Chapter Text
*Lord John has been acting too weird this morning.* That was Jaacs's first thought when the cherub they served -or what looked like him anyway- sat down to eat.
The tunic? Not expected, but it didn't raise too many red flags. After all, Jaacs's Lord liked being unpredictable in some ways -a prankster's honor-, and learning how to sew and making a new outfit, even behind their back, was not totally unlikely. Arriving late at breakfast? Not unlikely either, even though they would use that fact as a trick question later on. The first suspicious event was that "Lord John" wandered in the city's corridors, without a clear destination. One of the waiters told Jaacs that, trying to do their job and getting Jaacs to know when to expect their lord to arrive.
The first real red flag was that one flinch, though. Try as he might, Lord John could never be unpredictable when eating was involved. The moment he arrived in the dining room, it wasn't hard to guess what would happen in the next few seconds. It was the same, from what Jaacs heard, with Lady Jane.
And yet 'Lord John' flinched when he saw the food. He *flinched*. When literally nothing should have caused it. Well, nothing they knew of. Maybe some sort of power play directly between the two leaders? Still, it didn't look normal in the slightest.
Afterwards, Lord John refused everything that the waiters suggested. Not normal either.
It really didn't make sense at all. If it was indeed Lord John, why would he do that? If there was a gambit so bad it made John flinch, why wouldn't he confide in Jaacs? After all, all of those gambits between the two took some place in the grand political scheme of overthrowing one another, and neither of them were alone in that game.
But even then, if it wasn't Lord John -it technically wouldn't be the first time-, why would Lady Jane flinch at what she presumable set up herself ?
In any case, this wasn't something they would let slide. They had to find out what was happening. And if it really Lord John, it still meant that something was afoot, and that for some reason he couldn't tell them. And if it wasn't him, well, Jaacs trusted themself to find out what it meant.
Plus, they knew just the questions to ask to be sure who it was.
...They just needed to get something to remove makeup. Can't forget about that.
When Jaacs arrived next to the Rulers' room, they were just as determined to get through what happened as before. So they took out the cloth they had, dabbed some makeup remover on it, and put the cloth and flask in their back pocket and next to the door respectively. Then, they exhaled quietly, and knocked on the door.
...No response. They knocked again, harder. ...Still no response. What did it mean? Was whoever that was even inside the room? Darnit, they had to try. They opened the door, faking awkwardness.
"My Lord? Sorry I entered like that, I couldn't hear your answer when I knocked." Whoever controlled that body *was* currently in the room. Good.
"Oh sorry, I guess I was too focused on those papers." They answered back to Jaacs, who nodded. It didn't sound like the truth, but there was no reason for it not to be, right? There wasn't really a convenient place to hide something where they were.
Jaacs came closer to the cherub, and began testing them. "Is there something wrong?"
The cherub took a second to react, and answer "Why are you saying that?". If whoever that was was pretending to be Lord John, they were either very good or terrible at it. Hmph.
Jaacs set up a trap. "Well, usually it never takes you that long to go get breakfast, and you usually stay afterwards. Not to mention that you were way more silent than usual." If that was indeed Lord John, he would understand those questions completely missed what was wrong.
Instead, after a few moments too long, the interloper shrugged. "Well, maybe I wanted to start the day a little slower than usual".
That was one of the worst lies Jaacs heard in a while. And what was with the odd pause? Lord John could lie way better than that, and from what they heard of Lady Jane, she was too confident for such a delay to happen. So why Could it be someone else? Darnit, they had no choice but to check. If those cheeks were covered in makeup, then Jaacs would simply leave the room, and tell everyone who was working on Lord John's side what was going on, nothing more. If they weren't, well, Jaacs preferred not to think about it.
They only needed to actually apply the makeup remover to that face, probably by surprise.
So they started talking. "I guess this could-" and used the cloth in their back pocket, as fast as they could. They were far less strong than a young cherub, but they made up for it with sheer speed. Everyone from Jaacs's species did.
When Jaacs removed the cloth, whoever was in that cherub body barely had any time to react.
But the cloth was still clean, and the bony green cheek wasn't smeared in the slightest. No makeup.
If it was Lord John, he would absolutely, definitely understand what was going on with that cloth. Everyone in the entire land knew about the last time Lady Jane used makeup for that.
But, the answer, "Hey why did you th...", told another story. "Third person" it was.
Jaacs slowly hissed. "...who are you and what did you do to Lord John"
Whoever this was didn't deserve Jaacs's patience. Who *dared* to rob some of Lord John's time in control, and without warning! Plus, they didn't let go of this pathetic imitation of a proper prank when it was discovered! Whoever this was clearly didn't had an ounce of honour!
And even without counting all of this, this interloper just disturbed one of the most important cycles in the ruling of the whole land! Who knew what kind of chaos would ensue if others heard of the situation!
Even if it would have looked like the easy solution to some, covering this up wouldn't help. What Jaacs needed to do was to learn whoever the interloper was, find out their intentions, and get rid of them.
Speaking of the devil, they wasn't responding.
"Who are you, and what did you do to Lord John?" Jaacs repeated, trying to not sound as unprofessionally angry as they were.
"*I'm* John" the intruder blurted, then flinched. What. Did they not understand that it would not work for a moment? Or was sticking to that not-prank the only thing that came through their mind?
"Very funny. Not. Even on a bad day my Lord would come up with a better joke."
The intruder stepped back. "Do you think he could come up with a better joke under pressure like that?"
Ha! they just admitted that their facade had collapsed! A little late, but still. If this was a spy, they definitely were bad at their job. Who would just slip like that after defending an obvious lie that much? "A good question, but not the point. My point is, you just admitted that you. Aren't. Him."
A pause, during which the intruder's face completely betrayed the amount of 'oh shit' they were going through. So they couldn't even maintain a pokerface under those conditions? What kind of amateur were they? "Back to the question at hand. Do you need a reminder as for what it is?"
The interloper stepped back again, and found themself stuck against the desk.
At that point, their eyes stared darting left and right. Were they thinking about fleeing? There was no was this could happen. As strong as a cherub could be, they were no match for Jaacs's speed there.
In any case, with each passing second, this intruder seemed easier and easier to deal with. Unless that was the best acting Jaacs has ever seen, this intruder seemed like a complete beginner to, well, anything recquired for their face to hold against scrutiny.
"Can we at least sit down for this?" the intruder suggested "I don't think standing that long is the best option for you either."
What? Just... What? It didn't make any sense! Unless they had some sort of plan that needed them to sit down for some reason. But even then, the request's phrasing didn't make any sense!
In the end, though, Jaacs couldn't let that weird request pass through.
"Hmm... no. I don't know what your plan is, but I certainly won't allow it to happen."
The intruder/imposter/whatever's eyes started darting everywhere again. What? Were they thinking about escaping, again?
No. They were also starting to breathe faster. Were they... panicking? Ah. That was why what they said didn't make sense.
And they just broke a piece of the desk off.
Well, unless all of that was acting to a level Jaacs couldn't comprehend, the one in their lord's body definitely was not a spy, or anyone with an actual political agenda. At worst, they took control over Lord John's body for the heck of it, and didn't think about the consequences. That still didn't explain how they could have done that, however.
Jaacs was starting to think they were way too harsh on that person, even though they couldn't have known. It had been sane to think this supposedly-impossible trick could only be pulled off by someone with the resources and the motive, right?
In any case, the whole situation was a mess, and they needed to get out of it, for the sake of basically everyone.
And for that, well, they needed more information to work with.
They nearly sighed. "You *do* know that I won't let you out of there without an answer, right?"
As a response to that, the intruder tightened the hands that were currently theirs, breaking a second piece of the desk off.
And, as good as self-healing furniture was nowadays, it still counted as rude to do so.
They tried to say "And please stop disrupting the desk" but got interrupted immediately.
"Alright fine! I'm John Egbert, I have no idea what this place is, and I don't know what happened to your Lord John. Happy?"
If that wasn't someone cracking under pressure, Jaacs didn't know what that was.
As bold a claim as that was, it certainly held up with what they picked up so far, and with every single ounce of body language expressed by that John Egbert person. Down to the visible exhaustion after saying that.
Honestly, after all that, Jaacs was really starting to feel bad for them. Whoever they were, they had been caught up with something bigger than themself, and just underwent one of the most stressful moment of their life.
They sighed. "Well, it's a start."
Without thinking, then then went to the end of the desk, and grabbed a chair, then slid it towards John Egbert. They deserved to at least sit down after that.
"Now, if you could please stop disrupting the desk?"
John Egbert froze and looked at the desk, then opened his hands, revealing the missing parts, which were already starting to fully disrupt. "Oh." After a moment, he reached to the desk and put the missing chunks... on top of it. Really? Not in the holes, so that the desk could self-heal faster?
"You really don't know anything about this place, do you." Jaacs pinched the bone between their eyes.
Alright. At that point, the best thing to do was to try and get that whole encounter a second chance.
"Let's start again. I'm Jaacs, and I believe we have both some intel to share here."
John's stare went unfocused for a few moments as he seemed to process this.
"Okay."
A few seconds of awkward silence passed.
"Do... what do you want to know?"
"I thought you would want to ask questions first, but alright. If you know nothing about this place, were are you from?"
"I... Earth I guess?"
Well, that sounded fake, if Jaacs was being honest with themself. Who hesitates when telling where they live? Not to mention the bland name for that place.
"It's just been so long since it got destroyed."
"Your city was destroyed?!" To Jaacs, that kind of violence hasn't been heard of in centuries.
"Planet, actually." *What?* No, Jaacs must have misunderstood. There is no way that feat is even possible.
"...I'm not sure I understand, are you saying that your home planet was destroyed?"
"Er... Yeah? Its surface at least. That was years ago, though."
And John just acted like it was normal for that to have happened. How? What?
Okay, no. Even if that was true, there was a more important question here.
"but... where have you been since?"
John started counting on his fingers "So, the Medium, then three years travelling on a spaceship, then the medium again, except it was different one, a lot of DreamBubbles, and... yeah it was a mess."
What. The hell. Were those places. And why did they sound important?
"Okay, I have no idea what any of that is. Do you know how you even got here?"
"I... opened a door." That. Somehow made less sense than the rest.
"I know this sounds dumb, but it was supposed to take my friends and I to the universe we had created. I just didn't think it would do it like that."
...
Jaacs inhaled.
"You *do* understand how impossible everything you just said sounds, right? Not to mention that you just claimed to be some sort of creator of this universe."
"I know..." John went to scratch his skull -and flinched-.
"Do you have *anything* to prove any of that?"
"I..." John hesitated. "I guess I have my friends?"
Afterwards, he seemed to snatch some sort of handheld electronic device, and started using it.
"Wait, hold on."
"What?"
"That... thing, in your hands."
"My phone?" John pointed at it.
"Yes, that. It is yours, correct?"
"Yes?"
"And Lady Jane never had access to it?"
"No. Why?"
"Then how did you get it if she wasn't the one to captchalogue it?"
John paused.
"Oh. Actually, I'm using another fetch modus. I'm the only one who can decaptchalogue what I captchalogued."
John immediately proved it by captchaloguing and decaptchaloguing his phone.
It was Jaacs's turn to pause
"So, you are telling me that there is another way to use sylladices than to pass objects between two people?"
"Yeah? I mean I'm not sure Lord John and Lady Jane ever could, or even knew if it was possible."
Jaacs knew they would have been shocked by that revelation, if what they took for granted wasn't already in shambles due to the very appearance of that John Egbert person.
"Alright. So this device would allow you to contact your friends?"
"Oh, right." He started using the computerized device, opening what looked like a familiar chat client.
"Botheresque?"
"What?"
"Are you using the Botheresque chat program?"
John blankly stared at the wall behind his phone.
"You know what, I should have expected you to have a variant of this. It's called Pesterchum. And apparently every universe has one of those."
John rolled his eyes and scrolled through the conversation he missed, and typed directly below everything else.
From the looks of it there were two, no three friends there. At least.
A few messages later, John Egbert spoke "Hey, er… by the way Jaacs, are you a guy or a gal? …or something else?"
"What's the difference?" Apparently that answer was enough for him. Also he misspelt their name.
"Also, are they calling you "John"? Isn't your name "John Egbert"? Is "John" a codename?"
John Egbert rolled his eyes and sent a couple messages.
Apparently "John Egbert" was his "full name"? Whatever that meant.
Jaacs managed to get a second explanation to how John Egbert arrived here, which matched the first explanation.
Also, the picture of a "Jade", which looked like a cherub with light green cheekmarks.
"Satisfied?" John asked as he captchalogued his phone.
Jaacs thought for a moment. "…For now, yes."
"So, what now?"
"I… Didn't you want to ask questions?"