Chapter Text
“Ash, are you gonna be alright? It’s New Year’s Eve. You should be celebrating. You can still come with us, you know? Our neighbors invited us to celebrate together with them.”
Max was dressed in an elegant navy blue shirt and black pants, making him look much more handsome than usual. Jessica’s influence, of course. She had always had better taste when it came to fashion. But she worked for a fashion magazine, so no surprise there. Max had even combed his hair back, so it looked neater than usual.
Jessica was dressed in a black, elegant dress with long sleeves. A golden necklace with a little heart as a pendant, a Christmas gift from Max, added a nice touch to the low neckline. The necklace had been a Christmas gift from Max. A so light cream-colored scarf hung around her neck to complete her outfit. Her light brown hair was tied up in a ponytail, and she had applied some makeup which made her look much younger. They both looked happy together, which made Ash smile. They were a lovely couple. And, he had to admit, they were great parents, too.
“No, it’s fine. I’m good. You both look great. Where’s the tie, dad?” Ash asked, looking up from his book, smirking at him.
“I gave up after some time,” Jessica admitted to him with a sigh, casting a knowing glance at Max, who immediately looked guilty and defended himself.
“Ties look great, but I hate wearing them. They always sit too tight and choke me. It’s bad enough I have to wear them at work.” Ash grinned wickedly at him. He hadn’t expected anything else from Max.
“Where’s Michael?”
“He stays over at his friend’s house. Don’t worry; he’ll be safe. We’ve known the parents for ages, “ Jessica said, reading his mind.
“Okay, then. Have fun. Happy New Year!”
“Thanks. We will. A Happy New Year to you as well, Jessica replied cheerfully while intertwining her arms with Max’s and dragging Max towards the door.
“Come on, or we’ll be late!”
“The new year could start with a surprise for you,” Max grinned, then winked at him. Ash wondered what he had meant by that but soon forgot about it and turned back to the couch with a book, pushing his glasses up his nose.
Ash enjoyed that he could read in peace this evening. Usually, Michael distracted him. He loved Michael, but he was a whirlwind, and reading didn’t belong to Michael’s favorite activities. Michael enjoyed having a big brother now and always wanted to involve Ash in his activities. He had a hard time saying no to him since Michael reminded him of himself and Griff when they were younger.
After a while, he heard the first fireworks exploding. He looked at his watch. Nearly midnight. That’s when the doorbell rang. Ash sighed. Reading time was over, or so it seemed. Probably his dad, who wanted to celebrate the beginning of the new year with him.
Ash opened the door and dropped his book in surprise when he stared into two familiar golden-brown eyes he hadn’t seen for three years. For a moment, he just looked at the silhouette illuminated by the light of the entrance in a daze, wondering if his wild imagination or the dim lighting had played a trick on him. Still, Eiji was still standing right in front of him. He was speechless for once and froze up, standing in the door frame.
“Ei - ji!” he muttered in disbelief after he remembered how human speech worked again.
“Happy New Year, Ash!” Eiji smiled at him, his eyes sparkling with happiness, then hugged him tightly. “Did I surprise you?”
“H - Happy New Year. Yeah, you did. What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to give you a reply to your letter, of course.” Suddenly Eiji’s smile faded away and was replaced by a stubborn and intense stare. “
“The letter I’ve been waiting for for three years, Aslan Jade Callenreese!” Eiji glared at him, his eyes burning wildly in a golden brown.
Uh-oh. That didn’t bode well…
Eiji pushed Ash inside, entered the house, let go of his bag, and closed the door behind him. Then, he gripped his shirt’s collar and shoved him inside until he collided with the wall of the hallway that led to the living room. Eiji pounded on his chest while his burning gaze had the intensity to set the house on fire.
“You stubborn, overprotective, clueless, ignorant idiot! It’s been three years, Ash! Three fucking years! Do you even know what I’ve been going through? You could at least have given me a sign you survived. You’re hopeless, a lost cause, you know that? You’re the worst! Why do I even love an idiot like you? Why? Tell me!” Tears streamed down his face, but he stubbornly wiped them away.
“Sorry, Eiji, I - “ Ash stammered, stunned by Eiji’s anger. But then, Eiji’s look suddenly softened, and he looked directly into his eyes.
“I’m done now. I had to let it all out. Now, I feel better. You deserved it.” He smiled at him through his tears.
Eiji’s fists finally unclenched, and he pulled him close, his head resting on his chest. He was clinging to him and started sobbing. Ash hesitated for a second, then returned the hug.
“Don’t ever do this to me again. I’ve missed you so much. We’re lifetime soulmates. We’re fated to be together. When will you finally understand that?”
“Lifetime soulmates, huh?”
Eiji pulled out of the hug, so he could meet his gaze and smiled. “Yeah, you’re right. A lifetime is too short for us. We’ll be eternal soulmates. If we die, we’ll be reborn, and our souls will always find each other again. So, we’ll be together until the end of time.”
“I - That sounds beautiful… Do you really believe in that? I wish I could, too.” He didn’t believe in souls and reincarnation or religion, yet maybe one day he’d learn to do so. With Eiji’s help…
“I’m sorry, Eiji. I only wanted to keep you safe. I was too afraid to contact you. What if I had lost you, too? What would I have done without you?”
Ash couldn’t keep in his tears any longer, they streamed down his face, and he felt how he started trembling. Eiji pulled him closer again, and he gently stroked his hair to calm him down.
“You won’t lose me, Ash. We’re both safe now, right?” Ash mumbled in agreement while his tears slowly died down.
“I promise I’ll never hurt you again, Eiji.”
“I know that, Ash.” Then, Ash loosened his grip on him again, placing a hand on his shoulder instead. The truth of what Eiji had just told him had finally sunk in.
“Wait, did you just say you love me?”
“Of course, I love you, stupid. I’ve flown to another continent just to see you. Haven’t you understood my farewell letter?”
“Yes, of course, I did. But you didn’t write anything about love.”
Eiji just shook his head in disbelief and gripped his shoulders, slightly shaking him.
“How can you write brilliant essays and analyze Hemingway’s and Salinger’s classic literature but not understand a simple farewell letter? How is that even possible?”
“That’s because my IQ always drops below zero when it concerns you,” Ash replied honestly.
There it was again. The precious bright smile that lit up his world. That beaming smile he had been fighting for all this time. It had all been worth it just to see that happy smile once more. Even if it was just past midnight, it felt like dawn was breaking, painting everything into a golden, brighter color, its rays warming his skin and melting his heart. Tears ran down his face before he could stop it, and Eiji pulled him closer again.
“Ash, of course, I love you. But there has never been a good time to tell you that. Back in New York, I mean.” Ash nodded quietly, still sobbing.
“I - I love you, too,” Ash replied quietly through his tears. “So much. I just fought for this very moment. To see you again. Even if it was only once. Even if you wouldn’t stay.”
“That’s why you’ve sent me the plane ticket?”
“Huh? Plane ticket? I’ve just sent you the letter.” Ash had honestly no clue what Eiji was talking about. He sure as hell didn’t include a plane ticket. He was too afraid that Eiji would reject him…
“There was a plane ticket included with your letter. Together with a Christmas card from Max.”
“Damn that old man, always meddling in my life…” Then, Ash smiled softly at him. “I have to thank him later.”
“So, you didn’t want me to come?” Eiji asked curiously. Ash saw in his eyes that he didn’t believe that for one second. He just wanted to get a sincere explanation from him.
“No! Yes. Oh, fuck. I - I’m glad you're here. It’s just - I - I thought you didn’t want to see me… I hurt you again, Eiji. More than ever before. I thought you’d have forgotten about me and moved on.” Ash looked down at the floor so thathe wouldn’t see Eiji’s disappointed expression.
“I wanted to see you again, yes. I didn’t know if you still felt the same after three years. I thought you had found a new life with someone else… Someone better than me. I don’t deserve someone like you… Not after everything I’ve put you through. As you said, I’m the worst. That’s why I didn’t send you a plane ticket.”
He hesitated a moment before looking up again and into his eyes. He had to see Eiji’s reaction. To know if he’d reject or forgive him. If his fight had been worth it or everything had been in vain...
“Ash, you’re still alive. That’s all that matters, ok? I knew you weren’t dead. We’re soulmates. I would have felt it in the depths of my soul if you had died. But I was really surprised by your letter. That you contacted me. Probably Max’s influence?”
“Yes and no. He said you loved me and would never forget about me. Then, I remembered that you told me once you would wait for me. Forever. That gave me the courage to write to you. And your farewell letter. My soul is always with you.”
“I really meant that, Ash,” Eiji replied softly. “So, what do you want to do now? Will you stay here? Return to New York?”
“No, I can’t stay here forever. And in New York, I still have too many enemies with my dark past as a gang leader.”
“Then, come to Japan with me. My offer still stands.”
“Eiji, I can’t do that. I - “ Ash replied stubbornly.
“Ash, do you want to stay with me?”
“Yes, I do, but - “
“Then, come with me. Return with me to Japan. We can have a new beginning together. Ash, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re the only one for me. You're my happiness, my home, my everything.” Ash couldn’t help but smile. Eiji had said the same to him back in New York. That he should fly to Japan with him. At that time, he had assumed he’d never get out of New York alive. But maybe now it could work…?
“Eiji, I feel the same. But what can I even do in Japan? I can’t speak Japanese. I don’t know anything about Japan. Or even pronounce your hometown Gizmo correctly.”
“You can use chopsticks. That’s a good start,” Eiji said, grinning. When Ash gave him a dirty look, he got serious again.
“You’ll learn it. You’re smart. There are Japanese courses at college you can take. And my hometown is still called I - zu - mo.” He giggled at that.
“Ee-zoo-mo?”
“Yes, yes, like that. Japan is different from the US. It will feel like a new world for you. Still, Japan is safe and peaceful. It will be a new experience for you, but as long as we’re together, we’ll be fine. The people are kind there, and guns and long knives are illegal in Japan. No one will hurt you there. So, it’s the perfect place to recover. To start a new life.”
Ash nodded but wasn’t entirely convinced yet. He still suffered a lot and had panic attacks, nightmares, and feared touch. What if they would get worse in Japan? He didn’t want to cause trouble for Eiji or make him worry all the time…
Eiji immediately felt how he had tensed up and took his hand in his, gently rubbing his thumbs into the back of his hand to calm him down.
“Ash, what’s wrong? Why are you still hesitating? This is what you want, too, right?” Eiji looked into his eyes, his eye color darkening when worry overwhelmed them.
“Yes. But I don’t want to be a burden to you. I’d keep you awake at night with my nightmares. They got even worse after the trials had been over. My trauma will probably get worse, too. What if I have panic attacks? Or overreact when someone touches me out of nowhere? I can’t do that to you, Eiji.” A tear slid down his face while his trembling hand tried to wipe away his tears.
Eiji let go of his hand and gently turned his chin upwards, cupping jos cheek, then looked softly into his eyes. “Ash, you’ve never been a burden to me. Not once. You make my life worth living, and each second with you is more meaningful and brings me joy.” Eiji’s eyes radiated so much honesty and warmth that Ash finally nodded and smiled at him.
“I know that you suffer from severe trauma. It’s normal that you have nightmares. It’s not easy to get over such terrible experiences. It will be hard and a struggle from one day to the next. Your trauma won’t disappear overnight, and it will take time to find closure and deal with it in a healthy way. You’ll probably never forget those experiences; still, you’ll get to the point where they don’t control your life anymore,” Eiji added patiently.
He gently took his trembling hand and intertwined their fingers. “I’m always here for you. Share your pain with me. Don’t suffer all alone. If you share your suffering with me, it will lessen the burden on your soul. You’ll never be alone again. We’ll deal with anything together from now on, ok?”
Eiji’s encouraging and warm smile melted the rest of his resistance and doubts away. Tears ran down his face, endless streams of unshed tears he had held back for so long. Eiji just hugged him and rubbed some soothing circles into his back, and whispered some calming words into his ear until he slowly calmed down.
When he had stopped trembling, and his tears had eased down, Eiji slowly pulled out of the hug.
“Please don’t apologize. Revealing sincere feelings is a sign of strength, not weakness. And you look much better now. Except for your red-rimmed eyes. Eiji cupped his face and gently wiped away the remaining tears with his thumbs, then placed a kiss on his forehead. After the kiss, Ash realized that Eiji had to stand on tiptoes to do that, which made Ash burst out laughing.
“You haven't grown an inch since I last met you. But I have, oniichan.” He smirked at him provocatively. Eiji just stubbornly turned away from him and walked away.
“Sayonara, Ash,” Eiji just replied coldly, heading for the door.
“No! Eiji, don’t be mad. I was just teasing you.” Ash grabbed his hand, and Eiji turned around, grinning mischievously at him.
“That’s mean. You told me in your letter that you would never say sayonara to me.”
“I did say that.” A hint of guilt lingered in Eiji’s eyes for a moment. Then, he flicked his forehead, and Ash cursed, rubbing his forehead.
“That was payback for your nasty comment, and you deserved it. You knew mentioning my height would get you in trouble.”
“Yes, I did,” Ash reluctantly agreed. “But I missed our war of wits, our bickering and teasing, too, and wanted to test out my limits.” He started winking at Eiji and saw with some satisfaction how a faint blush turned Eiji’s cheeks pink.
“You’re impossible. You’re just lucky that I have a serious weakness for blonde bad boys,” Eiji replied, crossing his arms in defiance and glaring at him. The amusement in his eyes and how they lit up with happiness betrayed him, though. Ash saw that Eiji felt the same.
“And you’re lucky I have a weakness for innocent Japanese who look like grade-schoolers. But after three years, you at least look like a middle schooler now.” Eiji’s eyes flared up, burning dangerously.
“Ash, you’re treading on very thin ice. Be careful that it doesn’t break.” There was a warning resonating in Eiji’s tone, yet his honest face and sparkling eyes gave his true feelings away.
“So, will you celebrate the new year with me? I think my dad mentioned something about sparkling wine in the fridge,” Ash changed the topic, grinning mischievously at him.
“Yes, I will. This year will be our year. You’ll see.”
“So, tell me, Eiji. What did you do in the meantime? Did you finish college?” Ash asked while opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle, uncorked it, then filled two glasses.
“I did. I have a photo studio now, and I earn enough to live from it. And I enjoy doing it. What about you? Tell me more about the trials.” They sat down on the couch in the living room, and Ash handed him one of the glasses, and they made a soft clinking sound when they touched.
“Happy New Year, Ash!”
“Happy New Year, Eiji. To a new start.”
Then, he got serious again and tried to summarize the last three years for him, which wasn’t that easy.
“As I told you in my letter, I worked together with Max and Charlie and handed all the info on Dino, his child prostitution rings, his crime syndicate, all people on his payroll, and info about the Banana Fish murder-suicides over to them. Only copies. I kept the originals in a safe place until the trial. I knew how resourceful and powerful my opponents were and that many corrupt cops would make evidence disappear overnight.”
Ash nodded at him in understanding.
“The bribery but especially the truth about Dino’s child prostitution ring and all the murders the police could connect to him changed New York, but it was dangerous. For me and Max, too. Jessica and Michael stayed with her sister for a while, just to be safe. Those people we were up against worked in the highest political positions and had a lot to lose, so they tried to get rid of the evidence and kill us several times. But they hadn’t counted on me and my skill to anticipate my opponents’ moves, then turn the tides in my favor. So, luckily, we survived.”
“That was a big gamble… I can’t believe you nearly died again… And I didn’t even realize it…” Tears slid down Eiji’s face. “And Max, too…”
“Eiji, stop crying, ok? I did all of that so I could see you again. And it worked. We’re both together.” Ash stroked his hair, then held him close until his tears had ebbed down.
“What happened then?”
“Even if not all the people went to prison, the rumors were enough for them to lose all credibility and force them to resign. Rumors and accusations are the death of every politician. The Banana Fish incident didn’t get a trial, and many of the incidents were covered up and hidden from the public, but all the agency’s directors and agents involved had to resign, so that’s enough for me.”
“So, you’re free now?”
“Yes. I can go wherever I want. Without any fake IDs but as myself.”
“And who’s the real you? Ash Lynx or Aslan Jade Callenreese?”
“Ash Lynx died. I’m Aslan Jade Callenreese now.”
Eiji nodded in agreement.
“So, what do you want to do now?”
“I don’t know. All I learned is to kill.” When Eiji looked at him with such a sad face, it tore his heart apart, he quickly continued. “Sorry, Eiji. I’d like to work around books. But I have to learn Japanese first.”
“That’s a great idea, Ash. Maybe you can go to college, too!” Eiji replied, beaming at him.
“Maybe. We’ll see.”
“Cheers, Ash. To our new life together.”
“Yes.”
“Wait, I have a present for you.” Eiji walked back to the hallway and rummaged through his bag until he found what he was looking for, then returned.
“Here you go.” Eiji smiled happily at him. “What are you waiting for? Open it.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t have anything for you.” Ash felt bad. He should have included a present for Eiji with his letter, at least…
“Ash, you are my greatest present, ok? And your letter meant the world to me. I know that writing that letter wasn’t easy for you. You probably spent days writing that. You put much effort into it; I could feel it. Your sincere feelings resonated through the lines. And there were dried tears on the letter. So, it means more to me than you can ever imagine. Especially because you reached out to me. Now, quit making such a sad face and open it. You destroy the cheerful atmosphere.”
Ash just nodded and opened the box. When he had removed the lid, he saw a keychain lying on a soft cushion. The keychain contained a photo of both of them. He picked it up to get a better look. Eiji was smiling brightly into the camera while Ash’s head had dropped on his shoulder, his green eyes gleaming softly. Eiji had put an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close. Some blonde strands had fallen into Ash’s face while he wore a half-smile on his lips, entirely at ease.
“When did you take this? I’ve never seen this before.”
“On one of the quieter evenings when we watched a movie together. I love your peaceful expression. You look so carefree and happy. It’s one of my favorite photos.”
“I didn’t know I could look like that. So young. Like a teenager. You’re the only one who can make me do that. To lean onto you and show you my vulnerable side, the real me. You’ve always made me feel safe.”
“The photo is supposed to remind you that we belong together. But I’ve always felt safe by your side as well, even in your cruel world. Look at the back.”
Ash turned it around. There was an engraving on the back.
Always together
Never apart
We are forever
Joined as one heart
Eiji
Tears pricked at Ash’s eyes, but he stubbornly wiped them away. Eiji smiled knowingly at him and pulled him closer. “Don’t cry yet. Please look more closely at what’s on the keychain, ok?”
“A key?” Ash asked curiously, turning to him questioningly.
“That’s the key to my apartment in Izumo. It’s not as fancy as the one we shared in New York, but it’s comfortable and cozy. You’ll love it. Move in with me, Ash. Stay by my side. Not just for now. Forever. It’s the key to our happiness. To a new dawn.”
Ash stared at Eiji, stunned for a second, before nodding at him.
“I - don’t know what to say. Thank you. I’m glad I’ve met you. I still think you’re too good for me. Too good to be true…” Ash couldn't hold back his tears any longer, and they ran down his cheeks. Eiji gently wiped them away and looked into his eyes.
“I sense a but coming?” he asked hopefully.
“But I want to come with you. To Japan. I want to see what your country is like. And to spend my life with you.”
Eiji’s eyes sparkled with happiness before he pulled him close, laughing wholeheartedly. He would do anything to see that smile more often.
“Wait, I just remembered that I do have a present for you, too. Wait here for a moment.” Ash ran back to his room and looked through some cupboards, searching for something he had mentioned in his letter to Eiji. After a while, he found what he was looking for and returned to the living room.
“Here.” He handed him a stack of envelopes held together by a red string.
“What’s that?” Eiji asked him curiously.
“Those are the letters I’ve written to you but never sent to you. The ones I mentioned in my letter.”
“Wow, you kept all of them? How many are that? A hundred?” Eiji asked in amazement while his eyes widened, trying to count all the envelopes but giving up a few moments later.
“Probably. I’m not good with words, but maybe those letters will get my feelings across. Writing letters to you was the only thing that kept me sane all this time. Even if I couldn’t send them. I felt closer to you this way. It’s the only thing I could give you.”
“Thank you, Ash; I’ll read them all, I promise.” Eiji beamed at him and kissed his cheek, which made him blush; hecould feel his cheeks heating up. A small smile danced across his lips when he saw how delighted Eiji was by a simple bundle of letters. Now, he was grateful he had kept them all this time.
“Eiji, what do you do if you regret something? Isn’t the new year a good opportunity to make up for it?” Ash inquired carefully.
“Huh? Why do I get the feeling this isn’t about your past but more personal? I can see it in your eyes. Is this about us?”
Ash smiled sadly at him and nodded. He loved how Eiji always said us. For him, it was natural that they’d always be together. And it was scary how he always read his mind… Yet, at the same time, it impressed him that Eiji knew him so well that he could read what was on his mind.
“Eiji, that’s scary, you know? Reading my mind like that. What I regretted was the kiss I gave you in jail.”
Eiji’s cheeks immediately turned bright red. It was so cute, and Ash thought it looked adorable. Eiji looked even younger like that.
“So, you regret kissing me?” Eiji asked carefully, his eyes darkening, staring down at his hands.
“No! That’s not what I meant!” he exclaimed angrily. Then, he took a deep breath to calm down. “Sorry. I don’t regret kissing you; I regret how I did it. I didn’t ask you for permission and used your surprise to my advantage. I behaved exactly like my abusers, forcing a kiss on you without considering your feelings. And the way you reacted, I probably stole your first kiss, too. I used you like a tool to achieve my goal. I - I shouldn’t have done that…” He looked down so he wouldn’t see Eiji’s reaction. Eiji raised his face upwards again and looked into his eyes.
“So, now you’re telling me I’m a lousy kisser?” Eiji complained, glaring at him, yet after a moment, Eiji couldn’t hide his grin any longer, and Ash relaxed when he realized he was only teasing him to lighten up the mood.
“Ash, please stop, ok? None of that is true. I was surprised when you kissed me, that’s true. And that was my first kiss. But you moved so slowly towards me; I saw the kiss coming. I was frozen up for a moment, but I had enough time to pull away or to push you away. So, you didn't force me. The way you cupped my face was gentle, and the way you kissed me was soft and slow. It wasn’t violent, possessive, or aggressive. And even if I was surprised, I enjoyed it. So, I don’t regret it, and neither should you.” Ash saw pure honesty reflected in Eiji’s eyes, and he nodded, relaxing.
“And I can’t believe you regret one of our precious moments together.”
“So, Eiji, don’t you have any regrets? Have you never thought that you would have done something differently?” Ash asked him in all sincerity.
“I consider all the moments we shared precious, and I’ll hold them close to my heart. But you’re right. I do regret the last thing I said to you. If I had known those were my last words to you, I would have phrased them differently. I mean, back when you visited me at the hospital.” Tears were pricking at Eiji’s eyes, and he shivered a bit.
Ash put an arm around him to calm him down, and Eiji leaned his head on his shoulder. Ash leaned his head on him, too.
“I remember. You told me to go. But that wasn’t your fault. By saying this, you wanted to protect me. You didn’t want Charlie to arrest me.”
“I wished I could have run away with you. But I could barely walk… I could never do anything to help you. I also wanted to escape from the airport to come back for you. When you were stabbed, I heard you calling out my name. I know that everyone thinks I’m crazy, but I knew instinctively something bad had happened to you… We’re soulmates, after all. But what was I supposed to do in a wheelchair? I’m so sorry, Ash.”
“Eiji, stop. First, you helped me all the time. Yes, you couldn’t fight and protect me physically, but you protected my soul. You taught me to live again, trust, and feel again. You accepted me with all my trauma and dark past and comforted me when I suffered from nightmares. You protected my shattered soul and my broken self. With you, I could be an ordinary teenage boy and forget about my cruel world. You were never scared of me and were always by my side. You don’t know how much that meant to me.” Ash embraced him while tears streamed down his face, too. He wished he could stay like that forever.
After a minute, Eiji pulled out of the hug and wiped his tears away.
“Ash, please tell me one thing. Why didn’t you call for help when you were stabbed? That part is true, right? Why would you accept your death so readily? Have you ever thought about me when doing that, you idiot?”
Ash flinched at that but didn’t look away from his gaze. “I thought at the time you were gone, and I’d never see you again. All that mattered to me was that you were safe. But what would I do if I survived? Be on the run from the police all my life? Fighting from one day to the next as a gang leader? Or getting killed by the Corsican mafia? Death seemed just the better option. Death would take away all my pain, my suffering, my memories. I would finally be free. After seeing you jump over that wall with a rusty pipe, I told you that I envied you because you knew how to fly. I thought I could only be free by dying. I’m sorry I caused you so much pain. Max offered me an alternative I hadn’t considered yet. Because I don’t believe in justice. He, however, does.”
I guess it's my fault, too. You were only stabbed because of my farewell letter. That was the reason you hesitated, right? I figured it out when I saw the photo with your head resting on the farewell letter. I promised you to stay by your side forever. I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep it. But I will fulfill it now, I promise.”
“That farewell letter was the most beautiful gift I’ve ever received. Please don’t regret writing it, ok? I kept that all the time, and it gave me the courage to write my letter to you.” Eiji nodded, but Ash didn’t like the sad expression on Eiji’s face. This should be a moment of happiness. He wondered how he could cheer him up.
“Eiji, let’s forget the past, ok? How about we take a look at the fireworks? There’s a little hill some minutes away from here with a great view. We can make a wish for the new year. Look forward to the future. It’s past midnight, but the fireworks won’t stop so soon.”
“Yes, you’re right. That sounds great. Let’s go.”
They walked to the little hill and were lucky that it was already deserted. Most people had probably already left because it was already past 1 a.m., but you still saw plenty of fireworks from here. It offered a great view over the city and the fireworks illuminating the sky.
“This is a really great view. All the fireworks are so beautiful. And it’s much warmer here than in Izumo. In Izumo, it was snowing when I left.”
Ash put his arms around Eiji's shoulders. “Yes, L.A. or the outskirts of it are much warmer. I knew you’d enjoy the fireworks. Maybe the new year will be a happier one for both of us.”
“I’m sure it will. I’m glad you reached out to me, Ash.”
“I’m even happier you stood in front of my doorstep. Thank you for coming here. Sometimes, miracles do happen.”
“I told you, that wasn't a miracle; it was fate. Our souls will always be drawn to each other.”
“Yes, whatever the reason, what matters is that you’re here. I really look forward to this new year for the first time. Maybe this year, some good things will happen now that you’re back in my life. But what would you have done if I wanted to stay in the US?”
“Then, I would have moved back here,” Eiji said without the slightest hesitation in his voice.
“But - “
“Ash, I won’t leave you again. We belong together, so wherever you go, I will follow. We’re destined to be together.” Ash put an arm around him and leaned closer until their heads touched while he looked at the fireworks.
“Ash, life is like those fireworks. You can either close your eyes and be scared or open them and enjoy the view. And if you can’t enjoy the view or don’t see beauty in the world yet, you have to light the fuse yourself and make it beautiful through your own actions. You just need a tiny spark to light up the world. To make it a better place.”
“Yes, maybe you’re right, Eiji. Maybe we really can do something to create a better world. With you, the world is more colorful. Your smile is the fuse illuminating everything around me and revealing the world’s beauty.”
Eiji smiled softly at him, and Ash noticed with a start how close his face was. He wondered if this was the perfect moment to kiss Eiji, this time the right way. Just when he was about to ask, Eiji nodded encouragingly at him, reading his mind like always. He loved that Eiji could just do that.
Ash moved a bit closer and gently grabbed his face. He noticed how Eiji was blushing and looked at him, his brown eyes widening with a hint of uncertainty. And yet, Ash noticed that his eyes revealed more than that. Eiji’s eyes looked softly at him, pure affection reflecting in his eyes. While moving closer, he saw Eiji's lips trembling slightly when Eiji leaned back a little. When he finally touched his lips, slowly kissing him, his lips felt so soft and warm, and he felt a fuzzy feeling welling up inside of him he had never felt before.
He had kissed countless people in his life, mostly without his consent, and had always thought that a kiss was overrated and romanticized by people who had read too many romance novels. For him, a kiss had always been a way of exercising control over someone or demonstrating power. Or getting information out of people by faking emotions. His kisses had always been violent, aggressive, and painful. He had always suppressed his feelings and had prayed that it would be over soon. All he had felt had been pure disgust. He had never understood why people thought a first kiss was so special and why that was so damn important to most people.
But all of that changed within a matter of seconds. Because this was the first real kiss, he wanted to give voluntarily. And this time, not to get information or smuggle secret messages out of prison, but because he had been dreaming of kissing Eiji for a very long time.
He wanted to show Eiji how much he loved him. He was terrible with words when it came to emotions. But maybe he could just show Eiji by kissing him how much he meant to him? Getting his feelings across by putting all of his genuine feelings into this one kiss. He was sure Eiji would understand his declaration of love much better than by looking for and failing to find the right words and embarrassing himself.
When he started to kiss Eiji, his mind suddenly flatlined. Everything felt utterly new to him; he had never experienced something like this before. It felt to him as if this really was his very first kiss. His body moved on its own, his one hand cupping his face, his other placed on the back of his head, touching his hair and pulling him closer while the rest of his body dissolved into Eiji's, becoming one with him. Ash could feel the warmth spreading through his body and felt his heart nearly bursting with happiness, similar to the explosions all around them.
He felt how Eiji tensed up a little at first. However, when he touched his face, he felt Eiji relax and respond to the kiss. He gently touched one side of his face as well, imitating his movements and the way he held him close but not pushing further than that, letting him stay in control. He could feel Eiji's inexperience and innocence because he hesitated slightly several times, unsure what to do, counting on Ash to take the lead. Ash thought it was endearing and cute and loved how his movements, although a bit awkward, revealed much Eiji trusted him. Something that was even emphasized when Eiji closed his eyes, a sign of unconditional trust. Ash was surprised at first, then he did the same, this time copying Eiji, then slowly deepening the kiss into a more passionate one.
He could feel how Eiji's heartbeat accelerated and how Eiji's breathing was changing and becoming more fast-paced with every passing second. His lips tasted like pure sweetness and innocence, and his arm tightly around his waist made him instantly feel safe and protected. He breathed in Eji’s natural scent and realized how much he had missed that scent that had been so familiar to him back in New York…
He had never thought that one single kiss could arouse so many different emotions in him. Kissing Eiji made him feel alive, loved, and truly happy. And he had never thought there could be a moment where he could feel even happier than he had already been when Eiji had been standing on his doorstep just in time to celebrate the new year with him.
He slowly softened the kiss again, pulling back until their entangled lips parted, and he slowly pulled out of the embrace. Eiji nearly tumbled over, but Ash caught him at the last second. His face was flushed entirely, and he was panting, unable to say anything for a moment.
Then, Ash stared at Eiji, standing there while tears ran down his face. Had he done something wrong? That was what Eiji had wanted, too, right? Maybe he had taken it too far with their first real kiss? What if he had hurt him? Why wasn’t he saying anything? What if he had screwed up? Panic rushed through him when he saw Eiji’s tears. What had he done wrong? He didn’t want to see tears on Eiji’s face ever again…
He woke up from his stupor when Eiji gently cupped his face, then wiped away his own tears. Ash hadn’t even realized he had been crying, too…
Why? Maybe because this was the first kiss he wanted to give? Or because he had truly enjoyed it for the first time in his life? Now, he saw how Eiji smiled through his tears, his eyes sparkling golden brown with pure happiness.
“Don’t worry, Ash; those are tears of joy. That kiss felt amazing!” he said after catching his breath again, assuring him that his doubts were unfounded. Relief rushed through his body, and he gave Eiji a small, relieved smile.
Then Eiji put both hands around his neck and came closer until their foreheads touched, standing on tiptoes to do that. Ash immediately relaxed when feeling his touch and the sweet scent surrounding him. The odor of his hair and his skin felt familiar from their time in New York when they had slept side by side. Many precious moments with him flickered across his eyes while tears were pricking at his eyes again.
“It felt amazing to me as well,” he said, smiling softly.
“Then, stop crying. This is the romantic moment we’ll always remember when we’re old and look back on our life together.” Eiji let go of him but looked directly into his eyes with an intensity Ash had never seen before, waiting for a reaction from him.
“Yes, you’re right. And the thought of getting old together with you sounds nice.” He wiped his tears away.
“This is our life together, Aslan. Our future.”
Ash looked at him in surprise, then smiled.
“It has a nice ring to it when you call me by my real name.”
“Aslan, you’ve been reborn now, and we’ll fly to a new dawn, which is fitting since Japan literally means the sun’s origin or where the sun originated from. So, the new dawn is not only symbolic, but you can take it literally.”
“Oh? Then, you’re practically a descendant of the sun?”
“Maybe a bit exaggerated, but according to Japanese mythology, the sun goddess Amaterasu created Japan. See, it all adds up. The descendant of the sun meets a boy called dawn. Being together is our destiny.
“I’ve always known that you were my sun, Eiji, the source of my life. When I’ve been drowning in darkness, your warm soul reached out to mine and led me to the light, warmth, and happiness.”
“I felt the same. Your soul was shrouded in darkness, but even if you’ve gone through terrifying experiences I could never begin to imagine, you’ve never lost your kindness and sympathy for others. You showed me what real courage meant. Your iron willpower and your fierce determination never to give up no matter how desperate the situation deeply impressed me. You taught me that I shouldn’t give up and pursue my dreams. I only had the strength to finish college and open a studio because I thought I could never see into your eyes again if I gave up that easily.”
“I’ve never realized that my presence helped you, too. But I’m glad to hear that.”
Ash smiled softly at him and put an arm around his shoulder. “I read once that a new year is like a blank book with a pen lying next to it. All you have to do is pick up the pen and write a fascinating story for yourself.”
“Then, let’s start writing a new book starting tonight. And it’d better have a happy ending this time.”