Haha_mud
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A Fruitful Headache by ElfyDwarf
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
21 Mar 2015
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Summary
Bilbo is supposed to be meeting Thorin for a second date, but is instead, waiting in the Emergency Room with a minor head injury caused by shopping in the home baking section. He calls to rearrange the date but his predicament turns into rather a fruitful evening, if you excuse the pun.
Bookmarked by Haha_mud
20 Jan 2026
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Inspired by the proposal/wedding scene in Pirates of the Caribbean 3.
“Gandalf!” Bilbo shouted, slicing down a goblin before skittering back to Thorin’s side. The grey wizard was fighting alongside a group of dwarves from the Iron Hills on a rise nearby. “Gandalf! Marry us!”
“Confound it all, Bilbo Baggins!” Gandalf yelled back, wielding his staff and sword with a skill and dexterity that belied the deceiving appearance of his age. “I’m a little busy at the moment!”
Bookmarked by Haha_mud
20 Jan 2026
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While there were many downsides to being an unmarried lass in the Shire, at least back home Bilbo would never have been accused of fathering the child of a dwarven prince. Of course, she can't tell the truth, because Kíli's actual lover isn't exactly likely to gain Thorin's favor - not that anyone else seems to care what she has in her trousers.
Now she just has to survive jealous dwarves and embarrassing discussions until either Tauriel returns to the mountain or Thorin gets over himself. Or herself, Bilbo hasn't exactly asked yet.
Now what's an honorable hobbit lass to do? And where do you find one around here?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 20,445
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 117
- Kudos:
- 2,741
- Bookmarks:
- 568
- Hits:
- 29,811
Bookmarked by Haha_mud
18 Jan 2026
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You Got Me by drunkonwriting
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
26 Feb 2015
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The Company shows their affection for Bilbo in accordance with dwarvish tradition. Bilbo... has no idea why everyone keeps giving him gifts.
(Dwarves give gifts of craft to start friendships or romance. Everybody lives AU, canon-compliant through the first movie.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,983
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 16
- Comments:
- 451
- Kudos:
- 20,544
- Bookmarks:
- 6,140
- Hits:
- 194,983
Bookmarked by Haha_mud
17 Jan 2026
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In which dessert ruins Bilbo's plans for filthy anniversary sex. Thankfully, he's able to make up for it in the morning.
Bookmarked by Haha_mud
15 Jan 2026