crowzeal
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“Is it atonement that you seek?” Sua asks. Mizi can feel Sua’s every breath on her cheeks, and she itches to bridge the insurmountable gap that has formed in the shadow that Sua’s figure casts. Reach out her hand, and feel for herself if Sua’s heartbeat is just as unsteady and tenuous as her own–
“Yes,” Mizi says, barely a whisper.
Mizi is no god.
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The thing is, Damon doesn’t really get Kai. The way he clings onto others like a man starved of food, as if unable to bear being ripped away from their orbits for even a second. As if being alone is the worst feeling in the entire world; batter absorbing the smouldering heat as it rises. He talks like he’s something bigger than himself, lines his teeth with sugar and salt until it is enough to make him whole.
(Damon doesn’t get Kai, because where Kai is all saccharine words and soft skin, Damon is anything but; it is the drumming of war that beats behind his lungs. His heart is a bitter, stale thing, and the rot is nestled deep under his skin. He kneads himself out of shattered mirrors, snakes eating their own tails, expired ingredients – softness is irrationality and irrationality is not how he wins. How else, pray tell, could he have built himself up from nothing? How else could he have welded his tongue into a match, a kindling flame, that threatens to burn anything that gets too close?)
In the time following the first trial, Damon and Kai bake a cake.
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To the end – like there is no betrayal, no absent kings and serpentine halls that lead to ruin. You’ve never been a paragon of loyalty, and you understand well that vows cannot be made without being broken. But the issue is that you have your tail caught between your legs; no matter how hard you try, you cannot kill that incessant itch for a sense of direction.
Martyn, on loyalty, absence, and the paradox of ships.
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to imagine sisyphus happy by orpheus (crowzeal)
Fandoms: 3rd Life | Last Life SMP Series
30 Dec 2023
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And here’s the thing: Scar doesn’t regret it, not really. There had been a thrill, a catharsis, satiated with every hymn of death, every clap of thunder as someone’s clock struck twelve. His insides would burn, feverish and free, and in that moment, it felt like maybe, just maybe, he was always meant to play this role. The villain, the guy with no friends, the king of nothing who sits on his throne of flesh and bone. The Secret Keeper wanted a show, and Scar has always been one for theatrics.
or; burials, debt, and moving forward.
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whispers at the crossroad by crowzeal
Fandoms: プロジェクトセカイ カラフルステージ！| Project SEKAI COLORFUL STAGE! (Video Game)
15 Apr 2023
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The rooftop comes and goes. Mizuki follows her script word-for-word, and Ena responds as expected, two actors assigned to perform a twisted tragedy. Mizuki still feels nauseous when she says she’ll tell Ena eventually and bites back the bile in her throat.
But it’s okay. She stayed in their lane and retraced her steps perfectly. Surely, time will continue to tick onward and everything will return to normal.
(For Mizuki, normal is continuing to fracture the gap between her and her music circle and edging on her distrust.
And that’s– that’s okay. That’s how everything should be, after all.)
There's nothing more nauseating than having to live in regret a thousand times over; Mizuki learns this the hard way.