heloise-verse
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Summary
You’ve read far too much about love to allow yourself to make such a careless mistake. You know all about how it sneaks up on you. How one day it’s hardly much of anything, how the next it becomes bright and loud and too much. You know that better than anyone. You’ve read thousands of iterations of it, thousands of admissions, thousands of hastily scrawled out pleas to understand that you must understand, I could have never seen this coming.
You consider love, hate, indifference. You turn over words in your mind until they sound wrong and removed. You do this with love until you can stand to hear it echoed in your own thoughts.
(When you realise you love her, you’ll plead to yourself in the mirror. You must understand, you’ll beg, I could have never seen this coming.)
(or, a story about love, hate, truths, and what it means to be and love a monster)
Series
- Part 1 of heloise-verse
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Summary
Mira has been going over each little thing for the past week. Meticulously turning them over in her mind, replaying events in her head until she’s sick from remembering. It’s something like a punishment. A constant reminder of all the ways she fucked up; hardly feels like enough atonement after hearing everything that Rumi has gone through her entire life.
Rumi stops being able to sing. Rumi starts completely shutting down, worse than either of them have ever seen. Rumi starts pulling away. There are nights where Mira swears Rumi isn’t in her room, but she can’t prove it. Rumi starts obsessively wearing layers—turtlenecks paired up with jackets and compression shirts underneath all of that. Rumi starts being strangely combative and harsh. Rumi snaps at her in a way that is completely uncharacteristic for her. Rumi won’t sing their song, even with the world caving in around them, as if she wouldn’t mind if the world did end.
Mira hasn’t stopped feeling guilty.
(or, a look into the grief that comes after nearly losing your best friend)
Series
- Part 2 of heloise-verse
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Summary
Two months and three days.
Zoey knows that she’s not the only one keeping track of the days, but neither Rumi or Mira said anything on the two month marker, so Zoey didn’t say anything, either. Just like she hadn’t said anything the first month, or halfway through, or even the first week, or the first ten days.
The bathroom floor is kind of freezing.
The thought makes her snort, a laugh escaping her even though it’s not really that funny. Zoey rolls her eyes, pressing the back of her hand to her cheek, ignoring the wetness there. It turns out she’s not that good at ignoring the honmoon constantly screaming in Rumi’s voice in her head. Kind of funny how that works.
Zoey groans, burying her face in her hands as she lets out another mostly-humourless laugh. She should have known it would catch up to her eventually.
(or, a look into the grief that comes after nearly losing your best friend)
Series
- Part 3 of heloise-verse
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Summary
“It’s...” you breathe out slowly, your hands trembling. You’re quick to tighten your grasp on yourself, steeling yourself as you stare past her, at the wall behind her. “A lot. I think it’s going to be a lot.”
Celine hums. The noise is unwavering and solid and intense, and it makes you shift on your feet. You thought you hated her when you were seventeen, and maybe you do, but you think that you love her more than you know. Your earliest notebooks are full of information about her. All the things she likes, all that she doesn’t, everything you couldn’t quite get a read on. You know her. She knows you. You think that maybe the problem lies somewhere within that.
Celine leans forward, her head bowed slightly. “I have spent my entire life preparing you,” she murmurs, voice carrying across the room despite her speaking softly. “You are more than capable of this.”
(or, rumi and celine talk about That night, about love, and about what it means to say "i love you" in a way that doesn't hurt)
Series
- Part 4 of heloise-verse