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    “You wrote about us having sex while Hayden watches!”

    “Fictional us,” Ilya corrects. “Real us would never do that. Probably.” He pauses. “Unless …”

    “No!”

    Ilya Rozanov has always been competitive. But when his husband’s best friend starts calling a little too often, Ilya discovers a new arena for dominance: Archive of Our Own.

    Armed with a pseudonym that fools absolutely no one, explicit tags that would make a sailor blush, and a truly impressive commitment to pettiness, Ilya wages psychological warfare one kudos at a time. His weapon of choice? Extremely detailed fanfiction about why Hayden Pike will never, ever measure up.

    The problem? Hayden writes back.

    What follows is the most unhinged rivalry in hockey history: a battle fought not with fists or slapshots, but with comment sections, kudos, and increasingly creative ways to humiliate each other in front of thousands of readers. Featuring: footnoted statistics, educational sex advice, one very concerned wife, and Shane Hollander wondering what the hell he did to deserve this.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,367
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    347
    Kudos:
    5,409
    Bookmarks:
    938
    Hits:
    28,101

    06 Jan 2026