bananatree
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November 2025 - WIP Amnesty Update
_____________Here’s what happened -
Well, first, actually, a really big terrible thing happened. Otherwise, nothing after it ever would have, but Jamie doesn’t really talk about that.
But after that, here’s what happened. And this story he does tell, in a funny practised soundbite way in interviews.
The bloke who was walking him through his first contract went “Tartt - huh. A little adult film, don’t you think?” (that’s the laugh line, for the reporters.)
And because he was already buzzing with excitement and rage and apprehension he heard himself say, “Waverly - just put Waverly, it’s my mum’s name.”
As soon as he said it, the whole thing became real.
Bookmarked by bananatree
04 Jan 2026
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Two months later, Jamie is the top sales rep at the company, he's still got absolutely no idea what it is he's selling, and Roy Kent follows him on Twitter.
The Twitter thing takes Jamie on a real emotional rollercoaster ride. First of course he flips out with excitement, then he thinks it's probably a joke account or something, then he sees that it's verified and flips out again, then he crashes down to earth remembering how many celebrities (or celebrity accounts run by assistants or whoever) just follow everyone who mentions their name, and then he sees that Roy has only followed six accounts: the official AFC Richmond account, Nigella Lawson, Cher, Keeley Jones, a woman whose avi looks like she's probably related to Roy... and Jamie. In that order, meaning he followed Jamie first.
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“You are going, Roy!” Ruth had demanded through the phone, “This bullshit with you and dad has gone on long enough. I want to see you both sit down and share a meal. Together.”
“I don’t see the fucking point! He doesn’t want me there and I don’t want to go!”
“Yeah, because the last time you were there, you stabbed the roast chicken right up the arse with your fork and told Dad you wished it was him.”
“I still do.”
This Christmas, Roy isn't getting out of dinner with his insufferable parents. Thankfully, Jamie comes up with a brilliant idea during their morning training.
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He looked like an angel, or maybe a young god descended from Mt. Olympus or some shit, and Roy didn’t even scoff at himself as the thought overtook him. He just sent up a quick prayer of thanks to whoever was listening, because this had to be an act of providence, some higher power sending Jamie Tartt to cross his path that cold, dark night.
Bookmarked by bananatree
27 Dec 2025
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And Roy gets it. You work at an expensive ass hotel and one of the most well known football stars comes in with someone who he’s very obviously paying to have sex with. It’s not really the kind of image you want for an establishment like this. But on the other hand, who the fuck is this nobody to judge. He’s Roy Kent. He can do whatever he wants.
RoyJamie Pretty Woman Au