nellyedgar



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    He feels like shit when he's hungry, and he plays better when he's empty. The cold air doesn't touch him as much. The floodlights turn silvery-soft.
    And he likes eating. Keeps his hands busy, mouth busy, mind busy. Something to chew through, putty in the ears.
    Go until he can't anymore. Cycle it back out. Be ready.

    OR: Buck's had on-again, off-again bulimia since he was 14.

    Title from Psychic Friend's "We Do Not Belong".

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    English
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    40/40
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    03 Mar 2026

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    “I'm gay.”

    He's looking at his feet, because he hasn't quite come to terms with the fact that he's saying this in a room where other people, strangers, can hear it.

    But this is still the first time he's said it this way: out loud, in a declarative sentence. Being nervous is fine. Frank said that being nervous is fine, and Buck just said he's proud, and the only thought Eddie has in his head is that it's embarrassing he can't raise his head and say it like a man, so clearly, he's going to need to hang on to other people's words for the time being, someone who isn't his dad trying to explain the ways Eddie's allowed to inhabit the world.

    He doesn't need to ask anyone's permission to be who he is. That's also a thing Frank said.

    in which eddie attends a self-empowerment group for gbtq men to supplement his therapy, and is empowered to: forgive himself, say "i'm gay" to his own reflection in the mirror, accidentally adopt an adult, make fried rice, and tell his straight best friend that he's in love with him. not necessarily in that order.

    Language:
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    3/3
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    03 Mar 2026

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    “Wanna dance?” Eddie asks, leaning only slightly away to look at Buck. He’s smirking now, eyes traveling all over Buck’s face, taking in his expression and the color blooming on his cheeks.

    There’s a look in Eddie’s eyes now, one that Buck hadn’t quite seen before this trip. Or had he? Did it just not mean to him then what he realizes, or thinks, it means now? Regardless, it confirms a thought that has been niggling at the back of his mind all night.

    Flirting. Eddie was flirting with him.

    or, Buck visits Eddie in Texas a few months after he leaves LA. They road trip to Austin with Adriana to stay with Sophia, who has planned a night out on the town that none of them will soon forget - especially Buck and Eddie.

    Language:
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    29 Oct 2025

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