the trees of vermont
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I don’t want therapy.
I don’t want to self-medicate.
I don’t want to be a failure to my son.
How, then, is a guy supposed to deal with everything he suffered during war without damaging himself and his family?
Yeah, writing wasn’t my first thought either, but here we are.
for day two of eddie week; therapy
Series
- Part 1 of the trees of vermont
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It’s easy to find work tending bar, easier still to flirt with everyone who passes by, to spend every night in a different bed. He tells himself that he’s having fun; he’s young, he’s sowing his wild oats, he has plenty of time to settle down.
He tells himself it doesn’t matter if nobody wants a second date, if they don’t even want a first.
Series
- Part 2 of the trees of vermont
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Buck’s feet are still on the stairs when Eddie snaps out of the haze that had settled over his thoughts and echoed hot single dad over and over again in his brain, closes his laptop and follows downstairs. Buck’s crouched in front of Chris, explaining that he can pick him up something at Bobby’s, and Eddie can see on Chris’ face that he’s gearing up for an argument. “Actually,” Eddie says, taking the opportunity to rest his hand on Buck’s shoulder—to let him know he’s there, he tells himself—“lunch together sounds good—uh, all of us, if that’s okay. I could—I’d like to buy you lunch.”
Smooth.
Real smooth.
Series
- Part 3 of the trees of vermont
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“I wrote a book,” Eddie says, staring at himself in the mirror. “I can do this.”
The book is the point after all; it’s helped make it easier to talk about his emotions and feelings and it has been easier. Not that it’s prepared him to talk about sex.
Or the lack of it.
“You’re an idiot,” he tells himself.
Series
- Part 4 of the trees of vermont
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In retrospect, he shouldn’t have been surprised when he comes home a week later and there’s a pile of lumber sitting in the corner of the backyard.
Series
- Part 5 of the trees of vermont
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“I’m regretting letting you order those chocolate chip pancakes,” Eddie says, eyeing his son with a grimace. “I have a feeling this sugar crash is not going to be fun.”
“I’m not sugary, I’m excited,” Chris says, grinning. “Buck and I have something to tell you!”
Buck busies himself with shuffling through the sugar packets, picking out three and ripping them open. “Yeah, um,” he says, pouring the sugar into his cup and clattering his spoon around noisily while he stirs, “remember how you told me you’ve never been skiing?” He glances across the table at Chris, who’s still bouncing happily, but can’t make himself look at Eddie. “Uh, I know we have a few good beginner’s trails here on the mountain but I booked us a cabin at a resort a few hours away, and it’s really good for beginners.”
Series
- Part 6 of the trees of vermont
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There are six rules to give yourself a chance to survive an avalanche.
A chance. Not even survive. Just a chance.
Series
- Part 7 of the trees of vermont
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Buck pokes at his food, moves more around his plate than he eats, finally sets it on the coffee table with hardly a dent taken out. Eddie watches him, tries to remember breakfast, the eggs he’d scooped out onto their plates, the toast he’d handed to Chris with a smile. He thinks about dinner the night before and the way Buck had gotten distracted by a song on the radio and had carried his half-full plate to the sink when it was over and dropped it in, and lunch before that when he told Eddie not to pick something up from Bobby because he’d already eaten.
It’s been snowing all week.
Eddie thinks he should have been more aware of the signs by now.
Series
- Part 8 of the trees of vermont
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“Your eyes are amazing up close,” Eddie says, his words slurring slightly. He’s got a dopey smile on his face and it’s close to the one he wears—nope. Not thinking that. “Also your hands. Wanna touch me?”
Series
- Part 9 of the trees of vermont
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“I’ll be home late,” Buck says, giving him a kiss on the threshold of the front door. “You and Chris will have to manage dinner without me.”
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- Part 10 of the trees of vermont
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Buck narrows his eyes. “Did you know Chris has never been to the beach?”
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- Part 11 of the trees of vermont
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The fire cracks, breaking Eddie out of his doze. The rain is still coming down outside, loud as it hits the windows and roof, but Eddie doesn’t mind. The house is safe, everything’s under cover, and Eddie’s warm and comfortable.
Series
- Part 12 of the trees of vermont
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He hardly looks at the sunrise, at the way the red and gold leaves makes the world look like it’s on fire around them; he has all the beauty he’ll ever need in his family. It reminds him of what he needs to do, the words he’d put down over the past year, painstakingly written and reworked over months, never able to get them close to what his heart feels.
Series
- Part 13 of the trees of vermont
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He’s not sure what they’re talking about, but they look happy, relaxed, and then Buck says—
“I always wished someone would serenade me.”
And somehow, Eddie’s at a music store the next day in Burlington, buying a guitar.
Series
- Part 15 of the trees of vermont
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Buck likes to ask questions.
A lot of questions.
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- Part 16 of the trees of vermont
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“Six days in a car,” Buck says, sounding irritated.
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- Part 17 of the trees of vermont
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“Who changed the thermostat settings?” Eddie snaps immediately. Seriously? “I’m freezing to death!”
Series
- Part 18 of the trees of vermont
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“The co-op says that keeping that house at fifty-five degrees—“
“Fifty-five?” His mouth drops open—Buck’s heard him complain about the cold for seven years now, and he turns the temperature down to fucking fifty-five? “That’s hardly above freezing,” he says—says, not whines, because Eddie is thirty-five years old and he does not whine. “Get out and turn it up.”
Series
- Part 19 of the trees of vermont
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So Eddie’s in the middle of his Tuesday routine—breakfast with Bobby, Combat to Classroom lecture at a community college in Burlington, and a run around the University of Vermont campus before he heads home to clean up before opening the youth center—when he passes the Delta Tau Delta house and stops.
He’s not sure why the cardboard box catches his eye, but it does, and laying inside is one tiny kitten, eyes closed against the soft rain that’s falling.
Series
- Part 20 of the trees of vermont
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It’s just luck that he looks out the window.
It’s snowing—it’s always snowing, November to May, but Eddie’s used to it by now, ten years living in Stowe have gotten him acclimated to the bitter cold, and it helps that Buck’s insulated the house well. Eddie’s office overlooks the backyard, an endless expanse of white that stretches to the tree line, dotted with boughs from the pine trees that line their property and—
Blood. Streaks of it, bright red, pooling into the snow and trailing towards the back door.
Series
- Part 21 of the trees of vermont