DespicableDelinquent
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The Courting by the Pureblood Who Only Has Five Milligrams of Romantic Intelligence and Thinks He’s Real Smooth by hiimcibee for Im_a_bird
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
26 Jul 2020
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Summary
Draco could grab Potter and shove him into a stall before proceeding to suck his soul out of his dick, but secretly, deep down, in the part of Draco that he will never admit to anyone, he is (everyone pauses to shudder) a romantic. Potter is not someone Draco wants a one-off with. Potter is — Draco’s beloved!
So Draco decides to boldly go where no one has gone before: to put himself through scrutiny; their friends’ teasing and pranks; unsound romantic advice from a house-elf; wearing pretty clothes; all to try and win Potter’s heart through courtship.
(An unnamed ginger bastard can be heard yelling from afar: “This is actually a detailed guide on how not to court someone!”)
But who cares about the opinions of redheads? Literally no one.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,522
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 1,102
- Kudos:
- 6,379
- Bookmarks:
- 1,886
- Hits:
- 101,369
Bookmarked by DespicableDelinquent
06 Feb 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
So lovely and humorous. Enjoyed this thoroughly.
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Tags
Summary
Chase is sick. House won't leave him alone. The diagnostics team at PPTH has two cases to solve...
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 102,982
- Chapters:
- 19/19
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 628
- Kudos:
- 3,295
- Bookmarks:
- 776
- Hits:
- 81,235
Bookmarked by DespicableDelinquent
08 Jan 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
All the hype I thought it would be + more (naturally). So happy a fic this long exists for these two. (Y’all please recommend me more ANYWHERE.)
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Tags
Summary
Five times House nearly confessed, and one time he was pre-emptively absolved.
Series
- Part 4 of Sunshine in the House
Bookmarked by DespicableDelinquent
21 Oct 2025
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Summary
House has a theory.
Bookmarked by DespicableDelinquent
19 Oct 2025
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Tags
Summary
"Chase was pathetic and overwhelmed and his roommate was playing piano at 10:34pm."
Series
- Part 2 of Kinktober2018
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,392
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 13
- Kudos:
- 312
- Bookmarks:
- 30
- Hits:
- 4,173
Bookmarked by DespicableDelinquent
25 Sep 2025
Bookmarker's Tags:
Bookmarker's Notes
Oh my gosh, this is so fricking good. I’m not even lying to you when I say best Chouse fic I’ve read thus far. It’s so damn indulgent and has all my favorite tropes, and the characterizations are top tier. Truly unprecedented.