Chapter Text
Mummy: Sherlock, what can you tell me about your brother's new friend?
Sherlock raised his head from the sofa, where he'd been thinking deeply. "John? My phone?"
"Oh, did something interrupt your nap? It's in front of you on the coffee table." John continued reading the paper.
Sherlock picked it up, looked at it, then dropped his head back onto the cushion with a groan.
"That bad?" John turned the page.
"Mummy wants to know about Mycroft."
"You should enjoy that. Annoy him and give her a distraction."
"Mummy wants to know about Mycroft and his friend." Sherlock's verbal disdain dripped from the term.
"Mycroft has a ... ? Sure, let's keep calling it a friend. When did that happen?"
"Over Christmas. Surely you noticed how he kept texting. Mycroft hates to text."
"Is that why you and he were squabbling over his mobile?"
Sherlock narrowed his eyes, even though John wasn't looking at him. "I do not squabble. Particularly with him."
"Sure, love, whatever you say." John turned another page.
"I really thought Lestrade, for all his faults, had better taste," Sherlock mused, as he answered his mother.
Sherlock: He needs my help frequently. And I knew him first.
Mummy: But what is his name, dearest?
Sherlock: Detective Inspector Lestrade.
That statement caused John to drop the paper from in front of his face. It crumpled in his suddenly tightened grasp. "Lestrade and Mycroft!?!"
"Keep up, John."
Mummy: He must have a Christian name.
Sherlock: Probably. I find it irrelevant.
Sherlock: Ask him yourself.
Sherlock sent Lestrade's number to his mother.
John seemed to have processed the news in the meantime. "Hrm. I'd say 'good for him' but I'm not sure which one I'd congratulate. Mycroft obviously could use some loosening up, and Greg deserves some white-glove treatment."
"You should tell him that. And that he'll be hearing from Mummy soon." Sherlock closed his eyes and smirked before re-entering his mind palace.
Greg's mobile buzzed. He'd been more interested in checking it, lately, for hope of another chat with his new... nope, no good term for what Mycroft might be. He looked at the screen.
Mummy: What is your first name, Detective Inspector Lestrade?
Lestrade: Who is this and how did you get this number?
Mummy: From our son. You know both of them.
Somehow Greg knew exactly who was responsible for this.
Lestrade: Mrs. Holmes?
Mummy: I'd ask your intentions towards our eldest, but I'm sure if you've taken up with him, you already know how to resist interrogation.
Lestrade: It's also part of the day job. And it's Greg.
Mummy: We're looking forward to meeting you soon.
Lestrade: Mycroft mentioned. Please don't go to any trouble.
Mummy: Don't be silly. We're dying to meet the man who has managed to put up with not one but both of our boys.
Greg laughed. Well, at least she was aware of what they were like.
Lestrade: Your sons have done a lot of good for a lot of people.
Mummy: That doesn't make them easy to live with.
Lestrade: Bit early for that. We just started dating.
Mummy: Oh, good! You have a sense of humour.
Mummy: Now, what are your intentions? Or more importantly, your sleeping arrangements?
Lestrade: You'd better ask Mycroft about that.
Mummy: Don't be coy. We're all adults.
Mummy: I'd rather put you in Mycroft's room than be wakened by creaking floorboards.
Lestrade: I heard about the night creaks at yours.
Should he? Oh, hell, why not. She'd likely suss it out soon enough.
Lestrade: In fact, I have those noises to thank for giving Mycroft ideas.
Mummy: Mycroft's always had ideas. And good taste. I googled you.
Mummy: My boy has done quite well for himself.
Lestrade: The feeling's mutual.
Another text came in from a different source.
Mycroft: Gregory, would you be amenable to dinner at mine?
Lestrade: Great idea! Let me just say goodbye to your mother.
Mycroft: What are you doing talking to Mummy?
Lestrade: I think Sherlock gave her my number.
Mycroft: Of course he did. 🙄
Lestrade: I should never have encouraged you to use smilies.
Mycroft: I find that one handles most of my needs.
Mycroft: But you will not distract me.
Mycroft: What did Mummy want?
Lestrade: To know my first name, and to ask my intentions towards you.
Mycroft: 🙄
Lestrade: And to find out if we were sleeping together.
Mycroft: My entire family is conspiring to drive me insane.
Lestrade: Not like that. She wanted to know how to set things up when we visit.
Mycroft: Why would we spend the night?
Lestrade: At a guess, they don't see enough of their little boy.
Mycroft: "Little"?
Lestrade: A son is always their mama's little boy.
Mycroft: Your sentiment is appalling. This relationship might not make it to the new year.
Lestrade: Our first fight! We're hitting the milestones quickly.
Mycroft: And after conflict comes the make-up sex, I have been led to believe.
Lestrade: You have a single-minded focus. I like it!
Mycroft: My ability to determine and achieve a mutually satisfactory outcome is a key requirement of my position.
Lestrade: And what is that, are you ever going to say?
Mycroft: With you, supine.
Lestrade: Who would have guessed you'd be such a flirt?
Mycroft: Only with you, my dear.
Mycroft: If you come my way, I will answer Mummy for us.
Lestrade: On my way!
Mycroft: Mummy, do not annoy my companion when we visit.
Mycroft: He is important to me.
Mummy: You can trust us, Mycroft. We'll be on our best for your pretty policeman.
Mycroft: 🙄
Mummy: Mycroft Holmes! You have better manners than that. See you soon.
