He would do what the girls said. He would talk to Ranboo about everything he felt, and be plainly honest. Just...he felt really ashamed right now. So he wondered…
“I will talk to Ranboo” said Tommy “But...is there a chance that I could spend the night here?”
“Absolutely…” began Niki
“No” said Puffy, smiling at him, with a funny tone that surprised both Niki and Tommy.
“What?!” complained Tommy “But why?!”
“Because I know you, Tommy” said Puffy “And the best way for this to be over and for you to start feeling better, you have to tackle the problem right now, ok? No more running around it. Prove us you are a big man, and use that big heart to make things right”
Tommy let out a big sigh of disapproval. He put his hands to his head. He moaned in an annoyed fashion for a long time. Niki just watched Puffy, waiting for any reaction. And Puffy just drank her tea, patiently waiting…
Finally, he raised his head, and looked directly at Puffy, begging her not to force him to do that..
In turn, Puffy went to a drawer in the room, opened it, and took out a box. She walked back to the table and gave Tommy the box. And when Tommy opened the box...he was shocked.
Maybe a shock to ground him back to reality was all he needed.
“...do you at least think you could give me a ride?”
* * *
Tommy was standing in front of the Beloved Household. He was unsure if to go in or not. The sun was already showing in the distance, which meant he had been out of the house all night. That was...kind of embarrassing.
Tommy sighed heavily, grabbed the handle of the door and opened it.
The first thing he found was Ranboo, sitting on a couch in the living room. As soon as Tommy entered, he stood up, like he wanted to begin talking, but Tommy stopped him right away.
“Please let me talk first” said Tommy, without looking at Ranboo’s eyes. “Shit” he thought “This is going to be harder than I thought”
“No, I think you’ve done enough talking” said Ranboo “Look, if I were you, I’d hate me too. I knew how you felt about me and Tubbo, but I stayed anyway”
“I don’t hate you Ranboo” said Tommy, finally finding the strength to look at the enderman hybrid’s eyes “I just...it’s too much. I was kinda jealous when Tubbo told me he married you while I was away, but I’ve come to terms with that. He had every right to marry someone. And you have every right to still be in grief. Hell, I’m still grieving to this day. But we need to move over that...and over our problems. I’ll still help you with Michael and the house but...you have every right to also kick me from the house”
“Tommy” said Ranboo, getting close to him and placing his arms on Tommy's shoulders “I won’t kick you out. What you said was a lot of frustration and anger bottled down since we started living together, and I rather hear it now that you have kept it forever with you. Truth is, you are right about me being disconnected from reality. I am grieving, but that is not an excuse to not take care of my family and my job. If I’m completely honest, with everything and our quarrels, you are the reason I haven’t lost my mind. Thank you Tommy, and thanks for expressing yourself”
Tommy didn’t know what to do now. Apparently neither did Ranboo. So they did what they thought was right; they hugged.
“Let’s try to make things right together, ok?” said Ranboo “No more hiding our problems”
With those words, the sun came out. And in Tommy, something was changing. A block of ice that had been surrounding his heart finally began to melt.
* * *
Tommy was sitting in his bed. He wanted to sleep. It had been a very long day. But first, he wanted to make a phone call to a certain golden boy to finally start trusting again, and let his words reach the world. However, when he reached for his pocket, he pulled out what had been in that box Puffy had given him.
The shock came once back. After all this time, he couldn’t believe it...he had thrown it away after the funeral, because it was too painful to look at. He was afraid that he would look and it was not pointing any place anymore, just spinning without a sense. Puffy revealed to have salvaged it, and when he saw it...maybe he needed reassurance, see it once more.
He took the “Your Tubbo” Compass out of his pocket, and looked at it again. It wasn’t spinning senselessly. It was pointing towards...him.
“That way, whenever you miss me, just look at the compass. That way, no matter where you are, a part of me will always be with you”
Tommy began crying, crying like he was a little kid all over again. Crying because he finally understood. He had never been alone.
And like that, the boy with hairs as golden as the sun slept with tears in his eyes, letting the ghost of an old friend lullaby him away into the land of dreams.