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John stood in the living room on a somewhat gloomy afternoon in the Holmes-Watson household, looking straight in front of him, not making a sound or saying a single word. Since reading the note that Cybil showed that one night, he has not been able to stop thinking about it. Over and over again. Cybil never mentioned that they were bad parents but John was not sure how she felt about them. He knows that she loves them but yet, she can also be very secretive at times. At this point, John was not sure what to believe and did not blame his little girl for any of this.
Sherlock and Cybil are his life and seeing either of them in pain or hurt just breaks him and his heart. From behind him, Sherlock stood there, looking at John. Seeing John like this was also breaking John's heart. It's not unusual foe John to be like this but since they adopted Cybil, this the worst John's depression has been in a long while but has not tried to show it, especially in front of Cybil. With Cybil's issues, it would not be a good idea to expose her to this.
“John, you need to stop dwelling on this. It's not going to help you or make things better.” Sherlock piped up. John sighed.
“That's easy for you to say.” John told him.
“Excuse me?” Sherlock asked, not sure why John just told him that.
“Sherlock, you and I handle things and our minds work differently. You can “delete” things from your mind willy-nilly and I can not just do that whenever I want to. Which probably is one of the reasons that makes me a terrible parent.” John answered. Sherlock sighed.
“John, how many times do we have to go over this? You are not a terrible parent! Cybil evens thinks you are not.” Sherlock said to him.
“Or maybe she just does not want to hurt my feelings.” John said back. Sherlock could not believe what he just heard his husband say.
“Are you saying she is lying?” Sherlock asked.
“No, no. That's not what I am saying at all. To be honest...I am not sure what I am thinking nor saying any more but I am not saying she does not mean it because I know she does love us.” John said before letting out another sigh and walked over to the window and looked out of it for a few seconds before he began to speak again.
“Depression does things like that to the human mind, you know. Making you not able to function and/or think straight. Can make your mind feel like mush, too. I know she means it but I feel like there is something wrong with me. It's my self doubts and issues, not her. And people might be right. Maybe we are not raising her “the right way” but I do not want our Daughter be something she is not. Sure, she may be too young to curse but it does not make her a bad child. I want her to grow up and be comfortable with and love herself the way she is. To follow her own path and not the one people make for her. Cybil is bright and creative child and I want to embrace it, not destroy it. To guide her and show that the world is not always dark and frightening, make her smile. Seems selfish, I suppose but I want the best for her and give her the best as much as I can. Is that too much to ask for?.” John explained. Sherlock over to John and stood in front of him.
“No, there is nothing wrong with that and I also want the same for our little girl. But...being this way is not going to help her, let alone help you.” Sherlock responded.
“I know but some days you feel like you can take on the world and on other days, it feels like the world around just you swallows you whole to the point where you feel like you can not breathe. It's not like you want it to but you just can not fight it when it becomes to much to handle. You just have to accept that. It is what it is and what it is, is shit.” John explained even more, starting to tear up. Sherlock walked over closer to John and held him close to him.
“Darling, you are not a terrible Father and you are definitely not a terrible husband. We all have our self doubts but that does not mean that we have to let it consume us. We are a family and a family supports each other and sticks together, whether the good or bad. This will all pass over soon, I promise you. Just remember that even if seems like the world is against you, your daughter and I are not.” Sherlock told him. John wrapped his arms around Sherlock and just let the tears flow.
“I love you both so much. I am so sorry!” John cried out. Sherlock rubbed his husband on the back and place his head on top of John's.
“I love you, too. Sssh, there there, love. Just let it out. Don't hold back. I'm here.” Sherlock said to him then kissed the top of John's head. For about a good ten minutes, Sherlock stood there hugging him, letting John cry on him and helping him releasing a bit of the stress. After he finally calmed down a bit, he looked up at Sherlock then took a deep breath.
“Thank you, Sherlock. I really needed that. Maybe I was just letting get to me because I care about Cybil so much. I never meant for it to become this bad, I swear and I can't be there for her or even you if I am not able to be able to mentally be here.” John said.
“I know, Love, I know and you are welcome. I understand.” Sherlock said to him. A smile appeared on John's face.
“I am so glad you both are in my lives. I do know where I would be if you weren't.” John told him. Before he let that thought get into John,s head, he planted a kiss on John's lips for a few seconds, which surprisingly helped John. John suddenly looked at the time as they both let go of each other.
“Oh, God! I forgot that I promised Cybil that I would pick her up early from School and take her to the movies today, since she does not have school tomorrow.” John said as he went to go get his coat.
“But tomorrow's Friday.” Sherlock stated. John looked at Sherlock and Sherlock realized why John was doing this.
“You are planning to let stay home tomorrow, aren't you?” Sherlock asked.
“Yep! I think she needs it, don't you think?” John replied. Sherlock smirked.
“Definitely. She is ahead when it comes to her school work in all of her classes, any way. What movie are you both going to go see?” Sherlock asked.
“The new Beauty and The Beast.” John answered.
“I bet I know why she wants to go see it. Because of Lefou, right.” Sherlock said.
“That's one of the main reasons, yes.” John said. For fun, Sherlock started to sing (and in tune) of the song, “Gaston” from the movie clip he saw with Cybil on Youtube. John even joined in until he finished getting ready. Before John headed out the door to go pick her up, John looked once again at his husband.
“So...you going to join us or not?” John asked. Sherlock smiled and grabbed his coat and they headed out the door to go spend time together..as a family.
The End