Work Text:
There's a big difference between happiness on paper and happiness in your heart. Happy on paper is simple. You've got your job, friends, family members and if you're lucky your significant other, maybe items that everyone says you need, car , laptop, impressive smart phone and good clothes. Happy on paper.
Happiness in your heart? I couldn't tell you what that was if I tried. Maybe it's just simply living life on the best terms you can, or the terms you're willing to. I would trade anything for a fleeting moment of tranquility. I would trade any of these worldly things for a piece of mind. I would trade my own being for a chance to turn back time. I had it. I had happiness in my heart. I thought I didn't I was cocky and arrogant and I thought I had everything figured out. Money wealth riches and greed consumed me, now all I am is a bruised up, used up shell of a young guy destined to be throttled before the age of 30. The formula was simple, running away from home, making a deal with a crook and becoming way too caught up and way too attached. I didn't think I'd fall. But I did and there's no turning back now.
My name is Matsuno Osomatsu and I am at the point of no return.
About an hour ago I filled up my first prescription bottle full of barbiturates, and by the half hour I was already going down the street in a car with a full plan and destination to sell them. About 15 minutes ago I met with the guy and about 5 minute ago I was getting his contact info and making a planned delivery scheme for 2 weeks from now. About 7 seconds ago I had just looked up the cons and effects of such a medicine and now I hang my head, is this really okay?
I mean modern medicine is good right? Right.
I leaned my head on the cars steering wheel waiting for some kind of sign that everything was fine. I had never done this by myself and I never planned to. I stole that's what I did. I always just stole for him. But now this was something else entirely. The guilt ate away at me. It filled me up entirely as if I had drank and whole gallon of guilt, rushing out the sides of my mouth. Just give me a sign, any sign that everything is fine. Just give me a sign.
My phone rang, i knew who it was. The only one who had that number, I picked it up slowly and answered pulling myself together mentally.
"Osomatsu-Kun" He said quietly.
"It's done, I did it" I answered.
"Then why aren't you back?" Tougou-San said impatiently.
"Geez old man you've got such a way with words. I got you, you don't want me to stray" I responded starting the car and leaving the parking lot.
"You get it" Tougou says, then he abruptly hangs up.
Yeah I get it all right, I get it and I get and I'll have it, this paper happiness, born from suffering.
Do they deserve it? I don't see why not they paid for it. So why does it hurt?
Why does it hurt right now?
I turned the corner.