Laugh Out Loud One Shots
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We’ll Always Have Paris… and Venice, and Moscow, and Amsterdam, and Perth, and Hong Kong, and New York, and Madrid by LovesBitca8
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
10 Feb 2019
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Witch Weekly's "129 Ways to Woo Your Wizard" has some pretty outlandish suggestions. But Hermione is determined to woo her recently divorced co-worker. Even if she has to drag him to a different continent.
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What do you get when Dean and Seamus throw a Halloween party and Theodore Nott gets his hands on the candy?
Trouble.
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“It’s called This or That, Granger. I’m sure you’ll pick it up quick.”
She glowered at him. “It’s called Would You Rather and it’s a Muggle game, you prat.”
He made a one-arm gesture of acceptance. “Fine, Granger. Would you rather…” He assessed her then smirked. “Have someone use their hands to give you a back massage or an orgasm?”
She got the sense he expected her to blush at the word. She stared at him, frustration mounting that he was being so juvenile and making their project take longer than it needed to.
“Can’t decide?” He quipped when she was still staring at him.
“Back massage,” she snapped. “I can’t do that myself.”
He chuckled. “Can’t do either of them yourself, but perhaps you’re too pure to know that. Pity not in the way that matters.”
Now she looked up. “What?”
———
Or where Malfoy thinks women don’t masturbate and Hermione cannot abide ignorance.
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“Or you’ll die. Really.”
Hermione put all the derision she was capable of projecting colour those words, allowing it to just hang in the air.
“Granger, you have no idea the impact those periwinkle ruffles had on me,” Draco said defensively, before immediately looking at his feet again — the bloody coward.
She scoffed. “Ha! I think you saw your first exposed collarbone and it broke your brain.”
Blaise turned to Draco. “I mean, she’s not wrong, mate. That’s basically what happened.”
“Shut it, Zabini. Granger, I realise I’m not your favourite person and I understand why this is hard for you to accept —”
“You just told me you made an Unbreakable Vow in bloody fourth year — something that Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass over here helped with — that you would have sex with me before you graduated from Hogwarts. And now if you don’t shag me in the next few days, you'll die. Not just sex with someone, full stop, mind you. It has to be sex with me. Muggle-born, notorious swot and insufferable know-it-all Hermione Jean Granger. Me.”
Draco swallowed. “Yes. It has to be you.”
“I call bullshit.”
8th Year Fuck or Die AU. Enjoy!
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Five Times Draco Malfoy Accidentally Apparated into Hermione Granger's Bed... And the One Time He Meant To by thefrancakes
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
09 May 2023
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Draco’s breath hitches. He’s close to that sweet release that will make this day better. He’s falling into the deepness of the sort of orgasm that will melt his body and allow him to relax enough to finally sleep.
His bed is dark but welcoming, without so many goddamn pillows. It’s not the fluffy mess of clouds that Granger’s is, even if he’d like to put one of those pillows under her hips as he fucked her.
Dammit. He needs to stop thinking about her soft bed. He needs to stop thinking about Granger at all. He’s so hard, it hurts, even with his hand on himself, chasing release. He needs to–
"Malfoy, did you just Apparate into my bed?!"