Chapter Text
Outside there’s a sleek black car on the driveway, its chrome details winking brightly in the moonlight. It’s nice but not quite as pretty as the cherry red Charger that Lucy usually drives. They climb in and she starts the car. For a long moment there’s nothing but the rumble of the engine filling the silence between them.
Lucy has one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the stick shift. They’re both trembling just slightly. Lake covers the right one with her own, and this time it’s Lucy’s hand that feels like the smaller of the two. She picks it up, moves it over to her lap, just to have it a little bit closer.
“I’m sorry,” Lake whispers. “I didn’t know it was like that for you. With your dad.”
Lucy swallows hard. There’s something fierce about the set of her jaw, the way she holds herself, the glittering of tears in her eyes that she’s refusing to let fall. She’s so beautiful, even at a moment like this. “He never trusts me with anything. Not really. I had to fight just to get into the garage in the first place and for a long time he wouldn’t even let me do much in there. It’s only this past year that he’s really started to let me help. I think he just wishes I’d stay in the house and do the laundry like he thinks a girl’s supposed to.”
“That’s really shitty. Especially when it seems like you’re even better with the cars than your brothers are. That’s what your mom said anyway, when you were out in the kitchen.”
“Really?” Lucy says, a tiny smile curving up one side of her mouth for a moment. It fades again just as quickly.
Lake asks as gently as she can, “What’s wrong with her? She’s sick, right?”
“Yeah. It’s thyroid cancer. She’s in treatment now and it’s going well, but she doesn’t have a lot of energy some days. Dad expects me to help out more, which is fine, I don’t mind doing the housework, but it sucks when he doesn’t ask the boys to do hardly any of it.”
“So you just try to do everything? Helping in the garage and in the house?”
“Not exactly. I was doing that, but lately he keeps trying to push me away from the restoration work in order to get Landon more involved. I think he wants to officially hire him next year, if Landon ends up going to college somewhere local. But I know Landon’s been looking at schools on the west coast, and honestly he’s never even been as excited about working in the garage as me. Dad could train me for it, but I doubt that’ll ever happen…” She rubs angrily at her eyes, and the pain that’s audible in her voice makes Lake feel like her heart is breaking. “I know I’m never gonna be good enough for him.”
Weekly weigh-in’s. Hair and make-up tips. Little remarks about how she’d look slimmer in a more tailored blouse. Warnings not to slouch and reminders to smile more.
“I know I’ll never be good enough for her.” How often has Lake said those exact words to herself, to Mia, even to Felix?
She can’t stand just sitting there any longer and pulls Lucy over into an embrace. The other girl falls into her, pressing her face against Lake’s shoulder. It’s nice to give comfort like this, to be the one to take care of Lucy for a change, even if she hates the circumstances. They sit there for a long time until eventually the shaking eases and Lucy’s breathing grows slow and deep again. When she starts to pull away, Lake tips her tear-stained face up and presses a soft kiss against her mouth.
“It’s okay to let me take care of you sometimes,” she says. “I can be strong, too.”
Lucy blinks at her in surprise. “What do you mean?”
Shit. This is really the worst possible moment for the conversation Lake has been putting off for weeks now. What is wrong with her? She gives herself a mental kick and says, “Oh, nothing, I just mean I’m glad I can be here for you tonight-”
“Lake, come on,” Lucy insists. “There’s something else. What did you really mean?”
“I just, uh… Okay,” Lake says with a sigh, “I guess all the door holding and paying the bill when we go out to eat and pushing in my chair – all of that stuff has had me feeling a little weird lately. Like, I really like you wanting to take care of me, but I can do the same for you, you know? I’m not a delicate flower. You don’t have to spoil me all the time.”
“Oh.” Lucy sits there for a moment processing what has been said while Lake holds her breath and hopes she hasn’t just completely ruined everything. “Wait. So you thought that I was doing all of that because I see you as some princess or something? Just to, like, ‘spoil’ you? Of course I know that you can open your own doors. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, Lake. I’m always impressed by you, by the way you hold yourself and how you bounce back from things that would have other people feeling crushed. That night that you and Felix ended things for good, when you were obviously heartbroken but you still gave me a chance – all I wanted was to cheer you up, but when we hung out after the wedding you were the one who kept making me laugh. I never meant to make you feel weak or incapable or something. I’m so sorry if I did.”
Lake frowns. “But what was it about then? Why are you always acting like you need to take care of me?”
“I just liked feeling like someone trusted me for once,” Lucy admits. “You make me feel capable when you let me take care of you in those little ways, and that really means a lot when most of the time I have to fight to prove myself to everyone. Besides, you do a lot to take care of me, too. It’s not all about pushing in chairs and stuff, there are other ways to care for someone. You’re so funny and smart and really good at finding solutions when something goes wrong… Whatever’s going on for me at home, being with you makes it better.” Lucy pauses, her eyes so bright even in the shadowy interior of the car, and Lake is just drowning, drowning, drowning in those ocean blue depths.
“You’re always the best part of my day,” Lucy says.
Embarrassingly, Lake feels right on the edge of crying now herself. That voice inside of her keeps saying, “Me? Really? You mean me?”
She’s so full of imperfections and insecurities that maybe all this time she assumed Lucy could see those weaknesses, and that was why she kept working so hard to be the stronger one. But now it’s becoming clear that Lucy’s not a perfect girl, either. She has her own fears and hidden worries lying underneath the surface. Maybe all this time they’ve both been giving just as much as receiving.
And maybe it’s finally time to start peeling back the layers in order to reveal all that is honest and beautiful underneath.
She leans in for another kiss, as sweet as ever even through the salt of tears, and admits, “I do trust you. Lucy, you’re really strong, too, and anyone who can’t see that is a total idiot.” This makes Lucy laugh, just a short, startled thing. “No offense to your dad or whatever.”
“So does that mean you don’t mind if I keep doing that stuff? ‘Cause I can stop if you want me to. I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable-”
“No, you don’t have to stop,” Lake assures her. “Not the little stuff, anyway. I, um… I actually really like it.” More firmly she states, “But we are gonna start splitting the bills from now on, okay?”
“That we can do,” Lucy says sheepishly. “I probably was going a little overboard there…”
They drive back to Lake’s house and spend longer than they should just making out in the driveway before Lake eventually remembers that her mom’s not home tonight. She pulls back breathlessly, tucking a messy curl behind her ear as she says, “You can stay over if you want. If your parents would be cool with that.”
“I’ll text my mom,” Lucy agrees, equally breathless. “And who gives a shit what my dad has to say about it.”
Benji’s leather coat is half off her shoulders revealing the long curve of her neck, the dip of her collarbone, the low neckline of her t-shirt. She is so gorgeous, this not quite perfect girl, and the way she’s looking at Lake right now makes her feel like she might be, too. Not to mention it’s got her feeling like she’s gonna combust if they don’t make it to her bedroom in the next five minutes. Lake really hopes she remembered to warn Mia about making herself scarce tonight…
She gives Lucy another long kiss before they climb out of the car. When they get to the front door, Lake’s the one to unlock it, but she lets Lucy hold it for her as they step inside.