6 Works by lithiumAlchemist
Listing Works
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Summary
DIRK: I’m gonna need you to walk me through the steps. Think of it as wooing me, here.
DIRK: What’s in it for you?
DIRK: Why do you want this?
JAKE: Well when you shove me hard on the spot like that a fella starts feeling a little bit silly.
JAKE: How shall i put this...
JAKE: Have you ever seen the movie Avatar, dearest?
JAKE: It stars these huge and really elegant androgynous alien catpersons of various blue hues frolicking about in the jungle and experiencing primal intimacy through the act of downright spiritual brainfucking.[ Jake wants to have an "honest conversation" with Dirk about some of his wants and buried anxieties.
Apparently, the upper echelons of English's hierarchy of needs are pretty curious about the whole... narrativic ordeal. ] -
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Summary
The three-month anniversary of your honeymoon is in just a few days. You're thriving. All's right with the world. You're working on your next piece of interactive fiction, the afternoon sun is still out, and everything points to a perfect, lazy Saturday. Except...
Jake seems to have misplaced his dick in the shower.
The situation is exactly as ridiculous as it sounds.
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Summary
Jake and Ultimate Dirk try a long distance relationship.
As far as Canon is concerned, this could only ever result in a disaster of catastrophic proportions.
Series
- Part 2 of Bell the Prince
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Summary
Dirk's lovely oddball roommate (for whom he's harbored the most Reddit-infamous crush of the decade, in a post that has gone viral after a fateful event) suggests they make a few edibles for quick cash. But of course, someone has to try those, and who better than the cooks themselves? Hilarity, gender, horror, and 11.1k Upvotes ensue.
(Or: And They Were Roommates, except neither knows how much weed goes into an edible and both are horrible, terrible, no good gay dumbasses. Events are set prior to the first fic, contextualizing Jake's behavior)
Series
- Part 2 of Two Idiots At Homoville, N69, TX
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Summary
In a moment of desperation, Dirk goes on r/relationships. Things get oversharey real quick. He types as follows:
"I [23M] cannot understand my [24M?] roommate. He is the most bizarre man to ever set foot on earth and I’m afraid I’m losing him."
or, and They Were Roommates.Series
- Part 1 of Two Idiots At Homoville, N69, TX
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Summary
A forlorn Jake English is encouraged to discover the extent of his influence over Brain Ghost Dirk, blissfully unaware of the side-effects.
(Needless to say, he gets far more than what he bargained for.)Series
- Part 1 of Bell the Prince