Chapter Text
“Where the fuck is this asshole at?” Cartman complained as the group sat around in the park near the shopping center.
“Calm down, Eric.” Hedi reminded him softly, putting her hand on his arm. “Tweek’s just running a little late. The movie doesn’t start for another hour anyway.”
Honestly, Stan was starting to remember why he had started growing irritated with his friends, being around them again. His head hurt again but not from a hangover, from plain irritation. The day had not gone how he planned and he wondered how he had thought that things would just go back to normal between everyone, now that he had made up with Kyle.
Things were extremely awkward between his gang. He had met up with Kyle, Kenny, and Eric at the bus stop before they all started heading to the shopping center and smiled at his friends but it was still forced, annoying him. He still wasn’t happy even though he was reacquainted with his friends. Kenny and Kyle had happily greeted him and Cartman told him that it was nice that he wasn’t being a pussy anymore but then things faltered out when they started walking. Kenny was on a call with Butters the whole time they walked and Cartman and Kyle still seemed like good friends even though Kyle had complained about him the previous day. He realized to his disappointment that nothing had really changed, he had just been accepted back into his group. He was the glue to the group but he was only there to keep them together and not because they actually enjoyed his presence.
He walked behind the group, listening in on his friend’s conversations with his head down and his hands stuffed in his pockets, his usual position, and felt his life passing him by again. Everything was gray and wasn’t appealing to him but he forced himself to not comment on how he perceived the world at the moment. He remembered how he had told Kyle that he didn’t mean to bring people down with him and he truly meant it.
They arrived at the park next to the theatre and saw Bebe, Red, and Craig were already there. Bebe and Red were gossiping about something and Craig was pretending to listen to them while he actually scrolled through his phone. Kenny went to sit down next to Craig on the bench, still chatting with Butters and everyone else continued doing what they were doing in their own groups. He sat down in the grass, staring up at the clouds in the sky.
He wished Tweek was there. He knew Tweek would make sure he wasn’t alone. He would sit with him in the grass and they would look at the clouds together, pointing out the shapes they saw in the sky. Tweek would ramble on about something he was worried about and he would just listen to him. He had texted him to see if he wanted to walk with his group, seeing that they all lived so close to each other but Tweek had never texted him back and Cartman was too impatient to wait for him.
The rest of the group slowly arrived and there was still no sign of the paranoid blonde. Clyde, Token, and Nichole were the next to arrive, Token and Nichole joining Red and Bebe while Clyde joined Craig and Kenny. Butters arrived on his own and jumped into Kenny’s arms when they saw each other. Wendy, Hedi, and Jimmy were the last to arrive and started conversing with Kyle and Cartman. No one had even bothered to greet him to his annoyance. By the time Wendy, Hedi, and Jimmy had arrived, it was 11:30 and they still had time to kill before their movie started. Clyde complained about being hungry and then got Cartman started but Craig and Bebe insisted that they wait for Tweek, saying that he would flip out if they weren’t where they said they would be when he came. They ended up staying but 30 minutes later, Tweek still hadn't shown up.
“You don’t think he ditched us again, do you?” Clyde asked Craig. “I told you he hates us now. You really had to go and break up with him, didn’t you Craig?”
“For the last time Clyde, I didn’t break up with him.” Craig snapped at him, exasperated.
“I’ll try and call him then.” Red suggested to the group.
“We all know he’s a little scatter-brained.” Nichole shrugged. “Maybe he forgot.”
“Or maybe he hates us.” Clyde glared at Craig who just flipped him off.
“I-I don’t think he hates us, fellas.” Butters said. “I hope he doesn’t anyway.”
“Well, no one could hate you, Butters.” Kenny assured his boyfriend, kissing his cheek.
“Ugh, get a room faggots.” Cartman groaned.
“He didn’t answer.” Red frowned, taking her phone away from her ear. “I hope he’s okay.”
They were confusing him. No actually, Tweek was confusing him. He still couldn’t grasp the way Tweek seemed to think. Yes, he tended to dramatize and overreact to a lot of the situations he was put in but did he really think that any of these people didn’t want him around and that they choose Craig over him? He couldn’t, there had to be something else to it.
“T-T-There h-he is.” Jimmy stuttered out, causing everyone to turn their heads to see a fuzzy, blonde figure running down the sidewalk, towards them.
“It’s about fucking time.” Craig mumbled under his breath. Stan would’ve been angry at Craig’s comment only Craig didn’t sound annoyed like Cartman. He sounded concerned like he had been generally worried that Tweek had gotten lost or something. It made him feel a tinge of jealousy and guilt and made him further wonder why they really broke up? Craig still seemed to generally care about Tweek, something that he couldn’t say for anyone else.
“I-I’m sorry- ack -I-I’m late.” Tweek apologized when he came to a stop in front of them, bending over himself to catch his breath. His hair and clothes were messier than they usually were and his eyes were sunken in, in exhaustion. “I-I couldn’t find m-my- ngh -my-”
“Tweek, just calm down, dude.” Token told him softly. “It’s fine, you didn’t miss anything.”
Tweek just nodded his head, still trying to catch his breath.
“So can we finally go get some food?” Clyde asked the group, happy that Tweek hadn’t bailed on them.
“God, you’re almost as bad as Cartman, Clyde.” Kenny shook his head, standing up from the bench and taking Butters’ hand.
“Yeah well, at least I burn off what I eat.” Clyde rolled his eyes.
“Hey!” Cartman yelled. “You take that back, Clyde.”
Stan stood up from his place in the grass and joined the group as they headed for the diner near the theatre. He stayed in the back of the group, listening to a conversation between Jimmy, Token, and Clyde. Tweek walked next to him but kept his distance, keeping his head down and focused on his phone. He was still shaking and Stan wondered if he ever stopped.
They reached the diner but he didn’t have an appetite. He sat in a booth with Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, Butters, and Hedi and ordered a glass of water. The group he was sitting with laughed as they discussed something that had happened at school the previous day and he pretend to laugh as if he was paying attention to their conversation and knew what they were talking about. Kyle seemed to be satisfied with his attempt to act happy but it oddly did make him feel any better.
His eyes kept wandering to the back of Tweek’s messy hair in front of him. Tweek was sitting with Wendy, Bebe, Red, and Nichole in the booth in front of him, listening to the girl’s chatter. Stan had a feeling that Tweek was only pretending to be invested in the conversation, just like he was. He had only ordered a coffee, causing him to shake even more than he already was. He often had a spasm and jerked his head to the side in a painful manner. He seemed more anxious than he had the two previous days and Stan wondered if the reason he opted not to hang out with the group so often was that being around so many people made him anxious.
He tried to keep his eyes off of Tweek. He didn’t want someone like Kenny or Cartman to point it out. They would alert the rest of the group of it and then things would be awkward between him and Tweek. He was straight, it wasn’t like he had a crush on Tweek. But then he couldn’t stop picturing the boy in his head. His messy, bed head. His deep brown eyes. The golden freckles that specked his noise. His lips that were often quickly pulled upwards in a smile whenever someone acknowledged him. He knew he shouldn't think of his friend like that. He should stop staring.
Everyone ate whatever they had ordered while he sipped on his water. He desperately wanted to be hungry. He hadn’t eaten a proper meal in a while now but everything just seemed so repulsive to him that he was turned off to the idea of eating. He wondered if that was why Tweek was always seen with coffee and never with food. He watched everyone eat and continue to talk and he started to wonder why he was even there. It was almost like he wasn’t there like he was an illusion.
They left the diner after everyone had finished and Token had paid the bill ( everyone benefited from having a rich friend) and by then, it was time for their movie. He trudged behind the group again with Tweek by his side, a little closer this time. He had gotten a coffee to go and Stan felt the urge to ask him if he even slept at night. He didn’t though, that seemed rude. He just wanted to spark up a conversation between the two of them.
They stood in front of the theatre while Token and Clyde went to go get their tickets, still chatting away. He desperately wanted to tell them to shut up but he knew he couldn’t do that without seeming like a massive dick… again. He didn’t want them to hate him. He leaned against the brick building lazily and decided to take out his own to make it seem like he was busy. He was starting to think that no one even knew he was there.
“Let’s go!” Clyde exclaimed when he rejoined the group with Token. “15 tickets for Jack and Jill.”
Really, Adam Sandler? At least they had remembered him after all.
“WAIT, WHAT?” Tweek shrieked loudly, looking like he was about to drop his coffee.
“We’re seeing Jack and Jill, Tweek.” Bebe informed him. “We thought Stan told you we were seeing a movie today.”
“Yeah, he d-did.” Tweek nodded his head. “I f-forgot.”
“Well, now you remember.” Hedi smiled kindly at him.
“Let’s go bitches.” Clyde gestured to the inside of the building.
“Wait.” Tweek said again, holding out his hand for everyone to stop.
“What is it now, Tweek?” Cartman asked him harshly.
“I don’t want to go inside.” Tweek told the group.
“Why? Cause it’s too much pressure ?” Kyle rolled his eyes.
“Watch it.” Craig hissed at Kyle and Cartman.
“Okay, well I guess we can return your ticket.” Token frowned. “But what’s with the sudden change of mind?”
“N-Nothing.” Tweek shook his head. “I’ll just- ngh -wait out here.”
“For two hours?” Wendy asked him.
“That's too long Tweek. What if someone starts harassing you or something?” Clyde added, making Tweek spasm again.
“HARASSING?” Tweek exclaimed.
“Well, I guess we couldn’t go one day without Tweek freaking out.” Cartman sighed. “Sometimes I really think we should replace you Tweek. Scott Malkinson doesn’t freak out all the time.”
“Good thing you don’t get to decide that fatass.” Bebe rolled her eyes while Craig flipped him off.
“No one’s going to harass you, Tweek.” Red assured him, glaring at Clyde. “Just come in the theatre with us. It’s nice and cool in there.”
“I c-can’t.” Tweek shook.
“W-Well w-w-why not, T-T-Tweek?” Jimmy asked him.
Tweek bit his lip and hung his head. He mumbled his answer under his breath but no one was able to make out what he said. He seemed ashamed and Stan reached his hand out to rub his back as to reassure him.
“We couldn’t h-hear you, Tweek.” Butters told him.
“I said, I’m scared.” Tweek raised his voice even though it was barely above a whisper. “Of the dark.”
Everyone stared at him in shock before Cartman burst into laughter.
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me right now!” Cartman gasped, hitting his hand on his thigh. Kyle knew he had taken it too far though and punched him on his shoulder while Hedi glared at her boyfriend. “That is the lamest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“W-Well that’s alright, Tweek.” Butters assured him. “I-I get scared of the dark too. You can sit next to me.”
“Yeah, and it won’t be that dark.” Craig told him. “There’ll be a movie playing.”
“So will you come with us?” Nichole asked him hopefully.
He could tell Tweek wasn’t totally convinced. Butters may have been making that being scared of the dark thing up to make him feel better (although it wouldn’t surprise him if he wasn’t) and even then, Tweek was still hesitant.
“I’ll sit with you too.” He spoke up, surprising everyone around him. He didn’t pay attention to any of the stares he got and looked Tweek straight in the eyes instead. He didn’t know if he was blushing or not but he swore his heart stopped when Tweek looked back at him.
“A-Alright then.” Tweek shrugged, breaking their eye contact even though it was still obvious that he didn’t want to go inside. “I’ll- ngh -go.”
“Great!” Clyde smiled at him. “Let’s go. They have the best popcorn here.”
Tweek gave him a small smile and Butters came up to him, taking his hands in his before starting to ramble on about something to help put him at ease. Butters led Tweek into the building and Stan followed after them when he felt eyes drilling holes into the back of his head. He turned around himself to see Kyle, Craig, and Token all watching him walk after Tweek. He quickly put his head back down and scowled. He should be allowed to offer to sit with Tweek if he wanted to, Tweek was his friend. It wasn’t his fault Tweek had broken up with Craig and it wasn’t his fault that Kyle was choosing everyone else over him. Tweek was moving on and so should he.
That made it seem like he was in love with Tweek though, which he wasn’t. He was able to admire someone’s looks in a straight, platonic manner if he wanted to. He hadn’t done anything wrong, had only offered to help out a friend. He was benefitting Tweek more than he was himself, he was doing the right thing. He couldn't help it if Kyle and Craig were jealous for whatever reason.
They walked into the dark movie theatre together and Stan saw Tweek’s body instantly tense up. Butters had let go of his hand now and was talking with Kenny and Bebe instead so Tweek was alone. He watched Tweek’s head swing left and right, up and down as if he was making sure no one was going to jump out and scare him. If anyone still thought his fear of the dark was a joke, they wouldn’t think it was so funny watching him now.
“Tweek?” He whispered to the boy who in turn let out a frantic whimper. “You okay?”
“Yes.” Tweek told him quietly, his voice unstable. “Will you still sit with me?”
“Yeah.” Stan assured him, leading him up some stairs so they could get a good view of the film. He already knew the movie was going to suck ass but the prospect of Tweek sitting next to him oddly made it seem better. Tweek sat in the middle of him and Butters and Kenny sat next to Butters so it was the four of them in one row. They seemed to be the only group in the theatre so everyone spread out amongst themselves.
The movie started but he couldn’t pay attention to it, even if he wanted to. His mind was blank and he couldn’t force himself to think of anything. He missed the feeling he had felt the other night when he had seen his father. He missed being carefree and happy even if he was intoxicated and it had its price. He hated the drink but it still made him happy. Well, it gave him the illusion of being happy anyway, it was artificial.
Artificial happiness.
The sound of the movie playing was like static, buzzing in his ears but he couldn’t make anything out. He could hear bits of laughter here and there, coming mostly from Clyde and Butters. Nothing was funny though, how could anyone stand the garbage that was in front of them? It didn’t make any sense, it was as if they were seeing two different things, like they were in two different worlds. He thought back to The Matrix and rolled his eyes at himself. He knew there was no alternate universe and he knew there were no aliens manipulating the world but for some odd reason, he wished there were. Then he would have an explanation that explained the way that he felt. It would make his feelings more rational.
Two hours later the movie was over and everyone was standing up, stretching out their arms and legs from having sat for so long. He went to stand up as well but suddenly felt a weight on his shoulder. He looked down at his side to see Tweek, leaning his head against his shoulder, clearly asleep. So he could sleep peacefully after all.
“Well isn’t that cute?” Kenny smirked at him.
“Oh shut up Kenny.” He mumbled quietly, not wanting to wake Tweek up. “What do I do?”
“Carry him.” Kenny shrugged, holding Butters’ hand again, as if they never let go of one another.
“Carrry him?” He repeated.
“Yeah!” Butters exclaimed. “Pick him up and hold him in your arms and -”
“I know how to carry someone Butters.” He muttered. “I just-don’t you think that’ll freak him out?”
“Better you than anyone else.” Kenny told him. “Scared you’ll drop him?”
“Yeah, right.” He rolled his eyes. He looked back to a still sleeping Tweek and couldn’t help but smile. He was going to hate himself if he woke him up.
“Fine.” He rolled his eyes again, shifting Tweek’s head off of him slowly, so the sudden movement wouldn’t startle him awake. He stood up, keeping his hands on Tweek’s shoulder, and then hooked his arms under him, one under his legs and one around his neck. He gathered the strength to pick him up but overestimated how much power he actually needed to use and picked up Tweek with too much force. Tweek came right up into his arms and Stan felt like he might have thrown Tweek up in the air if he had used any more of his strength.
“Damn.” He muttered. Why was he so light?
“Aww, how cute.” Red cooed at him and Tweek. Craig and Clyde stood behind her and he couldn’t read Craig’s expression. Clyde was glaring at him, trying to defend Craig’s honor but now that he got a better look, Craig wasn’t jealous of him or even mad. He was disappointed. It was hard to tell since Craig was always so emotionless but somehow his facial expression wasn’t the same way it usually was. His forehead was slightly creased and he stared at Tweek with pain-filled eyes. Stan almost felt bad for him.
“Here Craig.” He walked over to him almost like there wasn’t a human being in his arms. “You take him. He’ll be more comfortable with you.”
“No, you take him.” Craig rolled his eyes, even though it didn’t have the same effect since his eyes still looked so sad. “I’m not carrying him.”
“Suit yourself, Tucker.” Kenny passed him, patting him on the back.
“Let’s get out of here.” Clyde suggested to the group, still giving him a questioning look.
They walked out of the theatre together and back to the park, not having anywhere else to go. Token informed him that his parents were finishing up their book club so that they couldn’t go over there until 4, giving them an hour to waste some time. Tweek was still sleeping peacefully in his arms when Kyle came over to the bench they were on and sat down next to him.
“He’s really passed out, isn’t he?” Kyle asked him.
“Yeah, he looked tired early.” Stan shrugged. “Although I’m surprised he’s slept this long, seeing how much coffee he drank.”
“Remember that time we went over to his house and drank all that crap.” Kyle asked him, reminiscing in the memory.
“Yeah, that was fucking great.” He smiled a little at the thought. “Until we started eating the coffee grounds and then Cartman threw up all that brown shit.”
“But it was all for nothing because his dad ended up writing our report for us.” Kyle laughed.
“We were up until 4 in the morning until we finally crashed.” Stan rolled his eyes. “All for nothing.”
“Well, not all for nothing.” Kyle told him. “We got Tweek out of it. He sure is something else.”
“Yeah, he’s one of the good ones.” Stan sighed, looking down at Tweek who was snoring quietly.
“I know I already told you this but I’m really happy you’re back Stan.” Kyle told him, avoiding his eyes. “I just feel like there’s still some tension between us.”
“I’m just distracted.” Stan lied to him. He couldn’t let Kyle know that he hadn’t changed.
“Is it your parents?” Kyle asked him.
“Yeah.” Stan lied again. “It’s just them.”
Kyle opened his mouth to say something but then Tweek started to stir before his eyes shot open and he jumped out of Stan’s arms, falling hard to the ground.
“Jesus Christ Tweek!” He exclaimed as Tweek struggled to become aware of his surroundings.
“I DIDN’T MEAN TO!” Tweek yelled, gathering everyone’s attention as Stan and Kyle helped him to his feet. “GET OFF OF ME, I TOLD YOU ALREADY.”
“Tweek, calm down.” Kyle told him. “We’re just trying to help man.”
“Kyle?” Tweek turned to face him, lowering his voice. He was confused again, as if he had thought he was somewhere else. “Stan? What are you guys doing here?”
“We’ve been together all day.” Stan told him, still holding onto him. “You fell asleep at the movies and then we came back to the park.”
“Wait.” Tweek told him, his eyes widening to the size of saucers. “What t-time is it?”
“3:46.” Hedi told him.
“I think we can start heading over to my place.” Token told the group.
“F-Fuck.” Tweek said, shrugging Stan off of him. “I-I’m late. He’s going to kill me now.”
“Wait, what?” Wendy asked him, concerned.
“I-I didn’t mean it like- ack -t-that.” Tweek twitched. “I just meant-my dad-he’s packing for a t-trip and I-I was supposed to be back by now to- ngh -help him. Now he's going to be upset but he won’t k-k-k -ngh -kill me. I was exaggerating, he wouldn’t do that. He’s my dad, I don’t even know why I said that. It’s really hot out here, does anyone else- ack -feel that way?”
Everyone stared at Tweek like he had two heads while he continued to shake and twitch.
“I-I have to go.” He shook his head, grabbing his bag off the floor from where Stan had put it and running off down the park sidewalk.
“Sometimes I really worry about him.” Cartman of all people sighed. “What the hell did his parents do to him?”
“Don’t be so inconsiderate, Eric.” Butters frowned. “His mom died when he was real young.”
“That’s not my problem.” Eric told him.
“He’s been acting so weird lately.” Wendy pointed out. “Like-”
“Weirder than usual.” The group said in unison.
“I still think he’s upset with us.” Clyde shrugged. “He’s been so much more… what’s the word?”
“Anxious?” Nichole guessed.
“Agitated?” Red chimed in.
“Crazy.” Cartman said.
“Ever since Craig broke up with him.” Clyde finished.
“I swear to God, Clyde, for the last time I didn’t break up with him.” Craig snapped. “He broke up with me, get it straight or else I’ll reach down your throat and rip out your heart.”
“Damn Tucker.” Kenny whistled.
“I’m not fucking sorry.” Craig scowled.
“Why would he break up with you ?” Clyde asked Craig.
“It is a bit strange, don’t you think?” Nichole asked them. “I mean, you two had been together for so long and then it was so… all of a sudden.”
“Why’d he break up with you anyway?” Token asked Craig.
Craig pressed his lips together, making them turn white. Stan could see the gears in Craig’s brain turning, thinking about how to answer that question. He knew the answer but he didn’t know whether to answer it or not.
“S-S-Stan’s b-been hanging out with him alot l-l-lately.” Jimmy pointed out, making everyone turn to look at him.
“Well yeah but I don’t know much about it.” Stan told them. He told himself that it didn’t matter that he was lying because he was protecting both Craig and Tweek, he was just being a good friend.
“But you know something .” Kenny told him. “Fess up Stan, this is important.”
He looked at Craig but to his surprise, Craig just nodded at him. He wanted everyone to know? That couldn’t be right, Craig was such a private person and so was Tweek. They wouldn’t want their relationship problems aired out in front of everyone.
“If I tell you guys, you can’t tell anyone else.” He told the group. Everyone nodded their heads, agreeing to stay quiet. He sighed and closed his eyes before he opened them again, ready to answer them.
“Look, he said that he broke up with Craig because Craig said he loved him.” Stan said quickly at first. “But… Tweek told me he couldn’t say it back and that he broke up with Craig because it wasn’t fair that he loved him when he didn’t- couldn’t love him back.”
“Wow.” Cartman gasped while everyone else gawked at him in silence. “That’s pretty gay.”
“Shut up fat ass.” He snapped at Cartman. “He also told me that he didn’t want to … or that he wasn’t hanging out with you guys because everyone was being so awkward about the breakup. He felt like you guys felt that you had to pick a side and he didn’t want to face the fact that everyone was going to pick Craig. It didn’t make much sense to me, seeing that you guys always seemed to want to hang out with him and were inviting him everywhere but when I told him that, he got all upset and told me that he felt like he was making it up in his head.”
“Well, we weren't acting awkward.” Token defended the group.
“And we certainly weren’t picking sides.” Kyle added.
“That’s how he said he felt. He said that it was like you guys couldn’t accept the fact that he was just Craig’s friend now, like you guys expected them to be together or to hate each other.” Stan explained further.
“Wow.” Clyde shook his head, trying to take in all the information that was presented to him. “He really said all of that.”
“Yeah, man.” Stan shrugged. “He was pretty upset about all of it.”
“I didn’t mean to upset him.” Craig told everyone quietly.
“And you really loved him?” Wendy asked him sadly.
“And he couldn’t say it back?” Bebe also asked him.
“Yeah.” Craig shrugged, looking at the ground. “But… it’s whatever. I just want him to be happy and… I’ve started seeing someone else so… I think I’m over him.”
“Wait, what?” Red exclaimed. “Spill! Now!”
“It’s nothing serious, Red.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s just the Thomas kid, the one with tourettes.”
“You mean the one who resembles Tweek?” Kenny raised an eyebrow at him.
“Fuck off slut.” Craig flipped him off. “Thomas and Tweek are completely different people.”
“Except for the fact that they’re both short, blonde, twitchy and have trouble keeping quiet.” Cartman pretended to whisper.
“Well I’m happy for you.” Wendy assured Craig. “And I just hope that Tweek finds someone too. You both deserve to be happy.”
“Thanks Wendy.” Craig told her plainly.
The group turned silent, standing in the park with each other. Stan was pretty sure that they were thinking the same way he had been thinking about Tweek. It was so unlike Tweek to think the way he was. Tweek had always acted like he was right and in his defense, he was always right. For him to be so self-conscious about his relationships with all of them so suddenly, it just wasn’t right. It wasn’t Tweek.
“We really messed up fellas, didn’t we?” Butters asked them, breaking the silence.
“Yeah.” Stan answered for them. “I think we did, Butters.”