unsightlypearl
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Selfish And Obscene by hd_wireless_mod, unsightlypearl for poppyhills
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
07 Jul 2026
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Summary
Malfoy and Hermione are locked in an unrelenting workplace rivalry.
Harry is really fucking fed up with hearing about it. For entirely normal reasons.
Reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Malfoy seems to have found himself a new nemesis, and Harry isn't sure how he feels about being replaced.
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Summary
In his nearly twenty-four years of life, Ron had never considered that having a larger-than-average cock could be a bad thing until he was watching Draco Malfoy fleeing through his bedroom door.
Ron’s attempt to sleep with Draco Malfoy is thoroughly baffling. Good job Ron’s determined, even when he’s not entirely sure what’s going on.
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Summary
Draco turned his head to look Greg in the eye. “Greg. Did you try to have sex with me to say that you don’t mind that I’m gay?”
“Well, yeah,” Greg said. “But also so you would know if you wanted to have sex with me. What you said, you know—about fancying me. What’s that phrase about two pigeons?”
“Two birds,” Draco said. “With one stone. So your cock was the stone?”
Greg frowned down at his crotch. “Bit optimistic calling it stone.”
Greg might be straight, but he cared about Draco more than anyone else. Maybe his methods weren’t always conventional, but if he could make Draco smile, Greg reckoned they had to count for something.
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Summary
At least the first time had been unprecedented. Now it’s just getting ridiculous.
Ron really thought they’d all learnt their lesson. Unfortunately, none of his friends have ever been familiar with the concept of an easy life.
So he’s not all that shocked to find Hermione and Draco on his doorstep, wearing each other’s trousers and matching sheepish expressions. They know they’ve fucked up, at least. Now what is Ron – and Harry, because he’s always there – supposed to do about it?
Well. As long as he doesn’t get too distracted by how fit everyone is right now. Or what that might mean.
One crisis at a time.
Series
- Part 2 of Strange Brew
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Summary
It started in the tent, because Hermione had reached the end of her tether. Someone needed to keep her boys in line.
Over time, it became more than that. Still, Hermione will take every opportunity to have her boys bent over for her.
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