standing in the ashes of who I used to be
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Summary
After Hashirama kills Madara at the Valley of the End, Madara haunts Hashirama.
(In which Madara's cruelty spurs Hashirama to change.)
“I killed you,” Hashirama repeats, eyes roving frantically over Madara’s face. His breath quickens. “You shouldn’t be here. You’re not real!”
“I’m quite real.”
Hashirama takes a shaky breath, closing his eyes for a few seconds. When he opens them carefully, Madara remains.
Madara approaches slowly and jabs a finger at him. “You never change.” A tinge of fondness permeates the overwhelming bitterness in his voice.
I miss you, Hashirama wants to say, tears welling in his eyes. I miss you so much, I miss your smiles and laughter and kisses and body and
But Hashirama’s been missing Madara for much longer since his death.
This, though, it feels familiar. And easy. Hashirama clings desperately to the feeling. When Madara had looked at him like that initially—like he didn’t matter, Hashirama didn't know how he would live with the ghost of a stranger. Better this terrible familiarity than nothing at all.
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Tags
Summary
After Hashirama kills Madara at the Valley of the End, Madara haunts Hashirama.
(In which Madara is kinder to Hashirama, and things don’t change. His kindness is the biggest cruelty he could bestow on Hashirama.)
“I killed you,” Hashirama repeats, avoiding looking at Madara. “You shouldn’t be here. You—you’re not real,” he stammers, his breath quickening. He feels like he’s drowning.
Madara glides closer to him until they’re face to face, forcing Hashirama to focus on him. He’s struck by how placid his expression is—lacking the hatred and madness he harbored in life. Madara looks like he’s at peace.
“Does it matter if I’m real?” he murmurs. “Has it ever mattered at all?”
Hashirama takes a shaky breath, closing his eyes. “Always. You have always mattered to me,” he whispers. His eyes burn as he opens them. The gentleness in Madara’s gaze is intolerable.
I miss you. I miss you so much. It is unbearable to be without you.
“Madara, you were my gift from the divine,” Hashirama whispers, his voice almost inaudible, reaching out to him with a trembling hand.
[epilogue added 2/28/23]
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