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Pepper was waiting when the Avengers returned to Stark Tower after dealing with Magneto, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver. She had been particularly nervous about Magneto, despite Tony's declaration that his suit was entirely non-ferrous. She'd watched the news and paced and listened to the Avenger comms, courtesy of a link from Suit-Jarvis to Tower-Jarvis.
Tony kept wise-cracking, needling the enemy. Pepper had always thought his super-power was annoying people into doing stupid things. Tony had zeroed in on the weak spot- Magneto was the twins' father. Tony was picking with consummate skill at daddy issues, fatherly abandonment and more than a little hinting at unnatural closeness.
She'd been so mad at Tony even while she could tell why he was doing it. He had successfully distracted them from whatever their original goal had been, and got them focussed entirely on him. "The family that slays together, stays together," was the last she heard before the three of them cornered him, in a haze of red glowing fog. When it cleared the police helicopter showed the Avengers gathered in a tight group, with Hulk twirling the Scarlet Witch around by her cape. He let go and she spun out of control with her brother and father following. They caught her; there was a puff of red again, and they were gone.
The Avengers milled around for a moment, and then Black Widow said, "We seem to have a small problem."
Hawkeye said, "Oh, boy."
"This is not a matter for concern," Thor said, "Such was often a harmless prank of Loki's. It will pass of its own accord."
Hulk rumbled, "Metal Man not hurt?"
Captain America said, "No, no, he's... fine. We'll just go back to the Tower and figure this out."
It didn't sound like Tony was injured, but it was worrisome that she didn't hear his voice among the others. Could that have been it? If the Scarlet Witch had temporarily muted Tony... well, Pepper couldn't say she hadn't been tempted a time or two herself. Anyway, he was fine. Maybe it was embarrassing and that was why he was silent. The Avengers moved in a tight group but after a moment she could see Hulk was carrying Iron Man under one arm. Temporary paralysis? She really wished Tower Jarvis would give her more information, but it didn't have access to the suit telemetry and knew no more than she did.
Pepper ran over to the elevator and waited, watching the floor indicator impatiently. The doors finally slid open. She saw Hulk at the rear of the elevator, holding Iron Man upright, and started forward.
"Ah, Miss Potts... Pepper..." Captain America held out a hand to stop her. One hand, because his other arm was wrapped around a small blond child, maybe three or four years old, engulfed in a man's black t-shirt, holding the child securely against his chest. From the haircut, she assumed the child was a boy. For a moment she wondered why they'd brought him here instead of turning him over to the authorities to find his parents. Then the boy's large brown eyes met hers, and he smiled at her.
"Oh. My. God." She recognized the smile. "TONY?" she shrieked, and then she knew it for certain; Tony Stark was the only person who made her shriek. "Tony, what did you DO?"
The cute little smile disappeared, and Tony's eyes filled with tears. He turned and wrapped his arms around Captain America's neck, sobbing loudly. He piped in an adorable little voice, "Was the bad lady! I was good!"
"Oh, God, oh no. Someone... do something!" Pepper didn't know anything about children, much less about man-children turned into real children. "Tony, don't cry. I'm sorry."
Hulk leaned over to poke Tony in one bird-bone thin shoulder blade so gently he barely moved the shirt. "TONY, no CRY. TONY GOOD."
Tony continued to wail. Captain America looked extremely uncomfortable. He tried to pass Tony over to Pepper, but Tony clung to him with surprising strength. Steve raised his voice to be heard over the wailing, "I'm sorry, Pepper. The suit released him and... well, he just sort of latched onto me."
"Indeed," Thor said, in a voice much quieter than usual. "It was well, as the battle left much debris, unsuitable for his small feet." Thor looked at Tony speculatively. "It has been several hundred years since Loki was a child. I had forgot how delicate they are. I believe my voice frightened him."
Pepper felt at a total loss. "Doesn't anyone know how to handle children?" she asked desperately, looking instinctively at the only other woman present.
Natasha sidled out of the elevator. "Slap him?" she suggested.
"No!" Captain America turned away from her, hugging Tony against his shoulder. Hulk growled at her.
Natasha shrugged. "It's really not my field. Clint, didn't you..."
"Hey, kids go to the circus, fine, I never babysat them. I can toss him up on a pony if you've got one," Clint said. "But that's about it." He followed Natasha out of the elevator.
"Had a pony," Tony muttered. "BIT ME! No PONIES!" He wailed and kicked more.
Captain America carried Tony over to the nearest couch and sat down, cradling Tony against his chest. "The nuns fed us and gave us shelter, but you know..." He patted Tony awkwardly on the back, "they didn't have a lot of time for crying kids. I... don't know what they did."
Hulk shrank down to Bruce and stumbled over to the couch. "Um. Tony?"
Tony turned his head. "Brrruuuce!" He abandoned Captain America to fasten his arms around Bruce's neck. Bruce was startled, but then he smiled. Tony's crying was diminishing to muted sobs. "Would you like a drink...um, soda? No, wait, you're too young for soda. Milk? Chocolate milk? Do we have that?"
"No." Natasha headed back for the elevator. "I will get it." She looked relieved as the elevator doors closed.
"Um. Well." Pepper sat on the couch next to Bruce. "Tony? Do you remember me?"
Tony lifted his head and peered at her from under a tousled mop of hair. His eyes looked even larger than before, magnified by tears and framed by thick, dark eyelashes spiky with moisture. "Uh, huh. Pepper. You're nice. I love you." Then he looked alarmed. "Don' kiss me! Imma big boy, kisses are silly." He looked confused. "An' I s'eep in my own bed! By myself!"
Pepper blinked. "Oh." She decided not to push any more on the subject of memory. She blushed. If little Tony had adult Tony's memories... "I love you too, Tony." She reached out to brush his hair out of his eyes.
Tony blinked and then screwed up his face as if in deep thought. "You take care of me? Make sure I have everything I want?"
"Yes, Tony," Pepper replied rashly.
"I wan' annodda."
"What?"
Tony rolled his eyes- another familiar gesture- and waved one hand. "Anodda! I wan' anodda puppy."
"A dog?" Pepper was taken aback. Tony had never had any pets. Unless you counted the bots. Which, maybe you could call them puppies? "You mean your bots? You want to play with Dummy and You?"
Tony bit his lower lip and then shook his head. "Got them awready. I WANT AN ODDA!" Tears started to well up again. "Daddy wouldn't let me have an odda! An Dadddddddy's gone! An mommy, too," he added in an afterthoughty way, which upset Pepper more than the fact that Tony knew his parents were dead.
Bruce narrowed his eyes. "He's playing us."
Steve looked at Pepper. "You want to tell him 'no'?"
Pepper sighed. "Well, this is only temporary, right, Thor?"
"Oh, yes," Thor said still in that weirdly quiet voice. "This was a weak spell; I doubt it will last more than a few days."
"We could borrow a puppy," Pepper said. "Some of the S.I. employees raise pups for canine-assist programs. What kind would you like, Tony? They have golden retrievers and labradors and collies."
Tony made an exasperated noise. "I don' wanna dog! I wannanodda!"
"Ah," Thor said, "An otter." Tony nodded eagerly.
"How did you understand that?" Steve asked. Bruce didn't say anything because he was having a post-Hulk doze.
"The All-Speak. It is common on Asgard. We can understand all languages, and animals, too, if they have enough mind to think."
Tony scrambled off of Bruce's lap and over to Thor to tug on his cape. Bruce 'oofed' and opened his eyes partway before sinking back to sleep. "I wannanoddapuppy an I wanna talk to him, too!"
Pepper thought the situation was getting out of hand. "Tony, it would be mean to take a baby otter from its mother." A moment later she realized her error when Tony scrunched up his face again.
"I don have no momma! Immmaa orrrrpphink!"
"Oh, man," Clint said from the bar where he was helping himself to a beer. "This is giving me a headache."
"Heimdall can look for an orphaned otter pup," Thor offered. "One that would die without intervention. Would this not be a charitable act?"
Pepper wanted to be firm. This was crazy, and she had a strong suspicion that giving in to little Tony's demands merely insured he'd make more demands. It worked that way with big Tony. "We don't even know how to care for Tony! What would we do with an otter baby? We'd kill it in no time!"
Tony looked heartbroken. Pepper felt like a monster.
Clint sighed. "Hey. Kids I don't know, but I got stuck with a lot of odd jobs at the circus. I can keep an otter baby healthy for a couple days, then we can donate it to the zoo."
Tony grinned. His teeth were tiny white perfect pearls. His smile was... well, hell, Pepper was doomed. She flapped her hands in surrender. "Fine. Tell Jarvis what supplies you need." She turned to Thor. "Okay, if you want to get Tony an otter, go for it." She got up and headed towards the bar. "I need a martini."
"Extra dirdy!" Little Tony chimed. He let go of Thor's cape and climbed back onto the couch onto Steve's lap. "That means, with oliff juice."
"Oh, thanks," Steve said as Tony squirmed around and got comfortable. "I didn't know that."
"as okay." Tony patted Steve's cheek. "is fun tellin' you things." He curled up against Steve's chest and fell asleep.
"Um," Steve said, helplessly.
Pepper, Clint, and Thor looked at him. Bruce snored softly.
Thor said in the nearest to a whisper that Pepper had ever heard him use, "I shall go consult with Heimdall, and will likely return soon." He tiptoed, actually tiptoed, out to the balcony before winding up his hammer.
Pepper and Clint clinked glasses and sat at the bar. Steve sighed.
***
Pepper had several more martinis. It helped. She was feeling quite mellow by the time Natasha returned with chocolate milk, cookies, cake, and candy. Tony woke up and smiled like a little angel.
"Thankoo, Tasha," he said when Natasha gave him a glass of milk and then hovered, ready to catch it if it fell. The penthouse didn't have any plastic, just fine crystal. He put the glass down on the coffee table and looked over the collection of snacks. "Daddy neva let me have enny choclat." He gave Natasha a sticky kiss on the cheek. "You're nice. I like you, too."
Natasha actually blushed a little. "I like you, too, Tony. But don't tell anyone."
"Spy sekrit?" Tony asked, wide-eyed. He covered his mouth with both hands. "I won' tell!"
Clint nearly choked on a Fig Newton, trying not to laugh.
It was only after Tony had eaten a little piece of chocolate fudge Entenmann's cake, three Oreos, four Fig Newtons, and too many to count Reese's peanut butter cups that they realized the consequences of a sugar overload. "IMMMA FLYIN'" Tony yelled, running around the room, making airplane wings from his arms. "IMMA go SO FAST! ZOOOM!" He ran in dizzy circles while the Avengers raced ahead of him trying to put cushions and blankets over any sharp-edged furniture in his way. As a grand finale he ran across the room and cannonballed into Bruce's belly, Bruce having oozed down to sleep on the couch.
He shot upright, arms going out to wrap around Tony automatically. Everyone held their breaths. Everyone except Tony, who giggled, and poked Bruce with his finger. "Wanna Mallomar? 's good!" He held up a squashed cookie.
Bruce took the cookie gingerly. Tony kissed him on the cheek. Bruce ducked his head and nibbled on the cookie. "Thanks, Tony." Tony hugged him before jumping off the couch again. While he was running around the room this time, Natasha gathered up the remaining snacks and hid them.
By the time Thor returned, Tony had got Jarvis to rig up a three-D chessboard holo and he was playing against Bruce. Playing and losing because he had more fun making knight moves than planning any strategy, but he didn't seem to mind.
Tony abandoned the game and ran over to Thor, who was holding his cape, wrapped around something lumpy, in his arms. "You got oddapuppy! You're my favorite!" he told Thor, but then he'd told Pepper, each of the Avengers, Jarvis, Dummy, and You, that they were his favorite, so it was a generously bestowed distinction. "Lemme see!"
Thor unwrapped the cape to reveal two wriggling brown bundles of fur. "OOh. Two!" Tony held out his hand but didn't quite touch them. "You're... Puppy! An' you're Guppy!" He looked up at Thor. "Can I touch? I'll be real carefu!" At Thor's nod, Tony ran his hand down each otter pup's back. They made squeaking, baby chick, noises and turned their heads blindly, mouths opening and closing. "What are they sayin'?"
"They hunger," Thor replied.
Clint came close to examine the otters. "Less than a month old, or their eyes would be open. I'll get the formula and we can feed them."
Thor put the otters down in the large plush dog bed Clint had requested. Tony plopped down on the floor next to them to look at them in fascination. "What are they sayin' now?"
"They are confused. They feel the fur, but it does not smell of milk or proper fur." Thor produced a tiny packet wrapped in something like glittering gold foil. "If you would know for yourself what they say, you must eat this." He unwrapped it to reveal a small white, flaky square.
"Soooshy?" Tony asked. "I like sooshy, I think."
"It is the flesh of the White Snake. I could not get permission to confer the All-Speak upon you, Tony, but this will allow you to understand most beasts."
" 'kay," Tony said, and he picked up the little square and ate it, wrinkling his nose at the taste. Then he tilted his head towards the otters and grinned. "They are hungee!"
Clint showed everyone his mastery of baby otter care, aided by Tony interpreting the basic needs the animals expressed, and their feelings of content when all had been met. "Okay, " Clint said, "They've eaten, and peed and done their little business, time to let them sleep. Babies need a lot of sleep." He picked up the dog bed.
Tony nodded and followed Clint as he carried the otters into Tony's bedroom and put them on the floor. "You can watch them from your bed," Clint said.
Tony sat on the floor next to the dog bed. "No."
Clint looked at him. "You know what, fine." He reached down to ruffle Tony's hair. "I'm tired, we're all tired. We had fun tearing up Midtown today. I'm going to go to my own floor, shower, and sleep. You all right staying here with Pepper?"
Tony nodded without looking away from the otters. "Uh huh."
"You want a drink of water?"
Tony shook his head.
"Someone to read you a story?"
Tony looked up at him and frowned in confusion. "Why?"
"Whatever." Clint straightened. "Jarvis has the lab, elevator, balcony, and kitchen locked off from you, hot stuff. I don't guess you can get into much trouble."
Tony smiled.
"That's not a dare! Pepper wouldn't like it, you know that."
"Oh, all right."
"Need any help with the bathroom?"
Tony scrunched up his face and then nodded. " 's high. Can't reach." He stood up.
"Yeah, us short guys gotta stick together." Clint helped Tony take care of the necessities. They might have skimped on the washing behind the ears, but they both agreed that was sorta optional. Then they returned to the bedroom. "Look, squirt, how about I put their bed on top of your bed, and then you'll all be comfortable?"
Tony yawned and rubbed his eyes. " kay." After Clint tucked him in and put the otter bed next to him, Tony wiggled his fingers. Clint leaned in to see what Tony had to say. Tony kissed him on the cheek. Clint laughed. "Yeah, good night, Tony." He looked up, the way most people did when they talked to Jarvis. "Jarvis, lower the lights, but, y'know, not all the way." He whispered, "Tony's used to his blue night light." No one had mentioned the lack of the arc reactor. While Tony seemed to have all his adult memories, they didn't need to make him dwell on that one.
There may, or may not (depending on whether you were a spy who was too dignified to do such a thing), have been a quiet succession of visits to the bedroom as each of the Avengers looked in on Tony before retiring to their own floors. Pepper definitely looked in on Tony several times to make sure he was sleeping peacefully. He'd been doing better lately, hadn't had a nightmare in months, but she still found herself half-waking most nights to listen to the even cadence of his breathing before she fell back into deeper slumber.
Pepper left open the doors to both Tony's bedroom (usually hers, too) and the guest bedroom, just in case Tony needed her. Thor had assured her that the spell wouldn't turn into anything else, and when it wore off, he'd simply return to the same body he'd had when the spell hit, or she would have sat up all night in a chair nearby. But she was tired and had probably one too many soothing martinis, so she opted for a night's sleep in a comfortable bed.
"CHIRP."
"What?" Pepper sat up and looked around for the bird, must be a big bird, that had got into the Tower. Sometimes they came in from Tony's suitwalk, but usually Jarvis kept them out with sonic chasers. It was a bit startling hearing the occasional sousaphone blast, but that was better than having pigeons nesting in the architectural features. She got up, and out of consideration for little Tony, pulled on a robe. It was way too early to be up. Everything was still dark.
"PURRR."
"A cat? How..." Pepper finally located the source of the noises. "TONY! You're back!"
Grown-up Tony was sitting cross-legged on his bed, wearing a pair of sleep pants and a plain black tee. The arc reactor glowed through it, illuminating the baby otter he held cradled in one arm and the bottle of milk he was feeding it. "Hey, Pep!" He grinned at her. "Wanna otter?"
"Tony." Pepper came over to hug him. The unfed otter chirped. She sat next to Tony before picking up a bottle of milk from the bedside table. She gave the other baby otter a taste to get its attention, then guided it to squirm into her lap. It cheeped again. "What's it saying, Tony?"
"He says he loves you." Tony made that purring sound again. "And so do I. I've changed my mind, kisses aren't silly at all."
Pepper leaned against Tony and kissed him. The baby otter chirp, chirp, chirped. She laughed and resumed feeding it. "You know, I think you'd make a great dad."
Tony looked at her, wide-eyed. "What?"
Pepper could see the 'who, me, I'd be terrible' panic rising. "We'll talk about it later." She cuddled against Tony and listened to him purr.