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i’ll lay myself down (and hope i wake up young again) by trurototroy
Fandoms: A Little Life - Hanya Yanagihara
27 Jul 2025
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This is all I have to offer you, he tells the JB-in-his-head, who blinks resignedly back at him. He pictures himself dissolving into a mess of colors on a palette, JB dipping in a brush, the dull smear of paint brightening under his hands. This much he can trust JB with—JB has always seen the ugliest parts of him and turned them into something captivating, even he at once enthralled and sickened by what JB has made of him. Jude with Cigarette; Jude After Sickness; Jude, Alone —these are pieces of him that even he cannot recall, but JB seems to have memorized those versions of him down to the bone, down to expressions and gestures he hadn’t recognized as his own.
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Updated version of this story with additional, deleted scenes and a new title for chapter 5.
"Now, already two years into their relationship, he knew his Frank-enstein’s monster fantasy was unlikely to be fulfilled: Frank was great. Jude was happy. They complemented each other in more ways than Willem wanted to admit. But he couldn’t help himself; his world was spinning rapidly in a new, unexpected direction. The change frightened him."
In this alternate universe, Jude enters a romantic relationship with someone else, another man that takes interest in him at the same event he meets Caleb Porter. This work is a series of vignettes, told mostly from Willem's perspective, exploring how Willem's life is transformed when Jude can't no longer be his home.
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He pauses, turning to look at Jude, who's tucked so close to him he can hear him breathing.
“And then?” Jude asks, smiling delightedly. “Tell me the rest.”
And then he does.
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Jude, blushing, turned his head away, his voice barely a whisper. “Willem, you’re drunk. And high. You’re not making any sense.”
But Willem smiled dreamily, his voice soft and resolute. “I’m not drunk enough to imagine this,” he murmured, tightening his grip around Jude’s pinky. “Can’t you feel it, Jude? We’re connected. Bound together, forever. If you ever need me, just tug the string, and I’ll always come. Always.”
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Willem returns to New York just in time to stop Caleb's brutal assault, but the trauma leaves Jude with significant memory loss. Can Willem's gentle love and tender heart withstand Jude’s long healing journey? Is it strong enough to face the looming legal battle against his attacker? -
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Willem and Jude are getting a dog. An abused pup from the shelter. Willem is to blame, of course, but Jude goes along with it. Their life goes tupsy-turvy since then. Story includes lots of love, care and ocassionally bit of sorrow.
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There’s only a little section left of the letters. Strangely enough, he wished that there were still more of these letters, and finds himself hesitating to pick them up, to read their finality. Not because he wanted to hear of any more horrors inflicted on his son, but because these letters were the last words they’d have of Jude, and with their ending, they would never hear from him again.
Harold and Julia and the minutes, hours, days after Jude’s death.
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When Andy and Jude first met, and all the years that followed
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Jude is studying his glistening wound and something ugly unfurls inside of him. Once he says yes to this, there is no way back.
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I saw you in a dream.
You had stayed the same.
Tried to keep my eyes closed.
I want you so bad.
Then I awoke and it was so sad.Or
Jude’s ‘life’ after the accident. -
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Later, when things got bad, I would wonder what I could have said or done. Sometimes I would think that there was nothing I could have said --- there was something that might have helped, but none of us saying it could have convinced him. I still had those fantasies: the gun, the posse, Fifty West Twenty-ninth Street, apartment 17J. But this time we wouldn't shoot. We would take Caleb Porter by each arm, lead him down to the car, drive him to Greene Street, drag him upstairs. We would tell him what to say, and warn him that we would be just outside the door, waiting in the elevator, the pistol cocked and pointed at his back. And from behind the door, we'd listen to what he said: I didn't mean any of it. I was completely wrong. The things I did, but more than that, the things I said, they were meant for someone else. Believe me, because you believed me before: you are beautiful and perfect, and I never meant what I said. I was wrong. I was mistaken, no one could ever have been more wrong than I was.
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The Memory of Frost by thebluemoontheredsunntsn
Fandoms: A Little Life - Hanya Yanagihara
13 Mar 2024
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Modern day update, as recent as yesterday, your yesterday: Do mercy in not reading this while I edit my works to be proper. Thank yew.
Jude works to recognize love in the eyes of those around him, following the amputation of his calves. When struggling on his own, he looks to Willem to help guide him.
It has been a moment or two since I have picked up the book, so mind me if I am directly on point. This is set somewhere not accurate and therefore timeless, somewhere in a Thanksgiving visit post-prostheses. This'll have a few parts so I can find the motivation to upload small sections of it and write here and there. Wishing you all well, into the New Year and beyond.
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Jude has killed himself. But what waits for him he has waited his whole life for.
—listen to Mess in Mine-Vance Joy for a better experience—
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The Backroad and The Highway/ Jude and Willem marriage fic by thebluemoontheredsunntsn
Fandoms: A Little Life - Hanya Yanagihara
20 Jan 2024
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( for Bibliophile, per request in ‘A Little Life Requests, posted far too long ago )
Edit, Jan 20th; changes have been made to ch.1 welcome to the do-over :]
A drunk driver severely injures three people driving in a car, now facing legal repercussions for a fatal hit done to a car right before it.
AKA Willem, Malcolm, and Sophie live, releasing themselves back into their own lives. While Malcolm and Sophie heal from the repercussions, Willem and Jude struggle in the imagined scenarios and endured damage in the heights of one another’s near-death situations, and amidst Jude’s worries and plans to ensure Willem of a good life, Willem ponders the relationship further as he thinks of a way to communicate his desire for Jude in a way that is unbreakable.
AKA AKA, A Little Life without Willem’s death.( multi-chapter fiction, new parts will be published every so often. POV’s will be everchanging, but the name of the perspective will be given before the written portion of the perspective. Comments, bookmarks, and kudos are welcome and appreciated immensely. )
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my love is mine all mine (I love, mine, mine, mine) by PJShermann
Fandoms: A Little Life - Hanya Yanagihara
23 Dec 2023
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After the adoption ceremony, everyone returns to the Stein-Altman household for a celebratory lunch. Harold and Andy walk away from the noise and the two of them talk about Jude.
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Or, what Jude had felt after his first time with Willem.
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Jude self-harms, is unsure of what to do, and doesn’t want to burden anyone. He needs stitches though and decides to call Andy. Jude is treated, admits a couple things, and is so so tired. Harold and Willem help him stay safe for the next few days and lecture him, too, as loved ones do.
((INDEFINITELY DISCONTINUED))
NOTE: YOU are responsible for your own media consumption! Please be advised that this particular fic comes with very obv trigger warnings for self-harm/suicidal thoughts and behaviours. <3
Series
- Part 1 of The Oddities
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Because of the underlying anemia and heavy blood loss, Jude needed a blood transfusion during the amputation. Andy explained the process of matching him with a blood donor in great detail, as if he anticipated Jude to ask about the quest once Andy arrived at the real destination of his tale. Andy mentioned the resident nurse, the screenings, the matching blood type, the shared genetic material, and the unlikeliness of both. Then he paused, exchanging looks with both of them. The three of them remained silent for a minute. But at the same time that Jude asked what he was trying to say, Willem gasped out loud.
This takes place during the last stretch of The Awful Years and beginning of The Happy Years.
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Jude years after his “relationship” with Caleb tries to get his life together. He goes to therapy and is supported by his friends and his boyfriend Willem. Yet one question still remains unanswered..
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“Help me, please.” Jude begged, defeated. “I don’t know how to do this.”
Set during The Happy Years, Willem finds Jude on the bathroom floor at Green St doing something he's never done before. This is a one-shot giving Jude a chance to explore the world of sex again, but this time on his own terms. Some sentences are directly from the book, although used in a different context. I do not claim them as my own.
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Intento ser amable con todo lo que veo y en todo lo que veo lo veo a él. by Capricornio_en_las_estrellas
Fandoms: A Little Life - Hanya Yanagihara
11 Oct 2022
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Han pasado algunos años desde que Jude, Willem y Malcolm murieran, Harold los recuerda en un pequeño viaje por la memoria en el que le ayudan aquellos que los amaron.
De momento es un one-shot, pero me gustaría explorar otras ideas. El tiempo dirá.
Series
- Part 1 of Los años felices están contigo.