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HEY, YOU LOOK CUTE, Kurt welcomes him with a kiss as Blaine steps into the Hummel house.
Blaine’s dressed in his best outfit and ready to get this night over with. He’d promised Kurt that he would accompany him to a party tonight and had picked up the phone no less than sixteen times today to try and cancel on him. In the end, his manners won out and he hadn’t been able to do it. No matter how miserable he might be tonight surrounded by a bunch of hearing people, he would survive. He would have to survive for Kurt’s sake. He just wasn’t sure Kurt was prepared for how annoying it was going to be to have to play interpreter for him all night long. He was sure that Kurt would grow tired of it and wander off and Blaine would be stuck holding up the wall for the rest of the night while everyone around him had fun, unaware of the hell he would be going through.
YOU GOT HEARING AIDS? Kurt asks, leaning in closer to inspect them.
I’VE HAD THEM FOR A LONG TIME, he brushes off the question, not wanting to make a big deal about them.
He hates them to begin with. It’s a physical representation of all the ways Blaine will never belong in the hearing world like everybody thinks he should. It is the world’s way of reminding him that he is wrong in their eyes. Blaine never realized how much he hated that until he went to Dalton and learned that there is a whole group of people out there who embrace him for all the wonderful things he can do rather than look down on him for the one thing he can’t.
I’VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE. Kurt’s incredulous and he rolls his eyes.
He doesn’t understand why Kurt’s turning this into a big thing. Blaine doesn’t want to talk about it. He already feels anxious enough about going to his first hearing party with all of Kurt’s friends, he doesn’t want to feel like his own boyfriend is staring at his ears the entire time, too.
I DON’T USUALLY NEED TO WEAR THEM, EVERYONE AT DALTON’S DEAF, he explains, hoping that is enough for Kurt to let it be, but of course it’s not.
OK, Kurt signs, but it’s clear that he wants to say more.
OK, Blaine replies, stepping around him and walking into the kitchen to wait for Kurt’s brother to finish getting ready, happily walking away from the conversation. Of course, they have known each other long enough by now that Blaine should have known that isn’t the last he’s going to hear of it.
Kurt follows him into the kitchen and sets about pouring them some lemonade, but all the while his eyes keep drifting back over to Blaine like he’s trying to figure out a complicated riddle.
LEAVE IT, he signs, just as Kurt’s raising his hands to ask him something.
BUT I DON’T UNDERSTAND, Kurt signs, setting down the glasses before joining him at the kitchen table.
Blaine raises the glass to his mouth and takes a long sip, trying to avoid looking at Kurt. However, when he finally sets down the glass and he can feel Kurt’s eyes still on him, he knows that he’s not going to get out of this.
IT’S PROTECTION, he signs simply, not elaborating any further.
PROTECTION? Kurt asks.
He rolls his eyes and starts to spell it for him, P-R-O-T-E—
Kurt waves him off. I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SIGNING. WHY DO YOU NEED PROTECTION?
Why does Blaine need protection? It’s a question he’s been asking himself since he was little and first understood that when he saw the other kids smiling in his direction it didn’t mean that they were happy to see him — it meant they were laughing at him. The world thought he was broken because he was Deaf. They thought he was a freak because he liked to play the piano and violin even though he couldn’t hear the music he was making, they never understood that he could feel it. They mocked him when he joined his first dance class... But that was nothing compared to what they said when he came out as gay on top of being Deaf.
Why does he need protection? He’s not sure he can explain it to Kurt. How something that he hates with every fiber of his being also gives him a sense of security in an unfamiliar setting. His hearing aids are a crutch he shouldn’t have to need, but desperately does.
I CAN HEAR A LITTLE BIT WHEN I WEAR THEM, he explains. I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M HEARING OR DISTINGUISH SOUNDS, BUT IF SOMETHING IS LOUD OR LOW PITCHED ENOUGH, I CAN HEAR IT. IT’S NO BIG DEAL.
BUT YOU NEVER WEAR THEM, WHY NOW? Kurt continues to press.
KURT, STOP. PLEASE, he signs, begging him to drop it already.
BLAINE.
WHAT? he snaps.
I JUST WANT TO UNDERSTAND, Kurt signs and he’s so overwhelmed right now he can’t even correct the fact that Kurt’s still signing the word ‘just’ wrong no matter how many times he’s taught him the correct way to sign it.
I DON’T WANT YOU WEARING THEM BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO AROUND ME, Kurt continues. I’M HAPPY SIGNING. I DON’T WANT YOU TO CHANGE FOR ME. I LIKE YOU HOW YOU ARE.
It’s one of the longest sentences that Kurt’s ever managed to sign spontaneously and the grammar is still a too “English” to be perfect ASL but it’s so close and Kurt just looks so damn sincere when he’s signing it that Blaine can’t be mad at him for pushing this. He’s got a beautiful boyfriend who cares enough about him to have learned a good year’s worth of skills in a matter of months simply so they can communicate better. He knows that Kurt just wants to understand him better and Blaine can’t be angry about that. He wants Kurt to understand him better. He wants Kurt to know everything about him because he’s pretty sure what they are building could be a forever kind of thing.
He lets out a deep sigh and tries to let down some of his guard. Kurt deserves to hear his story. If anything, he’ll be able to help Blaine tonight if this party leads to some sort of emotional breakdown.
THEY AREN’T FOR YOU, he explains, pointing to his hearing aids.
THEN WHY? Kurt asks, nudging his foot out until their ankles are rubbing against each other. It’s their way of holding hands since Kurt hasn’t quite mastered the art of singing one-handed and he can’t understand what Blaine’s saying when he does it. This way they can be connected without compromising their communication. It’s the slightest of touches, but it makes the pressure on his chest feel a little bit lighter.
IT’S FOR YOUR FRIENDS, he explains.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO CHANGE FOR MY FRIENDS. THEY’LL LIKE YOU, ANYWAY.
HOW? He asks. THEY WON’T BE ABLE TO TALK TO ME.
BUT WITH HEARING AIDS ON, THEY SUDDENLY WILL? Kurt asks, looking at him like he’s lost his mind.
NO, he signs, feeling his face heat up in embarrassment.
OKAY? Kurt signs, looking completely lost.
BEFORE I TRANSFERRED TO DALTON, I WAS MAINSTREAMED, Blaine signs, taking special care to go slow. This is going to be a long story and he isn’t entirely sure Kurt has enough vocabulary to understand everything he’s going to have to say. He needs to go slow so Kurt has time to process everything, he doesn’t want to have to sign this ever again.
I KNOW, Kurt signs, waving him on to continue.
THE HEARING KIDS AT SCHOOL ALWAYS LAUGHED AT ME — he starts.
MY FRIENDS WON’T LAUGH AT YOU, Kurt cuts him off, like that was his only concern. As if Blaine hasn’t grown some tougher skin over the years and figured out how to get past a few strange looks and playground teasing.
I JUST… LET ME FINISH, OKAY?
OKAY, SORRY. CONTINUE, Kurt signs, folding his hands and placing them on the table — effectively “zipping his mouth and throwing away the key” — letting Blaine know he wouldn’t interrupt.
MY DAD WAS ADAMANT THAT I WAS TO BE VOCAL, he starts to explain. I NEVER HAD AN INTERPRETER AT SCHOOL. MY TEACHERS DIDN’T KNOW SIGN.
Blaine pauses just long enough to see the look of outrage on Kurt’s face to know that he’s following along.
I HAD TO VOCALIZE IN CLASS AND MY VOICE… IT’S REALLY UNCLEAR. IT’S NOT GOOD, he signs with a blush.
He hasn’t spoken since freshman year and he’s not sure if Kurt even knew he could speak. He wonders if now that he knows, if he’ll ask him to start talking more. He hopes not. Blaine hates it. He knows he produces most of the sounds wrong and he’s barely comprehendible when he speaks, even to his parents who’ve had years of practice trying to understand him. Blaine doesn’t make a habit of failing at things, he works hard and always masters whatever skill he sets out to learn — but he’s never been good at vocalizing and he hates how embarrassed that makes him feel. He shouldn’t have to feel shame over being unable to speak a language that isn’t meant for him.
ONE TIME, I WAS HAVING A TERRIBLE DAY AND ALL THE OTHER KIDS WERE LAUGHING AT HOW I SPOKE. I WAS ANGRY AND UPSET, SO I TOOK MY HEARING AIDS OUT, he explains.
NOT THAT I COULD REALLY HEAR THEM, BUT I’D CATCH PIECES OF IT SOMETIMES IF SOMEBODY WAS REALLY LOUD OR HAD A LOW ENOUGH VOICE. he clarifies, because he doesn’t want Kurt to get the impression that wearing the hearing aids somehow magically gives him the power to hear. It doesn’t, he is profoundly deaf in both ears and nothing is going to change that.
I REFUSED TO WEAR MY HEARING AIDS THE REST OF THE DAY. ON MY WAY HOME, SOME KIDS CAME UP FROM BEHIND ME AND STARTED BEATING ME UP. I ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITAL, he signs, ignoring how his hands have started to shake with rage at the memory.
ARE YOU OKAY? Kurt asks, his face is a mixture of fury and heartache.
IT’S FINE, he waves off his concern, not wanting to make a big deal out of something that happened almost four years ago.
IT’S NOT FINE, Kurt signs harshly and Blaine can tell he’s even yelled it.
NO, IT WASN’T. BUT IT IS NOW, he clarifies, reaching out a hand to calm Kurt down from where he’s sitting on the edge of his seat looking like he’s about to go off on the next person to walk into the room. He rubs his thigh and sends him a comforting smile. It’s a horrible memory and he understands Kurt’s anger better than anyone, but seeing how upset Kurt’s gotten on his behalf helps remind him that his life is so much better now. Everything bad that’s happened to him is in the past.
I GO TO A DEAF SCHOOL NOW. I HAVE PLENTY OF FRIENDS AND… I HAVE YOU.
Kurt smiles at that and Blaine can’t help but lean over and give him a kiss, overcome with so many conflicting emotions, but one stands out above all the rest — love. He’s so in love with the boy sitting in front of him that he can barely see straight some days.
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE LAUGHED AT FOR SOMETHING YOU CAN’T CONTROL, Kurt signs sadly. I’VE BEEN HURT BY KIDS BEFORE, TOO. I’M SORRY THEY HURT YOU. IF I HAD KNOWN YOU BEFORE, I WOULD HAVE TRIED TO HELP YOU.
YOU HELP ME NOW, he signs before standing up and moving to leave. Finn’s come down the stairs and he’s standing awkwardly by the door, clearly ready to head out.
Kurt grabs onto his sleeve and pulls him back to around to look at him.
I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND, Kurt signs.
UNDERSTAND WHAT? he asks, looking back towards the front door where Finn’s waving them to come along.
“Finn, go ahead. We’ll — there. — late?” Kurt says to his brother and Blaine misses some of it, but the more he’s around Kurt and other hearing people, the more his old lip reading skills have started to come back again. Finn rolls his eyes, but he’s soon out the door and it’s back to being just the two of them again.
YOU HATE BEING LATE, he reminds him, gesturing towards the door. They’ve still got time to catch Finn before he leaves if they hurry.
I WANT TO FINISH TALKING. MY FRIENDS CAN WAIT, Kurt signs. YOU DIDN’T EXPLAIN WHY ARE YOU WEARING THE HEARING AIDS TODAY?
He sits back down in his seat and figures that he’s already told Kurt about the most pathetic, traumatizing day of his life, he might as well admit to this, too.
SOMETIMES I WONDER, IF I HADN’T TAKEN THEM OUT… MAYBE I WOULD HAVE HEARD THOSE KIDS COMING. MAYBE I COULD HAVE RUN AWAY OR SOMETHING, he signs.
BLAINE… Kurt’s eyes are filled with tears and he reaches out for him, unsure what else to say to make it better.
IT’S DUMB, I KNOW, he signs.
IT’S NOT DUMB, Kurt signs, moving his chair over so that they are touching each other. Their legs are flesh against each other and Blaine wants to wrap himself around Kurt and never let go, but he knows they need to finish their conversation.
I HATE THAT SOMEBODY HURT YOU LIKE THAT, Kurt signs.
IT’S FINE. MOST DAYS, I DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. IT’S SUCH A DISTANT MEMORY NOW, he explains, hating that Kurt looks so sad now that he knows Blaine’s story.
BUT? Kurt asks, gesturing that he should continue.
BUT WHEN I’M AROUND HEARING PEOPLE AND NOBODY AROUND ME IS DEAF, I FEEL NERVOUS. WEARING A HEARING AID, IT HELPS ME FEEL SAFE. I HATE WEARING IT, BUT I FEEL SCARED WITHOUT IT, he explains.
YOU’RE AROUND HEARING PEOPLE AND HAVEN’T WORN IT BEFORE, Kurt signs.
NO, I’M NOT, he says.
YOU’RE WITH ME ALONE AND NEVER WEAR ONE. BEFORE WE STARTED DATING, YOU CAME INTO THE COFFEE SHOP ALL THE TIME AND NEVER HAD IT ON.
MY FRIENDS WERE AT THE COFFEE SHOP, THEY SIGN, he explains.
AND WITH ME? Kurt asks.
YOU’RE NOT HEARING, SILLY, he waves him off. Blaine’s never really thought of Kurt in the same way as he does every other hearing person. If he had, they never would have started dating. Kurt’s always been different. From the moment he knocked him over outside of that bathroom and started signing when he realized Blaine was deaf, Blaine knew Kurt was different.
OH REALLY? WHAT AM I THEN? Kurt teases him.
YOU’RE MY BOYFRIEND, WHO I LOVE, he replies, not even processing the enormity of what he’s just signed.
Kurt looks shocked for a moment, but quickly recovers and leans in to kiss him. Kurt’s arms quickly wrap around his shoulders and pull him in closer until Blaine’s practically in his lap. Not that he’s complaining. He’s all too happy to return Kurt’s kisses with equal passion. He’s always loved the way that Kurt’s lips taste and now they’ve got just the slightest hint of a sour taste, thanks to the homemade lemonade from before.
Blaine can feel Kurt’s chest vibrate with a moan and the two pull away before they can get too carried away. They are sitting in the kitchen where anybody could walk in, after all.
WE DON’T HAVE TO GO, Kurt signs, still breathing heavy from their kisses. It sends a thrill through him to know that he can affect Kurt so much with just the taste of his lips. He can only imagine how wonderful it would be to do more… when they’re both ready, of course.
NO? he teases him. YOU FEELING LIKE DITCHING YOUR FRIENDS TO MAKE OUT ON YOUR COUCH?
Kurt blushes a deep scarlet color and bites his kiss swollen lip.
I MEAN, IF YOU’RE NOT COMFORTABLE MEETING MY FRIENDS. WE CAN STAY HERE. IT’S FINE.
NO, he signs, though it’s a tempting offer. He certainly won’t be able to continue making out with Kurt if they go to that party.
YOU’RE SURE? Kurt asks.
WE’RE GOING. YOU WANTED ME TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS AND I WANT TO GO, he signs.
REALLY? Kurt asks, looking like he doesn’t believe Blaine, but he can tell how much it means to Kurt that Blaine wants to meet his friends so he can’t exactly say no.
I’M A LITTLE NERVOUS, BUT I WANT TO MEET THEM. WE’VE BEEN GOING OUT FOR THREE MONTHS, I SHOULD KNOW WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE, he signs.
OKAY. THEN WE SHOULD GO. WE’RE LATE, Kurt signs.
YEAH, he agrees, standing up and taking Kurt’s hand as they both head out the door and towards Kurt’s car.
HEY BLAINE? Kurt signs to him from across the hood of his car.
WHAT?
DID YOU SAY YOU LOVED ME? Kurt asks with a blush.
YOU SAW THAT, HUH? He hadn’t meant to sign it, it had just come out. When he’s thought about saying it to Kurt before, he’d imagined more romance, but it’s out there now and Blaine can only hope that Kurt says it back. He’s not sure he’s going to be able to handle it if Kurt doesn’t feel the same way or needs more time to think about it.
IT’S A HARD THING NOT TO SEE.
Blaine can’t help but blush.
WHEN WE COME BACK HOME, I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, TOO, Kurt signs and Blaine’s heart explodes into a million pieces.
Kurt loves him, too.