Chapter Text
Luffy cries while they hug.
That isn’t new—Luffy cries a lot. Ace mocks him for it, but Sabo tries to be sympathetic. Luffy is the youngest, and they have to look out for him. It’s just what’s fair.
“It’s okay, Luffy. See? Ace is fine.”
“He didn’t move, I thought he was deaaaaaaad!” babbles Luffy with his arms around Sabo.
“Shut up,” says Ace. He must be embarrassed for the fall, because his cheeks are flushed. Sabo thinks he looks cute. “Stop crying. I’m fine.”
Luffy finally disentangles himself from Sabo, who keeps patting his back hoping he doesn't get hiccups from crying so much.
“You are not going to die?” asks Luffy.
“I’m not going to die,” promises Ace with exasperation. He looks embarrassed again for making such a silly promise, but Ace gets embarrassed almost as much as Luffy cries.
(Sabo tries not to distract himself too much with the way the flush covers his freckles. He doesn’t like that thought, the same way he doesn’t like the impulse to keep Luffy away from danger, even if that means abandoning their adventures, or the desire to put chains around Ace's ankles to stop him from going to do dangerous things on his own.
But to be honest, Sabo doesn’t like a lot of things about himself.)
Sabo learned that he lived in an unfair world at a very young age.
He remembers (now, he remembers now and he can’t forget again. He can’t. He can’t. He-
can’t) he used to be happy. The memory is a faint echo that still persists at the back of his mind, and Sabo resents it. There’s no joy in the knowledge that he once was part of an oppressive system and found happiness in it. It makes him sick.
(He remembers bright colors, big smiles, and laughter that tasted like honey and air. He remembers toys and clothes and the simplicity of having everything he wanted just by asking for it.)
And he remembers his parents.
He doesn’t have many tender memories of them; or if he has, they have gotten bitter with time and experience. They were the ones that taught him the world was an unfair place, so Sabo supposes he should be grateful in some way. (They took away the colors and the smiles and the laughter and they brought up the impositions, the rules, the prejudice, the pain.)
Hating his parents wasn’t really a problem for him. It was easier than loving them, even (though Sabo has difficulty remembering if he ever loved them. Of course, Sabo always has problems remembering. After all, he forgot, forgot, forgot. He forgot-
him). So Sabo ran away without regrets. For freedom. For justice. For blood.
Monkey D. Dragon reminds him of someone, but Sabo can’t figure out who for the life of him.
It’s a mystery that keeps him awake at night. (It’s just because of the mystery. He’s not awake for the faint pain in his scars or the way his muscles protest after an entire day of training.) He’s convinced there lies the key to his memories, no matter how much Koala mocks him for it.
“He’s a famous criminal, dumbass, he reminds you of every wanted poster you have seen of him.”
Sabo smiles at her.
“Thank you, Koala. It’s truly inspiring how you continue to give your opinion despite the fact that nobody wants to hear it.”
Koala smiles back, and Sabo has to jump back to avoid a kick directed at his abdomen. He grabs his hat with his right hand to make sure it’s still there.
“You are getting slow,” says Sabo without letting go of his hat. He doesn’t drop the smile and neither does Koala. They both know it makes them look terrifying.
“And you are getting stupid.”
They’re also very good liars.
“Sabo, Sabo, Sabo, why does Ace hate his dad so much?”
Luffy jumps in front of him, big eyes full of curiosity. Sabo looks to the river, where Ace is fishing, far enough he can’t hear them.
“Because everyone hates him for being his son.”
Luffy crinkles his nose, like he does every time he doesn’t understand something.
“But I don’t get it. Ace is just Ace! He didn’t even meet his dad. Can you imagine if he did? That would be so cool! But he's a loser so he didn’t, so why does everyone hate him? It makes no sense.”
Sometimes Sabo thinks Luffy is the wiser of them all.
“People are dumb, Luffy.” And mean and cruel and terrible.
“But I’m dumb too and I don’t hate Ace!”
Sabo smiles. He loves the little bastard. He loves them both so much.
(They make him forget his past and his future and allow him to breathe in the present. They make him wish to leave behind his ideas of justice and vengeance and death.)
“I guess you’re just too dumb, Luffy.” Sabo hugs him by the neck and Luffy resists and screams while Ace calls them lazy assholes in the distance. Sabo can lie to himself and believe this is what happiness is supposed to taste like.
(Not blood and fire and death and justice. Just sunshine and smiles and brotherhood.)
Dragon promotes him after his first kill.
It was one of the Marines in charge of guarding the political prisoners; Sabo crept behind him and slit his throat. He had to throw away his gloves after that, it was impossible to clean them.
“Congrats on the murder.” Koala is perched on the ledge of the window, the sea breeze ruffling her bangs.
“Thank you.” Sabo bows his head politely, taking off his hat and making it spin in his hand. “If you are thinking about a promotion gift, I need new gloves.”
“I’ll keep it in mind.” That means he’s never getting the gloves. Sabo wonders who else he can manipulate into buying them. Morley, maybe. “You’ve adapted to this life very easily.”
The hat stops spinning and Sabo watches Koala’s face carefully. She’s impossible to read when she closes off, and right now her face is completely blank.
“Is that a bad thing?” Asks Sabo, because it seems like that’s what she’s implying.
“Of course it is.” Koala looks him dead in the eyes. “No one who can take murder and war so easily is right in the head.”
Sabo smiles. (Because there’s nothing right in his head. Just fire and violence and death, death, death. He shouldn’t be alive. He shouldn’t be-
here. They’re waiting for him, it will be too late, he needs to go before they-
they?
who?)
“Don’t you think you are projecting a little bit, Miss Koala?”
He dodges the kick.
He’s drowning and burning at the same time. There’s smoke and there’s water and Sabo can’t breathe, can’t breathe, can’t breathe. Everything hurts and he’s sure he’s dying.
He’s terrified. He screams in terror and pain and the screams turn into bubbles in the water. He can’t breathe, he can’t breathe, he can’t breathe.
He tries to call their names but they turn into bubbles too. Sabo wonders if he will turn into them too, if at the end of the day everyone is just bubbles compressed in a body. He can’t breathe. He can’t breathe. He can’t breathe.
He’s alone. (No, he’s not. Not anymore. He has brothers now. Where are they? Why did they leave him here? He can’t breathe!)
There’s no more bubbles anymore.
Ace is angry and spiteful and violent and Sabo adores him with his entire soul.
He tries not to show it (Ace doesn’t react well to affection), but some days the feeling of love and belonging threatens to consume him from the inside.
“Hey, Ace, do you believe in soulmates?”
“What kind of question is that? Of course not.”
Sabo laughs, because he really didn’t expect a different answer. Ace is frowning and Sabo loves him so much, he would burn the entire world just for him.
“I do. I think some people are destined to meet each other.”
“That’s not a soulmate, Sabo, that’s just grandma bullshit about destiny.”
Sabo smacks his arm. Love is so annoying sometimes.
“Soulmates are people whose destinies are intertwined. No matter if life tears them apart, they always found each other.”
“You've been reading Dadan’s romance novels, haven’t you?”
Sabo smacks him again.
He can’t stop shaking. He hadn’t been able to stop since he made it out of the fire. It was a successful mission, all the marines died and there were no casualties on their side, and yet.
(The explosion went off before it was supposed to and smoke filled his lungs, fire burning behind his eyelids. And he remembers-
death . He died and he forgot and who is he and why does he hates everything so much and who is waiting for him who-
who are they?)
He hears the door to his room open and close, delicate footsteps approaching him. Koala lies down next to him on his bed and Sabo wants to yell at her to go away, but his teeth are chattering from the shaking and he's afraid if he opens his mouth to speak he'll start crying.
“It’s good to know you are a human being, after all,” it’s all she says.
She stays with him until the shaking stops and the taste of smoke fades.
Some winters they stay with the bandits because the forest gets too cold and Luffy’s rubber body doesn’t take it well; Sabo is starting to think this winter is going to be one of those.
“Look, Sabo, Ace! My hand is a rock!” Luffy smacks his own face with his frozen hand and sends himself into the ground. Sabo laughs at him.
“You are such a fucking idiot,” says Ace rolling his eyes. “Get closer to the fire before your toes froze too like last time.”
Luffy rolls into his side until his head touches Sabo’s knee. They are in a cave at the bottom of the mountain, the fire sitting between the three of them. Sabo buries his fingers in Luffy’s hair, trying to find some warmth.
“Perhaps we should go back to Dadan’s until the winter is over,” offers Sabo. It’s going to snow in the next few days and the cold will be so much worse.
Ace hums.
“Perhaps.”
He has been quiet and taciturn since Sabo told them his dream was to travel the world and write a book, instead of burning down cities and taking down villains. He sees an accusation in his eyes, but there’s nothing he can do to change it.
This is for you, idiot, how can’t you see it?
Ace is not made for hate and violence. He’s made for freedom and adventure and laughter and happiness. If Sabo has to renounce his hate to give those things to him, to make sure Ace gets what he deserves (and not what Ace himself believes he deserves), then he will.
Luffy starts to snore into his knee and Sabo looks at Ace looking at the fire.
(And then
Portgas D. Ace
he remembers.)
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Sabo was supposed to protect him. (He was the one who should have died, back then. Not him. Not him. Not him.)
Sabo screams and rages and craves death. (So this is grief.)
He would have burned the world for him. (He will).
“I want the Mera Mera no Mi.”
Dragon looks at him from behind his desk, his face stern and impassive. A lot of people find him intimidating (he’s one of the most dangerous men in the world, after all), but Sabo has always admired him.
“Fire is one of the few things you are afraid of, Sabo. Are you sure you will be able to handle it?”
(But the Mera Mera no Mi it’s not just fire. They’re his flames. It’s not the same thing. Ace’s flames would never hurt him.)
“Yes, I promise.”
Dragon nods.
Luffy cries while they hug.
And suddenly nothing else matters. Not the arena, not the people of Dressrosa, not the fight. Just his little brother hugging him and calling his name.
(The revolution and blood and justice can wait. He’s a big brother and has responsibilities to fulfill. He promised.)
Sabo is home.
Are you proud of me, Ace?
He smiles.