Chapter Text
Chapter 2
When Carlos woke up it was to the gentle scratching of TK’s fingers through his hair. Keeping his eyes closed for a moment, he enjoyed the simple feeling of the touch he didn’t know he’d get to feel again. He could feel TK twisting a curl around his finger over and over again. Carlos had no idea when he’d fallen asleep or how long he had been asleep for but he felt rested for the first time in days.
Eventually, he turned his head to the side and gently kissed the inside of TK’s wrist as his hand was stroking along Carlos’ hairline. TK startled at the touch but then relaxed and continued his ministrations.
“Hey, you’re awake” TK whispered, moving his wandering fingers along and around Carlos’ eyes, gently wiping the last bit of sleep out of them. His voice still sounded a little raspy.
“I am,” Carlos responded, sitting upright and stretching the kinks out of his back and shoulders from the awkward position he had slept in. Afterwards, he immediately grabbed TK’s hand again in his left and stroked along his forearm with his right hand.
“How are you feeling? Do you need anything?” It was just like Carlos, worrying about TK the moment his brain caught up with their situation.
“No, I’m good baby, I got everything I need” he smiled at Carlos, linking their fingers together. “My dad stopped by a little while ago. He brought me a few things. Otherwise, my throat still hurts from the breathing tube and it’s still a little hard to take a full breath. But the nurse said that was perfectly normal and at least my throat and voice should be fine again within the next couple of days.”
“Good… that’s good” Carlos responded, letting go of a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. “Why didn’t you wake me when your dad was here?”
“We didn’t want to wake you, it looked like you really needed the rest” TK said while moving his thumb over Carlos’ knuckles. “Oh! And dad brought me my phone and send me some pictures to show you” he reached for his phone with his free hand. “Grace had the baby!”
“She did?” Carlos got up to sit on the edge of TK’s bed so he could get a better look at his phone. Hand never letting go of TK’s left one. “God, she is precious! Judd won’t know what hit him when she grows up” they both huffed out a laugh as TK put his phone away.
“Did anybody else stop by to see you?”, he asked.
“Just the nurse checking up on my vitals. I think the rest of the 126 didn’t want to disturb you. Most of them stopped by and waved through the glass doors.”
“I think they needed to reassure themselves that you really are okay. You scared all of us!”
“I’m sorry” TK sighed. “But speaking of worry, did I see Paul sporting his own version of hospital couture?” Carlos blew out a small laugh.
“Yeah… got caught in a gym collapse. He also got his own case of hypothermia to match yours. He didn’t have us worried even half as much as you did though.”
“You know me, always have to outdo everyone. I’m a drama queen!” It was meant to be a funny quip but hit a little too close to the things still unspoken between them.
Having exhausted the most pressing conversation topics for now, they were both just sitting there, looking at each other. Hands still clasped, needing the physical contact to get through what was coming next. The air around them had definitely changed, awkward tension filling the room.
Neither of them really knew how to start the conversation they so desperately needed to have.
“Carlos, I don’t even -“
“TK, I’m so sorry, I -“ they both started at the same time. TK frowned, looking up at Carlos who suddenly seemed overly interested in their joined hands. He was looking down and running the fingers of his free hand along the edges of their linked ones.
“Babe, why are you apologizing?” TK questioned.
“Because… I shouldn’t just have gone and bought the loft without talking to you first. I should have eased you into the idea.” He sighed, finally lifting his gaze back up and looking at TK.
“No… I mean, yeah, that would have helped… but I also shouldn’t have done what I do best and blown it all up.” TK said, running his free hand along Carlos’ cheek. He just looked at Carlos for a moment, enjoying that he got to be this close to him again. Yes, this conversation was hard, but it should have been had two months ago. It would have saved them a lot of heartache.
“You know… I saw you, in my coma.”
“What?” Carlos seemed confused, that little V-shaped wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows.
“When I was in the coma. I saw you. At first it was just my mom and I could feel that something wasn’t quite real. But then, I guess when you decided to finally talk to me in the real world, I saw you. And I heard you.” TK could see Carlos’ body straighten up at that and the grip on his hand tightened.
“Oh god, TK, I’m so…” one of TK’s fingers moved over his lips, shutting him up before he could apologize again.
“No! Don’t apologize for that. You were right and I needed to hear it. I knew I hurt you and I knew I broke your heart. But hearing the anger was the push I needed to snap out of it.” TK just kept looking at Carlos and running a hand along his face, making sure he had his attention.
“My mom also said something really interesting to me in my dream. She told me to stop dying. It’s so simple and obvious. Stop dying. But I think… I think more than that I really need to start living. And if I really start to live my life, the only person I would want by my side is you.” Both their eyes were welling up at TK’s admission. Carlos surged forward and kissed TK gently. When he pulled away, he kept his forehead rested against TK’s.
“I would really appreciate it if you did stop dying on me all the time. I worry enough about you as it is” Carlos mumbled while pressing more kisses against TK’s face. A moment later he pulled himself away with a sigh, sitting back upright and looking down at TK.
“I’m glad to hear you say that, but I do have to ask… Why did you blow it up? We were good together… at least I thought we were good…”
“We were, baby! We were so good!” TK said with conviction, making Carlos’ breath catch. “But that is also the issue with addicts. Things are at their most dangerous when they’re too good.” Carlos looked a little confused now.
“I don’t follow…”
“It’s something we learn in AA. Things aren’t at their most dangerous when they’re bad, things are at their most dangerous when they’re good. When life is too good, too perfect… that’s when you forget about all the things that weren’t so good and it makes it easier for you to stumble. Self-sabotage is a big part of being an addict. I was so ashamed that my credit score was that bad because of my past mistakes. That I couldn’t contribute to our perfect life in that way. So, before you could realize how imperfect I actually am. My self-sabotage mode activated and I blew it up.” TK let it all out with a sigh. This was something he should have explained to Carlos months ago. The moment he had calmed down from his initial misplaced anger. But by that point he had been too proud and he self-sabotaged some more by completely cutting all communication with him.
Carlos just sat there for a while, staring down at TK. It was obvious on his face that he was processing everything TK just told him. For his part, TK just held on to his hand and hoped the contact was giving Carlos the comfort he needed.
“Scoot over” Carlos suddenly said and got up from the bed.
“What?” TK asked bewildered.
“I said, scoot over.” TK did what he was told and made some room on the bed for Carlos, who kicked off his shoes and climbed on the bed with him.
“Carlos! The nurses…”
“They’re already on my shitlist! Let them try and say something.” Carlos laid on his right side, putting his head on TKs chest and slinging his left arm across TK’s middle. All TK could do was pull him in, running the fingers of his left hand through Carlos’ curls again while his right clung to the arm across is stomach. A silence settled over the two of them. Carlos listened to TK’s heart beat right under his ear, instead of the too shrill beeping of the heart monitor. It calmed him down.
“Are we going to be okay?” TK asked tentatively, voice almost completely shot now from all the talking and the left-over strain of the breathing tube.
“Yeah, we’re going to be okay”, Carlos answered. “I think that deep down I knew, no matter how angry I was or how much you ghosted me, I knew we couldn’t be done yet. I think that’s the reason I didn’t tell my mom about the break-up before last night”
“Oh god, your mom knows?” TK groaned and pulled the blanket up over is head to hide his face. Carlos huffed out a laugh and pushed himself up onto his right elbow, gently leaning over TK to tug the comforter back down to look at TK’s worried green eyes.
“She’s probably going to give you a strong talking to once you feel better. But she loves you,” Carlos said, kissing the tip of TK’s nose. “I love you!”
“I love you, too! So much.”