carrie_e
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The Accountant’s Guide to Taking Down an Evil Vampire Lord (and maybe bagging Astarion while you are at it) by Cinnamontails
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
07 Nov 2024
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Summary
“Fine,” she said. “Do you know the statistically most common way for the authorities to take out organized crime?”
Well, if that was her idea of enticing conversation, it was no wonder she had all those evenings free to chase after scoundrels like him. Still, Astarion didn’t want to antagonize her further and ruin the game, so he pursed his lips and guessed, “A very large, well-placed cannon?”
“Tax fraud.”
She looked at him as if she expected some sort of reaction – maybe a dramatic gasp? A palm flung to his forehead in a theatrical rendition of How could I not think of this?
Everything he could muster was a blink. “Tax … fraud.”
She nodded, obviously excited about what Astarion was sure were two of the most boring words in the English language, combined.
"That's how we'll take down Cazador."- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 112,858
- Chapters:
- 26/26
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 2,005
- Kudos:
- 5,182
- Bookmarks:
- 1,360
- Hits:
- 123,301
Bookmarked by carrie_e
29 Nov 2024
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Summary
The realm is safe and the story is over.
Wren and Astarion descend into the Underdark in search of a new purpose, and learn a few things along the way. Namely, that healing isn't linear and sometimes love takes the long way round.
Series
- Part 1 of hold me like a knife
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 54,095
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Comments:
- 284
- Kudos:
- 1,788
- Bookmarks:
- 525
- Hits:
- 33,479
Bookmarked by carrie_e
29 Nov 2024
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Summary
After leaving Szarr Entertainment in the wake of a tumultuous - deliberately engineered - scandal, Astarion Ancunín has rebuilt his acting career, from the blacklisted ground up. Through a heavily doctored narrative of queer reclamation, he's finally making a name for himself, and hoping to claim prestige (and maybe a few awards) through the leading role in a historical biopic about the openly gay elven oracle, Aerthwyn Capaxath.
The only problem is, Aerthwyn Capaxath is the worst person that ever lived (or died). Just ask Dr. Rosalie Frostsong, a thoroughly unwilling expert on the subject.
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(A celebrity/academic, reluctant workplace allies turned friends-to-lovers, modern AU... a.k.a. the silliest thing i've ever written. I hope people enjoy!)
Series
- Part 6 of Rat Bastard Boi (BG3)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 224,677
- Chapters:
- 28/?
- Comments:
- 2,650
- Kudos:
- 1,056
- Bookmarks:
- 197
- Hits:
- 39,743
Bookmarked by carrie_e
18 Nov 2024
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Summary
He was certain he’d gotten the body down, at least, with just enough fine tunings to quickly move him from ‘pleasant diversion' to ‘indispensible’, if he played his cards right. That much was simple, and not without its own small entertainments.
But the mind… the mind, he was beginning to worry, might elude him.
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Astarion and Rosalie think they understand each other perfectly, but they have each fallen prey to the other’s mask. As they both go forward with their adventure, will either of them dare to be honest?
[This is a blatant, self-indulgent novelisation of BG3 full-access, and Part 2 to my Early Access fic, A Bleeding Heart. I try to avoid directly retelling too many moments in the game, but occasionally fall into the trap of rewriting some canon scenes. Dual perspective because now my Tav has some issues to overcome! Come here for the vampire man, stay here for Rosalie's mental illness :') ]
Series
- Part 3 of Rosalie/Astarion "Canon" playthrough (sort of)
- Part 3 of Rat Bastard Boi (BG3)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 294,253
- Chapters:
- 40/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 2,762
- Kudos:
- 1,943
- Bookmarks:
- 309
- Hits:
- 76,994
Bookmarked by carrie_e
06 Nov 2023
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Summary
When Astarion awakens in the aftermath of the Nautiloid crash, it is not to a friendly face but the press of goblin steel against his cheek.
Now a captive of the Absolute, he is left starving and huddled in the corner, waiting for the beast that shares his cell to finally strike.
Bears, after all, are not known to be the most gracious killers.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 45,260
- Chapters:
- 18/18
- Comments:
- 3,033
- Kudos:
- 12,702
- Bookmarks:
- 2,675
- Hits:
- 248,424
Bookmarked by carrie_e
22 Oct 2023