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   but it’ll never be good enough, like I want to believe it is by drkr2pnt0

   Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid, Game Changers | Heated Rivalry - All Media Types  

   • Mature
   • Major Character Death
   • M/M
   • Complete Work

   08 Feb 2026

   Tags

   • Major Character Death
   • Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov
   • Ilya Rozanov
   • Shane Hollander
   • Suicide
   • Angst
   • Depression
   • References to Depression
   • Ilya Rozanov Loves Shane Hollander
   • Ilya Rozanov Needs A Hug
   • Depressed Ilya Rozanov
   • Irina Rozanova Haunts the Narrative
   • POV Ilya Rozanov
   • Dead Dove: Do Not Eat
   • Suicidal Thoughts
   • Implied/Referenced Suicide
   • Suicide Attempt
   • Character Study
   • Hurt No Comfort
   • Angst with No Happy Ending
   • Emotional Hurt
   • Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
   • Lack of Communication
   • Childhood Trauma
   • Psychological Trauma
   • Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
   • Heavy Angst
   • Sad Ending
   • Tragedy
   • Generational Trauma

   Summary

   The irony—that it's Shane who once made everything bearable, and Shane who now makes even leaving unbearable—registers, but without bitterness now, without panic, not even with regret. The dichotomy swirls inside him, and he just watches it spin, as he’s done so many times.

   Ilya thinks, with a strange, aching tenderness, that Shane was the first and only person to give his adult life shape and meaning. The first person who ever made him feel real. Chosen. The first and only person to see him, really see him.

   It's only fitting, he thinks hazily, that you're the last.

   Loving Shane Hollander changes Ilya Rozanov’s life.

   It doesn't save it.

   Series

   • Part 1 of nettles

   Language:

   English

   Words:

   35,921

   Chapters:

   1/1

   Comments:

   99

   Kudos:

   414

   Bookmarks:

   109

   Hits:

   11,003

   Bookmarked by ghostlycoke

   16 May 2026