Zooey_k3
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Summary
Harry accidentally sends a dick pic to Draco.
So what does Draco do? He does the only rational thing he can think of: Give Harry lessons on how to sext.
He totally doesn't do it for his own enjoyment and Harry totally doesn't play into it for his own either... Chaos is bound in ensue.
*
This fic uses workskins to simulate an iMessage conversation. This is a crack!fic.
Bookmarked by Zooey_k3
26 Nov 2025
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Summary
Things were going just fine for Draco Malfoy. He successfully conned and counted cards across Europe and America, amassing a small fortune, along with a lengthy rap sheet. That was until he made the grave mistake of returning to England for a high stakes card game and got himself caught – by Harry Potter no less. Now, Draco is stuck in England under Auror Potter’s guard with no friends, no distractions, and no escape. How the hell will he pass the time? And since when did Potter get so bloody fit?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 83,497
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Comments:
- 1,158
- Kudos:
- 5,481
- Bookmarks:
- 1,780
- Hits:
- 123,715
Bookmarked by Zooey_k3
06 Nov 2025
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Summary
Things used to happen to Harry all the time. Nothing seems to happen anymore.
Then Ginny leaves him, and Draco Malfoy tells him that they need to convince the entire Wizarding World that they’re madly in love with each other.
Being sensible is tempting, but really, there’s no choice in the matter. After all, he thinks that he’s rather overdue another adventure.
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It’s Pansy’s fault, really, for inviting Draco’s Quidditch star ex and his new boytoy to her wedding cruise. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and nothing is more desperate than asking the only other wizard in England who can compete in both looks and fame to fake being in love with him for seven days.
The fact that Potter is also his boss, roommate, and occasional friend should make it easier.
So Draco has it handled. Everything is fine.
Draco's an exceptional liar and Potter is…well, admittedly Potter is becoming a problem.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 43,160
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 376
- Kudos:
- 2,126
- Bookmarks:
- 573
- Hits:
- 32,940
Bookmarked by Zooey_k3
23 Oct 2025
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Summary
Harry finds a fleshlight on his bed and Draco wakes up to a cock fucking him.
Aka a fic where Draco is Harry's Fleshlight, literally
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 40,701
- Chapters:
- 22/23
- Comments:
- 260
- Kudos:
- 3,836
- Bookmarks:
- 731
- Hits:
- 218,931
Bookmarked by Zooey_k3
19 Oct 2025