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The Cock Tongue Incident by neilistic for sad_millennial
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
11 Nov 2024
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Summary
Astoria and Draco Malfoy enjoy a typical pureblood marriage: they argue often, rage fuck occasionally, and spend most of their time prodigiously ignoring one another.
Hermione didn’t mean to get in the middle of all that, but when Astoria asks for her help one night after she and Draco get into a spot of bother during an argument, Hermione is forced to contend with her infatuation with Draco and the full frontal effects of a very naughty hex.
- Language:
- English
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- 6,851
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- 1/1
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Bookmarked by mirainoyume
11 Dec 2025
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Hermione remained perfectly still. She’d forgotten how to breathe. How to blink. How to exist inside her own skin.
She experienced a peculiar sensation while frozen in her own body, a sort of reality-bending tingle. It manifested like a pit in her stomach, a gaping maw not unlike a black hole devouring her alive. She would soon become a singularity at this rate.
In this place, she was a singularity. Singular.
[In which Hermione Granger is flung into a parallel dimension]
Bookmarked by mirainoyume
29 Sep 2025
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As she looked around her living room - at the green velvet ottoman she didn't remember purchasing, the 14th century Wizarding texts on her bookshelf, the hideous and obnoxiously ostentatious grandfather clock that could only belong to a Malfoy - she pictured the toothbrush next to hers on her bathroom counter, the old Slytherin quidditch jersey she regularly tripped over in her bedroom, and the mint chocolate chip ice cream in her freezer - a flavour she abhorred, but that a particular, pale, pointy faced aristocrat sat across from her had a tragic fondness for.
Her chest burning, as if she drank a barrel of bubotuber pus, Hermione turned to him with narrowed, accusing eyes. "Malfoy...are we dating?"
If there's one thing Hermione Granger knows, it's that she simply doesn't have time to date. Draco decides to date her, anyway.
Series
- Part 1 of Grandfather Clocks and Ginger Biscuits
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- English
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- 106,117
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- 12/12
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- 58
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Bookmarked by mirainoyume
13 Jul 2025
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And thus began a very complicated and unideal state of affairs in which Draco couldn’t ask whether the world-ending, all-consuming randiness he felt all day every day from that point on was a symptom of his magical fake-real (but mostly fake) pregnancy and something that she was also experiencing, or simply the logical progression of his hithertofore unacknowledged obsession with Hermione Granger.
Or, Draco has couvade syndrome (the magical version!) thrust upon him.
Bookmarked by mirainoyume
15 Jun 2025
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Summary
Without looking, Hermione was aware that Malfoy had reclined in the chair, watching on keenly with darkened eyes. Theo took her attention completely then, rubbing his nose softly against hers before kissing her deeply, making her taste herself on his tongue.
Theo groaned against her. "Look at her. Is this just how you have imagined her, Draco?"
Hermione chanced another glance to her right, her ember eyes catching the glass of his as he watched her like a man possessed.
"Not quite." He answered, head tilted to the side as he watched her closely, the effect causing butterflies in her stomach.
"Oh?" Theo smirked then, looking to his left where Malfoy sat in the recliner. "Do tell."
Theo did not catch the smirk that graced Malfoy's bowed lips, but Hermione watched it form, losing her breath at the sight.
"In my fantasies you're not present,Theo." And he said it with so much confidence and audacity that Theo only put his head into Hermione's shoulder and laughed.
Or:
Theo has been making hints to Hermione about getting someone else involved in their marriage...
Who could that possibly be?
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- English
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- 33,617
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- 2/3
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Bookmarked by mirainoyume
02 Jun 2025