Chapter Text
dyed hair go brrrr - 10:45pm
Baconbits sent a photo! (a picture of all four of the Watson bois in front of a mirror. Techno’s hair is a vibrant pink, with a new purple ombre towards the ends. Wilbur, Tommy and Dream have all added streaks of color to their own hair. Wilbur’s being blue, Tommy’s red and Dream having bright green. They are all wearing matching baseball tees styled like the Dr. Seuss Thing #1-4 shirts, but instead of “Thing” the word “Migraine” is printed on them in the same white font. The base shirt is grey and the sleeves are color coordinated to each son. [i.e- Techno’s shirt is gray with pink sleeves with “Migraine #1” written in the same font as the “Thing 1” shirt is.] Techno’s face is hidden behind his phone, but the other boys are flashing smiles, with thumbs up, or a peace sign in Dream’s case.)
sweet pea: you match!!
tea kettle incarnate: we match!!
baconbits: unfortunately, dad has a twisted sense of humor and got us matching pajamas…
doin it for the girls and the gays! - 11:00pm
Eret: What’s your gender? Wrong answers only!
Dream: I️ identify as an inconvenience! My pronouns are oop😬/✨sorry!!✨
Alyssa: The smoke detector batteries that haven’t been changed since 2010.
Niki: Mine is a distressed microwave struggling to heat up a frozen meal in 3 minutes and 15 seconds
Puffy: My gender is disappointment and my pronouns are as follows…… *unholy screech*
Hannah: I️ identify as a cactus. Don’t touch me; and stop harassing me about my water consumption. Im perfectly fine dehydrated
Older Sibling Check! - 2:00pm
Techno: So i just walked in, about to ask Dream where he wanted me to put some groceries for his parent’s house and this happened.
Techno sent a video! (opens on zoned out Ranboo, with Tommy and Tubbo sitting on chairs nearby. Both of them shush him loudly as his initial question trails off. “Damn, our boy got really lost in the void.” Tubbo whispers, staring directly at Ranboo, who is unphased and thoroughly checked out. “Yeah, it’s like his soul took a smoke break.” Tommy says, just as infatuated with Ranboo’s unmoving form. “What do you think he’s thinking about?” Tubbo asks. “I️ bet you five bucks. as soon as he’s done buffering he’s gonna tell us a story that he’s already told us like 40 times.” Tommy says. “Nah, I️ bet you it’s one of those times where he has like a huge realization and then he goes on to tell us about this huge random theory that he has that may or may not be correct.” Tubbo says. “Alright, you’re on.” Tommy says. Tubbo sticks his tongue out and chucks a pillow at Ranboo, who immediately snaps out of his dissociation and catches the pillow. “You know, I️ was just think about how Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield’s are basically just like longer “What If” episodes now.” Ranboo rambles out, words slightly slurred but still legible. “Yes! Pay up bitch!” Tubbo cheers. “Okay, but can we just appreciate that catch?!” Tommy says, floored.)
dyed hair go brrrrr - 3:40pm
tea kettle incarnate: okay so ADD in a nutshell. i just made myself a pot of coffee, I️ have no idea why I️ made myself that pot of coffee. why? because I️ have two thermal canisters on the counter that both have the same kind of coffee in there. both half-full that I️ wanted to consolidate. and what did I️ do? completely forgot about them and made myself the pot of coffee anyways. I️ have no idea why I️ did that. what did I️ decide to do with it? I️ decided to get a fresh mug, a clean mug from the shelf up where the clean mugs are when I️ couldve just taken one from the clean dishes over in the dishwasher that I️ was trying to remove so that I️ could put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher to do dishes so I️ could take a clean mug out there for the coffee that I️ didnt need, all the while im here in the first place was that I️ put two cat bowl things out so that I️ could take the cat food and put it in the cat bowls to feed the cats that have been STARVING FOR 20 MINUTES BECAUSE OF MY FUCKING ADD!!!!
wiblur: bro we left you alone for 30 minutes… to get dinner…so you could finish packing up your stuff to move in…
tea kettle incarnate: FUCKINGIDIDNTEVENSTARYSUFCKINGOACKJBGYETTTTT!!! AGAHSHAHG
supreme overlord: oh to read these ancient hieroglyphics
tea kettle incarnate: FUCKKKKKKKKKK
Baconbits: L
oreo boi: LLLLLL
bee boi: F’s in caht
bee boi: cat
bee boi: chta
bee boi: gimme a second pls
bee boi: kahoot
bee boi: FUCK
bee boi: bad stop typingi seear ill get it eventually
bee boi: cht
bee boi: C H A T
bee boi: my autocorste is fuckeed now
@Tubbee is Offline!
oreo boi: oof!
BigManGroup - 10:37am
Ranboo: Actual convo during study hall with Mr. Jerome and Mr. Dan:
Ranboo: Tubbo *completely unprompted*: Mr. Dan, do you think he (Mr. Jerome) has more of a dad bod or a father figure? What do you think?
Ranboo: Mr. Dan: hmmmm
Ranboo: Mr. Jerome: Oh god… *whispers loudly to himself* dad bod, dad bod, dad bod
Ranboo: Mr. Dan continues to hum in contemplation when Tommy walks in to study hall late.
Ranboo: Mr. Jerome *yelling over to Tommy*: Hey Tommy! Do I️ have a dad bod or a father figure??
Ranboo: Tommy: *stutters before keeling over with laughter*
Tubbee: lmaooo
doing it for the girls and the gays - 10:50am
Alyssa: girls whenever we lose something: *holds titties for comfort* oh noo!!
Hannah: If the men find out that our bosoms hold secret powers to find lost items, they’re gonna tell the church!! *holds titties for comfort*
Eret: *holds titties for comfort*
Dream: I️ can already forsee the main chat name change…
dyed hair go brrrrr - 10:52am
@AlyssaR changed the group name to: *holds titties for comfort*
muffin🧁: o.O
blue da ba dee: context??
legally blonde: wouldnt you like to know weather boy?
blue da ba dee: understood, my apologies
tea kettle incarnate: do you guys just lurk?
muffin🧁: wouldn’t you like to know weather boy
tea kettle incarnate: ……
tea kettle incarnate : @Skeppy wtf did you do to him?
blue da ba dee: … I️ am using all my willpower rn to hold back from the obvious set up you gave me…
blue da be dee: wouldnt you like to know weather boy
blue da ba dee: sorry I️ couldnt resist
blue da ba dee: also, I️ didnt do shit, he came like this
tea kettle incarante has kicked @Skeppy
supreme overlord has added @Skeppy
supreme overlord sent a picture! (it’s a blue uno reverse card)
supreme overlord: bitch.
tea kettle incarnate: everyday it’s-a getting closer! gonna take a bath with a motherfucking toaster!
Baconbits: maybe you should stop saing you’re gonna unalive yourself at every minor inconvenience?
tea kettle incarnate: Techno, my beloved rival, im just in a silly 😛 goofy 🤪 mood 🥰
Baconbits: what is this “beloved rival” shit?
tea kettle incarnate: affection.
Baconbits: disgusting. go back to insulting me you homeless teletubby
tea kettle incarnate: I HAVE A HOUSE! I️ LITERALLY LIVE WITH YOU STOP SAYING IM HOMELESS
Baconbits: shut up + you literally used to couchsurf + youre adopted + ratio
tea kettle incarnate: at least Phil chose me.
Baconbits: that is both- the saddest thing you’ve sad and also a good burn
tea kettle incarnate: did you just compliment me? is this the part in a 30k enemies-to-friends-to-lovers where you actually start to like me??
Baconbits:…
Baconbits : @Dadza
tea kettle incarnate: wait Techno!
Dadza❤ sent a GIF! (the “fuck this shit Im out” gif)
@Dadza is Offline!
wiblur sent a video! (a shaky video of Phil stepping outside. There is a pause before he screams. Then calmly walks back in like nothing ever happened.)
Baconbits: dad’s so passionate
local arsonist: some days I️ wonder why he calls you guys migraines in the family gc… now it makes sense.
*holds titties for comfort* - 3:57pm
sweet pea: a 13 year old boy just tried to fight me today but by pure coincidence I️ happen to know his mom on a first name basis. I️ yelled her name, she looked at me and smiled and I️ looked at him and said “Im going to fuck your mom.”
sweet pea: I️ gave that boy more psychological damage than any ex girlfriend he will ever have.
gender apathy: *claps loudly* FUCK YES NIKI!!!
puss in boots: POP OFF QUEEN!!!
*holds titties for comfort* - 3:50pm
HONK bby🐸: *my classmates telling me that too much caffeine can lead to an anxiety dosorder*
HONK bby🐸: me *on my 4th Monster before noon*: 👁👄👁 already got one so…
Dadza❤️ is Online!
Dadza❤️ : @everyone This weekend's safety brief!!
Dadza❤️: Don’t add to the population. Don’t subtract the population. Don’t end up in: the hospital / the newspaper / twitter / jail. If you end up in jail- establish dominance quickly. Have a good weekend. My lawful children, if you are not home by 4:30, you will be grounded. Thank you.
*holds titties for comfort* - 4:31pm
Dadza❤️: Hey, Im currently going through the five stages of grief, so please be mindful. On that note, WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY CHILDREN?!
baconbits: at the front door
tea kettle incarnate: dadza its cold ;-;
emotional support dumbasses - 6:37pm
dreamie sent a photo! (the guest bedroom has been renovated as Dream’s new room. it has pale gray walls, with dark wood floors. A fluffy gray rug lays in the center. Dream’s forest green sheets cover the bed with fluffy brown blankets. His bisexual pride flag hangs above his bed. The bedframe is a trundle bed, painted a dark, slate gray. The trundle is put away. In a corner sits a hanging egg chair, piled with various pillows and blankets. A small cat tree along the wall, where a stray that Dream adopted is currently lounging in the sun spots filtering through the same slate gray color curtains. A desk sits in the opposite corner of his chair and has a laptop and his back-pack on top. His longboard is propped against the leg of his desk. The closet is stocked with his clothes and shoes as well. His books are lined on several floating shelves as well.)
dreamie: new room!
sappy: yoo! it looks awesome!
dreamie: ty ty! and dadza said that if you guys wanted to, you’re welcome anytime. just let him know! there’s a trundle bed you can sleep on as well
georgie: so happy for you dream!
*holds titties for comfort* - 2:00am
wiblur: rise and shine bitches, I️ am ✨ B A C K ✨ on my bullshit!
wiblur: we. have. got. enough. milks. now…
wiblur: woukd everyone please…🤬 STOP MILKING SHIT!!! 🤬
wiblur: I️ went to get a coffee earlier.
wiblur: I️ have very straightforward coffee tastes.
wiblur: it should have been a very straightforward transaction. it was anything but.
wiblur: I️ went in there, and I️ was like “hello! can I️ have a white coffee please?”
wiblur: the barista said “okay sir! what kinda milk would you like with your coffee? we’ve got a coconut milk, we have an almond nut milk, we’ve got a hazelnut milk. we got a cashew nut milk. we’ve got a macadamia nut milk. we’ve got an oat milk, rice milk, hemp milk, soy milk. you can have it from a bean, from a pulse, from a nut, from a grain, from an oat, from a flax, from a seed, from a seed from a tree!”🤩🥳
wiblur: … I️ went “id like it from a nipple please.” 😐
wiblur: I️ dont care what type of nipple, preferably from a cow’s but im not fussy. ill take it from whatever nipple I️ can get. she looks at me like I️ had requested it from her!! like I️ was the weirdo!!! im not the weirdo! they’re the one’s thats in the back of the shop milking fucking cashew nuts!!! they’re the freaks not me!!!!
wiblur: I️ do not, for one moment, doubt that lactose intolerance is a very grave and pressing issue for humanity, but lest I️ remind you that we currently don’t have a cure for cancer. aND THERE ARE 12!!!!! READILY AVAILABLE MILK SUBSTITUES ON THE MARKET!!!!! which I️ would argue is 11 more than we need!!
supreme overlord: agreed!!!!! they make medicine to relieve cramps and shit from drinking lactose…
wiblur: thank you callahan
*holds titties for comfort* - 8:30am
supreme overlord: QUACKITY YOU MOTHERFUCKING DUCK ON A BICYCLE YOU BETTER PRAY TO WHOMEVER MAY SHOW YOU MERCY THAT I️ DONT FIND YOU!!! THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR!!!!
tea kettle incarnate: ????
NOT a drug dealer: hahaha callahan im so sorry pls
supreme overlord: RUDE! UNNECESSARY! UNCALLED FOR!!
NOT a drug dealer: pls calla im so sorry!!
tea kettle incarnate: what did you do??!
supreme overlord: Yeah, Alex Quackity-Pato. Tell Dream what you said to me.
local arsonist sent a picture! (the kevin harr being carried meme. the no-faced girl is labeled “Quackity” with the woman holding kevin hart is labeled “Me”. Kevin Hart is labeled as “Callahan”
local arsonist: me protecting calla from whatever just happened.
NOT a drug dealer: I️ was in a vc just chillin, playing some GTAV, when calla joined. and I️ was in a toxic mood and I️ just snapped and said “what? are you gonna say something to me?!” and calla instantly dipped. im so sorry Calla!! 😭😭😭
supreme overlord: god may have mercy on your soul, but you’re kneecaps are MINE BITCH!!!!
tea kettle incarnate: rip big q…
hello BOIS: L
doing it for the girls and the gays - 8:45am
Puffy: *me feeling a little insecure for being slightly thick*
Puffy: *my poor, irish, catholic ancestors knowing I️’d survive any famine*: *plays Thot Shit by Megan Thee Stallion*
My Migraines - 12:33pm
Me: I️ can not believe my co-workers sometimes. just casually passed by and heard a new dad and older dad ask the new dad “what if he’s gay?” and he stopped me and repeated the question. “what if one of your son’s came out as gay to you?” I️ shit you not.
Me: I️ just stared at him, like I️ didn’t regularly keep and eye out on all of these kids and openly queer teens in your friend group. I️ looked him dead in the eye and said “what am I️ supposed to do? yell “do over”?! that’s my son either way. that means im gonna support him, or if he uses another set of pronouns, abiding by them, no matter what. they are my kids, and I️ will not dictate their lives. If they have enough of a grasp on their identity to be confident with themselves, why the HELL wouldn’t I️ support them?! jesus christ. if you’re gonna be this close-minded before your child is born, you shouldn’t be a parent.
Me: and I️ walked away.
Migraine 4: oh my fucking god, im showing this to Eret
lmao bonus because it’s funny:
My Migraines - 6:30pm
Migraine 2: Dadddddddddddddddd
Me: yes?
Migraine 2: techno called me a whore
Me: are you a whore?
Migraine 2: no, I️ only fuck on the weekends
Me: okay, Tech apologize to wil
Migraine 1: Im not apologizing to you, you whore