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Not for the first time in his life, Derek Nurse hated having nothing to do over the summer. He’d never particularly loved it, but circumstance had made him at least pretend to be okay with it.
Now, though, he wasn’t content to pretend. He was eternally pissed that nothing soothed the ache of boredom. Every day he wrote poetry that turned out lovesick and wanting. Inactivity had never been his favorite pastime, but being separated from his best friend made it worse.
His picked up his phone and opened facetime. Quickly he checked himself in the mirror, despite having spent an hour primping for this call.
“Poindexter, why is summer so goddamn long,” Nursey said the second Dex’s face came on the screen. As Nursey spoke, Dex’s eyes clouded with concern before it was pushed away.
“I don’t know ba—it just is.” That was the fifth time this week Dex had almost called him…something. Nursey was keeping tally--they weren’t Ransom and Holster, so he knew better than to think it was a normal friend thing.
“‘I could not bring my passions from a common spring— from the same source I have not taken my sorrow—I could not awaken my heart to joy at the same tone—”
“Okay, Nurse, we get it, you’re a poet.”
When they’d first met, Nursey had randomly spouted poetry for no reason, but now he did it to show off to Dex and Dex alone. He wanted to say that, wanted to tell him that he’d go to hell and back to make Dex smile. But of course, he couldn’t do that without making his secret painfully obvious. If it wasn’t already.
“Oh! Speaking of which, I wrote a new poem today. Do you want to hear it?” Nursey was careful to edit out mentions of red hair and amber eyes when he recited things to Dex. He might not admit it, but Nursey could tell that Dex enjoyed listening.
“Sure thing!”
***
“You liiiiike him,” Mama said after dinner that night. From the table Mom snickered. The three of them were enjoying a rare evening as a family, and had been clearing the table in easy silence.
“How could I not like him, mama? He’s absolutely--” Nursey felt blush rising to his cheeks as he waved his hands around in frustration.
“Ooohh someone’s got it baaad! Come on, spill, I need to know everything,” mom said.
“There’s nothing to tell, he’s just the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on, and I want to kiss him until his face is as red as his hair.”
“How many notebooks have you filled with poems about him?” Mama teased.
“Ten…maybe more...” Nursey turned on the sink, embarrassed to admit such a thing.
“How did we end up with such a dramatic child, Habibti?” Mama said to Mom.
Mom laughed. “I have no idea; he must get it from you. But really Derek, you’re beyond smitten, just ask him out already. What’s the harm?”
“It’s not that simple,” Nursey paused, “what if I scare him off? What if he doesn’t like me that way and I ruin the best friendship I’ve ever had? Or what if he likes me but not as much as I like him? There’s so many ways it could go wrong and I don’t want to lose him.”
Mama was silent a moment. “You really like him, don’t you?”
“You have no idea.”
Mom came over and placed her hand on Derek’s shoulder. “It’ll be okay, baby.”
***
A few weeks later Nursey headed back to Samwell. He couldn’t remember ever being excited about going back to school. The apartment had been empty when he’d left for the airport, not an uncommon occurrence. He was bubbling over with excitement about seeing the team again and getting back on the ice, but mostly he was excited to see Dex. Even if all they were was friends, he was just happy to have him in his life.
“Mom was right,” Nursey thought, “I do have it bad…”
So what if he had a crush? It wasn’t going anywhere, and telling Dex would only make things tense. Nursey wasn’t even sure if Dex swung that way. When they’d become friends, Nursey had let himself hope just a little. But Nursey had seen no signs of Dex being interested in anyone, let alone him. Which made sense—once he’d gotten to know Nursey he probably realized how pathetic he actually was under his chill façade.
After the first practice of the semester, Nursey tried to get ready quickly. Partially because he hoped to talk to Dex, but also because staying too long around a naked Dex was a bad idea. He’d learned the hard way that even soaked in sweat and flushed, Dex was still unfairly beautiful.
Nursey got his pants on just in time to catch Dex at the locker room door.
“Poindexter, it’s so fucking good to get back on the ice with you!” He pulled him into a tight hug and Dex awkwardly put his hands on Nursey’s bare back. Oh, shit this was such a bad idea--his hands felt electric against his skin.
“I um…yeah…you too bro,” Dex said, a slight tremor in his voice. Nursey felt his heart leap at the sound but decided to ignore it.
“Do you have anything else to do today? I really missed you.” He could feel himself blushing and prayed it wouldn’t show.
“Yes--” Nursey’s heart fell-- “I mean, no I don’t. I’d love to hang out. I missed you too.”
Nursey noted the slight flush rising up Dex’s neck and decided that maybe he should pay more attention to Dex after all.
***
Nursey and Dex settled into something of a routine, spending an increasing number of hours together as the semester wore on. Each moment with Dex felt like a blessing, but it was also a curse. Nursey was bubbling over with poetry about freckles like constellations and hair like fire. After turning in yet another poem about Dex, his poetry teacher had made a joke about him having a new muse.
Today, they’d decided to meet for coffee. Nursey grabbed their usual booth while Dex ordered for the both of them. Nursey couldn’t help but smile knowing that Dex had memorized his order.
“Thanks Dex,” Nursey mumbled, still in the process of waking up. He’d never admit it, but he purposely changed his sleep schedule so he’d be more tired on Sunday mornings. For some reason, Dex seemed okay with him invading his personal space if he wasn’t fully conscious.
After taking a sip of coffee, (Dex got the cream-sugar-coffee ratio perfect), Nursey yawned and laid his head on Dex’s shoulder. Resting comfortably, Nursey wondered absently if the other customers thought they were a couple. He hoped so. It made his heart beat faster. His brain was racing, going a hundred miles an hour down a singular train of thought. Did they look good together? Was anyone jealous of him? The new barista had flirted with Dex while he placed the order, maybe now she was behind the counter stewing with envy. The thought made Nursey conflicted. What if acting this way cost Dex a chance at love? Was he accidentally laying claim to something he had to right to? He should really move but Dex smelled like warmth and home and toothpaste and--
“Dex, are you straight?” Nursey whispered, unable to keep his monologue internal. He felt Dex tense.
“I don’t really know what I am, honestly. I’ve only ever liked one person.”
“Oh, cool, cool. That makes sense actually; you never seem too interested in anyone.” Last year Dex would have railed against the question, but he’d made great strides with honesty since they first met.
“Yeah.”
Nursey thought for a second about how to continue the line of inquiry without showing his hand. “So who’s this one person you’ve had feelings for? They must have been pretty amazing.”
“It’s, um, kind of a ‘currently happening’ thing, actually. I don’t want to talk about it if that’s okay? I already know it’s pointless, so I’m trying to get over it.”
In the span of a minute Nursey felt himself go through the stages of grief. If Dex liked someone then whatever chance he’d had was gone. He hated whoever this person was, how dare they step in like that. What did they have that Nursey didn’t? Then Nursey realized he was being selfish, Dex needed a wingman.
“How do you know it’s pointless?”
“Because, I mean…it’s me? No one in their right mind would want me.”
“Dex, come on, be serious.” It physically hurt him to hear Dex say that. How this beautiful person thought he was anything less than amazing was beyond Nursey. Did he not see how everyone lit up when they saw him, or how brilliant he was with computers, or how sometimes just being around him was enough to make a terrible day perfect?
“I am being serious Nurse.” He cleared his throat, “Can we change the subject?”
Nursey sat up and grabbed Dex’s face so they were eye to eye.
“No, we can’t. Will, you’re incredible! I’m sure they…they’d love to be with you if you gave them a chance!”
Suddenly, all thought of boosting his friends’ ego fled. He’d never gotten this close to Dex, had never touched him so intimately.
The unexpected closeness short-circuited his brain.
It sent him down another thousand trains of thought.
It distracted him at just the right second.
Because the next thing he knew, Dex was kissing him
And he kissed back.