CheeseWheezers4



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya Rozanov has a gift.

    He can speak to animals, which has earned him an incredibly successful career as a pet psychic, and far too much information about what people do when they think their pets aren’t watching.

    Shane Hollander has a problem.

    His cat, Pork, is permanently miserable. After exhausting every sensible option, Shane turns to the supernatural for assistance.

    After their first appointment, Pork grows visibly happier - his cat’s found a hobby and renewed sense of purpose for achieving his only goal: to destroy Ilya for good.

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    14/14
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    15 Oct 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya is the youngest-ever captain of the Boston Raiders at 22 years old, and is pretty sure he is straight. Shane was injured before he could go pro, and became a dancer instead. Now, he’s out, and the most in-demand male pole dancer in Montreal.

    Then, on a random Friday night, Ilya and the Raiders walk into his club. And now Ilya can’t stop thinking about him.

    OR - What if Shane was Ilya’s bi awakening, and it began at a club where Shane was performing? And what happens when this Shane Hollander meets this Ilya Rozanov?

    (Don’t worry, Shane still plays hockey for fun in this, because I’ll be damned if Shane isn’t still a bitchy jock who is really good at hockey in my AU.)

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    13/?
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    10 Oct 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane Hollander is in a slump. As the captain of arguably the most dominant team in the NHL, he couldn’t afford to have off days, but lately, he just couldn’t seem to pull himself out of it. The pressure was finally starting to catch up. So, when his friend stupidly suggests that he needed to get laid, he knew realistically he just didn't have the time...so he goes onto a porn site instead.

    Or,

    Shane Hollander can't relax, Ilya Rozanov, without knowing, helps him out.

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    04 Oct 2026

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    “Shane, why are you still under there?”

    “I’m stuck,” Shane said, committing fully now.

    The room fell silent for a beat and it was long enough that Shane almost pulled himself out right then and there out of sheer embarrassment.

    “You are stuck,” Ilya echoed.

    “Yes.”

    “Like last week.”

    Shane squeezed his eyes shut embarrassed about the whole situation.

    “I was not–” he started, then stopped himself. “That was different.”

    “You were under the coffee table,” Ilya said, stepping closer. “And also stuck.”
    ——
    Or the one where Shane wants to get stuck and fucked

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    23 Sep 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “Sweetheart, your pretty little head is so silly. For every photocard I make of ugly hockey men, I make two of my gorgeous, radiant, pulchritudinous boyfriend. Sometimes three.”

    A smile breaks through the heated haze of Shane’s expression. “You’ve been using the thesaurus Dad got you for Christmas?”

    “I will beat Yuna Hollander at Scrabble one day,” Ilya declares against Shane’s hip bone.

    In the year between the Cottage and the Centaurs, Ilya misses Shane more than ever. Svetlana’s teenage cousin offers a coping method: Kpop-style Shane Hollander photocards to stare at all day long. It's a shame carrying around pictures of fellow hockey players is just not socially acceptable.

    …At least, not yet.
     
    (AKA: Ilya's mission to desensitize the hockey world to his Hollander fanboyisms, and the NHL players that suffer for it.)

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    29 Jul 2026