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A collection of Red Team moments. For some reason these idiots always end up in adventures worth telling about.
(Starts off with my entries for the RvB Bingo but will continue on after the event with more one-shots.)
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Dragons keep hoards. This is a fact of life. Sarge collects weapons he steals from corpse strewn battlefields like some kind of bizarre red scaled vulture. Donut sleeps on top of a gigantic pile of gorgeous jewels every night that no one knows how he managed to procure. Kai likes stealing bolts of fabrics from human merchants, so colorful that even she can tell the difference between them, silky and soft to lie on. Tex has an entire cave full of gold anything. Jewelry, cutlery, picture frames, buttons, it went on and on. Caboose collects rocks. Just plain rocks, all in a big pile that he’ll hiss at Tucker over if he so much as glances at them.
Dragons can really hoard anything. It doesn’t matter what it is, so long as they have it. Dragons need to have things, for some reason, specific things that they’ve decided that they love and will protect and keep no matter what. No one really knows why, although there are theories. The why of it doesn’t matter, doesn’t change fact. All dragons need hoards.
“Bro, where the fuck is your shit?” Kai asks, looking pointedly around his empty cave.
“Ate it,” he answers.
“You’re not supposed to eat your hoard.”
“Oops.”
Bookmarked by RoyallyJestering
19 Jan 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
every time i find a fic i love and didn’t bookmark i commit crime
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Prompt: for the bad things happen bingo, simmons with mouth stitched close?? baby boy doesn’t know when to shut up around felix or temple
He may die never seeing Grif again.
He may die never getting to tell Grif that…
Simmons set his shoulders straight and stopped abruptly.
Bucky ran into him, then, with a snarl, jammed his gun between Simmons’ shoulder blades. “The fuck are you doing? Keep moving.”
What would Grif do to keep Temple occupied, to draw his attention long enough to give someone the time to rescue them?
In reality, he’d do something stupid, like wander around and eat random food. But in a situation like this…
“I’d just like to say that Temple is the ugliest, dumbest, and most fucking annoying person I’ve ever met. That English accent thing he does sometimes is fucking stupid; his plans are unoriginal; his team is full of useless bozos who would’ve accomplished nothing had it not been for Loco--”
“Bullshit,” snarled Bucky.
Series
- Part 2 of Bad Things Happen Bingo
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Summary
Tight spasms of pain were threading through his skull, and he curled himself into a ball.
Shit. Shit. He couldn’t think clearly.
Okayokayokayokayokay
what caused this where is the source who did this was it the bump it was probably the bump should’ve been paying more attention now look at what you’ve done you fucking disgrace to the family why are you even still breathing--
Simmons choked on his gasps. Blood came from his mouth.
Someone tutted behind him. “So fucking predictable! I would’ve thought you’d change this supply run’s path given the fact that I, y’know, betrayed you and all, but it looks like you idiot simtroopers are still full of surprises!”
No.
No it couldn’t…
“Felix?” he said, his voice coming out in a slur.
Series
- Part 6 of Bad Things Happen Bingo
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- Words:
- 26,818
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 11
Bookmarked by RoyallyJestering
11 Jan 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
three parts and yet they're all 10/10 absolutely wonderful no notes
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Summary
Lopez has learned to love, and a fat fucking orange mountain ain't gonna stop him.
Series
- Part 3 of Reverse Harem Simmons
Bookmarked by RoyallyJestering
11 Jan 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
actually had me gripping my seat ROOTING for Lopez. 10/10 gold on lemme comment rq
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Summary
After eight years of struggling, Naruto finally caves and confesses to Sasuke. But it's okay; nothing is going to change between them. Everything will be the same.
...The moment Sasuke stops bringing it up every twenty seconds, it'll be the same.
SNS, oneshot.
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Like an ouroboros, a snake devouring its own tail, this, too, means eternity.
Or, "He says we are engaged to each other, you moron."
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 14,349
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 358
- Kudos:
- 14,112
- Bookmarks:
- 3,127
- Hits:
- 137,924
Bookmarked by RoyallyJestering
10 Jan 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
if she doesn't run through the world and back just to have me by her side once more i don't want it
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Baby Animals, Weddings, And Other Things Not Normally Associated With Uchiha Sasuke by prettypriestess for sirona
Fandoms: Naruto
25 Apr 2012
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Summary
In which Konoha needs to upgrade their plumbing to be more resistant. (Or, the one where Sasuke and Naruto get genin and maybe someone buys a house.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,271
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 15
- Comments:
- 246
- Kudos:
- 15,339
- Bookmarks:
- 3,765
- Hits:
- 173,281
Bookmarked by RoyallyJestering
10 Jan 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
what the post epilogue spinoff shouldve actually been about
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Summary
“Yeah, sensei, do we pass?” Sasuke dangled the bells from the tip of his finger, a smug grin on his face. He was a bastard, Kakashi decided.
Actually, all of them were. Little shit bastards. Feral goblins. Hellspawn. If it wasn’t Sakura literally changing the landscape of the field underneath Kakashi’s feet, it was Sasuke swinging a sword crackling with lightning, both of them subtly herding him towards Naruto’s hundred shadow-clones, all of which were so fast he could barely track them even with the sharingan.
Kakashi was starting to think his team definitely didn’t have the same problems as the others.
***5 times Team 7 confused/terrified the shit out of everyone +1 time they explained why (ft. Time Traveling Team 7)***
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"I want to make Naruto my heir," Kakashi said bluntly.
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Martin is full of helpful, useful little suggestions like that. It used to grate, and now he doesn’t quite understand why. As soon as he’d started actually listening to those little suggestions, everything just… smoothed out. Martin only wants to help him. He’s a good coworker in that way.
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Martin has something important to tell Jon.
Bookmarked by RoyallyJestering
01 Jan 2026
Bookmarker's Notes
though I don't usually read dead dove I have to admit if I don't bookmark this I'll stay thinking about it for weeks on end. prim the amazing you have a way with words and I hope you become a published author you're amazing at this shit
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won my bride in a poker game by Prim_the_Amazing for ephemeral_lynn
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
19 Sep 2021
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Summary
He peers between the branches at the spiderweb, gently pushing some away to get a better view. He wonders what kind of spider it is, if he can catch a glimpse of it. There aren’t that many types in England, but--
Oh. He doesn’t spot the spider, but there’s something else trapped in the middle of the web. A large moth, its wings splayed helpless and immobile. As he watches, he sees its legs wriggle ineffectually in the air. It’s a surprisingly pitiful sight, making Martin’s heart unexpectedly wrench a bit for the poor thing.
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Martin saves a moth from a spider. He doubts that this decision will have any sort of serious repurcussions.
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Sasuke doesn’t smell like anything, and he prefers it that way. Being a beta means he doesn't need to buy scent patches or spend money on suppressants. He can be in full control of himself 100% of the time. He doesn't need to endure any hormonal cycles. And, most importantly, he's automatically removed from the drama surrounding alphas and omegas.
It's easy. It's the best.
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To Sasuke, being a beta is the best. To Naruto, it's hell.
Series
- Part 1 of sense: an abo au
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Despite being heavily injured, Beau refuses to relax. Caleb has to call in the cavalry.
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“UP!” Beau demanded, quickly adding a please before anyone could tell her off.
Yasha smiled and obliged. This definitely was something both Beaus had in common: sweet talking herself into Yasha’s arms. Not that she particular minded. Even as an adult Beau wasn’t very heavy to hold and it was a good excuse to keep her close and safe.Jester and Beau get de-aged after a magical incident. Their friends will have to deal with babysitting and finding a solution. Eventual Beauregard/Yasha.
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Blushes Like a Sunrise, Bruises Like a Sunset by Angel Ascending (angel_in_ink)
Fandoms: Critical Role (Web Series)
21 Feb 2018
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Beau rolled off the side of the bed and came up in a defensive stance, ready for anything, or so she thought.
Yasha stood in the middle of the room, breakfast tray in two hands, smiling slightly. “Perhaps I should have knocked. Surprise?”
Beau held her pose as her mind frantically tried to switch gears. Yasha. Yasha was here. Yasha was here and Beau was standing there in her underwear. “This has to be a dream. I’m dreaming, right?”
“I don’t know,” Yasha said with a glint in her mismatched eyes. “Do you dream about me often enough that that’s a possibility?”
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Spock decides to start utilizing emojis during intraship messaging in an attempt to better communicate with human colleagues.
Reactions are mixed, but Kirk wholly approves of the results.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,630
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 471
- Kudos:
- 5,337
- Bookmarks:
- 1,223
- Hits:
- 23,548
Bookmarked by RoyallyJestering
22 Dec 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
obsessed with the way spock uses emojis and just everything about this fic. 10/10
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Summary
Sarge is having a hard time settling down for retirement. He doesn't want to admit it, but so is Wash.
Bookmarked by RoyallyJestering
02 Dec 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
i love you red vs blue fandom there is something deeply wrong with you
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Summary
Sometimes, it seems like Grif's life has been nothing but a string of horrible, hilarious miscommunications.