carving through the dark (akutagawa siblings week 2023)
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Gin can feel Ryuu’s eyes on them, but he doesn’t speak either. Silence washes over them as they wait for the other to break first.
It’s a familiar game. Neither of them have ever been particularly fond of talking; Ryuu isn’t good with words, and Gin hates the sound of their own voice. They could be here for hours, refusing to offer up any additional information. Gin could wait until Ryuu has no choice but to leave, called elsewhere by the silent siren song of Dazai Osamu. There is nothing more important to him than Dazai’s orders—not Gin, and certainly not their secrets buried under iron layers of stubbornness and pointless devotion.
after tachihara's betrayal, ryuunosuke visits gin in the infirmary
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Once the coughing has subsided, Ryuu whispers, “My body is a warzone.” He sets the glass down. “It cannot even hold enough food to improve my health. My lungs are rotting. I cannot run for more than a few minutes before I must stop to catch my breath. I must rely on my ability to compensate for my physical disadvantages, but in doing that, I will never be strong enough for Dazai-san. You do not want my body; yours is everything I wish mine could be.”
It would be worth it, Gin thinks, if it meant she could feel at home in her own skin. She would take Ryuu’s terminal illness, she would take his dysfunctional lungs, she would take his too-thin frame and his skin that bruises at the slightest pressure and his perpetual cough and his weak immune system. She would take everything he hates about his body and wear it with pride because at least she wouldn’t be so feminine.
or: ryuunosuke and gin find themselves, over the course of seven years.
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It snows the day Akutagawa Ryuunosuke dies.
The sky is grey, spitting out intermittent flurries. Gin watches them dance through the window in their brother’s hospital room as the gaps between his breaths grow longer and longer. They hold his hand, counting the spaces in-between.
in every universe, ryuunosuke is the first to die
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