Chapter Text
They never talk about it. Theo continues to pick him up from his house, almost every night now, and they never talk about it.
Liam doesn’t realize how little he knows about Theo until pack night at the Stilinski’s. Scott and Stiles are home on break. Malia isn’t there; she’s still traveling. Scott passes his phone almost as soon as everyone gets there, chatting away about every misadventure she’s gotten into. Lydia walks, about an hour late, giving Scott and Stiles both a peck on the cheek. Liam’s glad that there doesn’t seem to be any hard feelings between Stiles and Lydia after the breakup. Derek isn’t there. Liam’s not sure why not, and doesn’t really want to ask.
Stiles has a boyfriend now. No one’s weird about it, but Liam doubts they would feel similarly if the boyfriend was a former enemy of the pack.
Liam sits glumly in between Mason and Corey. He’d had to tell Theo, awkwardly and in a stilted tone of voice, that they couldn’t hang out tonight because Liam had to go to pack night.
The flicker of pain on Theo’s face had been almost too much to bear.
It’s dark and hailing outside, the pellets of ice rhythmically hitting the windowpane above Liam’s head.
Scott has launched into some long winded story about a chicken set loose in his dorm building, which Liam’s only half listening to.
Mason’s shooting him worried looks, but Liam steadfastly ignores them. He picks at the carpet by his foot.
“Hey,” Stiles says suddenly. “I almost forgot. I saw Theo the other day.” He stops for a second. “Honestly, I forgot he was still in Beacon Hills. Figured he would have left by now.”
Liam tries to tamp down the burst of rage that bubbles up within him. How dare he talk about Theo like that, like he’s some afterthought, some nonissue.
Liam’s self aware enough to realize when it’s the disorder talking, but there’s still a part of him that wants to lash out at Stiles. The desire to coax more information out of Stiles about Theo’s whereabouts is the only thing that stops him.
Liam’s also self aware enough to realize that he is maybe obsessing.
“Where’d you see him?” Liam asks, sipping his drink and trying to feign casualness. He’s not sure it’s working, judging by the way Mason is staring at him.
“Hanging around Deaton’s office, weirdly enough.” Stiles’ eyes are boring right into Liam’s, and Liam gets the uncomfortable feeling that maybe Stiles knows more than he’s letting on. Stiles continues on with a shrewd look on his face. “I can’t really work out what he could have possibly been doing there.”
Liam shrugs. “Weird. Probably nothing though.” Liam knows that defending Theo is only going to make him look suspicious, but it’s hard to resist the urge.
“I don’t know,” Lydia says. “Seems a little odd to me. Do you think…” She glances at Scott. “Is he after Deaton?”
Liam bristles at that. “Why would you assume that?”
Now Scott, the most oblivious person to walk the earth, is staring at him too. “Why wouldn’t you?”
“Whatever.” Liam settles back against the couch. “You’re probably right.” A sinking feeling of guilt settles in his stomach.
Thankfully, Corey changes the subject, saying he and Mason could check up on Deaton later. Liam resolves to keep his mouth shut for the rest of the night.
Stiles is still giving him weird looks though, and Liam slips out early. He suspects Stiles might have cornered him otherwise.
He walks home.
It’s May now and the night air fills Liam’s lungs. He breathes in.
What was Theo doing at Deaton’s all the time? Liam racks his brain, trying to think of a time Theo might have told him, but he comes up with nothing. Then again, he’s not sure he’s ever asked.
Liam knows with certainty that Theo isn’t some evil mastermind anymore, that they’re friends, that Theo’s just trying to live his life.
How can you love someone and doubt them at the same time?
He’s heard of how Derek had been so in love with Jennifer Blake and so certain of her innocence.
He tries to put that thought out of his mind.
***
Liam’s antsy the next night. It feels like there’s a fire underneath his skin. Something’s different tonight.
Theo seems to pick up on Liam’s mood, and he’s almost wary about it. Liam wants to laugh, but tamps the urge down. He knows it would come out hysterical.
Theo keeps shooting him looks from the driver’s seat, but doesn’t say anything, just listens to Liam ramble about school and lacrosse and his upcoming trip to Oregon with his family and what Corey and Mason have been up to and Liam knows he seems crazed but he can’t seem to stop.
Theo doesn’t stop him though, and eventually they’re at the Preserve. He cuts the engine and grabs the blanket from the backseat. Liam follows him outside.
Theo’s spreading out the blanket onto the forest floor when Liam blurts it out. “What have you been doing at Deaton’s? I know you spend all your time there.” He’s desperate, and a little angry, and he’s not even sure why.
“I’m not sure where this sudden preoccupation with how I spend my free time came from.” Theo’s tone is icy. He’s playing with his bracelet, though, which gives him away.
“And I’m not sure why you have to push me away,” Liam says quietly.
Theo doesn’t say anything. He looks behind, at the truck, like he’s trying to figure out how to get away without making a scene.
“I love you,” he says hoarsely, before Theo can walk away. “I love you. Isn’t it terrible?”
Theo has stopped. He stands there, facing away from Liam.
“I love you,” Liam continues, heart pounding, “And I know I shouldn’t. I know you don’t feel the same way about me. I know you hate the pack, and they don’t like you much either. But I had to tell you.” He pauses. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t hate the pack.”
“What?” Liam thinks he’s misheard.
“I’m just jealous. You know that.” Theo isn’t meeting his eyes.
“Okay.” Liam’s not sure where to go from here. Theo is inching away from him, he thinks miserably. “So-”
“I have to go,” Theo says abruptly. “I can’t. I can’t be here.”
Liam stands there, feeling numb. It’s not like it was a surprise, he thinks, almost detached.
Theo turns back to Liam jerkily. “Do you… I mean, do you need a ride back?”
Liam tries to give him something resembling a smile. “Don’t worry about it. I can get back.”
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.
“Right.” Theo nods. “Werewolf.” And he’s in the truck, driving away.
Shit.
What had he expected, really? Theo would proclaim that he loved Liam as well and they’d drive off into the sunset together? He’d introduce Theo to his parents? Take him to pack meetings?
No, they’d had something well defined. No emotions. Just hormones.
Theo was the smart one, and Liam was the dumb one, like always.
Liam goes home and mopes. He’s on day three of holing up in his room, only coming down for meals, when his mom shouts up the stairs that there’s a letter for him.
He goes down and takes it from her, waving off her questions about how he’s doing, what’s wrong. He feels bad for making his parents worry. But not bad enough to actually tell them.
The letter isn’t stamped or addressed. Someone had just pushed it through the mail slot.
He reads.
Liam,
I want to start by saying I’m sorry for Friday night. I freaked out, and I handled it poorly. I’ve never been very good with people, least of all you. Spending most of your life with deranged magical doctors will do that to you.
I don’t think it’s very fair of me to keep things from you at this point.
I killed my sister to save myself.
I framed Stiles for murder.
I tried to kill Scott.
I’ve lied and betrayed and murdered. I know you know about all this stuff, but I feel like I have to say it again.
I let my sister die and I stole her heart.
What I’m getting at is that you should definitely reconsider being friends with me, let alone anything else.
If you haven’t ripped this letter to shreds yet, then I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing at Deaton’s. Deaton’s trying to make a database for new supernaturals to use. Mainly werewolves. It would have stuff like a map of safehouses, which we were going to build. Eventually. We want to recruit potential foster parents for orphaned werewolves, and maybe put together support groups. Everything’s that’s been gone since the Hale fire, basically. It sounds dumb on paper, but Deaton was really excited about it and he basically tracked me down one day to get me to help. I don’t really know why he picked me.
Anyways. I’m leaving soon. I was going to leave soon eventually, since someone has to go out and find these safehouses and allies and lone werewolves, but I think the sooner I leave Beacon Hills the better. I’ve kind of realized that I let things go a little too far between us. So I think it’s best that I go.
And if it’s not obvious by now, I love you. I’ve been in love with you for a long time now. I think I realized it when we were at the hospital. About to die.
I almost kissed you then.
Sorry. That would have been a bad idea.
I mean it though.
Don’t be too mad at me for leaving. You’ll thank me for it one day.
-Theo
Liam needs to see him. He can’t leave. Not like this. Not after dropping this on Liam.
Liam grabs his dad’s keys and runs out the front door. Hopefully his dad won’t even notice they’re gone.
Liam pulls out of the driveway and rolls the windows down, trying to catch Theo’s scent.
Nothing. Why hadn’t Liam ever bothered to ask where Theo lived?
Because all signs pointed to Theo living out of the truck. And Liam was too much of a coward to ever bring it up. Or offer help. Or even buy him groceries.
An idea strikes him.
He goes back to where it all began.
Deaton’s office’s door is wide open. Liam steps in.
Theo’s shoving books into a gray duffel bag. He’s facing away from Liam.
Liam raps on the door. Theo starts and whips his head around.
“What are you doing here?” Theo asks, a note of panic in his voice.
“You live here too? Also, I feel like this was a pretty obvious guess.”
“You shouldn’t be here.” Theo frowns and keeps throwing his stuff into the bag.
“Where are you planning on going anyways?” Liam wants Theo to look at him.
Theo hesitates, then says, “Probably San Francisco first. Then maybe head north.”
“And you were just never going to talk to me ever again,” Liam says flatly. He hates these stupid neon lights, the cold tile floors. Theo’s still staring down at his bag.
“I mean it. You’ll thank me one day.”
“I won’t,” Liam says furiously. He wills his blood pressure down. “You can’t say that. You’re ripping me apart, Theo.”
“I will always be this person, Liam. You can’t pretend I haven’t done these things, because it’s never going to go away.”
“I don’t care.” Theo narrows his eyes. Liam amends his statement. “I do care. But I’m not dumb enough to not realize when someone’s changed.”
“What makes you think I’ve changed?” Theo asks quietly.
“Because I know you. You’re not perfect and neither am I.” Liam stops for a moment, takes in Theo’s feathery brown hair, the slight quirk to his mouth. “I’m not… the anger disorder hasn’t gone away. And it scares me that I don’t have any control over it.”
Theo finally meets Liam’s eyes. “I have nightmares. Every night. I yell. A lot. Sometimes I wake up with my pillow ripped to shreds.”
“My parents don’t know what to do with me. I think they’re afraid one day I’m going to snap and do something bad. Like, a crime.”
“I see my sister everywhere. Especially in the water.”
They sit in silence for almost two minutes before Liam asks. “Can we at least try?”
Theo looks up. Finally, he smiles.