Chapter Text
Castiel Novak was born in a small farming village on the prairie. He was the youngest of nine other siblings, Michael, Lucifer (although he preferred Luke), Uriel, Naomi, Metatron, Gabriel, Anna, and Balthazar.
At the age of four four, his mother grew sick. It seemed that almost as long as he could remember, she had been sick.
What he could remember before the sickness was a smiling bright woman with bright eyes and raven black hair, spinning, singing, cooking, and riding her horse with her hair flying behind her like shadows in the wind, laughing back at them as they cheered her on.
When he was eight, she was carted off in a special carriage to a hospital in the city.
They went to visit her a lot, Castiel mostly remembered her room smelled of incense and decay.
His siblings did their best to carry on. They would go out to the lake and wade up to their knees to cool off, but never further. He had noticed from a young age, that everyone was so wary of certain things. He understood being cautious, but there was a line, in his opinion. His father almost dropped the matches shaking in fear every time he had to light the fire. When they started taking Castiel, he would always look at the deeper, clearer water and wonder why no one ever went out there instead of the warmish muddy water of the shallows. They told him it was too dangerous, that only fish went into deep water. One time, while all the older ones were talking and laughing, Castiel wandered out a little farther to where it came up to his chest. It felt much nicer. He was very much enjoying himself until he heard a scream and one of his siblings yanked him back.
Anna crouched in front of him.
"Castiel! Never go out there, you could drown!" She chastised him. Gabriel had laughed and waded to where they stood.
"If the little fish wants to swim, then let’s let him!" he had said, and with that familiar twinkle in his eyes. he scooped up Castiel and rocked him back and forth, pretending as if he was going to throw him mockingly. Castiel giggled and laughed, but what his older brother hadn't accounted for was that Castiel was rather wet from wading out so far. Suddenly he was slipping, and there were shouts, and Gabriel was screaming and trying to grab him back, but he was already flying through the air, and it was marvelous. The wind whistled in his ears and he was soaring. Then, he plunked right into the middle of the lake. He writhed as he sank into the cold darkness, alarmed. A calm came over him. It was silky and cool and clear. He opened his eyes, moving his hands and feet to keep him from sinking any further. He looked around in wonder.
The sunlight lit up the water in ribbons, but the deeper it got, the less light he saw. Small green and yellow fish darted around him, their scales shimmering in the sunlight. Lake weed sprouted up from the bottom, waving in the fluid rocking motion of the water. In that moment, he felt completely at peace. Soon, though, his lungs began to burn. Castiel experimentally kicked his legs and pushed down on the water with his hands, and he was shooting towards the surface. His head broke the surface and he took a deep breath, treading water smoothly to keep himself up. His siblings were in up to their chests, as if debating whether to risk coming for him and splashing about in panic. They froze at the sight of his head. He let out a joyous whoop and waved his arms, grinning.
"This is amazing! Come on! It’s not hard!" He called, then took a deep breath and dived under, slicing through the water in a slow arc and breaking the surface again. They stared at him like he had gone insane.
"Look at that! Little Cassy Poo really is a fish!" Balthzar called. He swam towards them with his head above them, and grabbed at Gabriel's hand, tugging him.
"Come on! It’s easy!" But Gabriel shook his head. They apprehensively watched him swim about until it was time to go home.
When they told their father, he just smiled.
"It doesn't surprise me. You've always been different. You’re special, my son," he had said, smiling more warmly than he had in a long time and pulling him into an embrace. He could feel Raphael and Naomi glaring at him but he couldn't understand why. He swam out deeper and deeper every time, but no-one ever wanted to come out with him.
Soon, their mother's absence grated against something in their family. Luke and Michael were always fighting, and their father had to mediate often. Metatron locked himself in the attic with his books. They still went out to the lake together.
One day, when he was ten, Gabriel, Anna, Naomi, Uriel, and Balthazar and him climbed up the bluffs to the rocky outcrops to see the sunrise. They told him not to wander too close to the edge of the ravine, but of course he didn't listen. On the other side, there was a tree that looked like it had the ripest, plumpest apples he had ever seen. And at the very top, the most delicious apple he had ever seen glistened in the breaking sunlight. His siblings picked the apples from the ground or what they could reach from the low branches, sometimes shaking the tree to get more, but he had to have that apple. He studied the gap between the edges of the ravine. They were a little wider than he was tall. He knew none of his siblings could do it, but something in him knew he could. His legs were strong from all the swimming he did. He looked behind him to see if his siblings were looking.
Luckily, they weren't.
He stepped back a few paces and took a deep breath. The warmth of the rising sun on his back, the wind teasing at his hair, he crouched down and set off at a run, and kicked off just before he reached the edge...
And then, he was flying, spreading his legs and arms to move his momentum forward, reaching for the rapidly approaching other edge. He heard a shout behind him, and then his feet smacked against the ground, and he was there. He wobbled a bit, disoriented, then stood straight and whooped for joy, jogging up to the tree. He ignored the shouts and yells from the other side to come back and stop trying to get himself killed, and Gabriel yelling something about birds. He came to a stop before the thick, strong, tall tree. He could easily climb up one of the low hanging branches and get a good apple, but that wasn't what he had just risked his life for. The apple of his obsession was at the very top, the tree taller than some of the neighboring sycamores. Taller than his two story house, even. Strong, twisted fruit ridden branches spiraled upward. He cracked his knuckles and set his jaw, reaching up and hoisting himself up. He reached up and swung himself from branch to branch, jumping from foothold to foothold and hoisting himself onto branch after branch. He'd never seen anyone go this high before, and he knew when he got down (if he got down without falling), he would hear about it. But that didn't matter. The wind was more intense up here, whistling through the branches and brushing against him like a cat rubbing against your leg, egging him on,
Higher.
Higher.
Higher.
Soon the branches began to grow thinner, more fragile, and the tree seemed to sway ever so slightly. That was what trees did in the wind, he supposed. He paused to catch his breath, and looked down apprehensively. The ground seemed ages away, but his breath caught in his throat when he looked out over the bluffs they had climbed up and down into the valley and the fields. He could see their modest home and the fence keeping the sheep in, and the stable hand, the corn stretching out to the east. He could even see the tiny figure of his father, crouched down behind the house tending the herb garden. He could see his siblings staring up at his on the other side of the ravine. He risked taking a hand away and waving.
Climbing the last few branches, Castiel plucked his prize. He grabbed a few more sun kissed ripe apples and tied them up in this tunic, before slowly making his descent. It seemed like forever before he plopped down on the ground again. He skipped to the edge of the ravine. His siblings were staring at him, mouths agape. He took off his tunic and tied it around the apples like a pouch, then threw it across the gap to land at Gabriel's feet. Then, he took a deep breath and ran, and then he was soaring again.
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He heard more groaning then he had in a long time on the hike back down, but also very satisfied sounds as they munched into the apples. Castiel ate his slowly and savored it. It was worth it. There were still a few to spare, so Cas presented them to their father, who chastised him stormily for being so reckless but congratulated him for his success, and praised him for beginning home such quality fruit. That night, they had great fun in the kitchen making one of the best pie's Cas had ever had. They even saved a slice for their mother the next time they visited her, who cooed and hugged Castiel tightly, which earned a huff from Metatron.
When he was 13, his mother died. And that was the breaking point. HIs father just stared at the wall, Michael and Lucifer screamed at each other. Uriel tried to crack a few jokes to get his father to cheer up. Metatron was nowhere to be seen. Naomi smashed dishes and smacked Anna across the face when she tried to get her to stop. Balthazar calmly poured himself a drink, but his hands were shaking. Anna stormed out, tears rolling down her face and cheek growing red. Gabriel sat next to them on the bench, and watched. After Anna stormed out, Balthazar took a long swig of his whiskey and looked at Gabriel, who stood up and offered Castiel a hand.
"Come on Cassy, we’re gonna go somewhere that isn't so awful, okay?" He said quietly. Castiel stared at the hand and at everything going on around him, and shook his head and fled up the stairs. He crouched to the ground and peeked back down around the corner. Amidst the chaos and flying dishes and screams, he watched Gabriel's back exit the door, silhouetted gold in the setting sun before the door closed.
That was the last time any of them saw Anna, Balthazar or Gabriel.
Their father looked, sent word to all the surrounding villages, but no one could find them.
His father spent a lot of time in his room going through her old belongings, and had a lot of visitors. Men in black who came to talk to him behind locked doors. His siblings also locked themselves in their rooms.
Castiel wondered downstairs when everything was quiet, a week or so later.
There were still bits of shattered porcelain on the ground. He cut his feet on them, but he didn't care. It was like he was in a haze. There was a sudden slamming upstairs, and the men in black quickly left, bidding their goodbyes. His father sank to the ground, head in his hands. Michael stood above him, rigid as he stared down at the defeated man. The rest of them stood around, and Castiel could almost hear the gears turning in Michael's head, and his eyes snapped up to stare at Castiel, with something akin to pity in his eyes. Then they hardened, and Michael led father upstairs and put him to bed. Castiel stayed in the kitchen, just staring up the stairs. He heard hushed voices, and soon his siblings were hurrying him out into the road.
"We’re not supposed to be out at night!" Castiel exclaimed, looking back at the house in panic as Michael practically dragged him.
His older brother smiled down at him, a tight smile that made something in the younger boy grow cold. "It’s alright Cassie, we’re just going to get something from town so father will feel better. You do want father to be happy, don't you?" He said. Castiel nodded reverently. Michael loaded him up behind Luke on Jhackl, there blackest stallion. The others mounted up, and they were off into the night. An unknown dread filled the young blue eyed boy as he stared at their house, fading in to the distance quickly.
Later, he would wonder if something in him had known it would be that last time he'd see his home