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  1. Rec *

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    The owl squeezed itself through the rusting bars of his Azkaban cell and flew to the ground, hooting in triumph and waddling around on the dusty floor. Draco grasped the owl gently in his fist to still it, then withdrew the letter from the mail bag.

    His heart thudded. Who was contacting him? His mother? Pansy? Not one of the Death Eaters, surely?

    Then he unrolled the page and let out a disbelieving huff.

    It was a fucking survey.

    Well. They wanted a response? He’d give them one.

    • On a scale of 1 (not at all) to 4 (very), how clean are Azkaban’s facilities? — Fuck you
    • On a scale of 1 (not at all) to 4 (very), how humane has your treatment been at Azkaban? — Fuck this
    • Any additional comments? — Fuck off

    P.S. Your owl is insane

    —

    In which a well-meaning researcher, Hermione Granger, runs a study without realizing who Participant 1 is.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,068
    Chapters:
    4/4
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    25 May 2025